I awoke this morning with such an overwhelming and I mean overwhelming need for purpose and connection.  It is a survival thing ~ an energetic soul survival thing.  Without either, my Soul suffers.  And overall, I have had the bucket not nearly to the level I need with both.

I’m pretty sure many of you can relate.

So I did a deep release ~ from the gut.  Wept.  One of those intensely messy cries where I was crying out PLEASE let me have a sense of PURPOSE and CONNECTION.  I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED this!  After this release, I had a vision of a piano and thought “hmmm I wonder if the piano’s are around town now”.  Once a year my community places piano’s throughout the city in honor of a local festival.  I then was reminded how, weeks and weeks back, I was told “your music will set you free” which only triggered me as I have shared my music over the years mostly for free and felt I have done all I can do with it.  I still noticed the vision and follow up thought and felt “synchronicity” was in the air.

So….after breakfast, I decided to go to one of the large craft stores ~ took my girl so she could get some doll supplies and me some beading supplies.  I put on my “cosmic condom” as I call it (protection bubble) and headed out.  After the craft store visit, I decided to visit the store that has had the piano display in years past.  Sure enough, there saw a beautiful little spinnet, just waiting for someone to play it.  After getting my food, I decided to sit down and play.  Within moments I had a small group of people, giving me requests.  Little children were dancing.  It was….amazing!  People were taking pictures, videos.  After one of my songs a man walked over to me, complimented my music and asked if I ever hire out for gigs.

Wow.

So we talked, exchanged business cards.

When I finished playing, a couple of the little children came over and thanked me for playing.  Oh it was so touching.  They weren’t older than 4/5.

If anything, this gave me that sense of purpose.  A little spark.  And I also had a few really nice connections with some of you today that meant a lot.

Are we this needy?  Is it because we are living such artificial/superficial lives ~ contrary to what we really and i mean REALLY desire and who we are?

I feel this, yes.

Emotional/spiritual/mental deprivation of any kind for long term brings out that huuuuuuuuuuuuuuge empty state inside and loooooooooooooongs to be filled.

That, my friends, is why we long for the transformation.  The return to Who We Are.  Connections.  Purpose.  Freedom.  Just typing those words brings out a deep sigh.

Here is to that return.

Love,

Victoria

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lots of speak now of the lunar eclipse (of which as i continue this piece and post it, has already passed).  as i shared yesterday, i am not giving my energy to that.  i thought of the moon after i woke up this morning.  how many decades have we heard from docs/nurses in ER rooms how accidents, erratic behavior increases during the full moon?  calls to 9/11.  etc.  etc.

this is enough for me to know this construct we call “moon” is artificial.  i have heard it works in conjunction w/saturn as a receiver – beaming down negative frequencies.  disruptive.  there is also ample video/photographic footage showing bases on the lunar surface (bruce sees all – youtube – has the most recent and imo, excellent footage).

all of the planets here – the sun – the moon – are simulations of the real thing.  i have an inner knowing that where i have once created, we had real sun(s) and moons and other planetary objects.  and they worked WITH us – not against us.  they were beneficial.  helpful.  not used for some nefarious purpose.

it’s so sad ~ if this is all a giant simulation, so much of it is really beautiful. still struggling w/the totality of that concept.  at this point i feel like that television show during the 70’s – where 3 people came on stage, all claiming to be the same person.  2 were “fake” – one was authentic.  i am ready to state “will the REAL x y z please stand up now”.  waiting around, trying to decipher the truth of what is real and what isn’t ~ kinda done with that part of the journey.

the real planets – that is what i focus on now.  what is REAL.  i call them forth.

i pause as i re-read these words.  i reflect.  who i am – where i was in the beginning of this journey, who i am today.  i try not to hold beliefs any longer but rather, go within and feeeeeeeeel what resonates.  in doing so, i remain fluid, not fixated on a particular outcome so strongly i forget to bend when i need to bend, expand and change course when i need to do that as well.

today i felt – again – some grieving – feeling i am about ready to say good-bye to what once was.  how will this look upon transition?  who and what will i see? who will i not see?  i get that way – kinda comes w/the package that is me – even upon a good change i mourn.  and it isn’t mourning what has hurt necessarily, but mourning the moments of beauty and purity – mourning the love that has been mixed in with the lack of and…(deep breath)…realizing how i could have been more present in those moments of divine love, purity.  so much distracts me – such a ridiculous program i took on.

i am also seeing and sensing deeply the preciousness of life.  the innocence – my innocence.  that has been very present in my mind and in my heart.

as far as physical stuff, a sense of clumsiness is in the air – affecting all in this household to varying degrees.  moving the vessel slower and with intent/focus is quite important now.  had another glass breakage – this time a glass candle holder my mate and i bought once upon a time when it was just the 2 of us.  it was always placed outside – sometimes we would put a tealight candle in it, lite it and sit outside.  it felt strange – feels strange – seeing it break.  all my mate did was touch it w/the broom – he was sweeping away some cobwebs.  the thing immediately fell and i swear, shattered into hundreds of pieces out in the gravel.  as my mate said “it’s as though it wanted to leave.  maybe it’s a representation of what is happening to this realm.”

i could not argue against that.  possibly, i said, as i paused and reflected while i helped him clean up the broken glass.  so emotional right now – just reliving the experience, typing these words, i feel the emotions well up in my throat.  it’s been a ride – one in which i know many if not all of us wish to end and go forth on a new adventure.  adventureS.  for now, remembering the innocence and preciousness of love and connection.  because, you know, those moments ~ that’s what matters more than anything.

love,

victoria

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