I had another system phone call today where I outlined my needs. Employment training. Housing. Healing from PTSD. I received a document showing all agencies and services. I have either exhausted each of those or am on the “forever/we don’t know how long” wait lists. I told them please don’t send me information on agencies I’ve already utilized.
But they did.
Because that’s what they do.
Systems people.
I was also given contact information for an agency that provides trauma-related work.
I had already contacted them over a month ago, and they do not accept my insurance, nor do they have openings.
THIS is the kind of b.s. runaround I’ve been going through for the past year and I am burned the fuch out.
So yeah – I don’t quietly these days when I’m told “but have you tried this agency?” or my favorite given by people who are clearly clueless as to what it’s like to be in a crisis situation without the help needed: “There is plenty of help out there. You just have to go looking for it.”
As though I HAVE NOT ALREADY DONE THAT.
Are there any real humans left? Or are we just all in the same or similar situations? In debt. Broke. Needing housing and unable to afford it.
Jesus, and we wonder why there are so many people on the streets who look so lifeless. HUMANITY GAVE UP ON THEM.
This is why I go a wee bit loco these days when I’m told what to do.
When I’m asked, “What about calling this place?”
Damn, I should be getting paid to write about the LACK OF HELP for those in need. Each agency I speak with I tell them the needs of a human heart and Soul. The needs of the nervous system. The NEED to be SEEN as a person. And the need to provide CONSISTENT, RELIABLE support.
Because this is not what I have received.
I went through skin-itching and anxiety before this phone call because my nervous system – my body – already knows how these calls go. And I am screaming NO I CANNOT DO THIS I CANNOT FACE ONE. MORE. CONVERSATION WITH A SOULLESS EMPTY VESSEL WHO CAN ONLY GIVE ME SILENCE instead of LOVE.
I KNOW WHAT IS NEEDED. Because I’ve been on the receiving end of what is toxic and unhelpful.
What is required is help and assistance that actually helps people heal and thrive. And to SEE people where. they. are. at. that. moment. I reiterated that today.
At least I still have my voice. And if it were just me I wouldn’t be nearly as stressed as I am because I HAVE A CHILD.
I cannot tell you how God. damn. alone. I. Feel.
I recently made the decision that my other site is pay-only and have received some responses. “How will I read your work? I really like it.”
PAY UP. $5 is not asking for too much. AT. ALL.
If anyone thinks I should share my writings and work for free?
Think again.
I deserve an equal exchange for what I share. PERIOD. END OF DISCUSSION.
I’m wondering: all of these millions of people who are homeless, many of whom are even working, so what if they’re placed in tiny homes temporarily and given employment. How in the holy hell will they be able to afford their own living spaces?
How can you become truly self-sufficient when there has been a near 5000% (THOUSAND) increase in just home costs since the 1960’s?
That gap has grown consistently over the decades. And we see the result.
That’s what I am facing, and it’s freaking me out. I can’t continue to just “trust the plan” and hold out for “some day” in some remote future when no one can guarantee my mind heart body or Soul that a new world is coming soon.
If you really want to help, please share my story with everyone you know. If you follow other channels, let them know my situation. Word it: “Patriot Warrior Freedom Lover Truther IN NEED”. Hit me up, and I will provide you with links to my goodies. Be a voice for me. Be an advocate for me. And my girl.
I am going to give this one a try. I was going to use my bread machine but realized the yeast I have is too old and no longer activating. And given I am out of bread at the moment and really craving some, I went in search of a non-yeast bread recipe. Which I have somewhere but didn’t feel like going through my stacks of handwritten recipe notes. This one sounds good – thought I would pass it along.
Grease a 22 x 13 cm / 9 x 5″ loaf pan, then line with parchment/baking paper with overhang (to lift out).
Mix dry: Place flour, baking powder, salt and sugar in a bowl, mix to combine.
Add wet: Make a well in the centre, pour in oil and milk. Mix until flour is fully incorporated – batter will be thick but stirrable.
Fill pan: Scrape into loaf pan, using a rubber spatula to scrape the bowl clean and smooth the surface.
Bake 30 minutes. Remove from oven, cover with foil.
Return to oven. Turn oven DOWN to 200°C/390°F (180°C fan), bake 20 minutes.
Remove from oven. Cool in pan 5 minutes, then use excess paper to lift out and transfer to cooling rack.
Cool completely before slicing – 45 minutes+. It IS more delicate than yeast breads (can’t change science!) but slices far better than the usual “cake like” no yeast breads. Slices perfectly on Day 2 and beyond.
I want to buy myself some CBD oil to help me sleep. My bank account and credit cards tell me otherwise. I love seeing words like this above – spread that energy and end the enslavement.
If I had a ten-spot for every one of these f’ing reject letters I receive weekly, I’d be a rich girl! 🤣
It’s really not funny.
I’m pinching pennies, adding up what I can spend – and let’s check this credit card – still $60 on that. That will be enough for food until payday.
After paying down my debt, I have had to rack it right back up again just to fucking eat.
Woops, I said the bad word I am being told I say “a lot” lately.
I do?
Gee, I wonder why.
Can I lose my mental faculties any faster now?
I NEED A GOD DAMN FINANCIAL OPPORTUNITY OPEN UP FOR ME.
I’m like this now if advice is incoming:
It ain’t pretty. lol
I get why homeless people say “screw it” and live wherever they want. Steal bikes, food, and supplies from big box stores to survive. Squat in the myriad of vacant homes.
When the world slowly pushes you out of society and ignores your cries for help, when agencies prioritize immigrants ahead of you, or when they say “we cannot help you with that”, you just kind of stop caring about anyone but yourself. And you go silent. And do what you need to do.
For now, at the moment, I am trying to log in to my instantcart app and am receiving, well, it isn’t doing anything. I couldn’t check online through the website if there are openings for delivery drivers in my area (last I checked last fall, there weren’t, and there was not even a wait list – how often I am told that now – no more wait lists). Oh wait – I was able to get the app to work. Here’s what it is telling me in red letters: No Spots Available.
No. Spots. Available. Below the little cartoon woman with the white mask on her damn face.
Yeah, tell me I’m in hell without saying the actual words.
I’m too old to pole dance. Not that I could pull that off. lol (see the little pun I unintentionally threw in there)
That one makes me giggle.
Uber is out – the car’s too damn old. I did recently remember I signed up with Amazon Mechanical Turk – they have to do some digging on me, though, as my account got frozen and they want to know why (because I forgot I had one – I wear a lot of hats around here – I’m aging and energetically depleted and not sleeping that well, so I forgot).
I’ve signed up for countless survey sites. TOTAL waste of time – unless you have 30 minutes to waste answering questions to determine if you are even eligible to TAKE the survey. I’ve done this so many times, and not once was I selected to take the damn survey.
I cannot afford to waste my time.
Unless it’s stuffing my sad belly full of chocolate or cookies.
I am sorry I am dumping all of my angst on here. My brain feels squeezed with that sense of angst. Executive function has suffered – and I know why. I follow a channel on Facebook – the woman is amazing with her insight on trauma and the nervous system. She breaks it down in tiny pieces of info I can understand. So my days of self-blame and wondering when others have lovingly offered up suggestions for me, and they simply haven’t worked – today I get it. I just want to be seen and to heal – to feel SAFE – and to receive the support I truly, really deeply need. 😭
Here’s what’s on stage atm. A few things.
💖
Victoria
*********
Bay of Pigs mirror incoming? I’ve had feeeeeeeeeels about this one just like I’ve had feeeeeeeeeeeeeels about NK (Fire and Fury):
This makes sense if we are going to see a new world coming online. You have to crash the housing market, too. Grossly over-inflated:
This is asinine. Trump wants to make the housing bubble bigger so homeowners can keep pretending they’re rich by owning houses they can’t sell because they’re too expensive for anyone else to buy. https://t.co/ncSqnoGgju
my parents married in 1959. dad was an accounting clerk (2 years of college). mom was a secretary. their first home was a rental – big home in SE Portland. $50/month. they were able to save $3,000 which they applied towards a brand new 3 bedroom 2 bath ranch home. total price? $10,000 I came along a year or so later. Mom stayed home. Brother arrived 3 years later. We lived in brand new homes throughout my life. Drove 2 new cars. 2 week vacations in the summer. That home my parents first bought in 1961? $500,000 4900% jump. Wage increase since the early 60’s? 68% (and that doesn’t include the fact that our dollar has WAAAAAY less buying power – which, according to some stats show that real wage increase is more around 7-10%). We’ve been robbed f’ing blind.
The Magnolia house was a Sears kit home, 1918
For nearly 30 years, people could order a piece of the American dream through the mail. A buyer could leaf through a Sears, Roebuck and Co. catalog, choose a house and mail in the order. In time, a railroad boxcar would chug into… pic.twitter.com/Xm63qzUYQn
The director warned it was too dangerous and told him to simply walk down james cagney improvised the iconic stairway dance and ignored the advice and nailed it in one takepic.twitter.com/zshSvhiTfY
This is a nice image. Soothes my heart. I want to feel HOME.
🚨 Welcome inside a MASSIVE fraud scheme in Minnesota a building with over 22 healthcare providers. In fact it was just exposed that this same building has billed over $380 million dollars from taxpayers over the years.
You know, my body is saying NOOOOOOOOOo to sharing these things. We already know. We’ve done the comms. The work. THe digging. WE KNOW. And we are done waiting. Normies cognitive dissonance is harming our right to freedom and harming our health and harming our kids. Honestly fuch them for not seeing at this point.
What can I share now? Well, I can share a few of my writings from my coffee page, although I made the decision today that from here on out, that site will be pay-only. I get a lot of reads there. And at $5/read that would add up to the point where I could take care of my child the way she deserves. Here is my latest piece I wrote last night: https://buymeacoffee.com/victoriassoulfulcreations/this-one-for-the-moms
I was put in contact with another agency. Two, actually. I’ll see what happens. Given my experiences with “the system” the past 1-2 years, I have learned not to expect a thing. Something that was asked of me, however, rather triggered me. Something that would trigger any one of us who also happen to be a mom.
I was sharing my skills and job history.
Why the gap? I was asked.
“I’ve been a stay-at-home mom,” I said.
“Oh, so no new skills to add,” came the response from the very naive, clearly NOT a mom, worker.
No new skills?
Really, now.
I have some things to say about that.
I’m pulling out my Claire Huxtable attire now, so you have been warned.
It is said the Marines do more before 9 am than most any other person.
True.
But what is also true is that moms can and often do more in a 24-hour period than anyone, including those in the military. Without pay or thank yous I might add.
And we often do these things with precision and grace, no matter how much sleep we have had.
Let me tell you something:
We can look over homework, cook a meal, get another load of laundry going, answer the myriad of “mooooooooom” questions, and hold down a phone conversation all at the same time. I know firsthand, as this was my afternoon moment that took place at approximately 3:30 pm, or 15:30 hours military time. Find me a Marine who can do all that WITH precision, and I will tell you that Marine is female and a mother.
And skills?
Let me tell you something about skills.
I can create “to-do” lists for everyone in the house and remember what’s on those lists better than those for whom they are assigned. If that isn’t organizational planning expertise, I don’t know what is.
I can juggle multiple tasks as mentioned above with ease and precision. It’s as though you are watching a dance. If this isn’t multi-tasking, not found in most work environments at this level, I don’t know what is. We moms take that skillset to a new level.
And let me tell you something else about skills.
Crisis management.
We are the experts at such things. From toddler middle-of-the-night nightmares to middle-school “Moooooom, I HAVE to have this IPAD EVERYONE HAS ONE” to teenage “MOM, THE DRESS I WAS GOING TO WEAR HAS A TEAR IN IT, I NEED YOU TO FIX IT NOW!!”, we handle such moments with grace and ease. Well, as long as we have had enough sleep, then we may be a wee tad moody. Yup. We are THE go-to experts in Crisis management. Have you had a breakdown of communication or a crisis at your agency? We moms are the first line of defense for such situations.
Speaking of sleep, we know how to run an entire house on very little sleep. We also know how to put together a birthday party for 30 while sleep-deprived. I know. I’ve done it.
Let me tell you something else about a very important skill: Time Management.
We remember appointments because we moms have calendar presets in our brains. We may forget our own, but we are experts at remembering appointments for everyone else in our home.
Then there’s Delegating.
We are the experts at this. And what makes us better at this role than any other human on planet earth, uniform or not, is that we learned to do this with our children. Trust me. We have the ability to glance around a room and immediately know what needs to be done. Grocery list made. Pan scrubbed. Dinner meal planned. Floor vacuumed. Stain removed from the couch. That 6-month-old cobweb in the corner. And just as quickly as we can see the tasks needing to be completed, we can just as quickly delegate those tasks to those around us. Well, assuming people are still in the room. Non-moms seem to have a 6th sense when Mom is in a delegating mood, which often ends up with Mom being alone in said room. And need I even say this one? Assigning a basic task to a 3-year-old or 13-year-old who is in NO MOOD to hear you is no easy feat.
Yeah, been there DONE THAT.
Last but certainly not least is Conflict Resolution. This may be the most important one of all. Family by its very nature is, well, loud. Sometimes conflicts arise. Unless you are blessed with living in a 10,000′ mansion, more than one person living under the same roof is going to lead to the occasional tension. Words spoken. Words spoken, not heard. That’s where Mom’s Superior Conflict Resolution comes in. “Ok, now let’s all go to neutral corners. Take some deep breaths. Good. Ok now. Let’s resolve this by sharing what it is you are feeling. Remember to speak from how you feel. No fingerpointing.” Smile, smile smile.
I should note this works quite well for non-family members only. Family? Yeah, not so well. My idealistic little vision usually ends up with mom (that would be me) throwing her arms up in frustration while saying, “ok we agree to disagree”, calling up a friend and asking if she would like to meet up for some cake.
Chocolate, of course. Because that’s what moms like. NEED.
Moms. Skills. Yup.
As I put down my Claire Huxtable hat, let me wrap this up by saying Mom keeps the organization called Family going. Many of us walk into this role blindly and learn to refine the necessary skills needed to keep the organization running efficiently and smoothly. We hit the occasional bump and try to learn from our mistakes. We are easily pleased with chocolate and hugs (I forgot hugs). If this doesn’t make us the perfect employee, I don’t know what does.
“God” = whatever and whoever this “God” is. The one we have been told “wins” at the end. Could be just another movie scene – final battle – Jesus vs. Satan, you know? Who knows.
I didn’t write this movie script.
However, I happen to feel I have some power inside of it.
We all do.
Feeeeeeeeeeeeeels.
And my power seems to come through my words.
Now and then, I have the need to dump some truths disguised as rants. Not all will understand what I have to say.
But that’s ok.
I aim to reach those who struggle to maintain that 40,000 elevation.
Because you’re human.
Because you have a nervous system.
And if you’ve been awake just in the past several years…
If you’ve lost your job.
Lost family and friends.
Seen your savings go kaput.
With nothing new and beneficial coming in.
These words are for you to feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel. And hey, if you want, give a “HELL YES” and put all of that into the WH and God.
Our nervous systems are f’ing shot.
To varying degrees.
The very nature of pay to live keeps us in a continuous heightened state of survival.
And that impacts our nervous system.
Whether one wants to realize it or not. It’s the truth.
It’s Neurobiology.
Yes, we are Eternal Souls living in a human vessel.
But it’s ALL CONNECTED as long as we are in this physical plane. That means that ugly word or sudden loss impacts your entire vessel.
So it matters NOT if you’re a Soul first or a human first.
That’s just new age word salad.
There’s also something called “collateral damage”.
And the timing rollout of this “movie/war” is leaving a massive trail of it.
There reaches a point where the damage is too extreme, and you must pull out the rug.
SOMETHING has to shift to keep those lost in that damage going.
Some help.
Some love.
You can do that and still engage in battle.
God works miracles.
Where are these miracles?
And mostly, where is this God Q speaks of?
Is it in hiding?
Is it working behind the scenes?
Is it an AI?
For I see people engage in cult-mentality behind a particular AI LARP on Twitter. And if that is indeed truth – where an AI has hijacked human form – how in the hell can any feeling human be ok with that?
Lost in the program of cult worship because thousands of others are?
I mean that AI shows images of a very nice home.
Think the AI worked for it?
Isn’t that something the human host worked for?
Doesn’t anyone think logically anymore?
Or am I one of a small number of real humans, and most every account online is simply AI?
Maybe I’m desperate.
I feel this need to DO SOMETHING YESTERDAY.
And it isn’t like I can afford the luxury to just sit back and watch.
I am under a financial crunch. I am set to lose $400 in monthly income in 3 months.
I am under a housing crunch. This place is going up for sale in a few months.
Are jobs being generated?
Are agencies helping me?
Are ANY employers getting back to me?
Is housing coming down?
Can I afford the $1200 per month to spruce up my writing sites and market them?
No. No. No. No. And No.
I had a plan last year. That plan fell through due to the negligence of a system agency employee.
Today?
What’s my plan?
I no longer talk with anyone who tells me “you have to do SOMETHING”.
The last time that happened, I raised my voice. “NO SHIT SHIRLOCK TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW.”
Then got told to “calm down.”
Then don’t tell me what I OBVIOUSLY know, and I will be calm. Just to make you feel better.
Jesus.
Yeah, Jesus.
Where are you?
Waiting for your final scene?
Why is it the actors in this movie all get nice paychecks and warm beds to sleep in. Safety. Security. Something the Nervous System needs in order for the human to thrive and heal and continue going.
Why is it so many others were allowed to become homeless because someone had the f’ing “brilliant” (insane??) idea to allow the prices to house yourself and feed yourself become so out of reach, millions more become and continue to become homeless?
Does that sound like a just plan?
Divine?
It doesn’t to me.
It sounds like more rugged individualistic bullshit.
Darwin nonsense.
Survival of the fittest.
When in Truth it is the fittest on stage that are receiving the support needed.
Behind the scenes are people who have given up or are giving up. Numb. Not because they consciously CHOSE this.
Because their thinking brain went offline so it could survive.
THIS IS NEUROBIOLOGY.
It isn’t a joke.
And it was clearly not taken into consideration among those who came up with this plan.
But why should that surprise me?
It came from a system still hooked into the matrix program of survival of the fittest.
Compete to do everything.
Pay your master to live.
Starve them slowly and watch them fight amongst themselves.
It’s sick.
Twisted.
Evil.
And absolutely opposite of EVERYTHING Divine is about.
If they want to help the people?
Take away the financial struggle.
Build SAFETY. With CONSISTENCY.
Safe supports. CONSISTENTCY. (for I have had the start of safe supports, but they have been taken from me – or simply removed altogether – and let me tell you that royally fucks with the human heart, Soul, mind and nervous system).
And a good place to start?
Remove the financial burdens of every single one of us.
I didn’t verify this one yet – and I swear to GOD if this is another AI produced bullshit by some front-stage pandering puppet I’m gonna reach out to him and smack him. BEen there done that FAR too many times the past 8plus years. If this is true – it’s sure as heck is very interesting. For now, dropping as it as dinner is ready (the smell of crisp burn is in the air which these days means dinner is ready – no joke). The phrase you didn’t say the magic word is indeed from Jurassic park and happens right before the entire park is shutdown. And a quick GEMATRIA for YOU DIDN’T SAY THE MAGIC WORD: MILITARY IS THE ONLY WAY, THE END WON’T BE FOR EVERYONE
Movie also released 33 years ago. Mirror perhaps? Allegedly this happened last night.
🚨 EBS: The Philadelphia 76ers stadium was just hacked, with a strange message being displayed across the Arena. pic.twitter.com/LLOBj6jpqF
You don’t get love and support from friends and family. nooooooo. That’s all just an illusion here. Words.
You don’t get attention and help from your community.
And you sure as hell don’t get anything from the system or any of its myriad agencies. Yeah, I had two more today, tell me “um most likely not – go here”.
🤬🤬🤬
You get help when the MEDIA HIGHLIGHTS you and tells the masses: THIS PERSON HERE. THIS IS THE PERSON OF THE WEEK TO HELP.
People go to protests and assault an ICE agent.
Or stand up to one of those ICE people.
ICE fights back.
Person gets injured.
BAM! Headline news!
Fundraisers are created immediately for this person, and suddenly, within hours, you have MILLIONS of happy little dollars dancing into their life or the life of their families.
All because people do what the media tells them to do.
All because people believe it when the media tells them who the next world stage victim is. You a solo “victim” – human in need – asking for help? Sorry. Not interested because my television hasn’t told me you’re worthy.
Doesn’t matter if these money-donating people have to step over homeless moms or fentanyl addicts to get to their banks to make sure they have the funds to distribute to the person who again the media told them to. Or drive around potholes and crumbling road pieces to get there. That, as well is not important enough to DO something about.
Doesn’t matter if these same money-dating folks have criticized others who have reached out for help – someone like myself, let’s say – saying “you can’t post that here” or “why are you asking us to pay you money to read your stuff I don’t understand that” or god forbid I write something on Unity that triggers their little program turning them into rabid bats and going for the attack by then turning your heartfelt words into some justifiable reason to say “ARE YOU A TRUMP SUPPORTER? ARE YOU OK WITH WHAT HE IS DOING? ANSWER ME!”
(yeah this is what happened after I tried to make some peace here locally on the topic of unity and did not ONCE MENTION THE “T” WORD.)
(and yeah this is the sort of responses I have received when I have shared requests for support for my work, for employment, for housing (except the creepy looking dude who had a run down trashy trailer for $1800/month)….for funds period)
Because I am white, and therefore I am privileged.
Because I am straight and therefore not diverse enough.
Because I am not allowed to support even just one tiny thing T is doing – even when I criticize him for a butt load of b.s. – all these programmed people who I swear make up the vast majority of this reality are incapable of seeing ME for who I am and HEARING me and caring just a teeny tiny bit to help me out so I don’t fucking drown.
Privileged, my lily-white ass.
But I see clearly now who does get the love here. The attention and support.
And it ain’t the kind ones.
It ain’t the abused and battered ones.
Nope.
It’s the ones the media says are deserving. On both sides of the political toxic fence.
And me?
I don’t want to have ANY PART of such a world anymore.
Here I go again. God, how I wish I had a support network of friends – people – around me. My counselor cancelled – again. I cannot seem to have regular sessions here – which I need. Finding another person has been a waste. No one available in my area that either takes my insurance or doesn’t have a full waitlist. I cannot keep doing this isolation/loneliness. I spoke with two new people through agencies today. Both said, “we’ll see what we can do.” I’ve heard that before so while my heart is hopeful, my expectations are in the toilet.
I keep reading for nervous systems to heal the person needs consistent safe nurturing environments. What do I do when I don’t have that? What am I supposed to do when my attempts to do that fail?
My kiddo has grown again. “Mom, I need new clothes!”
Trying to navigate creating a whole new life on my own has drained me. New home. Training. New work. Too many disappointments from people I thought were friends who said “I am here for you” and/or “I hear you. I will make sure I check in with you,” or “I want to be your support person” and I don’t hear back. I end up having to reach out. What has happened to us? Have we given up? Have we lost our ability to see and care and show up?
I realize I am not in the best position to offer anyone a damn thing at this point. I see that. I’m the one needing people to show up for me. I can barely maintain being a mom at this point, much less take care of myself. I am that. exhausted. And it’s scaring me. And I know when I say that, there are those in my life who will judge me and say I need to call an agency, or who will say “wel,l you HAVE to do SOMETHING”. Those are the words I hear in my mind now.
Not hearing me one bit when I say those words now causes. me. harm.
Where is the love in this reality? Where is the ability to see someone where they are instead of what you think they should be?
For the past few days, I have kept wanting to type “27”. Is it finally the 27th? Does anyone know (I have no calendar nearby)?
When you know, you know. When you feeeeeeeeeeeel you feeeeeeeeeeeel.
Each day feels like one week or more energetically. Like pushing a rock up the hill – pushing against something that refuses to move. I had a flash vision today of this, as though I am pushing up against a wall that is not budging. I saw it – it’s massive – solid – and it ain’t going anywhere atm.
But I know it will shift.
Remove?
No, not remove. That’s a final chess move, imho.
But I could be wrong, and I WELCOME being wrong on such things.
I feel this has a two-fold interpretation. For me personally, that is.
Given I continue to have things removed from my experience here and making headway with anything out there in the land of systems has become a huge P I T A – which included today learning our eye doctor has suddenly closed his practice (and he’s one of the good ones) to the hairstylist suddenly unavailable indefinitely and the appt I was to have – I am completely unable to find the link to the online session portal. And I saved it. But it’s suddenly gone. Completely gone. POOF.
I know where I am. I don’t like where I am. I know not where I’m going, and this is an incredibly deeply eye-rolling argh GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW difficult space in which to be.
And I know I’m not alone.
Find the peace in the in-between space of suck.
💖
Victoria
p.s. – anyone else having a very difficult time staying warm, no matter how high the heat is cranked or how many layers of clothing you put on? I know it’s been cold – but this is different as it’s been cold here for weeks and this experience is something I began to feel a few days ago. Last two especially. I can’t even get the house much above 66 or 67 – and that’s just too cold for my body. today I got the feel it’s some sort of plasma thing.
Having recently learned my paternal familial lineage is Ashkenazi Jewish (NAZI), and like that song jimmy crack corn and I (still) don’t care, I don’t honor this day. not until all connections behind all other human slaughters are revealed and truth honored and justice served. The same group we are brainwashed to honor behind the slaughter in Palestine, 9/11 and the Bolsheviks. I’ll pass.
How does a man born in Canada, serving as a U.S. senator, have this passport? pic.twitter.com/86d7Aw0n8j
Will the booms show up next week? This week? Next month? Next year? Decade? Anyone? (for those still in the audience but not paying attention, there are still enough of us in the front row throwing popcorn, demanding things we see that HELP US IMPROVE OUR LIVING SITUATION)
Is it a coincidence that it starts popping off right as: •TikTok starts acting weird and censoring keywords like “Epstein” •WhatsApp gets caught again in privacy and data trust drama ?
This is interesting – and interesting that is just happened to appear on my timeline – given what I spoke of above. Remember years ago Rose saying before we emit, the realm cools? Yeah – we’re there. I feel it in my body (I’m still cold btw – even with the heat on and my warming buddies):
Trump in 2020: “It will start getting cooler….you just watch.”
I must be doing something right. Spam bot comments are elevated atm.
Guess what’s been playing on the radio for the last 15 minutes? 2001 Space Odyssey. Nice comm. It’s a station I never listen to, but felt nudged to stop there as it was playing a cool Everly Brother’s song.
Sharing just for the title. The piece below is so good it’s for premium members only. But I will share info I am seeing to explain the title.
US DEBT CLOCK LATEST. Are we going back in time?? Interesting 2020 is circled, showing over 5k/oz. But back then, they printed an insane amount of money. GROK explains below.
Blunt brutal truth:
60 DOLLARS AN HOUR IS NOT EVEN ENOUGH ESPECIALLY WHEN THE US DOLLAR IS FAKE AND HYPER-INFLATED 🙃 pic.twitter.com/nijvyN7t7U
GERONIMO LOVE GIVES US WINGS When we judge others who stumble and struggle to make it here, there's a very good chance they didn't get the WINGS needed to survive here. I love this! https://t.co/f6F5CdgPSs
— Luciana Nina Leone (Victoria IRL) (@nina_leone11) January 27, 2026
This is a very good read. Just going to add my ending: At some point in the timeline, the Penguin finds he/she isn’t alone. The pull for Truth is contagious. Soon, everyone must leave the colony.
The Ones Who Walk Toward the Mountains What happens when a man sees too much and refuses to look away? Tens of millions of people watched a penguin walk toward certain death. You know the clip. Werner Herzog. Antarctica. A single Adélie penguin breaks from the colony and heads inland. Not toward the water where life is. Not back to the breeding grounds. Toward the mountains. Into five thousand kilometers of white nothing. The scientists didn’t stop him. Herzog asked if penguins could go insane. The internet had opinions. The White House posted an AI image of Trump walking hand-in-flipper toward Greenland. Sixty-one million views on that post alone. Penguins don’t live in Greenland. The only question is whether that’s a mistake. Or the message. I’m not interested in explaining the penguin. I’m interested in why we couldn’t look away. The colony has rules. Head to the water. Return to the nest. Stay together. The colony’s logic is survival. The colony’s logic is sound. The colony is also a cage. Every generation produces one who turns inland. Toward the mountains. Toward certain death. Toward something the colony has no language for. The diagnosis is always the same. Deranged. Unstable. A death wish. And if you caught him, dragged him back to the shore, he would immediately turn again for the mountains. The haunting question: Is he broken? Or does he see something? Newburgh, 1783. [Read George in Paperback] The war was over. Washington had won. His officers wanted to make him king. They had the guns. Congress had paper promises. The army hadn’t been paid in years. Men who had frozen at Valley Forge, who had buried friends in unmarked graves—they were being told to go home empty-handed. The officers gathered in a building called the Temple. Anonymous letters circulated. Never sheath your swords until you have obtained full justice. The meaning was clear. March on Philadelphia. Dissolve the Congress. Take what was owed by force. And crown Washington. The logic was sound. He had held the army together. He had won. He was beloved. Congress had failed. He’d watched them debate while his men starved. One nod, and the American experiment dies in its cradle. He walked into a room of armed men who loved him. He pulled out a letter from a congressman, promising the debts would be paid. He began to read. He squinted. He brought the paper closer. Then he reached into his coat for something none had ever seen him wear. Spectacles. “Gentlemen, you will permit me to put on my spectacles, for I have not only grown gray but almost blind in the service of my country.” The room collapsed. Hardened soldiers wept. They had never seen him weak. Never seen him old. Never seen him as anything but the pillar. Now they saw a man. Tired. Fading. Giving everything. The coup evaporated in tears. The colony wanted a king. He walked toward the mountains. Bethesda, 1949. James Forrestal stood at the hospital window. Sixteenth floor. He had built the national security state from nothing. First Secretary of Defense. The man who unified the Army, Navy, and Air Force under one command. Now he weighed a hundred and thirty pounds and the walls were breathing. They called it exhaustion. Paranoia. The pressures of office. Forrestal knew what he knew. He had seen the files. He understood what was being buried, and why. He knew what had happened to Patton. December 1945. Recovering in Heidelberg. A minor car accident. Ready to fly home. Ready to talk about what he’d seen in the final days. The ratlines, the Paperclip scientists, the deals in the shadows. Then the embolism. Midnight. “Natural causes”. They used chemistry on Patton because he was a fighter. Forrestal was different. Already unstable. Already breaking. A fall from this height would make sense. He left a note. A fragment of Sophocles, copied in his own hand. The chorus from Ajax. The warrior who saw too much and chose his own end. When reason’s day sets rayless—joyless— When the mind’s light goes dark— The nightingale does not sing in the cage. Then he walked toward the mountains. Dallas, 1963. One week before the motorcade. The kitchen smelled of cold coffee. Bobby Kennedy sat at the table, older than his years. Photographs lay scattered like a mosaic of obituaries. Jack stood by the counter. The canvas-and-steel brace was tight against his ribs. He couldn’t sit. The pain was bad today. “It’s not just Patton,” Bobby said. He laid out index cards like small headstones. The recovery team at Roswell. 1947. Corporal Miller. First on scene. Suicide, 1949. Sergeant Willis. Handled the debris. Hunting accident, 1950. Dr. Arnot. Preliminary autopsy. Plane crash, 1951. “And the reporter. She’d been asking about your UN speech. Overdose. Her sister says she didn’t take pills.” Kennedy stared. “I know.” “And you’re going to Dallas anyway.” Bobby opened a folder. Red stamp: PROTECTIVE RESEARCH SECTION. “The vulnerability assessment is missing pages. Motorcycle flanking, reduced. Roof coverage, pulled. The Book Depository windows are listed as ‘secure’ without a check.” He drew a triangle on a map in red ink. “Book Depository. Behind you.” “Dal-Tex. Behind you.” “Fence line. Front right.” He looked at his brother. “It’s a field of fire, Jack.” Kennedy studied the geometry. “If I cancel, they win. If I hide, I’m a prisoner.” “You’re making yourself the bait.” “I’m creating a mess too large to clean up.” “And your children?” Kennedy’s gaze held Bobby’s. The kitchen air grew thin. “They inherit a world where a father can be silenced. Or they inherit a question that cannot be buried.” Bobby didn’t move. “If I don’t come back,” Kennedy said, “you leak everything.” “I will.” They stood. The handshake was formal. Firm. No tears. Only the weight. One week. He walked toward the mountains. The pattern rhymes. Washington. Forrestal. Kennedy. And others. Men who see too much. Men who ask aloud. The colony’s response is immutable: Discredit. Isolate. Remove. But here is what the colony never comprehends: You cannot stop the ones who walk toward the mountains. You can only kill them. And in killing them, you create precisely what you sought to prevent. Washington could have been king. He chose to show his weakness instead. And built a nation that could survive without him. Forrestal fell from a window. But the questions he carried did not die. They metastasized into a thousand conspiracies, half of which turned out to be true. Kennedy’s head snapped back in Dealey Plaza. Sixty years later, we are still asking the questions meant to die with him. The assassin’s bullet is the colony’s final argument. It screams: This is what happens when you walk toward the mountains. But the bullet always fails. Martyrs don’t stay dead. They become questions. And questions don’t die either. Hundreds of millions of people watched a penguin last week walk toward certain death and felt something stir inside them. Not despair. Recognition. The archetype is moving again. We have felt the pull. The voice that whispers this is not it. The restlessness without a name. The certainty that there is something beyond the edge of the map. The colony will call it madness. The colony will beg you to come back. But some truths are worth more than safety. The mountains are waiting. I wrote the file on the man who walked into the plaza.
Feb. 11th? That works for me. Of course, NOW is always good.
The British establishment is suddenly obsessed with Lord Palmerston—the 19th century architect of regime change operations.
Why now? Trump's new National Defense Strategy just ended their primary weapon.
Things like this blow up the entire narrative that says we control our reality and everything that happens to us is for our benefit – some lesson hidden. There are evil people with evil intentions to poison, harm and kill – they walk among us – seen and unseen.
I want to be crystal clear: if any individual, particularly elected officials or otherwise, helped plan, fund, coordinate, or cover up the violent insurrection happening now in Minneapolis, they should LAWYER UP NOW, because investigators are going to follow the facts wherever… https://t.co/vJZUnK0RCL
the headless Iceman…..someone said his head is there – the agent is blocking it. I enlarged it – either this is AI or the guy has a tiny alien head.
You Fu&&ers ain't even seeing the AI in the whole PsyOp. Lots of peoples feelings all over the place today. 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 You're all being played. OMG, you got the story wrong. 🤣 yall are fully asleep, FOH Shout out to my squad that's Said hey skript they saying it's a flash… pic.twitter.com/g5Jc18gkHI
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I was having a dream when I woke up about an hour ago. My sleep has been so off; I seem to be sleeping more during the day and less at night. In the dream, I was in my car on a lightly traveled highway when a plane suddenly flew overhead. I could feel the pressure of it; it was that low, then it crashed. I didn’t really feel much fear – more of a “wow, I need to pull over” feeling. I got out of my car with my daughter and asked others who had also exited their vehicles if they were ok. When I woke up, I crawled out of bed, still feeling the experience, and wondered if a plane had crashed. I recalled thinking about Q speaking of planes, trains, and crashes. I went online and saw this:
BREAKING: A PRIVATE JET BELONGING TO PROMINENT ANTI-ICE / ANTI-TRUMP LAWYERS CRASHED IN MAINE
I’m also completely stumped – frozen to be honest – as to what to do next with my experience. With this lingering pressure to get something going for myself financially in the next few months, something I’ve been completely focused on for over a year, I’m at a loss atm. Sometimes I feel like Charlie Brown – why is it that the things I pursue turn into a mess? From trying to get this website generating the income I had originally intended 10 years ago, to my other writing work marketed to finding remote work from home, to getting funding for educational training, I feel so out of options. I’m tired of this plan. I’m tired of housing being so f’ing out of reach. I’m tired of having to use credit cards just to get through the month. I’m tired of waiting for OUT THERE to shift so that will enable me to move forward. I’m tired of the division and the waiting and the fighting and the people who assume their POV is the right one while all failing to see we are in a huge, massive psyop, and none of us will figure it out in full until it’s all revealed. I mean, seriously – if there is a divine plan – WTF IS TAKING SO LONG? SOME of us NEED CHANGE. Some of us NEED RELIEF. For so long, we have needed it, and I am now seeing what this is doing to my health, to my sleep, to my mind. I can get into that nice space now and then, but that pressure within to DO SOMETHING YESTERDAY is growing and making my life hell. I go out driving alone lately – and sit in the car and cry – and scream: I HAVE A CHILD DOES ANYONE CARE??!!
I’m still trying to get some sort of restitution from the local agency that dropped the ball on me last year when the staff member (FINALLY) assigned to help me with a scholarship for educational training disappeared on me – for weeks – during the middle of the process – leaving me unable to do a thing as she was also supposed to give me additional paperwork required FOR the scholarship – and my attempts to reach her, her supervisor and the agency went unanswered. I was able to find notes I took during my original phone call with the agency manager last month, where she said they were looking at “all angles” in regard to what happened, including “staff oversight”. The manager’s original final decision said I did not get approved because there were others ahead of me. However, she cannot prove this with 100% accuracy and is completely ignoring the truth that her employee disappeared on me for weeks. IF THIS IS NOT PROOF OF STAFF OVERSIGHT, I don’t know what is. And I wasn’t even including the nearly TWO MONTHS it took for me to get someone working with me – the phone calls, emails, and texts were unanswered. If I had not been diligent, their lack of “staff oversight” would have left me without ANY help whatsoever.
Staff oversight: Staff oversight is the systematic process of supervising, monitoring, and directing employees to ensure work aligns with organizational goals, policies, and standards. It involves tracking performance, ensuring accountability, providing guidance, and identifying risks.
Doesn’t disappearing on a client in the middle of a time-sensitive process, without word from ANYONE, ignoring clients’ emails, texts, and phone calls fall under that process? Doesn’t all of that violate an agency’s goals, policies and standards?
And again – I am a lone voice – doing this alone. I have not been able to find anyone to help me with this situation, other than hearing of a few other people who had similar experiences, including a friend of mine. I have learned one thing – when you go up against a system agency, they are polite and helpful until you challenge them and their word. Even when you know you are in the right – even when you have their words and can prove them wrong – once they make an agency decision, your needs and your story are of no importance. Scatter to the wind like the rest of their victims. It’s quite horrid. And this is not my first go-around with systems. In this ugly reality, it is the big ones with the fancy titles and comfy jobs who can make your life easy or put you through hell, where you waste time you CANNOT AFFORD TO WASTE.
That said, I believe in Truth. In love. In doing the right thing even in the face of obvious wrong. I still have faith in good people.
I just need more of them showing up in my life, and I pray for that every. single. day.
