Category: Daily Notes

 

I dedicate this one to my mate…

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I have read numerous times lately that people are tired of experiencing “Groundhog Day”.  This feeling that nothing changes in spite of people’s intentions and focus on healing, ascending, transforming out of this reality.

My mate says the same words ~ and he doesn’t read the things that I do so he obviously tuned into that collective feeling and thought of “when is this gonna end??!!”

I read another piece on incoming energies and the ascension process and what this group of energies are doing to our bodies.  I have been following such intel for about 2 years now.  However I am reading comments by people saying they have been reading this information for 5, 6 years or more.

And here we still are.  People are starting to ask questions.  Frustrations are being shared.

I do believe things are playing out on a certain “timeline” for lack of a better term.  Kind of like the game of dominoes.  Stack them all up in a pattern then push one to get things going.  They don’t all fall at once. They fall one-at-a-time.  (I sure hope that explains my theory.)

As I continue to state (and feel deeply), I do not believe we must be fully healed and at this state of “perfection” in order to reside in the New Earth frequencies.  We keep being told to stand on our own, heal ourselves ~ that we have this power if we can Remember.

I am intending that I remember Who I Am daily.  I know many of you are as well.

And I am also intending for this cosmic flash (it is something beyond the solar system, imho) to come in which I feel, which I have seen, will allow us to Remember.  Fully.  At first I “feel” it starts off as a feeling.  Like the mask coming off (great metaphor for this is one of the final scenes of The Last Mimzy when the humans remove their masks and walk into the light together ~ and yes it does happen in a flash ~ and there is a look of confusion in their eyes and on their faces ~ but they intuitively know what to do).

I read over and over again where we fell.  I like to say we were pushed. Without going into the semantics of that, let’s just say this:  We are not doing this experience alone.  Love is grander than that.  Supportive for certain.

We need this energy event.  NOW.

We are already receiving assistance with these smaller events.

Obviously not all are awakening or showing signs of awakening.  Most everyone in my daily living would say they were not familiar with the concepts of ascension (taking place now) or this cosmic flash/event.

Nonetheless, I feel all will be affected.  What happens after that will depend upon what one chooses.

I feel there are a variety of energetic realms within this New Earth frequency.  No doors will be closed.  All will be open.  Where we reside though will be completely based on our vibrational resonance.  Which means ALL ARE FREED from this separation experience.

I realize I may have gotten a little off track here.  I see this as the most loving parents welcoming ALL of their children ~ all of their creations ~ into their loving energy space, regardless of whether all of their creations are at their caliber, regardless of who they are or what they are.  It is the intention that counts.  And if one intends from the heart to return to Source Self and Remember and Heal, that is what matters.

Speaking as a parent, I cannot imagine doing anything but that for my child.

(I need to add I do not see the relationship we have with Source as a parent/child relationship.  I am of course still feeling out just what the relationship IS and Who/What Source is and how does it manifest within Me as Higher Self.  I am using the analogy of the level of love I have for my child and how I see her as absolutely equal to me in terms of worth and value and how I welcome her anytime she wishes my presence and comfort and Home.  If she got lost, regardless of circumstances, I would do all I could to end the separation.  I also realize too that the level of Love I have for my child still falls short of the Love of Source.  But that’s ok. Like the rest of you, I am still awakening and remembering.)

So back to this groundhog day experience.

Just like the movie itself with Bill Murray, it is his new perspective on himself and those around him that got him out of that experience.  Did he need this experience to awaken him?  It seems that way, yes.  And when he knew he was ready to end the experience, when he felt it in that state of absolute calm knowing, it indeed ended.

I think there’s a little metaphor of truth in there with that one.

Let us intend it is over.  Say it outloud.  Continue to say this until you feel it at every level of your being.

My experience of feeling like nothing changes is OVER.  In this now moment it is DONE.

I accept myself as I am NOW.  I accept others as they are NOW.

I now embrace this next stage, this next step in my evolution.

I now embrace and accept with gratitude the cosmic flash that will provide me with the Remembering and Healing we are ALL seeking.

Thank you.  It is done.

(or as my mate says, “make it so”)

♥♥♥

 

 

 

I was all set to post a piece on some additional challenges I faced this week.  But I hesitated.  Why do that?  Why make that the focus?

Why not instead present myself as the Healed Woman I am creating instead of just the pained woman?

I pondered that as I did the dishes.  I then began asking my Higher Self some questions, which included asking her why she didn’t speak to me earlier in the day regarding a situation I ended up wasting almost two hours of my time on.  Without going into much detail, I thought my local co-op had been ripping me off, not giving me my fair owner day discount. I checked my figures three times on the receipt and concurred there had indeed been an error.  This particular co-op has gone very corporate in the past couple of years so the original spirit of a community-owned store is almost non-existent and it’s sad.  I’ve been shopping there for 20 years.

Anyway, upon visiting the store again I was told that owner day discounts do not apply to sales items.  A policy created awhile ago. I as an owner had not been informed of this.  (As I said, it’s a corporate environment now.)

So while my math was spot-on, I had not taken into account all of the items I bought on sale, thus throwing off the discount.

Ok Higher Self, I said, hands in soapy water, Why didn’t you notify me of this error?  I wasted a fair bit of time on this when I could have been doing something enjoyable.

She spoke.  Here is what she said (translating feeling energies into words as best as I can):  “I would have but you would not have heard me, so I simply observed.  You were wrapped up in your head.  I speak to you through your heart space and as you sat there, grumbling and punching in numbers, going on about corporate this and corporate that and money this and money that, even if I were to of spoken, you would not have heard my voice.”

Talk about taking my ego down a few notches.

You’re right, I said matter-of-factly.

And earlier in the day I had received an e-mail on being in the heart-space.  As much as we can.  Good reminders.

This week I was not very much in my heart-space.  Some of my social visits were a challenge with one being particularly painful.  When I feel I am not able to make an emotional connection with someone or feel judged or put aside, my heart shuts down and out come the chattering monkey’s with their judgments.

So as I pondered both what my Higher Self spoke and on the words of the e-mail, I took a deep breath.  How can I change this?  Hmmm….

How about we do something different, I told myself.  How about when we do have such a situation arise with another, instead of focusing on the critical thoughts and stories, we find just ONE positive trait about the person.  Put the energy into that activity instead.

Well now, that could work.

So tonight as I headed out, my heart was softer again, more open.  I ran into a neighbor who, much like my own family, is struggling financially. We commiserated for a bit, not to just gripe but to really share our pain. We spoke of how draining it can be to wonder how am I going to make it through this month?  We spoke of the inequalities in wealth distribution and why on earth if this system has forced us into boxes saying “you make this amount and you make that amount” ~ but then says we must all pay the same price goods and services.  (I have never understood that one ~ although I could say I do today given I know the system has done this intentionally to make those who do struggle the most to add in that extra sense of guilt, shame and embarrassment while feeding the rugged individualist’s equally programmed thoughts of how “better” they are than those at the bottom.  Such a waste of time – all of it!)

So….We left one another, each sending the other a blessing of love and abundance, from the heart.  It was a beautiful exchange.

I sensed the energy shifting again ~ all due to my own change in self-talk and perception.  I felt that if I hadn’t shifted my perception earlier, I would not have had this encounter and exchange with my girlfriend.

After I arrived home, I noticed a text from another friend, saying she had been thinking of me and how much she appreciated my compassion and loyalty.

Well that put up my heart energies another few notches and I wept as I read her words, writing her back, thanking her, telling her what her words meant to me.

All of these episodes of pain and the stories we tell ourselves about them…

Brings out both pain and laughter in me.

Mostly though, to be honest, I am most grateful for my ego who surrendered to listen to the wisdom of Higher Self.  And for the idea some other part of me presented as a means of alleviating the pain I experience when being in a challenging/conflicting situation:  Find One Thing Positive about the person.

Even if it’s just “they have nice teeth”.  lol

It is the energy that matters.  The focus in finding something positive – moves me higher up the vibe frequency scale.  Serves myself.  And serves the other (whether they know it or not).

And isn’t that what Higher Consciousness Being is about?

Blessings to you all and to all of the pieces that make up who you are.  ♥

Victoria

***

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Today I had the experience again of feeling the pain of separation.  I’ve been wondering “just what is this Source energy?”  Can I define it or is it just something to feel.  I sigh and release as I say “I could really use some help in feeling this connection”.

I thought of the movie Contact where Ellie has met the other dimensional being (disguised as her dad to make her feel safe), who tells her “the only thing we know that makes the loneliness bearable is each other.”  That scene always moves me.

Who of us does feel totally plugged in?  I have had several moments that began back in 2005/2006.  Lately I am having them more.  I am taking that as a good sign that I am tuning in more.  Then I have moments like today where I feel this big “hole” inside my chest.  And wow – is that a painful hole to feel.  But feel I did today, standing in front of the mirror, hand on my heart, breathing slow and deep, telling myself it is ok to feel this pain.

Part of me said “no push it away I am not going there – too painful” but I gently pushed on and said “feel – I am safe.  I am not alone.  It’s ok.”

Crying and a release of energy followed, allowing me to breath normally again.  I was about ready to hyperventilate.

I began to ponder something I hear others say – of which I am hearing quite a bit lately:  Find your bliss, do it and the money will follow.

I then heard *that* part of me say “what brings you joy?”

What brings me bliss?

Hmmm.  I had some more time on my hands.  Child was outside playing with chalk so grabbing pad and pen, I headed outside to dig deeper into this question that has been arising lately.

I thought back to childhood.  What brought me joy back then?  Bliss?

Hmmm…

Writing?  Adventure and fun, yes but joy?  Not quite.

Playing the piano?  See above.

I kept coming back to the image of me being on my bike.  I am normally a very cautious person ~ but put me on a bike and I morph back into a 7 year old girl.  I (attempt to these days) do wheelies.  Jump off curves.  Ride with my legs spread out.  Pedal as fast as I can to get a great speed going. Maneuver in and out of obstacles, both real and imagined.

I was the same as a child ~ only back then we wore no helmets.  I remember being the first girl in our neighborhood who went over the all-boys bike ramp.  They refused to let me ride on it – so I waited until the boys were inside and then I had my own good time.

So I said ok I can’t really make a financial living doing this.  What is it about the experience of bike riding I loved?

The freedom.

The adrenaline rush of the speed.

Feeling the wind in my face.

Going so fast I was convinced I could fly.

But mostly – the absolute freedom.  To just be One with Nature.  One with the wind.  It is such a divine connection.  Put me on a bike and my heart smiles ~ especially when I bike alone.  Oh wow – nothing like it!

So perhaps it is a calling to get on my bike more than I do now – alone. Perhaps during this experience of being in the blissful state of NOW, more answers will come to me on this particular issue I am so ready to bury. Or heck, maybe I’ll gather older people, get them back on their bikes and take ’em on rides.  Create a class around that.  Rediscovering the inner child ~ on wheels.  Who knows!

Much peace and blessings to we the warriors as we continue along our experiences of remembering and healing.  ♥

Victoria

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I feel very much like this image below today.  It’s been growing for awhile. Some of those same issues returning.  I am truly at a loss as to what to do about some of them.

I look at the biggest challenges facing my family – all of them solvable with money.

God, I can’t type that word anymore – not with the “victim” energy that is.

But it is the truth.  Like it or not.  MONEY RULES.

One can intend.  One can be in joy.  One can be in kindness.  In authenticity.  At the end of the day, money still dictates this reality.

And this girl can’t stomach it.  Today I push it away and say “NOT WELCOME”.  For far too long I have faced it head-on.  Took chances. Thought outside of the box.  Oh wow – been doing that for the past 15 years when an astrologer friend of mine told me the old way was dying and when it came to manifesting an income, I had to think outside of the box.  So I have.  And it has not worked out the way I have intended.

So today all I know how to say is say NO.  It is not mine.

Not today.  Not tomorrow.

Not any longer.

 

 

Well this explains why my little one just “happened” to pull up the jerry lee lewis song “whole lotta shakin’ goin’ on” given what I wonderfully experienced last night – at 1:15am – again (same bat time, same bat place I am going to begin to say).

I had been asleep, after doing a meditation with Higher Self (who told me, briefly, “she” was busy in the higher realms helping with planetary grid work and I needn’t worry myself about “helping” or doing anything different).  I woke up with a jolt, feeling the entire bed rumbling then I began to do the usual trembling all over.  Lasted for several minutes.  I did the usual.  Breathed it in.  Felt some blocks.  Visualized areas that are still needing some focus/attention/loving care to release.  Of which I am feeling this today (a wee bit emotional/triggered at the moment).  Yeah, had a big major tantrum until I just kinda had to laugh at myself and say “seriously, girl ~ aren’t we tired of these experiences?  Let it goooooo.”

Then I did some deep breathing, some tapping.

(Then later on received an e-mail newsletter talking about tantrum’s during these times and doing EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique, or tapping – to help.  I will share info later on that in case anyone is interested and/or unfamiliar with the process.)

This followed last night’s 10pm sudden feeling of “UGH” – body pain all over.  Heat.  Comfort.  Warm tea.  Soothing myself until I found some relief.

So after the shakin’…..  I returned to a deep sleep.  Awoke at 3:30am to one of the issues – lying there in bed – pondering – ugh – finally surrendered as much as I could.  Tummy rumbling. Got up around 5am – I simply couldn’t sleep – must eat now – went to the refrig – grabbed half a banana, some bread, water and some of my little one’s chocolate pudding. Aaahhh.  Some relief.  Returned to bed and immediately zonked.

Feeling like a very relaxed zombie at the moment.  It’s been an interesting day for sure – feeling I am traversing timelines, one foot in, one foot out. Nap didn’t help much.  Feeling a rather sense of “blah” overall ~ which I read earlier is something many are feeling.  Late this afternoon we noticed two police cars pull up quickly in front of a neighbor’s house and the officer’s ran to the door.  She’s an elderly woman with dementia ~ has caregiver’s now.  Her son and his wife live next door but they didn’t seem to be home.  I don’t know what the call was about – no ambulance came and there was no noticeable noise.  The officers left about 30 minutes later.

I pondered unnecessary suffering ~ how just downright horrible it has to be to watch someone slowly lose their mind.  Cures for such diseases. Ways of Living and Being we are all worthy of needing to come on board YESTERDAY to put an end to this unnecessary sadness.  Such a heavy weight.  I thought again for the millionth time for the means to heal such people.  Life is precious.  We are surrounded by a plethora of elderly folks and feel like we are the “young family” in the neighborhood.  Visiting with my friend’s mom, who is another one of the neighbor’s recently, where she told my friend she had such an “amazing thing” happen – me visiting and talking with her.

Will be doing more of that.

The song “I can feel it comin’ in the air tonight” just went through my mind, so I will link that song as well as Jerry Lee’s shakin’ tunes.

The dinner bell is ringing so time to feed the family.  Get some fireworks for an fire-work obsessed child.  She digs those smokie worm-like things. And now apparently is covered in mud.

It’s all good!  Even though it feels so hard in moments and I feel like major crap.  It’s still all good…

 

 

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I stayed up very late last night watching the last video I linked.  I also watched some of the other videos and checked around to see who they connect with.  Some things about their perspective just didn’t resonate with me and had me questioning my path.

Again.  The doubt crept in.

Argh, Victoria.

I began to question what I hold to be True in my heart.  Began to doubt my visions and the like.

There was this sense in the videos that overall, the journey out is very very difficult, if we even escape, as the message was many will not.  Much of the talk was on the dark controlling factions with only a brief mention of the Benevolent Beings who are there in the other realms to assist. Their belief is there will be two “armageddons” – the first one will harvest those who haven’t done their inner work (as defined by their perspective on how it is to be “done”), leaving them to the total destruction of their Essence ~ forever. Get it absolutely right though and you get saved in the second armageddon.

In my heart, I know, I feel the collective heart of humanity has been doing our best for eons to escape this reality.  I KNOW this.  And as such, there is no part of me that is Truth that says the above will happen.  I call absolute rubbish.

These folks have been in contact with other beings in other realms, many of them “dark”, since childhood so that raised another red flag.

I considered taking down the video I linked last night but for now will keep it up.  I may retract that decision though.

I know and feel that we have our own power. We are Divine Source Creators and it is US who create our own experience and the more we Remember our Power, those experiences change ~ for the betterment of humanity ~ as we are witnessing now. We are taking back our Power.  Remembering. Feeling.  Being in our heart space. Knowing when to just Observe, knowing when to take action with that Observing.

And damnit all, we are not alone in this process, in this Remembering, in this breaking-out!  I get quite fed up with hearing this “no one is here to help us” and “there is only one way ‘out'” and the like.  ENOUGH!

Love helps.  Assists.

I know to the Core of who I am that I am here for a reason.  A very “big” reason.  I remember my Oversoul encouraging the part of itself that entered my body sending the message “do not forget – remember – this is it – let’s do it”.  Those weren’t the exact words – if it was even words used at all – that is just the impression I received when I returned to that experience.

Is that programmed into me from the enslavers?  I have to offer up that question.  Taking it from a space of complete neutrality, complete observation, I have to say “anything is possible.”  And yet does that make it True?  I am quickly learning when something doesn’t resonate, quickly learning when it’s a fear-based program instead of my own Source Truth, which never presents information in fear energy and is what calms and soothes me when I am falling for the doubt – when I ask for further clarification. In fact, as I type this I suddenly feel a shift within.  I could really feel my Higher Self – more than I ever have – over my shoulder – guiding me, almost doing the typing for me.  Having a bit of an out-of-body experience in this moment as I type these words.  Just had to throw that out there.

So…..I am learning when the program of doubt kicks in, it comes from a certain space in my body, creating a certain feeling.  And I can say this about that experience – it is not there for my benefit.  Thus the experience of remembering my initial experience of entering this world holds True.  And I will not deviate away from it no matter how much programmed states of fear and doubt and hesitation wish me to.

As I mentioned, listening to these videos last night rather knocked me off my center – although not as much as in weeks and months past – which rather surprised me.  (*I am returning to this piece a few hours later – and given what I read today on another site I follow, I believe another “something” did indeed change and shift in the last 24 hours which explains my ability to return to center again easier than in the past.  I will link that piece next.)  Listening to something that deviated away from my own truth in that Now moment has had me rather (subconsciously at times – perhaps an automatic response) creating the experience of becoming depressed and apathetic, very much in the state of being the victim.  Totally dis-empowering and serves me NO purpose (other than a reason to stay in bed and reject everything “out there” – something I have battled for much of my life).  The couple in the video spoke of the hijacker’s ability to induce states of bliss within us to make us trust them. Good point.  And yet – just as we know with people, ok just as I know with people, if one is truly of Love, of Source, of Authentic Space, they will not attempt to control or seek to put their agenda on another.  While we can share our perspectives and encourage others to Remember by presenting information, you know the old saying – we can lead one another to water but we cannot – we must not – coerce or manipulate them into drinking the water.  Not if we claim we are acting from Purity.  That is our ego wanting to control when Source Heart Allows all to have their own individual experience.

When reaching outside of ourselves for assistance, whether it be in this dimension or in others, when the Being is in a state of Divine Purity, if your request is something they can assist with, they will.  If not, they won’t.  Never will they judge or coerce.  One would also be willing to answer any question you have without reaction too – if of Purity – certainly if it’s in a realm outside of our own.

I believe it is that simple.  It’s something I have learned through remembering my Origins on Gaia.  The concept of Sovereignty, inherent in all Beings who are of Source.

So what can we do to co-create this experience and help end this hijacked one?

Intend from our heart.

Intend to Remember.

Stand firm in our Truth no matter how much fear ripples through us.

And know we are not alone.  For every mislead being who has controlled us, there are far more of Pure Intentions who wish to help and are.  So let us intend more of them Now.

That is all for now.  ♥

 

 

 

Most of us have seen the Matrix.  We know the story of Neo and of his awakening.  Even once he has met Morpheus, he’s still inside the Matrix. It isn’t until he is literally unplugged from the imprisonment cocoon that he realizes the Truth.

I feel like I had a similar moment happen.  I don’t know why either, meaning I thought I was “more awake than that”.

I was outside with my daughter, looking at the clover in the grass.  I told her the story about searching for the 4-leaf clover, how I had not yet found one in this lifetime.  Searching for a few minutes, my daughter sighs and says “mom, maybe no one has ever found a 4-leaf clover.”

I told her many people have then went on to say how amazing nature is.

As amazing as nature can be in this simulation, I thought to myself, which was then followed by the thought “if nature is a simulation, maybe I am as well.”

I have yet to have that thought.  At least not to the extent that I felt that insight in my body tonight.  But it rather knocked me out of my body and left my mind searching frantically in its database for an answer.  Not gonna find the truth there of course…

My mate came out, walked over to me and seeing I looked a bit “off” asked what was wrong.  “I just had another Neo moment,” I said then shared what I had just experienced.

As I type these words, I feel this explains why I have been experiencing this growing feeling as though I am “split up” – with a part of me in one realm and a part of me here – and the remaining parts of Me feeling quite ready to “jet on outta here”.  I certainly feel it today – it’s as though staying awake – in the literal sense – in this 3d world is becoming very very difficult for me. If it weren’t for my duties as a mama, I would likely spend most of my time sleeping and meditating.  No joke.

How many “parts” of me are there?  For any of us?

Where the hell am I?  lol

Seriously wish to know the answer to that one.  Perhaps that is the biggest question of all.  I’ve been going down the “who am I” path for so long – maybe it is time to bring in that question as well.  It’s a mighty big mystery to me and I feel we are all collectively going to be knowing it All very very soon.