I don’t know what was behind my dreams last night as in I’m not sure if they were truly mine – if I was seeing truth.  Perhaps a mix.  First dream I’m seeing DJT Jr. – being asked if he’s going to be his father’s running mate.  He had tears in his eyes and told the journalist he would have to ask his father that question.  I then saw a profile of DJT (similar to my last dream experience of him) – and saw a light all around him as well as strong emotion (of joy) in his eyes.

Next dream was something about a mission (and not sure if it was a good one – was seeing a mission for someone but don’t know who) – and something about 240,000 seconds (which is about 3 days).  I woke up feeling A LOT of anxiety after that one – body trembling all over.

It’s hard to know what is real here and what isn’t.  What is ours – what isn’t.  What is truth – what is a lie/deception.  I went for a drive tonight to reflect on all of it.  I turned on the radio – and first station is some stewpid programmed bot female talking about “white privilege” and how the white people today have to OWN our part for the slavery in the past.  lololol  My gawd – ignorant to the extreme.  Whites have been slaves.  Blacks have been slaves.  Asians have been slaves.  There is only EVIL ELITE PRIVILEGE reserved for those who SELL OUT.  P E R I O D.  I mean – I’m white – but I’m f’ing hardly privileged.  I’ve had my right to make an income all but stripped away from me.  I’ve had my medical freedom trampled on.  I’ve been abused and attacked for standing up for FREEDOM.  All of it has left me impoverished and trapped – only a small handful of people who help support me and encourage me.  And yet – I’m white and for that reason alone I have privilege.  Oh – and I have to look back at previous generations of slaves and own my part (even though it’s highly likely I was one of those incarnated enslaved beings at the time in this f’ing prison and wouldn’t THAT be a f’ing mind trip).

Yeah…..

N O T!

There is a growing feeling of “battle fatigue” and some intense depression/anxiety among those who feel they don’t belong here (the empaths as I shared in my previous “finds” piece tonight).  We seem to have been “hit” the most and struggle the most to hold the line.  It doesn’t help when many are alone – have lost jobs, family, income and nothing new comes along no matter what they do.  It’s really hard now isn’t it?  I spent an hour out in the living room this morning – before everyone woke up – alone – thinking about this – trying to “think my way” into something new.  I honestly don’t know what else to do.  Money stops and prevents so much and ain’t nothing I can do about that.  We can work hard and diligently on creating a new thought and new perception and all of that – but the heart never lies – never deceives.  When something is f’d up – we know it and no amount of thinking to the contrary will switch that heart intelligence.

Oh I have fantasies of what I want to do to these para$itic controllers.  The local officials who have made it ok to tack on over $25 extra on my utility bill – taxes disguised as fees – on services I either never use or they don’t abide by – like the road maintenance “fee” – which I’ve been paying on for 15 years and our roads are worse than ever.  But good luck calling and complaining.  They’ll shut off your service if you don’t pay for these non-utility related “fees”.  I can pay for my water use and all associated fees – but refuse to pay the street maintenance fee?  They’ll cut ya off.  And they get away with it.  Evil keeps getting away with their games.

My mate keeps saying “we gotta get outta here” – which makes me want to scream sometimes.  Tell me something I don’t know. !  And all the while – I continue looking for a new place – networking – and trying to find SOME work at home opp. that doesn’t take f’ing paypal.  Then there is the emotional challenges my girl is experiencing – REALLY experiencing now.  She sent me a collection of meme’s going back to 2018 – of how she feels.  As a mama – this makes me LIVID at this plan at times – LIVID at how people we thought cared about her totally pulled away – and LIVID at the absolute lack of support from family – and people I thought cared about her.  She has just her dad and I now.  That is IT – just the two of us – who have her back or really care about her emotional/mental health.  If it isn’t loving or supportive – it’s getting a big boot-in-the-face from mama bear.

We watched The Brady Bunch tonight.  Much simpler times.  Men were men – women were women.  And no one wore face diapers.  Yeah – it was all hidden back then – but there was an ignorance that kept us in a state of semi-bliss making us think and feel everything was ok.  I’d take that over where we are now.  I do a lot of faking my way through my experience now – never giving up – but deep within that heart space she tells me she is not enjoying this thing called life.  Too busy being a “suck it up and DO” warrior.

On I go.

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