Category: Daily Notes

 

Tick tock, tick tock goes my internal clock, waiting for “it”.

It’s rather challenging at times to keep up this facade of being “ok” with many of the things in my life when I am so long past ready to be “done with it already!”  Paying bills.  Wondering what to do next/try next to heal some of my little health issues with such limited healing modalities and ability to access what’s available.

Some days I have moments I feel like Cyprus in The Matrix.  “Why oh why didn’t I take the blue pill?”  Of course I am more than pleased I answered that inner call of awakening/searching/remembering.  But it is a tough go at times – mostly because I KNOW how things once were and I KNOW we are returning back to much of what once was – so it is painful to walk around with all of this knowledge and ideas and watch the same ‘ole continue year after year, awaiting this slow-as-molasses at times shifting until All is revealed.  It’s like many of us were given the preview years ago – sometimes decades – and it is the waiting that can be the most painful.

This morning as I did my usual inner contemplation, I gave thought to the concept I had heard of/read about and felt – Gaia is being moved.  What I feel is really happening is this artificial construct, this simulation we are living on and in is failing and is being moved at the same time – being raised in frequency – so we can at last rejoin our rightful place in the Cosmos – our Homecoming with Original Earth – our REAL Gaia.

Typing those words moves me to tears deep within.

I’m now beginning to question if 5D Gaia ever really “went” anywhere but has instead always remained while the human species was moved to artificial constructs of lower vibrations.

I know the answers will arrive soon enough.

Current symptoms:  Bloating, nausea that comes and goes and other g.i. incidences.  Seems as though nothing is moving through me as easily as what normally should lately even though I am drinking plenty of water, eating fairly light.  Probably have a big purge coming up.  I began one this morning but, well sheot, the demands of a child sometimes have to take precedent.  Eating, etc.  When those moments hit, it’s hard to shut it off and call it up later.  It’s much easier when you can just process it all out at the moment in which the body intuitively calls it up for release.  When I hear others write of the issue of ascension saying it must priority #1 – no exceptions – I see none of them have small children.  Many don’t have spouses either.

In fact, I began writing this piece almost 2 hours ago – kept getting called away – and was in fact interrupted 14 times.  Yes, I counted.

Already did the “texting of mama’s to see if their children are home or available to play” without a response.

And I wonder why I am a bit bound up at the moment….

NEED.  ALONE TIME.  QUIET.  UNINTERRUPTED.

Until next time~

V.  ♥

 

 

Upon awakening this morning, I did a meditation.  I asked for a message my Higher Self wished for me to hear today.

I felt Higher Self sent an impression of “be willing to release your vessel”.

My initial reaction was “uh no I am intending on taking my vessel with me”.  The response was this sense of “Misunderstanding.  Be willing to release what you think of your physical vessel.”  (My higher self doesn’t really speak in words – but rather in impression’s – maybe even codes – that resonate through my emotional body and get interpreted by my brain and mind and words then form.  When I click with the message of High Self, I get the “a ha” moment.  This morning was no exception.

So…..Interesting message.  I began to think about the thoughts I hold towards my physical body.  The limits I still believe it to have among other programmed thoughts.

A willingness to Remember the abilities of my body (that are continually getting “ignited” again, for lack of a better term) along with the willingness and practice of letting go all of the old thoughts of limitation. The health issues I “think” and “believe” I have, in which thinking about them gives them power to remain.  Additionally, the focus I hold in giving more power to my physical vessel then I do my Eternal Higher Self, meaning I still tend to think my physical vessel is more “real” than my Higher Self.

So the journey to returning to Self continues.  ♥

 

 

[wpedon id=”208″]

 

As most of us are aware, this on-going change is affecting our dietary needs.

At the moment, my desire to stop eating meat seems to be matching the needs of my body as well.  Almost overnight, my body is all but rejecting meat.  The smell.  The taste.  I have intended this to happen for a long time now so we shall see if it “sticks”.  Years ago I attempted the vegetarian thing but felt so weak and run down, I felt my body wasn’t yet ready.

Here is what I am into in this Now moment:  Fruit.  Lots of fruit.  Berries. Melons.  Lemons and limes.  Oranges.  Mangos and kiwi.  Veggies – not so much other than root veggies.

Nuts and seeds.  Chocolate (dark, 70-75% cocoa).

Lots of butter and coconut oil for fat.

Water.  Coconut water.  Almond and coconut milk.  (We stopped drinking cows milk weeks ago.  Had to wean my child on this one.)

Perhaps slowly I am returning to the way I once was.

Yesterday I made these awesome granola/energy bites.  Peanut butter, seeds and nuts, vanilla, coconut oil and some rice puff cereal.  Mix together, pressed into balls and refrigerated.  OMGoodness – even my mate raved how delicious they are.

What are your eating habits right now?

 

 

Earlier today the little one and I headed out for some supplies.  My mood was one of contemplation as well as a little bit of indifference after spending far too much time last night watching some videos on a fairly new channel I decided to check out. Much of what I listened to simply didn’t resonate with me and it became apparent this person was wishing to instill another hive-mind type system of control with just prettier colors.

Control is control.  Can’t hide that.

I become annoyed when I see people promoting ascension, higher consciousness and the like – as long as everyone complies to a list of rules as defined by them.  As I have long felt and seen, it is our sovereign right to live as we please in so long as our actions are not interfering with another’s right to enjoy the same freedom.

If there is an even higher thought to that, I am open to receiving it.

So we head out and stop at a couple of places.  As we get back into the car to head home, I turn on the radio and hear Jackson Browne’s “Stay” ~ a song that always centers me, puts me back into my heart.  I sit back, let out a sigh, give thanks to Source and release all of the silly stories in my human mind.  I glance over and see a beautiful sight ~ a man and a woman in an embrace.  It was one of those embraces where it was obviously going to last.  An embrace where you could sense their energies of solace.  A moment – moments – in time of two human’s, offering comfort for one another, support.  When there are no words and all you can do is communicate via physical touch.

God, it was beautiful.  Tears formed in my eyes.  My heart opened even more.

Not wanting to pry further into their private moment, I backed up the car and pulled away, silently thanking them for sharing their moment and how it helped shift my mindset and thus, my mood.

I returned my attention to the song and thought of the people who work so hard behind the scenes.  Those often “thankless” jobs.  When in truth, everything we each do provides something of benefit to humanity.  To life.

And how it is my fullest desire that as we continue to expand, awaken, Remember, we will all see the value in ourselves and in one another – regardless of what it is we “do”.  A necessary behavior to incorporate as we break down this system of division.

Returning home, I open up my e-mail box and see a letter from one of you, one who struggles financially (why is it those who give the most often have the least to share?) and yet found it in their heart to pass along a donation.  I was so moved, I started to cry – again.  (Seems whenever my heart is open I cry easily.  Makes me wonder how much is still in there needing to flow and heal.)  And following up with that, as I check my e-mail box again I see another response from this person and in another moment of synchronicity (I have so many of them with some of you lately in our private conversations), they shared it is often those who have the least who share.

So…. much humble gratitude for the people who crossed my path today, knowingly or unknowingly helping me open up this heart just a little bit more and reminding me to stop and take in those tender moments.

♥♥♥

 

[wpedon id=”208″]

 

….leave.  me.  be.

We’re all feeling overly-sensitive now, aren’t we?  I have heard from some of you, either on here or privately and from others on my social media and we’re all about ready to jump out of our skins right now.  Thought I would put up a quick list to reaffirm this is part of the process, we’re all ok, we’re not alone in this – even though at times we think otherwise.

Without further ado – here’s how it is:

*Difficulty or outright inability to be around other people – some more than others.  I have noticed the past few times being around someone who has been a friend for many years and it saddens me to now sense – stronger w/each visit now – an energy misalignment.  I literally feel the energies between us clash – like friction in a way.  I mourn that experience.

*Difficulty or outright inability to withstand anything of lower vibrations – conflict, drama, aggressive behavior, even images of violence or other 3d worldly atrocities.  (not that any of these things are ever easy on the body/mind/soul – at this point they are downright impossible to withstand energetically).

*Absolute inner repulsion in being interrupted, especially when in deep concentration.  For me it is such a strong sensation – one that has only grown.  I have asked myself – perhaps I am being too sensitive.  But that immediate inner response of “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO” is there.  What I can manage however is how I respond to the one doing the interrupting.

*Which leads to – a growing love affair with one’s own company.  This is quite beautiful to me.

*Inability to watch television.  For me – complete inability.  Can’t tolerate pbs anymore either.  Movies, nope.  (just have the soundscapes channel on these days)  I know just by walking into the room if the tv is on anything mainstream oriented.  There is truth to the fact that “they” put certain frequencies in those stations, meant to literally jar us out of our own energy space.

*READY FOR THIS 3D CONTROL GAME TO BE OVER.  READY FOR THE SWITCH-OVER.

*Crying easily and frequently.  (I used to be able to say I was feeling sad or having a difficult time without showing the emotion.  Today?  I say the word and express the emotion at the same time.  When I apologized to my mate’s friend earlier today over my withdrawn behavior – sharing that my behavior had nothing to do with him – it was about me and my own stuff coming up – my voice broke and the tears flowed.  His response to me was so kind – touching my already overflowing heart even more – increasing the tears. There is such beauty in that, you know?  I literally melt inside when I am around such kindness ~ I intend more of it!  It is so healing.)

*Intense desire and need to be in nature.  To hear animals and be around animals.  Gave myself some of that today…

I leave you with an image to breath in and a song (“Night” by Ludovico Einaudi) that soothes and centers me.  It’s rather haunting in a way, but it just does something for me, especially how it builds up and just ends in a way that surprises and deeply satisfies. Rather like how I view the journey we are on.

Be kind to and gentle with yourselves, friends.  ♥

 

 

 

 

 

 

[wpedon id=”208″]

I woke up this morning with deep heaviness in my heart.  I had experienced a dream of a childhood sweetheart who I am friends with today.  I had thought about him before I went to bed and felt a bitter-sweetness to the thought.  He’s battling cancer and in the dream, he turned into a little boy and I was trying to help him put on his shoes.  He was so sweet, little, innocent.  I was able to get his shoes on before I woke up.  I checked my facebook page later on and see his entry – he’s still battling and had a small setback today.

As I pulled myself out of bed, I noticed an unpleasant smell in the living room – that of a neighbor – who has deep deep unresolved issues, one of which includes bathing being a rarity.  They had come over yesterday – unannounced – and stayed for just a moment.  I can’t be around the energy right now.  In fact, the energies of everyone are overwhelming me at the moment.  Any type of conflict or visual images of pain/suffering put me into a tailspin.  So back to the smell – I immediately cleansed/cleared and lit my resin.  Will have to be more assertive in what I allow into my personal space.  Can’t really be around friends much either – noticed that again last night.  I immediately now sense if there’s a disconnect.  JUST CANNOT DO IT!  If I force myself to be in such spaces, my body revolts.

My mate had a friend over and when he arrived, I was quiet.  Unusually quiet.  He later asked my mate if I was angry with him.  Goodness, no. Just feeling a lot of old pain today and am rather reflective/introspective.

The tears started about an hour ago and have continued.  Tears over lost connections with family.  With friends.  Pains from the past.  Those things I wish I had done and those things I wish I hadn’t done.

Allowing myself to be a verbal and emotional punching bag far too many times.

Allowing myself to keep my heart to myself out of fear, shame, embarrassment.

Not teaching myself boundaries earlier.

Wishing I had been stronger in my younger years.  More assertive.  Wiser.

Wisdom with courage.  A necessary combination if one is to make it in the world the way it has been.  That and a lot of support.

Just when I think “I have released this one” up it comes again.  Another layer.  For release.  With love, comfort and absolute acceptance.

Will I get this healing stuff right?

Is there something else I could be doing?

I have no answers today to any of that so for now, I’m just Being with who I am in this seemingly never-ending but always changing story.

 

 

[wpedon id=”208″]

I’ve written about this subject before but I gained a little bit more perspective tonight and thought I would share.

Recently I was listening to a channeled message, speaking of the healing, the incoming energies and the like.  The message turned to the concept of Service To Self/Service To Others.  It was a message of duality again. Either you are STS or STO.  You now must pick.  Just like we must pick Love or Fear.  This or that.  Take your pick.

All of it ~ duality.  I believe it is more about just BEING from a space of non-attachment, non-judgment.  Observing.  You just rather ARE. Moment to moment. Experience to experience.  Not that we are some aloof, head-in-the-clouds individual who has lost the ability to think for ourselves.  We remain aware of Who We Are.  I see it as a nice mix of being grounded and just being while doing.  I remember the first time I saw myself on New Earth.  It was over 10 years ago.  I recall specifically how I felt. Somewhere within, my Higher Self had me take in that specific feeling.  Had me focus on it.  Let it gel and flow so I would remember it. At the time I had no concept of where I was or what had happened much less why I was suddenly in this space of absolute presence and being ~ all while doing.  Obviously, I never forgot the experience and it has guided me along the way, especially during the times I have gotten “lost” again.

Tonight while thinking about the channeled message I had listened to, I had a body memory.  We were once Service to Others individuals, which is what made it easier for us to be conquered, manipulated, altered and thus controlled.  We didn’t really have the concept of Self – rather all was One. That made it easy for us to be manipulated, tricked.  “We” wouldn’t do that to ourselves, so why would another.

I don’t know.  I may be blowing a bunch of b.s. here in terms of sharing this memory/impression.  It’s just what came to me. And I have learned to listen when things like this come to me via my body, especially from the core.

Service to Self.  Service to Others.  How about we be/do both?  I remain aware that while we are one, we are not the same.  I see Source in me and in you.  We are unique. Individual. And in serving myself, I can and will serve you as well.  Makes me want to market a t-shirt for ascension, especially given all of the intel and info flowing out there, which can be quite overwhelming:

KEEP IT SIMPLE.  KEEP IT PRESENT.  KEEP IT REAL.