Today ~ Where are we? Why is “out there” still the same? And Why am I SO BORED??!!

 

boredom has been a theme for awhile now.  i noticed it about a year and a half ago ~ around the time i opened up this site for public viewing.  it has waxed and waned and now is full on boredom for me.  everything new i do feels like a distraction from the life i really want.  it can make one feel rather nutso ~ knowing you are a creative being.  knowing who you are (or at least having a growing awareness ~ enough of an inner “feel” to KNOW that all of this “out there” doesn’t work for who the inner ME is) creates that experience.  a total, completely out-of-alignment feel.  i don’t know what to do about it.  making plans for the upcoming local event ~ making bracelets, practicing music to play and getting some supplies together to promote my book and other self-creations doesn’t inspire me the way it would have years ago.  it’s this feeling like “been down this road ~ this think/be/do outside of the box” for SO MANY YEARS that i fully know:

I NEED A NEW SAND BOX TO PLAY IN.

P E R I O D.

i have known this for years.  yearSSSSSS.

with each creation i create in this realm, i come back to this knowing.

i thought about the local musicians ~ just in my neighborhood.  how often i have attempted to join in with them and jam.  when we HAVE ~ well they seem to enjoy themselves and comment “wow you are really good”.  i am, yes.  it is a gift i have.  and yet follow-ups to connect and “play” ~ nothing happens.  my efforts – my actions – leading to no results.  1 + 1 is SUPPOSED to equal 2, not 0.

this is no longer a game i am interested in playing or in figuring out. 

let it go to let it flow, right?

in an environment of Pure Divine and Freedom, yes.

but here?  this is not been my experience.  perhaps in a once in awhile situation but overall?  no.  so sorry to burst the bubble in these law of attraction and similar books.  those theories simply have not worked for this goddess.  not in this reality.

the stress in the household is at an all-time high.  mate is stressed out ~ his computer crashed or at least it is doing some funky things.  after mine zonked out yesterday i thought “ok well we have his good computer and the turtle computer” (the laptop that is very slow and has a wonky built-in mouse).  i am ultra sensitive to intense energies and inner me says SHUSH IT to all that does not align with my desired inner experience.

i need calm.

i need quiet.

i need peace.

i need love.  support.

so i now sit and breathe deeply ~ tap away feelings that do not serve me and state

I AM CALM

I AM QUIET

I AM PEACE

I AM LOVE

and as the piece of paper states below my water, “GO HOME NOW DIVINE NEW EARTH THANK YOU”.

i have seen it.  i have been there.  i KNOW it is “real”.

if for some twisted reason this is not to happen in this cycle, then i will put the pedal to the medal and seek to join together and create this community here in this realm.  raise the funds.  buy the land.  how much longer are we willing to wait?  i’m at the end of that rope called patience.  it isn’t because i lack this trait.  it is because i am tired of soothing the inner me that wants it. desires it.  calls it forth.  she is no longer sooth~able.  no more placating.

love does in the now.  i could sure use a lot more of that.

other than that, the g.i. stuff continues although i did figure out part of the cause of my lower back muscle pain ~ riding my bike.  well it isn’t so much riding my bike as it is riding on these failing streets.  we have potholes and cracks all over the place and i am not exaggerating.  it makes for a very bumpy ride.  our roads alone resemble a crumbling, 3rd world nation and yet i live in one of the most exclusive, wealthiest communities in the state. no joke.  it is as though all of the wealth was sucked outta the communities and placed into the pockets of the controllers.  imagine that.  (sarcasm)

that is all for now~

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victoria

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