Category: The Matrix

(i wish to thank sister D for guiding me in this direction.)

i can really relate to her words – in particular the passion part and the ways in which the matrix attacks those the most who are awake – attempting to “make it” and share our message with the world.  it is time to Unite Together and create a dynamic energy field – our own – be supportive of one another – TRULY being supportive as in interaction, giving what we can, building our own community even at the distance level.

i have had this feeling too that we are in the middle space –  not in the old but not in the new.  the term “purgatory” has been going through my mind lately.  as a “former” catholic i am quite familiar w/the term and it does seem to be a suitable one for where we are now.  not in hell but not in heaven (so still feels like hell at times).  hell being here/underworld – heaven being home (Original Creation).

anyway – i sense a change in her.  more grounded.  softer.  i admire her strength – her courage.  that happens as you pull yourself away from this false reality in which we have resided in.  i just had an image of walking down a hallway – a hallway lined with agent smith’s throwing knives your way – laughing – yelling – accusing and other attacks.  they can look like smith’s or they can look like your family, your partner, etc.  KNOWING these attacks are an illusion – aren’t about YOU – even though they sting and you feel it viscerally in these vessels – they are STILL NOT. ABOUT. YOU.  and the more you stand and face them – say “NO” or whatever words/action you choose – the more empowered at that quiet space you become.  today was a royal bitching circus for me and i stood solid throughout as best as i can – focusing intensely when i was able to not slip into old thought patterns of helplessness.  i know i need to practice not powering over another or using the energy of others to get what i need or to protect myself – and to stop feeding the powerless storyline.  it is tempting – oh today it was tempting – but if i am to walk the talk i KNOW that is ALL old ways of being that 1) isn’t WHO I AM and 2) is NOT what i wish to participate in therefore it is NOT what i will choose to create.  do i want to create more of the same movie script or do i want to create what is REAL and PURE?

although…….when money is a part of the equation and i hear “follow your heart – don’t worry about the money” – i feel i have something practical to add to that piece as i have been following my heart and thinking outside of the box for years – and my passions alone don’t pay the bills – well – not yet.  open to what is new – truly supportive – and oh to feel safe in just being me and having that be enough.  

love,

victoria