Category: Daily Notes

My latest BMAC piece. Thought I would share here. If you like, please buy me a coffee or two. 💖🙏

Victoria

Earlier today, my daughter and I were eating breakfast. She was looking outside when she suddenly said, “Oh mom, look! A mama and her baby!” I looked outside and saw a mom pushing a little one in a jogging stroller. The baby was bouncing his little legs, hands on the support bar. He was looking up in that baby look of awe, mouth open in a little “O”, taking in the blue sky, sunlight bouncing off the trees. He was clearly lost in the moment, enthralled. You could see the sense of wonder. He was taking in everything.

I looked over at my own daughter, well into her teen years, wondering ‘Where did the time go?’ When I was a new parent, someone once told me, “The days are long but the years are short.” How true this is. I looked at my girl watching this little baby go by, taking me back to a time when she was that age. I would push her around the neighborhood in her stroller. What should have normally been a 15-minute walk would often turn into 45 minutes or an hour because she, too, would get lost in the moment and take it all in. We would stop so she could examine a flower or stop and say hello to the neighborhood cat, who was usually sitting on his front step during our afternoon walks and was more than eager to pitter-pat across the street to say hello.

I think a lot about the world today. As a mom, I sometimes wake up with that sense of fear. How will she navigate this world as it is? Especially these days, where we are seeing some really horrible things being exposed, horrifying things that have been done to our children in particular. As mentioned before, I not only write in this space, I also write elsewhere. What some call “conspiracy theorist” I prefer the term “Pattern Recognition Specialist.” I am able to see things others cannot. Patterns. Hunches. I’m highly sensitive, intuitive, highly curious, INJF on the personality spectrum, perhaps with some bits of ADHD and autistic-like tendencies thrown in (I once had a psychologist tell me I had “autistic tendencies” to which I immediately thought that would make for a really cool name for a Punk Rock Band). I’ve had an insatiable thirst for truth since I was a child. Who am I? Why am I here? Why is the world the way it is? Why am I being taught these subjects in school? Is this all there is to know about this reality? Who was Jesus? Why is God always a male?

Those sorts of questions. As I grew older, those questions morphed into “What is wrong with this world? Why is there so much poverty and disease, war and suffering? Why do we have to pay to live here? Who runs this place anyway? (I want to talk to them and demand a refund!) I never once allowed anyone to shut me down with the usual, “that’s just how it is here.”

That search has never stopped.

And what is coming out now via these files being released is not surprising me.

A year or so ago, I wrote this song. At the time I titled it, “Everything”. It has no lyrics. Until today, I wasn’t even sure what it was about. Watching that baby finding such joy in that one moment, with everything going on in the world, that little one was in its innocent state of being fully in the now. Lost in everything of that moment. In every moment, we have the ability to feel everything.

The message of my song is that even with all the big chaotic volatile things that we’re seeing coming out on top of what we’re seeing happening on the world stage, there is still something Eternal within each of us that isn’t really that much different.

We all want to see our children thriving, happy, and healthy.

And, maybe I’m naive. I’m hopeful that we can find a way to unite. Remembering who we are. That no matter how old we are, we still have the capacity to push past the noise of the world and tune in to what’s real. The Everything within each of us. And just like that baby, pause in the chaos. Find reason for joy. Find the beauty in the simplest moments. Peace in the chaos. I invite you to take time today to do that. Sit on your front porch, let your feet dangle. Watch the sun’s rays bounce off the puddle or the leaf fluttering in the breeze.

For now, in a Divine moment of grace, I am having my own Everything moment with my daughter, who has just informed me she did a Google search using her voice. “Nonprofits that help pay rent near me”. What came up? “Shrimp cocktails and the sea near me.” 😂

May your Everything find you. For now, I leave you with my song that inspired this piece. Everything.

💖

Victoria

I want to buy myself some CBD oil to help me sleep. My bank account and credit cards tell me otherwise. I love seeing words like this above – spread that energy and end the enslavement.

If I had a ten-spot for every one of these f’ing reject letters I receive weekly, I’d be a rich girl! 🤣

It’s really not funny.

I’m pinching pennies, adding up what I can spend – and let’s check this credit card – still $60 on that. That will be enough for food until payday.

After paying down my debt, I have had to rack it right back up again just to fucking eat.

Woops, I said the bad word I am being told I say “a lot” lately.

I do?

Gee, I wonder why.

Can I lose my mental faculties any faster now?

I NEED A GOD DAMN FINANCIAL OPPORTUNITY OPEN UP FOR ME.

I’m like this now if advice is incoming:

It ain’t pretty. lol

I get why homeless people say “screw it” and live wherever they want. Steal bikes, food, and supplies from big box stores to survive. Squat in the myriad of vacant homes.

When the world slowly pushes you out of society and ignores your cries for help, when agencies prioritize immigrants ahead of you, or when they say “we cannot help you with that”, you just kind of stop caring about anyone but yourself. And you go silent. And do what you need to do.

For now, at the moment, I am trying to log in to my instantcart app and am receiving, well, it isn’t doing anything. I couldn’t check online through the website if there are openings for delivery drivers in my area (last I checked last fall, there weren’t, and there was not even a wait list – how often I am told that now – no more wait lists). Oh wait – I was able to get the app to work. Here’s what it is telling me in red letters: No Spots Available.

No. Spots. Available. Below the little cartoon woman with the white mask on her damn face.

Yeah, tell me I’m in hell without saying the actual words.

I’m too old to pole dance. Not that I could pull that off. lol (see the little pun I unintentionally threw in there)

That one makes me giggle.

Uber is out – the car’s too damn old. I did recently remember I signed up with Amazon Mechanical Turk – they have to do some digging on me, though, as my account got frozen and they want to know why (because I forgot I had one – I wear a lot of hats around here – I’m aging and energetically depleted and not sleeping that well, so I forgot).

I’ve signed up for countless survey sites. TOTAL waste of time – unless you have 30 minutes to waste answering questions to determine if you are even eligible to TAKE the survey. I’ve done this so many times, and not once was I selected to take the damn survey.

I cannot afford to waste my time.

Unless it’s stuffing my sad belly full of chocolate or cookies.

I am sorry I am dumping all of my angst on here. My brain feels squeezed with that sense of angst. Executive function has suffered – and I know why. I follow a channel on Facebook – the woman is amazing with her insight on trauma and the nervous system. She breaks it down in tiny pieces of info I can understand. So my days of self-blame and wondering when others have lovingly offered up suggestions for me, and they simply haven’t worked – today I get it. I just want to be seen and to heal – to feel SAFE – and to receive the support I truly, really deeply need. 😭

Here’s what’s on stage atm. A few things.

💖

Victoria

*********

Bay of Pigs mirror incoming? I’ve had feeeeeeeeeels about this one just like I’ve had feeeeeeeeeeeeeels about NK (Fire and Fury):

https://www.foxnews.com/world/trump-declares-national-emergency-cuba-threatens-tariffs-nations-supply-oil-communist-regime

This makes sense if we are going to see a new world coming online. You have to crash the housing market, too. Grossly over-inflated:

Let me tell you a little story…

my parents married in 1959.
dad was an accounting clerk (2 years of college).
mom was a secretary.
their first home was a rental – big home in SE Portland.
$50/month.
they were able to save $3,000 which they applied towards a brand new 3 bedroom 2 bath ranch home.
total price?
$10,000
I came along a year or so later.
Mom stayed home.
Brother arrived 3 years later.
We lived in brand new homes throughout my life.
Drove 2 new cars.
2 week vacations in the summer.
That home my parents first bought in 1961?
$500,000
4900% jump.
Wage increase since the early 60’s?
68%
(and that doesn’t include the fact that our dollar has WAAAAAY less buying power – which, according to some stats show that real wage increase is more around 7-10%).
We’ve been robbed f’ing blind.

https://www.reuters.com/legal/litigation/amazon-cuts-16000-jobs-globally-broader-restructuring-2026-01-28

Those commercials pull at my heart. Those babies – there are cures for them. They are being used for $$ trafficking. It’s horrifying.

This is a nice image. Soothes my heart. I want to feel HOME.

You know, my body is saying NOOOOOOOOOo to sharing these things. We already know. We’ve done the comms. The work. THe digging. WE KNOW. And we are done waiting. Normies cognitive dissonance is harming our right to freedom and harming our health and harming our kids. Honestly fuch them for not seeing at this point.

What can I share now? Well, I can share a few of my writings from my coffee page, although I made the decision today that from here on out, that site will be pay-only. I get a lot of reads there. And at $5/read that would add up to the point where I could take care of my child the way she deserves. Here is my latest piece I wrote last night: https://buymeacoffee.com/victoriassoulfulcreations/this-one-for-the-moms

I was put in contact with another agency. Two, actually. I’ll see what happens. Given my experiences with “the system” the past 1-2 years, I have learned not to expect a thing. Something that was asked of me, however, rather triggered me. Something that would trigger any one of us who also happen to be a mom.

I was sharing my skills and job history.

Why the gap? I was asked.

“I’ve been a stay-at-home mom,” I said.

“Oh, so no new skills to add,” came the response from the very naive, clearly NOT a mom, worker.

No new skills?

Really, now.

I have some things to say about that.

I’m pulling out my Claire Huxtable attire now, so you have been warned.

It is said the Marines do more before 9 am than most any other person.

True.

But what is also true is that moms can and often do more in a 24-hour period than anyone, including those in the military. Without pay or thank yous I might add.

And we often do these things with precision and grace, no matter how much sleep we have had.

Let me tell you something:

We can look over homework, cook a meal, get another load of laundry going, answer the myriad of “mooooooooom” questions, and hold down a phone conversation all at the same time. I know firsthand, as this was my afternoon moment that took place at approximately 3:30 pm, or 15:30 hours military time. Find me a Marine who can do all that WITH precision, and I will tell you that Marine is female and a mother.

And skills?

Let me tell you something about skills.

I can create “to-do” lists for everyone in the house and remember what’s on those lists better than those for whom they are assigned. If that isn’t organizational planning expertise, I don’t know what is.

I can juggle multiple tasks as mentioned above with ease and precision. It’s as though you are watching a dance. If this isn’t multi-tasking, not found in most work environments at this level, I don’t know what is. We moms take that skillset to a new level.

And let me tell you something else about skills.

Crisis management.

We are the experts at such things. From toddler middle-of-the-night nightmares to middle-school “Moooooom, I HAVE to have this IPAD EVERYONE HAS ONE” to teenage “MOM, THE DRESS I WAS GOING TO WEAR HAS A TEAR IN IT, I NEED YOU TO FIX IT NOW!!”, we handle such moments with grace and ease. Well, as long as we have had enough sleep, then we may be a wee tad moody. Yup. We are THE go-to experts in Crisis management. Have you had a breakdown of communication or a crisis at your agency? We moms are the first line of defense for such situations.

Speaking of sleep, we know how to run an entire house on very little sleep. We also know how to put together a birthday party for 30 while sleep-deprived. I know. I’ve done it.

Let me tell you something else about a very important skill: Time Management.

We remember appointments because we moms have calendar presets in our brains. We may forget our own, but we are experts at remembering appointments for everyone else in our home.

Then there’s Delegating.

We are the experts at this. And what makes us better at this role than any other human on planet earth, uniform or not, is that we learned to do this with our children. Trust me. We have the ability to glance around a room and immediately know what needs to be done. Grocery list made. Pan scrubbed. Dinner meal planned. Floor vacuumed. Stain removed from the couch. That 6-month-old cobweb in the corner. And just as quickly as we can see the tasks needing to be completed, we can just as quickly delegate those tasks to those around us. Well, assuming people are still in the room. Non-moms seem to have a 6th sense when Mom is in a delegating mood, which often ends up with Mom being alone in said room. And need I even say this one? Assigning a basic task to a 3-year-old or 13-year-old who is in NO MOOD to hear you is no easy feat.

Yeah, been there DONE THAT.

Last but certainly not least is Conflict Resolution. This may be the most important one of all. Family by its very nature is, well, loud. Sometimes conflicts arise. Unless you are blessed with living in a 10,000′ mansion, more than one person living under the same roof is going to lead to the occasional tension. Words spoken. Words spoken, not heard. That’s where Mom’s Superior Conflict Resolution comes in. “Ok, now let’s all go to neutral corners. Take some deep breaths. Good. Ok now. Let’s resolve this by sharing what it is you are feeling. Remember to speak from how you feel. No fingerpointing.” Smile, smile smile.

I should note this works quite well for non-family members only. Family? Yeah, not so well. My idealistic little vision usually ends up with mom (that would be me) throwing her arms up in frustration while saying, “ok we agree to disagree”, calling up a friend and asking if she would like to meet up for some cake.

Chocolate, of course. Because that’s what moms like. NEED.

Moms. Skills. Yup.

As I put down my Claire Huxtable hat, let me wrap this up by saying Mom keeps the organization called Family going. Many of us walk into this role blindly and learn to refine the necessary skills needed to keep the organization running efficiently and smoothly. We hit the occasional bump and try to learn from our mistakes. We are easily pleased with chocolate and hugs (I forgot hugs). If this doesn’t make us the perfect employee, I don’t know what does.

💖

Victoria