Bangin’ my head against a wall too.

Deep breathe, Victoria.  Then keep on reaching out and asking/seeking….

Until someone says to “pray”.

WHAT?

PRAY?!

lololol

Trigger word for me.  Why?

What an ASSUMPTIVE thing to say.

PRAY?

I am seeking HELP with my fundraiser as I am still focused on saving money to move – and at this point I’m focused on getting as much as I can to put down 1-2 years rent on a nice home in that quiet, rural area.  Given the mind-boggling sticker shock of housing now, and how crazy this petri dish is now and I haven’t a clue how much longer this is all allowed to play out, I’m looking to get enough money for that amount of time.  PERIOD.  I don’t need advice.  I don’t need to be told what to do.  I know what to do.  And I am seeking help.

I checked out another idea on making money from home.  But guess what?  They pay through PAYPAL.  No other way (unless you want to use your income for store credit which I DO NOT).

So until I actually experience an open door that I am intending to manifest (THROUGH PRAYER….and intending and visualizing), I’m doing what I’m doing.  This is not just about myself or my mate – obviously – it’s about our child.  And she wants children to play with IN PERSON.  She wants activities that don’t require her to show proof of jab or mask up.  I have been looking for activities for her locally for the summer.  For a city this size, the pickings are pathetic.  No dance classes.  No singing.  I contacted the local athetic club – all they are offering is basketball camps.

I GET we are getting (allegedly) pulled away from this system.  But being pushed out altogether without anything NEW incoming is just too painful now – especially for my girl.  I see what this has done to her – the emotional harm, affecting her development.  So this is mama bear SCREAMING for help now.  If you are skilled at marketing and promoting fundraisers, let me know.  I’ve been asking for/seeking assistance in marketing this website off and on for 5 f’ing years and have fallen flat on that one.

Ugh.  If one more person tells me to just pray (to whatever – god/one/eve, etc.) I am gonna send back some nasty energy in return.  We are supposed to be SUPPORTING one another.  And telling someone what to do – especially to pray (OMG) – when they have clearly stated what they need – is not supportive.  It’s the epitomy of laziness.  Metaphor time:  you see a homeless person asking for help and you tell him or her to pray.  As Sister D says:  Fuch that sheot.

I apologize if my triggered response is upsetting.  I have good reason for this trigger – especially at this point in this experience.

Jesus – are there any real humans left now – other than just the small group of you who are already wonderful and supportive and I hold you all in deep gratitude every day.  Without you, I don’t know where my mind would be.

Love,

Victoria

p.s. ~ Thought I would share something I woke up hearing:  “IT IS NOW Q TIME”.  Then I say the brackets and parenthesis they use.  We’ll see………

******

Thank you to All who support my work!  It is so very appreciated.

I dedicate myself to The Great Awakening for free because I feel so passionate about this process.  This site is my primary source of income.  I used to have a Patreon page but was censored and terminated.  There are many ways to support me and my work.  You can either leave me a donation by clicking on the green button below, or you can support me by purchasing one of the following:

1. I am a proud affiliate with DISME COINS ~ a truly PATRIOTIC/AMERICA FIRST company where all products are made on-site in South Carolina.  Their coins are original, affordable and their customer service is outstanding.  I highly recommend them!  CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE AND PLACE YOUR ORDER.  

2.VICTORIA’S HOMEMADE FANTABULOUS TOOTH POWDER

3.My inter-active Journal, “Live To Impress Yourself” on sale at LULU.COM.

I am also an affiliate for BlueHost.  If you or someone you know are interested in starting/creating a website and are in need of a hosting company, please consider using BlueHost.  It’s who I use and I have always found them very helpful when I have needed extra assistance.  

4.BlueHost Affiliate Link.  

And lastly, you can always leave me a donation of your choice by following the link below.  Thank you for your support!

PLEASE FOLLOW ME ON THE FOLLOWING PLATFORMS:

TELEGRAM

ANONUP

GAB

FACEBOOK

Song synchs are amped up.  JUMP.  WE R THE CHAMPIONS.  There was another one but I can’t remember it atm.

Remember the dream I had where blah blah it was the end and we ripped down the mailbox from our house?  Yeah, well our regular mail guy is gone for awhile and they have subs atm.  He said they continue to struggle to find anyone who wants to work for the post office – including subs.  Today’s sub looked like a walking zombie.  No uniform – just the bag.  And he skipped every house on our block expect for the woman across the street whom he delivered a huge stack of stuff.  Today is what we call “junk tuesday”.  We always get the circulars on tuesday.  Not today.  I’m wondering if he delivered all of the junkie stuff to the one neighbor.  The way he was behaving, wouldn’t surprise me.

OMG…………lol…………..the energy to keep this all going is just so. very. weak. now.  I sense it.

Objects still lined up.

Keep seeing mainstream pieces talk about this rare planetary alignment all month.  I will be the one doing a lot of this:

unless I am doing this:

while ALWAYS dreaming of this:

I purged a lot of old stuff – literal physical stuff.  And I am not done.

I went through old pictures, letters, cards, momentos and tossed ’em – keeping only a small fraction.  I feel a mixture of sensations ~ relief/lightness and sadness/regret.  I was always the “friends for life” type – but it turns out my friends from those golden years weren’t.  I reflect on that – and I see how that is pretty impossible.  Is it because of this particular reality or is it because that ain’t how natural life works?

I don’t know.  What hurts the most is seeing when these relationships ended – when I stepped off my current path at the time into someplace new.  I wanted to carry those people along with me – but you know  how it goes – you can only do YOU and no one else.  You accept, allow others to be and trust in Love and let the rest GO.

The whole friends for a season/friends for a life time – it’s just f’ing painful to this overly ridiculously sensitive clingy heart of mine.  I never did evolve much past the age of 5 in terms of – what?  I don’t know.  Controlling things?

UGH.

The whole control issue…..that was likely the driving subconscious decision of mine today (which I have been feeling off and on for a good year now) to finally PURGE and let go of the past by removing physical things that only serve to bring me back into a totally different timeline – keeping me stuck in a way.  I reflected on this in the garage – turned on the radio for some comfort and THE CHILDHOOD SONG of mine in this experience ~ Styx ~ was singing to me:  “I’ve got to be free.  Free to face the life that’s ahead of me.”

You see, that’s the thing – I have no CLUE what that life looks like now.  NONE.  I have had visions and done the intending up down sideways backwards and in between – traveled this long dusty hot cold lonely road of personal awakening/questioning/searching – and I’m still here in this space – waiting – for something.  Myself?  An opportunity?  Is this waiting about an inside or outside event?  Both?  I don’t know.

For now, my experience remains a giant I DON’T KNOW/LET IT GO/TRUST.

Anyone else having the urge to purge?

As for the rest of the experience here – dreams sucked last night.  They tried to get me into some bad situation in argentina where I had shackles on one of my legs.  I finally busted out and had some words for the guy who put me in them (after I had trusted him).  There is still so much talk about voting – getting people to vote.  I stick by my analogy I shared here yesterday and hold the position that I AM NOT THE PROBLEM.  I AM THE SOLUTION.

Anything that is not part of the solution is total bullsheot to me now.  And that includes all of this talk about things getting worse…..more violence…..more chaos………..more death.  Those focused on that?  STOP!  Those spreading those words?  STFU.  CHILL.  BREATHEEEEEEEEE.  Remember the words of Bill Wood who said the closer we got to the end – when we reached the point where we just had those 2 running timelines – the more POWERFUL we become and the EASIER it becomes for us to actually legitimately CREATE the experience we WANT.  So let’s stop focusing on “their” timeline and focus on OURS, ok?

FREEDOM.  TOTAL TRUTH.  LOVE.  ABUNDANCE.

BE.  THE.  SOLUTION.

Love,

******

Thank you to All who support my work!  It is so very appreciated.

I dedicate myself to The Great Awakening for free because I feel so passionate about this process.  This site is my primary source of income.  I used to have a Patreon page but was censored and terminated.  There are many ways to support me and my work.  You can either leave me a donation by clicking on the green button below, or you can support me by purchasing one of the following:

1. I am a proud affiliate with DISME COINS ~ a truly PATRIOTIC/AMERICA FIRST company where all products are made on-site in South Carolina.  Their coins are original, affordable and their customer service is outstanding.  I highly recommend them!  CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE AND PLACE YOUR ORDER.  

2.VICTORIA’S HOMEMADE FANTABULOUS TOOTH POWDER

3.My inter-active Journal, “Live To Impress Yourself” on sale at LULU.COM.

I am also an affiliate for BlueHost.  If you or someone you know are interested in starting/creating a website and are in need of a hosting company, please consider using BlueHost.  It’s who I use and I have always found them very helpful when I have needed extra assistance.  

4.BlueHost Affiliate Link.  

And lastly, you can always leave me a donation of your choice by following the link below.  Thank you for your support!

PLEASE FOLLOW ME ON THE FOLLOWING PLATFORMS:

TELEGRAM

ANONUP

GAB

FACEBOOK