As I was driving around today, attempting to focus my thoughts when all I really wanted to do was go back home and sleep, the word “discombobulated” went through my mind. Â We all have those days where we head out with the desire to find a few items only to find ourselves unable to find what we were looking for in the first place. Â Now likely if I had listened to my own desires and stayed home and rested/slept and headed out tomorrow or the next day, I likely would have found what I was wanting. Easily. Â Just like finding that artwork yesterday. Â There was such a flow yesterday. Â Today was the exact opposite, that is until I took my child to the park and vented out my frustrations on paper and then, re-reading my thoughts and knowing “this is not the state-of-mind I wish to be in”, I finished up the venting with this one: Â “i will instead find my sanctuary of peace within.”
She is there – somewhere. Â Just having a struggle of it today. Â When at one of my stops the clerk asked how I was enjoying the first day of fall. Â I replied yesterday was a much more peaceful day for me within. Â Today I feel that pain in the blank experience of old stuff wanting attention ~ this time it is ME that wants love. Â I don’t need to just release the old stuff ~ I need to be in tune with what I really want – LOVE. Â Peace. Â Respect. Attention.
That last one – attention – something I have perfected in giving away to others while neglecting myself. Â How often have I thought “how SELFISH they are” – when in truth, it is an act of self-love.
Is it indeed possible for me to be so in love with myself, I release all expectations towards others? Â Is it possible to be at such peace with myself that the reactions of others have no affect on me?
In my discombobulated state, I am able to find truth in that.
