I have a few things to say but will first share a message posted on Lisa Gawlas’ facebook page today – as shared by her daughter:
This is Katt, or Michelle as my family calls me. I am making this post against the wishes of my brother Chris. He doesn’t want people to remember our mother as only her final act in life. Which I understand. But I believe in the power of the truth, and I believe that everyone who knew and loved Lisa deserves to know the truth. With how she lived her life and taught other to live theirs, I would like to believe she would agree with me that the truth is the best approach.
As all of you know, mom lived with me, here in Texas, for the past 7 months. During that time, she was in very constant and intense physical pain from her psoriatic arthritis, and the litany of other medical issues that she suffered from. She made many, many comments about “quitting” in order to end her pain. If y’all have followed our mother for a long enough time, or have read her book, you know that she was no stranger to suicidal ideations. She was very open about this to most people.
Mom and I had gotten into an argument (about dishes as most people who share a house argue over) and without even a thought, she decided that she didn’t want to live with me anymore and would rather go back to Virginia. I begged her to stay, and when she refused. I got angry and said things that I regret very deeply. Things I will run over and over again in my head for the rest of my life.
She told Chris via text that she would be heading to New Orleans, which was on the way to Virginia. However, instead of going south, she decided to head north. She got a hotel room in Rockdale, TX (a town that she undoubtedly chose because she loved rocks, I mean LOVED rocks!). She stayed in the hotel for two nights, and on the morning of the third day, she was found by hotel management. While we do not have the autopsy report back, the scene in the hotel room told a very precise story. She took a large amount of her pain pills, medicine that she normally would not take unless she was in severe pain. She left a note that simply said to call her son and whom to give her phone to.
I feel that all of you deserve to know the full truth, and I hope that you can all find closure in knowing. While we will always be left with many questions, I know one thing for sure, and that is that our mother is no longer suffering debilitating pain. She is now the energy that she loved so very much. And I pray that she is on the other side of the veil, beaming her light upon all of us.
***
My first hunch upon hearing Lisa had passed on was an “off” feeling. It didn’t feel like a natural passing.
It’s sad. It brings me right back to center – humble – thoughtful. As I mentioned I did not read her material regularly and wasn’t always so crazy about how she channeled – however – I always and I mean always appreciated her honesty. Her authenticity. Her humor. Her energy. I know she struggled with financial crap and chronic health/pain issues. This place is hard enough without those two challenges. So I understand why she reached that space where she just had “had enough”.
I wish for something different for us all – a feeling of safety. A knowing and a comfort that we can say and share anything we want without having someone tell us to feel different. I don’t know if Lisa planned this or just reached a place of total done and did this in just a moment of “that’s it” . I don’t know.
What I do know and feel so strongly is we owe it to one another to look out for one another – with the exact same comfort and kindness as we would a small child. We’re all doing the best we can – and not one of us can ever claim to know what another needs without asking.
Could this have been prevented? Maybe. Maybe not. I just wonder if there was something someone could have said – or done – offered – Love In Action – to help her. Could she have received the real physical healing and help her body needed if she had had the money?
Likely, yes.
My mate, as many of you know, lives in daily pain. Emotional/mental pain is something I am more familiar with – and with that – I can pull myself out of it. But physical pain? That is chronic. It may be lower some days – but it doesn’t ever go away. Those who deal with this daily without relief – wow. Just WOW, you know?
As one who knows what it feeeeeels like to put yourself out there – share your story, your thoughts and whatever else- and receive so little ($) in return…..and as one who knows what it feeeels like to struggle to understand much less master the art of making abundant amounts of money – well, I just conclude that in a different – better – environment – I feel Lisa would likely still be here.
But she isn’t.
So I reflect on that. Quietly and humbly. And all I can say is we gotta help one another and look after one another when we can.
Victoria
