I was having a dream when I woke up about an hour ago. My sleep has been so off; I seem to be sleeping more during the day and less at night. In the dream, I was in my car on a lightly traveled highway when a plane suddenly flew overhead. I could feel the pressure of it; it was that low, then it crashed. I didn’t really feel much fear – more of a “wow, I need to pull over” feeling. I got out of my car with my daughter and asked others who had also exited their vehicles if they were ok. When I woke up, I crawled out of bed, still feeling the experience, and wondered if a plane had crashed. I recalled thinking about Q speaking of planes, trains, and crashes. I went online and saw this:

I needed to verify and found this. Happened last night:

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/faa-says-7-killed-1-seriously-injured-in-jet-crash-in-snow-in-bangor-maine

I’m also completely stumped – frozen to be honest – as to what to do next with my experience. With this lingering pressure to get something going for myself financially in the next few months, something I’ve been completely focused on for over a year, I’m at a loss atm. Sometimes I feel like Charlie Brown – why is it that the things I pursue turn into a mess? From trying to get this website generating the income I had originally intended 10 years ago, to my other writing work marketed to finding remote work from home, to getting funding for educational training, I feel so out of options. I’m tired of this plan. I’m tired of housing being so f’ing out of reach. I’m tired of having to use credit cards just to get through the month. I’m tired of waiting for OUT THERE to shift so that will enable me to move forward. I’m tired of the division and the waiting and the fighting and the people who assume their POV is the right one while all failing to see we are in a huge, massive psyop, and none of us will figure it out in full until it’s all revealed. I mean, seriously – if there is a divine plan – WTF IS TAKING SO LONG? SOME of us NEED CHANGE. Some of us NEED RELIEF. For so long, we have needed it, and I am now seeing what this is doing to my health, to my sleep, to my mind. I can get into that nice space now and then, but that pressure within to DO SOMETHING YESTERDAY is growing and making my life hell. I go out driving alone lately – and sit in the car and cry – and scream: I HAVE A CHILD DOES ANYONE CARE??!!

I’m still trying to get some sort of restitution from the local agency that dropped the ball on me last year when the staff member (FINALLY) assigned to help me with a scholarship for educational training disappeared on me – for weeks – during the middle of the process – leaving me unable to do a thing as she was also supposed to give me additional paperwork required FOR the scholarship – and my attempts to reach her, her supervisor and the agency went unanswered. I was able to find notes I took during my original phone call with the agency manager last month, where she said they were looking at “all angles” in regard to what happened, including “staff oversight”. The manager’s original final decision said I did not get approved because there were others ahead of me. However, she cannot prove this with 100% accuracy and is completely ignoring the truth that her employee disappeared on me for weeks. IF THIS IS NOT PROOF OF STAFF OVERSIGHT, I don’t know what is. And I wasn’t even including the nearly TWO MONTHS it took for me to get someone working with me – the phone calls, emails, and texts were unanswered. If I had not been diligent, their lack of “staff oversight” would have left me without ANY help whatsoever.

Staff oversight: Staff oversight is the systematic process of supervising, monitoring, and directing employees to ensure work aligns with organizational goals, policies, and standards. It involves tracking performance, ensuring accountability, providing guidance, and identifying risks.

Doesn’t disappearing on a client in the middle of a time-sensitive process, without word from ANYONE, ignoring clients’ emails, texts, and phone calls fall under that process? Doesn’t all of that violate an agency’s goals, policies and standards?

And again – I am a lone voice – doing this alone. I have not been able to find anyone to help me with this situation, other than hearing of a few other people who had similar experiences, including a friend of mine. I have learned one thing – when you go up against a system agency, they are polite and helpful until you challenge them and their word. Even when you know you are in the right – even when you have their words and can prove them wrong – once they make an agency decision, your needs and your story are of no importance. Scatter to the wind like the rest of their victims. It’s quite horrid. And this is not my first go-around with systems. In this ugly reality, it is the big ones with the fancy titles and comfy jobs who can make your life easy or put you through hell, where you waste time you CANNOT AFFORD TO WASTE.

That said, I believe in Truth. In love. In doing the right thing even in the face of obvious wrong. I still have faith in good people.

I just need more of them showing up in my life, and I pray for that every. single. day.

My kiddo deserves to have a mom who is supported.

💖

Victoria

ZELLE: themamatrinity@gmail.com

CASHAPP: $VictoriaT1144

VENMO: @VT6610

WHO IS SHAKING THIS DAMN SNOW GLOBE??!!

😅

Now and then, I will go looking to see what the rest of humanity is feeling. Support boards. Community boards. Local talk. That sort of thing. And I have been a bit surprised, perhaps it’s relief, to see a new trend of talk: people not wanting to leave their homes. World is too scary and crazy.

😨

I’m reflecting on this, even as I type. I feel it too – growing. As one who is highly sensitive (which IMHO just indicates you have a knowing about the hidden things of this reality and as such isn’t really a “special” title), I have long dealt with this desire to just stay home or close to home. Some call it agoraphobia. Fear of being “out there”, trapped. We are often told fear = false evidence appearing real.

Today? I say bullshit to that. Just another new age feel-good philosophical narrative designed to make those of us who ARE sensitive to the hidden evil here feel with the knowing something ain’t right about this place feel even more isolated, alone, crazy for how our bodies feel. AND a knowing we are in some way trapped inside of this snow globe, surrounded by a consciousness energy that has no compassion, care or concern for us. YUG!

I see more and more people “becoming” (Awakening) to it all, hence they too are feeling the need to just be at home where it’s safe. Safer shall I say.

For now, humanity is feeling this entire Snowglobe being shaken. For some it’s subtle (that sense will grow), for others it’s strong, almost violent. When we were told to take the 40,000 view, there was a reason for that statement. While we are inside of this space together as a collective, we can still practice being the Observer.

I’m also wondering if this “stay home/close to home” is serving another purpose – to get humanity out of the way of outer happenings for when things really “hit the fan” – AND Shift. The Sky Event moment. The moment that captures the attention of every one of us. For now it is building up leading to moments of “*%@!! would someone just stop shaking the damn snow globe?”

I just want some Peace of Mind.

The lyrics of the song are powerful in their truth:

Now if you’re feelin’ kinda low ’bout the dues you’ve been paying
Things is coming much too slow
And you wanna run, but somehow you just keep on stayin’
Can’t decide on which way to go, yeah-yeah-yeah

I understand about indecision
But I don’t care if I get behind
People livin’ in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind

If ever there were words and a time that coincide EXACTLY where I am now, this is it.

We fake it, don’t we?

We fake being ok with this compete and pay to live b.s.

Go along with it because hey, we have to eat, right and what other options are there, really, no matter how “off grid” we go?

I’ve never been one to fake it. Because, well, it is FAKE. A fake, unnatural state of being. Doesn’t align with the Soul.

Indecision too. How many of you are feeling that indecision? I sure am. As in BIG TIME.

That indecision is a result of this place and all of its rules. Can’t go THERE because of this damn “law” of “theirs”. Can’t afford to go THERE because hey “they” decided to have this little pay to live game where some places are intentionally created to keep out others of less $tatus. Can’t do THIS even though it’s what you’re good at and enjoy because either you lack the skills “they” say you must have, lack the $$ to get yourself into that position of being seen and let’s be honest simply not enough spots because it all operates on COMPETITION.

Thinking of another song lyrics: You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes you get what you need.

I never did like it. WHO is to say what it is I or any of us truly need? I’ve come to see it differently though – considering it was played at those Trump rallies. The lines were also used in a GEORGE News Publication in one of John’s Editorial Letters. Evil wanted us eliminated. But they aren’t getting that. Instead they are getting what they need – removed, eliminated. Mirror.

That said, we’re still in it, still bound by “their” rules and competition.

For now, we survive in this ever-shaking snow globe. Doing the best we can. Faking it as best as we can. Deep breathing and 40,000 foot observing. Which sucks the more one is Awake and longing for something we can’t quite fully remember (or maybe some can – I can’t seem to get into that full remembering just yet). But just like we know, the more we have Awakened, that this reality is absolutely utterly NOT HOME to our Souls, we also know this experience is temporary, we will break out of here, we are getting help in doing just that.

For now, find peace in the suck.

💖🙏

Victoria

ZELLE: themamatrinity@gmail.com

CASHAPP: $VictoriaT1144

Shower portal time share, friends.

Some images I’ve seen in recent weeks have been staying with me.

Images of women, mostly white, having meltdowns. Public rages.

At the time I saw this, the comments were full of “crazy white liberal women”. And yet, I saw a bit of myself in these women.

It isn’t just the “crazy white liberal women”. It’s people of all ages, all ethnicities. Who isn’t feeling the intensity of the world? Of this Awakening?

I believe what we are feeling is, in par,t our own inner trauma coming to the surface. The words we did not share. The thoughts we kept to ourselves. The emotions.

And to add to that, we are literally unplugging from a reality that had our minds held captive, where we have been programmed from birth, fed lies and illusions by the system – the matrix computer – which wanted us to believe what we saw and were told was Truth. Unplugging the mind from all of that programming is tough as hell on its own. But add in the traumas that we all experience, some far less, some far more, and you just add in more emotional intensity during the deprogramming process.

This is an inside and outside experience. Seeing truth out there. Seeing truth in here (touching my heart).

Given I can only speak as a woman, I will share what I feel is happening with many of these “white liberal women”: A lifetime of neglect. A lifetime of abuse. James Brown, as much as I love his music, that dude was spot on when he sang, “This is a man’s world.” It has been. The energies of it slant heavily towards the masculine. Competition (for EVERY fucking thing). Pay to live, which forces us to hustle every day to DO DO DO. Slay the dragon. Get ‘er done. This is how this reality operates.

And as a woman – none of this aligns with me. It all feels so unnatural. Incomplete. While men may question the system as well, they are far more biologically designed to be a part of that system. Just ask any parent: “How do you feel when your boy goes out alone? How do you feel when your girl goes out alone?” We know the stats. We KNOW how it is and who is more vulnerable to assaults, attacks, abuse.

Women are the nurturers. The caregivers. We have innate abilities to resolve conflict peacefully. We seek to connect. It’s BIOLOGY.

NONE of these energies is included in the pay-to-live competitive system.

As women, we have had to fake it.

And given the time we’ve spent hiding and pretending, the time for fake is over. And now, all of those years, those decades of frustration we have hidden and faked it just to keep up is coming out.

Add in the years we spend raising our children, being told it is REAL work while we don’t get nearly the same respect for it as a worker out in the “real” world, we’re f’ing tired.

Remember when that video came out with Trump talking about a woman’s private area with that derogatory term? Remember the rage? I pretended not to feel any of my own. Even though I supported the man, when I heard that commentary, it brought up the numerous times my personal safety boundaries were violated, and all I heard was “that’s just how guys are”.

Yeah, NOT AN ANSWER.

This is just an example, of course, but I think we need to listen to these “liberal white women” just like we need to listen to ANYONE on stage now, protesting, lashing out. While I get that propaganda can indeed incite violence, quite often there is already something within that individual, an unresolved trauma, that has been triggered that needs to be seen.

Safety.

Space held.

To know, hey, it’s ok to feel this way.

Until we start doing this, until we can strengthen ourselves up enough, see our own inner triggers, and begin by holding a safe space for ourselves, as men and women, we will continue to judge those we see as behaving in a “crazy” manner.

When maybe they have a story to tell.

Something worth listening to.

And something to teach those of us who, for the moment, believe we have ourselves all under control.

💖

Victoria