Weird night.  Again.  I slept better but I’m still exhausted.  It’s a deep Soul tired that doesn’t get remedied by sleep/rest or spiritual practice.  Temporary at best.  And I would like to know exactly why that is and why it’s been so constant/intense the past couple of months.  I get overwhelmed if I have to add in one extra chore some days.  Some are doing great and saying “BRING IT!”  Not this one.  We’re in a war with an invisible enemy and the prize is our Soul – which then leads me to think that’s mostly why I’m so tired at this time.  As the war has amped up, so has our battle at some other level we cannot “see” here.  But we feel it.  My brain struggles with that –  it wants to see.  It wants proof other than my physical symptoms and feels/hunches.  That’s how I operate.  In fact when I go too far off into “woo woo” space my logic kicks in and says “return to center”.

I was awake around sunrise – got up – got something to drink – returned to bed and went within searching for some answers.  I “get” we only see around 10% of this reality.  But that doesn’t pacify my growing need to know.  To understand.  That is OUR RIGHT.  To borrow KP’s phrase – the biggest PITA for me continues to be the children receiving the poke.  They have no choice – no voice – at least not in places of power.  How can any of this been allowed to happen?  The Divine in me says ENOUGH.  NOW!  Tuning in what I heard/sensed was our concept of “death” and “physical harm” here is an illusion.  We’re in that experience of deception.  Outside of this prison place is where truth and freedom are and as such, that’s why we have such a limited (not of our responsibility or “fault”) understanding.

Ok, I thought – I can see that.

But it still doesn’t take away from the pain ME HERE NOW is feeling.  And millions of others.  And that is where my struggle is and likely will remain until this all ends.  As I tell my girl – only love and connection with one another is forever.  Everything scary and wrong/unlawful/evil comes to an end.  And even saying that at this point isn’t providing much comfort now.

Some are hanging on.  Many just want to let go.  I don’t really want to do either.  So I get up – chop wood – carry water – remain open to Divine Guidance – distract myself – take care of the family and do it all over again the next day.  Until.

Love,

V.

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Did any of you sleep last night?  I was very tired/sleepy when I went to bed – but once there, I was wired.  I was perplexed.  How did I go from 0 to 10 on the sleepy scale?  Eventually I crawled out of bed and went to get something to drink.  I noticed a light coming inside through the blinds so I peeked outside.  Noooooo.  Not THAT again, I thought.  Their moon at it – high in the sky – almost full – saying lookit me lookit me – sending out obnoxious frequencies of some sort.

No thank you.  I am so sensitive to that dayem thing now.  So is my girl (her sleep was just as challenged).  So are a lot of us now.  Why can’t you just shut off or at least be full during the day, I asked.  There’s also some eclipse coming up too same day as the full moon.  How convenient.  I will ignore it as best as I can.

Not. My. Creation.  I would never create something that disrupts sleep.  Or pokes.  Or attacks.  You know – cause I’m a decent sort of human in that regard.

eye roll….

After I returned to bed, I slept in fits.  Too hot – or too cool.  Dreams were – strange.  Not mine.

What here now IS ours, truly?  Where here really does now fully resonate as being authentic (other than us and our connections)?  So distraction continues as I don’t know what else to do.  As I saw two other beautiful goddess Souls say today:  Barely hanging on.  Ditto that!

I am tuning in to see how we can better support one another and am thinking of an idea – private group somewhere – likely telegram – where we support one another in whatever it is we need.  What do you all think about that?  I’m feeling the need to make that more of a focus now instead of what’s happening “out there” as what’s happening “out there” feels like it’s pretty much out of my hands/control.

One of the ways I am creating some positive while engaged in distraction is baking – bread baking.  I want to get good at it.  I want to master knowing how to make that perfect loaf of artisan bread – crunchy dark crust with moist center (that is done – which I am seeing is likely a temperature thing).  I’m close.  Today I learned how to make it rise better on a cookie sheet.  And next time I know the temp I will be using.

That’s about all I have today.  Body temp is still strange – well feeling those moments of WHEW MY CELLS ARE HOT.  Mate too.  Then it disappears and I’m back to neutral.  Will share finds later.

Love to you all.

Victoria

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