I felt a shift overnight into this morning. Another one of those experiences where for days – who am I kidding – weeks I felt myself pushing through a dense, disgusting layer of unwanted fog (perhaps another layer of the “great filter”). I did a bunch of inner shifting/releasing/refocusing last night – slept pretty deeply – where I woke up feeling Lighter, more motivated, and absolutely famished. Stomach growling – which hasn’t happened in a very long time. I couldn’t get enough food in me – even after a meal, I had to eat a protein bar and chocolate.
Then I get online and see this:
EARTH ROCKED AS A SEVERE GEOMAGNETIC STORM SLAMS MAGNETIC SHIELDS
Earth is currently being hit by a powerful geomagnetic storm — one step below the strongest level possible.
What this means right now: • Power grids at higher latitudes could experience voltage issues •… pic.twitter.com/umIq8mEF0n
— Andrew Lokenauth | TheFinanceNewsletter.com (@FluentInFinance) January 19, 2026
Now some reflecting on GERONIMO. I had a nudge to watch Conspiracy Theory with Mel Gibson last week. In the movie he talks about that word – GERONIMO. He says it’s an action of taking a leap of faith – an act of love – and LOVE gives you the wings to act. There are only TWO Q posts that contain the word but there’s just ONE with it used as the word itself: POST 144
Psyop expert Chase Hughes breaks down how the CIA recruits influencers.
"Stage one is I show you all of your browsing history, captures from your webcams… of you doing the most compromising s*it you could ever possibly imagine."
🚨 CONFIRMED: Norway’s Prime Minister Jonas Gahr Støre has acknowledged Trump’s letter is real.
The letter reportedly ties Norway’s Nobel Peace Prize decision to Greenland, questions Denmark’s “right of ownership,” and declares the world isn’t secure unless the U.S. has… pic.twitter.com/c6lRJxS4qO
95 moons now. 2010? 60-70. In this simulation, they can add whatever they want. I’m still waiting for them to show the giant Jesus in the sky.
Now that silver is (finally) joining the stage, I decided to see about buying a couple of ounces of copper. About all I’m seeing are 1 oz rounds not coming out until next month or I am given the option to be alerted when back in stock. However, check out eBay if you’re inclined. There are people selling their collection, so not recent mint but pure .999 copper 1 oz rounds.
🚨 ALERT: COPPER IS GONE 🚨
This should stop everyone in their tracks.
The world’s largest online bullion exchange has COMPLETELY SOLD OUT OF COPPER.
Let that sink in.
Not paper contracts. Not futures. PHYSICAL. COPPER. GONE.
I’ve tried sharing similar things with locals to no avail. I did tell my mom she was watching a movie – actors – designed to wake her up to the truth of this reality. She said she just didn’t want to hear any more of what I had to say. I just shrug. Ok….
The more I read this post the more I feel like much more is going on than we realize. President Trump has been mentioning the Golden Dome. I find it interesting that Greenland is the closest land to the North Pole.
🚨Update: The airspace over Tabasco and Chiapas is currently clear. Very likely US Special Force will be paying a cordial visit to a certain Cartel leaders at their Mexican ranches to deliver a warrant to the New York Federal Court.
1 month until a 'ring of fire' annular solar eclipse puts on a show — mostly for penguins 17th. Antarctica.https://t.co/X9jsxUgBZv
— Luciana Nina Leone (Victoria IRL) (@nina_leone11) January 18, 2026
Doing some more Q drop sleuthing:
What did Q mean by "Make sure to learn Russian"? I'm wondering if it has to do with SCARE Event and the EBS coming via Putin. Thoughts? pic.twitter.com/GAqTZJbHqK
— Luciana Nina Leone (Victoria IRL) (@nina_leone11) January 19, 2026
Trump’s on stage pushing mid-term candidates. Meanwhile, I’m over here saying this. My days of voting are over. Casting a spell inside a system of evil in the hopes that this new person will represent us to the best of their ability and always remember who is the employer (US) and who is the employee (them).
He’s also saying this:
Metes – I’m wondering if this is a typo, or if it’s referring to justice?
The possible missing [R] could indicate RENEGADE or OBAMA. O’boo boo was a staunch parading puppet of climate change. We know there is a weather machine in Greenland. O’B made a lot of noise around “climate change”. Just wondering if the public reveal(s) of Greenland will blow up the climate change narrative and implicate all involved, including O’B. BTW, looking FMI, I found this interesting paper:
The single most shocking testimony in United States congressional history.
J.J. CARRELL: “I state without reservation that the United States federal government under Joe Biden and Kamala Harris is the world's largest child sex trafficking organization in modern… pic.twitter.com/h6B7WekjO3
A rare sight in British Columbia 🦅 A large group of bald eagles gathered across a snowy mountainside, an unusual moment for a species typically seen alone. pic.twitter.com/luJq0ZSg8V
I am seeing through the illusions of the programs, codes, and lies I have been under. I have finally seen the systemic abuse, the mind spell I’ve been under for decades by people who were supposed to f’ing love me, be my safe space.
I am allowing myself to see what this has truly done to me, especially my brain.
People like me may look fine on the outside, but on the inside, our brains are often offline. In survival mode. Freeze mode. Executive functioning has been offline, which means it is very difficult to make decisions. I see this all now. Clearly. And my days of questioning myself and judging myself are coming to an end. People say to forgive your abusers.
Fuck that.
Forgive YOURSELF for being a decent human who fell for their programmed narratives about you, for they are lies. Abusers project their own behaviors onto their victims. Awakening 101 basics here. We see it all over this reality. Blame the victim. System types create toxic realities, then blame the victim if they can’t keep up or perform to “their” expectations (which are most ALWAYS impossible to do).
No different what happens out there in that toxic cesspool of systems than what happens behind closed doors in our personal lives.
They slowly lure you in, feeling as familiar and sweet as mama’s homemade apple pie. Using tools such as psychological manipulation. Break you down slowly, where you start to question yourself and your reality. Where you question your version of events. Maybe it really IS me, you begin to think. Maybe I really am the problem here.
So you give in.
You apologize when you don’t need to.
You listen to the litany of things you are accused of doing, of being.
And slowly you start to believe it all.
When things really turn for the worse is when you stop trusting your instincts. It’s like your intuition goes offline.
Surely people cannot be THAT blind? That horrible?
Or can they?
Yeah, they can.
And pretty soon that sweet apple pie is nothing but a pile of mud on a garbage can lid while claiming it’s a tasty pie.
Those song lyrics come to mind.
I was blind.
But now, I see.
And I’m f’ing pissed the hell off.
And I am learning to love myself, probably for the first time in my life tbh.
Trusting myself.
Putting together the pieces of that fragmented puzzle and SEEING the clues I missed.
So uh yeah, the Awakening continues, for me, being less about what’s going on “out there” and much more about what’s going on inside of me.
There’s no price tag for that.
For now, here’s some excellent information on the damage done to the brain by abuse. Some of you may appreciate and need this.
💖
Victoria
*********
Daniel Ryan Cotler 2 hours ago · THE BRAIN DAMAGE NOBODY TALKS ABOUT Psychological Abuse Causes Measurable Brain Damage. It’s Time to Prosecute It. When someone physically assaults you, they can be charged with battery. When someone sexually assaults you, they can be charged with sexual assault. But when someone systematically abuses you psychologically for years, damaging your brain structure measurably and permanently, we call it “abuse” and often don’t prosecute at all.
This ends now.
The Neurological Battery: Measurable Brain Damage Survivors of psychological abuse don’t just feel traumatized. Their brains are damaged in measurable, documentable ways. Hippocampal Atrophy: The part of your brain responsible for memory, learning, and emotional regulation shrinks by up to twelve percent in abuse survivors. This causes the memory problems, learning difficulties, and emotional dysregulation you experience. Amygdala Hyperactivation: The threat-detection center of your brain becomes overactive, making you hypervigilant, anxious, and prone to panic attacks even in safe situations. Prefrontal Cortex Dysfunction: The part of your brain responsible for rational decision-making, planning, and executive function becomes impaired, explaining why you struggle with choices and forward planning.
Autonomic Nervous System Dysregulation: Your nervous system gets stuck in fight-or-flight mode, keeping your body in constant stress response.
This Is Equivalent to Torture Research shows that the neurological damage in psychological abuse survivors is indistinguishable from that documented in torture survivors and combat veterans. Your psychological abuse caused torture-level brain damage.
And currently, we have no adequate legal framework to prosecute this as the serious crime it is.
Neurological Battery: A New Legal Category In The Truth About Love-Bombing: Exposing Constructive Fraud of Intimacy, Daniel Ryan Cotler introduces Neurological Battery as a distinct crime: measurable brain damage inflicted through psychological abuse. This category allows prosecutors to charge psychological abusers with battery (causing bodily injury) based on documented brain damage, just as if they had physically assaulted you.
Because they did. They assaulted your brain.
From Victim-Blaming to Accountability Right now, survivors blame themselves for not recovering faster, not functioning better, not being “fixed” by therapy. But you suffered measurable brain damage. Your slow recovery isn’t weakness. It’s evidence of the severity of the abuse. Understanding that you have Neurological Battery, not just “trauma,” changes everything.
It changes how you view yourself. It changes how medical professionals treat you. It changes how prosecutors charge predators.
Available November 10th. The Truth About Love-Bombing: Exposing Constructive Fraud of Intimacy — The book that makes prosecuting brain damage possible. The voiceless are voiceless no more.
— Luciana Nina Leone (Victoria IRL) (@nina_leone11) January 17, 2026
🔥🔥🔥🔥 Whoa we had used the Comms from DJT on AF1 dated 1/4/26. When he said George HW Bush used the Insurrection Act “22 times” when he only used it twice!
And it led us right to the “events” on 34th St & Portland Ave in MN on 1/7/26. Then to the “Events” in the City of… pic.twitter.com/aeciwzfWHH
I’ve been watching Japan as Rose spoke of it as an end-game piece – especially around the $$ market$.
🚨 URGENT— A 🇺🇸 USAF F-35A Lightning II fighter jet has disappeared near 🇯🇵 Japan!
The advanced stealth aircraft transmitted an emergency squawk code **7700** (indicating a critical onboard situation) while flying over Japanese airspace, before vanishing completely from radar… pic.twitter.com/7mxKJOcWC9
Tucker Carlson says Vladimir Putin “kicked the money changers out of the temple” in Russia, saying it was a major shift in who held real power in the country.
He points to the early 2000s, when Putin moved against the oligarch class, including several wealthy Jewish oligarchs,… pic.twitter.com/fwIhpqQVBn
1,600+ earthquakes detected worldwide in the past 24 hours 🌍 Solar energy remains active as sunspot regions continue to flare ☀️ Aurora conditions are lining up for the next few nights 🌠
I was reflecting earlier today about people I don’t follow anymore – not because I don’t appreciate their work – it just feels more like that was an old timeline – or else we’re just, I don’t know – exhausted waiting for this Event to free us up to go where we each want to go and feel the way we want to feel with ease. I mean, remember when I was talking about seeing those kids I overalls, a big home in the woods, ocean nearby? How “real” was that? Was it just another timeline that collapsed? Because I’ll say this – I do not feel any of that particular place/space anymore. No connection to it. I’ve tried feeling into it – there’s nothing there. “Home” feels empty for me atm. Has for some time, tbh.
I’m also wondering if accepting Jesus as Savior is some sort of a spell (probably one of several) that, when spoken authentically, busts the matrix reincarnation program.
💖
Victoria
*********
I have never liked this theory – that is my cognitive dissonance – to hide from the deep frustration of loneliness I have felt my entire life – a feeling I want to not feel. But it is as it is, and strategically speaking, especially when we discuss Frequency and each of us holding the codes of Awakening that spreads to others while breaking down the matrix grid, this makes sense logically.
I truly pray 🙏 you understand this:
{{{OPERATION WET BLANKET}}}
"A dampened blanket can be used to smother a fire" 🔥
When the shift occurs, how do you quell left-wing violence?
You open the vault. You take away their fuel/drive.
.@POTUS: "No country can afford to take in millions of people, pay for their education, their health care, their hospitals … Many of those people are murderers … Starting February 1, we're not making any payments to sanctuary cities … because they do everything possible to… pic.twitter.com/8pgtUVBxBR
Here is a declassified CIA document on MKULTRA where they openly discuss drugging the population.
"Drugs placed in food, water, coca-cola, beer, liquor, cigarettes… or even VACCINATIONS… that slowly create anxiety, hopelessness, tension or crushing depression over long… pic.twitter.com/de5kAA1oPz
BREAKING: U.S. Secret Service Agent Assigned to VP JD Vance Leaks Sensitive Security Information to Undercover Reporter.
Escotto is a holdover from the Biden administration and stated that he voted for Joe Biden, while expressing opposition to ICE & the Trump administration’s… pic.twitter.com/AyAjrt3XY4
Tomas Escotto, a current U.S. Secret Service agent on Vice President JD Vance’s protective detail, was recorded on hidden camera providing an undercover journalist with sensitive security information, including protective formations, shift schedules, travel plans, & real-time locations.
The Secret Service agent detailed how the Vice President is physically surrounded, described multiple daily shift changes, & disclosed advance security procedures.
In addition to past movements, the agent revealed future travel plans, sometimes days in advance. Escotto even sent images from Air Force Two while onboard with the Vice President.
Despite acknowledging that he signed paperwork prohibiting the disclosure of sensitive information, the Secret Service agent repeatedly shared details with someone he believed was a casual romantic interest.
While the safety of the Vice President and his family was always our top priority, what OMG uncovered raises serious questions about operational security, protocol compliance, and oversight within the U.S. Secret Service.
Our team coordinated with the U.S. Secret Service ahead of publication, redacted sensitive operational details at their request.
We were just informed Tomas Escotto has been placed on administrative leave with his clearance suspended and access to agency facilities and systems revoked.
If possible, just change the environment for a few minutes. Go outside and focus on greenery or find a soothing indoor space with a pleasant view or ambiance.
2. Stretch for five minutes to move any blocked energy
Often, after upsetting news or a shock, our bodies respond by freezing and energy gets blocked. A few simple trunk twists, neck rotations, or bends at the hip to touch the toes can help shift stagnant energy.
3. Take a warm shower or bath
Treat yourself with soothing body wash or bubbles and a fresh, soft towel afterward.
4. Soothing imagery
Find soothing things to look at such as a burning candle, soft lights, pictures of loved ones, favorite places, or perhaps some framed inspirational resilience quotes or affirmations.
Create pleasant smells by using an essential oil diffuser, scented candle, or incense. Also, try using scented hand lotion.
7. Self-compassion
Speak compassionately to yourself aloud. Talk to yourself like a good friend would. Give yourself the grace to be off-balance and the space to just be as you are for a while.
California… 🧐🤔 Multiple bystanders claim they captured the same moment on their phones: a massive iridescent cloud stretching across the sky, glowing with shifting rainbow colors. Drivers reportedly slowed to a stop. People were heard gasping in disbelief. No filters, no… pic.twitter.com/niI6mRTkZB
I think back to the eclipse, August 2017, Melania and Trump on the balcony at the WH discussing Mars and the Moon (The Gunner’s Wife YOUTUBE lip read which has since been taken down). Remember my recent post where I was doing some zooming around on Google Earth in Greenland?
so if the United States takes Greenland – I guess that means we have the Moon & Mars?
THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS – if you can't wrap your head around this – then you're not thinking big enough.
I was making myself some chocolate cake for my b-day tomorrow, singing a little song. My girl walks over and says, “ok, Mom, time to go back on your meds”. 😅 Here is what she heard: Another one bakes a cake. do do do do do Another one bakes a cake. And another slice gone, and another slice gone, another one bakes a cake. Hey, you gotta get yours too, another piece of chocolate cake.
I personally thought it was a cute little tune. And the world needs some cake tonight.
The Justice Department has launched an unprecedented criminal investigation against the Federal Reserve and its chairman, Jerome Powell. For his part, Powell made it clear he was fed up with what he sees as a threat from President Trump and said he would not capitulate to political pressure when shaping economic policy. Amna Nawaz reports.
— Luciana Nina Leone (Victoria IRL) (@nina_leone11) January 13, 2026
JUST IN🇷🇺🇪🇺🇺🇦Putin orders Russian military to immediate shoot down any British, German, American and Western aircraft or cargo planes that refueling or Landing in Western #Ukraine.
☝️ Looking at European ruling elite’s hysteria, I think they cannot believe what they are saying, they cannot believe their own statements that Russia is going to attack NATO. But they convince their own population of it. So what kind of people are they? They are either very… pic.twitter.com/phaqRcCaqx
i will also say this: this entire generation lost so much of their childhood the bullshit lockdown on COVID including my own child. they lost time friends activities and that created trauma in their bodies that was never recognized never treated and people wonder what the problem… https://t.co/tn4srIOuRb
— Luciana Nina Leone (Victoria IRL) (@nina_leone11) January 12, 2026
This is fascinating! How dirt floors were cared for in cabins built by the frontiersmen. pic.twitter.com/PbRgpU5nI2
ok so I had this thought – strategy – which I have become quite good at (it keeps me f’ing sane when I am feeling at the end and want it all over YESTERDAY)…VK said this long ago:
I watched Conspiracy Theory last night – again. Had the nudge. WHAT IF what falls are people’s spells – the programming.
WHAT IF the WH is using MK ULTRA-like subliminal programming in all MSM programming
slowing, breaking the spells.
That way, people aren’t cut off from their programs.
They’re watching AND getting deprogrammed w/o even f’ing knowing it.
I have new people following me on X. My posts are receiving even less views and next to no engagements.
Why? One, because people lost in the narcissistic program are hypocrites, and two, if it isn’t on the media 24/7, it either didn’t happen or doesn’t matter.
🚨 BREAKING: The Secret Service just found a "SUSPICIOUS OBJECT" at Palm Beach International airport, and President Trump's motorcade was adjusted, Karoline Leavitt says
Trump is now wheels up aboard AIR FORCE ONE for Washington, D.C.
The New Banking Rule No One Is Talking About: Basel III Endgame 🏦⚖️
I actually liked how Asian Guy broke down Basel III Endgame, because even though this rule officially went live on January 1st, most people still have no idea how big this is, especially for silver.
— Luciana Nina Leone (Victoria IRL) (@nina_leone11) January 11, 2026
WHOA, THIS IS SHOCKING! 😳🤯😳🤯
Looking at this list of U.S. Government agency proxies BASED IN ISRAEL, it would be quite reasonable to suggest that the U.S. are in fact, running a counterfeit shadow government operation there, OR IS IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND?!?!
🚨Update: President Trump has ordered the United States to officially withdrawn from the UN Register of Conventional Arms.
UNROCA works closely with the UN Arms Trade Treaty and requires participating countries to submit detailed import and export reports. These reports include… pic.twitter.com/00nCpHPv3N
OPERATION WARP SPEED. Remember GEORGE news showed that video on YOUTUBE back in 2020 – they showed military hauling in boxes alleged to be vaccines, but zooming in, the boxes were marked as carrying LITHIUM BATTERIES. Still trying to figure this out because clearly we know people were jabbed with things that made them sick, even caused death. Seen it in my own family. And some continue to emit a frequency that causes radiation-type burns. After thinking that nonsense was over, I had another two appear on my body last year, on the same side, within days of one another. Took 3 months for them to heal. And I have a scar – a burn scar – that is still healing. So who really knows? It’s maddening as fuch, I will tell you that.
🚨RFK Jr & Dr. Judy Mikovits drop a BOMBSHELL:
"Operation Warp Speed was a MILITARY OP run by NSA & Pentagon—NOT health experts! Not Moderna. Not Pfizer. Vaccines were built by war contractors!" pic.twitter.com/6Jzf9y7UMb
is ra el (which is not about a country or land – it's about an AGENDA originally created by the "invisible enemy") https://t.co/o54nedWvlV
— Luciana Nina Leone (Victoria IRL) (@nina_leone11) January 11, 2026
And now there are 3…..
⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️THREE NUCLEAR WAR COMMAND AND CONTROL PLANES AIRBORNE OVER THE U.S.!! SOMETHING IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN!! VERY UNUSUAL FOR A SUNDAY AFTERNOON pic.twitter.com/eS8bNoVcad
🚨EXPOSED: Where the HELL Are Maduro & His Wife? They're NOT in BOP Custody – Safehouse Deal with Trump? 😱🇻🇪🇺🇸
The plot thickens, folks… Maduro and Cilia Flores get "arrested" in that dramatic Delta Force raid, extradited to the US – but they're GHOSTS in the system!
This interview is as serious as a heart attack because in this, the gentleman speaking accuses former VP @Mike_Pence of complicity in alleged child trafficking ring. And this man is a very credible source who is clearly sticking his neck out. @realDonaldTrump@AGPamBondi… https://t.co/oUL8TCKeyI
Even when the outside world feels chaotic or unsafe, learning to calm your nervous system can help you stay anchored and confident, making it easier to engage with others.
BREAKING – Video showing liberals being trained to fight with federal agents and ICE at a North Carolina church is resurfacing, with viewers demanding a crack down on organizations funding and encouraging radicalization.
Q post 1111 from April 9, 2018. BIG month. +Military start.
Once upon a time, a country that stole land and slaughtered millions, liked it and decided to take control of other countries, starting with America, and in time added in Canada, the UK, and Australia, walked into a bar and said, “Hey, let’s get rid of social media so we can silence truth”….
JUST IN: UK, Canada and Australia consider coordinated plan to ban X.
Good question. And yet, not surprising. I’ve been saying for months that there are is ra el moles within ICE. The enemy infiltrated everywhere. Literally.
WHY the hell does ICE have a field office in ISRAEL?!?!
Something tells me they aren’t just going to come after “illegals”…
This is BEYOND SERIOUS & EVERYONE should be asking questions.
No surprise here….I think her Laura Ingalls purity image has just gone nuclear…
Breaking ‼️🚨. Melissa Gilbert (wife of Timothy Busfield) has taken down her Instagram account as of January 10, 2026. Melissa uploaded multiple pictures of RANDOM children to her Instagram account. No matter what the global pedophile cabal members do, the internet IS forever and… https://t.co/rFmOCyWNJIpic.twitter.com/GclCqQTz8j
Minneapolis (Jan. 10) — Thousands of left-wing radicals and extremists protest in support of open borders. Many are holding violent signs. Anti-ICE protesters have been urging murders in their rallies. pic.twitter.com/OoGWIVAHkf
Beef is BACK! Whole milk is BACK! Butter is BACK! Bacon is BACK! Eggs are BACK!
The war on real, nutrient-dense food is over.
Are you ready to enjoy eating again?
MAHA
— ⁿᵉʷˢ Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (@RobertKennedyJc) January 10, 2026
An Argentine woman is sounding the alarm, urging the world to pay attention to the devastating wildfires in Argentina and insisting they were anything but natural.
She says the fires wiped out what she calls their paradise, deliberately burning it to the ground, and claims the… pic.twitter.com/EFlrj1frot
Annie Machon, a former MI5 agent, reveals how Mossad setup a false flag by bombing their own Israeli embassy in London in 1994 and blamed it on Palestinian activists pic.twitter.com/UnlPgtSbQH
😭 20 years ago – former neighbors from Palestine – would hear this and say “yes”. They opened our eyes to the truth.
'They shot her in the vagina, for protesting. They shot over 200 people that day. They have a policy of shoot to cripple.'@AbbyMartin explains her first hand experiences in Israel. pic.twitter.com/wd2vsDuJGn
Is she freaking NUTS?? Bringing a baby to one of these events???
🚨 JUST IN: Liberals are now showing up with their BABIES in Minneapolis hoping any police or federal agents won’t crowd control them when things get unruly and dangerous
Freaking EVIL people.
Don’t bring your little child to the left’s riots.
Jan. 19-23…….interesting time frame…as I have sensed 1.20 timeframe…and the Q post (date 11.1) that references when OPS go down POTUS will be insulated abroad…
Trump isn't going to Davos to negotiate—he's delivering terms of surrender.
His team has already withdrawn from 66 globalist bodies and is tracking the money behind domestic chaos.
— Luciana Nina Leone (Victoria IRL) (@nina_leone11) January 11, 2026
JUST IN: 🇺🇸🇻🇪 United States used mysterious weapon during raid to capture Nicolás Maduro, leaving Venezuelan soldiers bleeding and vomiting, NY Post reports.
"We all started bleeding from the nose. Some were vomiting blood. We fell to the ground, unable to move. We couldn't… pic.twitter.com/teYma8Ulmf
I'm sorry but there is just no way this is coincidence. Either the future overlaps the past and writers catch an unknowing glimpse or someone knew and saw the future 40 years ahead. pic.twitter.com/B7fWUmUOzf
People say, “Just reach out.” But when you’ve spent your life being shut down, ignored, or punished for having basic needs. Reaching out feels like walking into fire. Fucking impossible.
Feeeeeeeels. And it has not helped one bit when I have had others say, “I am here for you,” but I am expected to do the reaching out. Some days I just can’t, especially when it has been a particularly difficult day, and I have reached out to a few and don’t hear back. My nervous system/body says, “We’re done – cannot take one more event of silence”.
· Desperate for Connection, Paralyzed by Fear: Trauma’s Cruel Dilemma One of the cruelest effects of complex trauma is how our nervous systems become equally desperate for connection and terrified of it. Any interaction can feel potentially dangerous. We focus on detecting threats and protecting ourselves, but we can’t protect and connect at the same time. So, superficial connections feel safer, not with people who are close by or long known, but with internet acquaintances and occasional emails. For years I have not been able to bring myself to write to my oldest and dearest friends. It’s a horrible feeling to be unable to respond. It’s excruciating, like having my hand caught in a rat trap. I want so badly to free myself, but I can’t do it alone and I don’t get nearly the support I need. It’s a process that requires care, help, and time. I’ve been trying to write a thank-you note to my dear friend Cindy. She’s been a beacon of kindness and love for years. But I can’t write to her. My nervous system is terrified of intimacy, vulnerability, closeness, and love, all the things I deserve in relationships and once had before medicine messed me up so badly that I almost died three times. My nervous system is trapped between two powerful forces. These are the 200,000,000-year-old deep need for connection and the 300,000,000-year-old need for protection. This is the overwhelming fear trauma has instilled around intimacy and vulnerability. The closeness and love that could help me heal are the things that trigger my protective mechanisms, isolating me from the people I care about the most. Repeated betrayal trauma by caregivers and others in power has trained my nervous system to consider relationships, even with the most loving and safe people, as potential threats. Trauma hijacks our natural need for closeness, creating a vicious cycle where the very things that could help me feel safer and more whole—love, connection, and intimacy—are the things I feel I must protect myself from. Superficial connections feel safer because of the distance, control, and less perceived risk of being overwhelmed or hurt. But the struggle to reach out to someone like Cindy, who’s been a beacon of kindness, feels like hitting an invisible wall I can’t break through, no matter how much I wish. That feeling of being unable to respond, despite knowing what I want to say or do, is like being trapped in isolation. Knowing that this inability to respond is trauma’s doing—not who I am—dissolves the shame, but it doesn’t resolve the issue. Even though I know how much I value the people in my life, expressing that or engaging too often feels impossible. But maybe just acknowledging how hard it is to engage, even with those I love, could be a small step toward releasing that trap, little by little. I deserve and need to reclaim my birthright to love and connection
Just as important. Got a movie or two for the rest of the evening.
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Today I was thinking about division – it is “their” operating tool.
Combine that with the narcissistic frequency program and it makes it VERY easy here TO divide.
I see the program on the left with the woke narrative and the pronouns and non-binary lunacy.
I see the program on the right with the rugged individualistic capitalistic I GOT MINE, GET YOURS lunacy.
NEITHER side believes the other side has a damn thing worthy of being listened to.
If I could, I would insert a giant collective Pill of CHILL into this reality.
Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath.
Go inward.
Unless you can be The Observer (which is a challenge to do at times – I get that):
Stop watching the chaos.
Stop identifying WITH it.
Stop giving it a label or even a story.
Just S T O P.
OMG my inner Me is screaming JUST EFFING STOP.
Stop the noise.
I feel like the Grinch, only I’m not the Grinch. I have a heart. I’m just f’ing done having it betrayed and pounded, you know?
I went to the store tonight. This is the second time I have noticed people are suddenly louder in their talk. Like REALLY loud. There was a group of 20 somethings talking so loud I could hear them on the other end of the store. As I got to the front of the store to check out, their talk was so loud I had to plug my ears. If that wasn’t UGH enough, there was a man in there, probably 40 or so, shopping with a woman. At first, I thought he was mentally challenged, so I gave him some grace. However, observing him some more, I realized he was either just a clueless asshat or he was drugged up on something. His eyes looked similar to Charles Manson. Freaked. me. out. I was so uncomfortable. His moves were erratic and unpredictable. He ended up standing right next to me as I bagged my groceries (as quickly as I could, seeing he was now in the line I had been in), talking very loudly to the clerk about his non-binary status. Totally lost in the program. I could see it and feel it, and his energy was very uncomfortable to be around, so I finished bagging as fast as I could, then suddenly said, loudly, “I AM A FEMALE” and got out.
Talk about matrix attacks. I still let them get to me. After enough of them, I have to assert my boundary. Loudly. I don’t know how to do it any other way these days. But deep within I also know Truth rises to the top – sometimes loudly at first – but it remains solid and quiet.
I also don’t know how to look at things that are clearly fucked up and total bullshit without including those words (more on that below for a nice validating analysis). Like when Dan Scavino Jr is on stage talking about job seekers being denied employment because they lack whatever bullshit requirements employers demand these days. In what reality, Divinely Created, do we require controlled banking scores to determine worthiness of employment, much less what other reality that is also Divinely Created requires we pay it to survive?
It’s
All
Fucking
Bullshit.
ALL of it.
The PSYOPS.
The division.
Just U G H. ENOUGH.
We’re all tired.
All spent.
Our Souls have been contained FAR too long.
Waiting on this endless train of insanity, waking up Minds along the way.
So, all on the train who are still fully immersed in the division part of the game, who think the problem is the human with the rainbow shirt sitting next to you or the human with the MAGA hat standing beside you, you are looking with eyes, mind, and heart still closed. The enemy hoodwinked us all.
So WAKE THE FUCK UP and SEE the bullshit.
PLEASE.
Some of us KNOW we have LIVING to do and are tired of waiting FOR it.
no different than what MAGA did to program the right into believing THEIR way was THE truth as well. BREAK THE SPELL END THE FUCKING DIVISION https://t.co/WGQFXCjmcZ
— Luciana Nina Leone (Victoria IRL) (@nina_leone11) January 10, 2026
— Luciana Nina Leone (Victoria IRL) (@nina_leone11) January 10, 2026
EYES ON – landed in LAX Thursday (yesterday):
WHOA – the Doomsday Plane landed at LAX for the first time in its 51 year history…
Now read the bottom of Drop 51:
"Dear Patriot. We hear you. We hear all Americans such as yourself. The time has come to take back our great land. The time is now. Rest assured POTUS is backed… https://t.co/3LoltMMSb5pic.twitter.com/0ly4dcNuPs
She clearly hit him with her vehicle before speeding off. Officer used self-defense.
BODYCAM FOOTAGE
Renee didn’t “panic.” She didn’t “accidentally move.” She didn’t “get scared and hit the wrong pedal.” She aimed that car at an ICE agent and stomped the gas. That’s the truth. And anybody pretending they don’t see that is lying on purpose.
— Luciana Nina Leone (Victoria IRL) (@nina_leone11) January 9, 2026
🧵🧵🧵 I am pinning this Grok conversation for anyone who wants to take the time. It has gotten quite long and is at times personal in nature as it was never intended to be public. I’m doing so because I feel that anyone who reads it will benefit ⬇️https://t.co/xZFnyDBBLNpic.twitter.com/ZdXnHWaBUJ
— Luciana Nina Leone (Victoria IRL) (@nina_leone11) January 9, 2026
The truth is quickly drowning out the media/system’s narrative:
Yesterday, two suspected Tren de Aragua gang associates—let loose on American streets by Joe Biden—weaponized their vehicle against Border Patrol in Portland. The agent took immediate action to defend himself and others, shooting them.
RED ENVELOPE at the 26 sec mark and notice how at the end she says "MR PRESIDENT" a strange thing to call your husband even if he is President https://t.co/vOcMzVX9nZ
— Luciana Nina Leone (Victoria IRL) (@nina_leone11) January 9, 2026
I was heavily conditioned to be a nice girl (as in pleasing and quiet and putting everyone first). It about destroyed me. Thankfully I never fully lost sight of the Lionness within.
Did you know C.S. Lewis predicted the modern obsession with “being nice” would destroy the soul?
In The Abolition of Man, Lewis argues that when a society stops believing in objective virtue, it doesn’t become tolerant… it becomes manipulable.
