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I just came inside after spending time enjoying the warm sun.  As I began to walk through the door I paused and told my mate what I had planned for dinner.  He gave me the thumbs up and I said “I don’t know who will be making it but that’s my idea.”  We both laughed.  Making meals has become further challenging.  E V E R Y T H I N G literally has become a challenge.

One of the outside activities we did today was biking.  My girl and I rode up to one of our favorite places.  I stopped to take pictures of the Fall foliage.  I made an attempt to appreciate the colors.  They were beautiful – reaching a peak.  But I’ve seen it all before.

Boredom has taken on a new intensity.  I feel called to give it a new name.  Or phrase.  Something like mind-numbing activity on repeat or “if i have to see that scene again i am going to turn into that little guy from The Incredibles”…..

Last night was intense.  I was very sleepy around 7:30pm so I rested for an hour or so then was pretty awake until well after midnight.  My mate and I were still awake at 2am – trying to fall asleep – when suddenly we began to vibrate inside at that cellular level.  He felt it first and commented and just as I said “nope, not feeling it”, I rolled over on my side and began to feel the surge.  I suddenly felt 16 and had the desire to go for a 2 mile run.  As it was dark, cold and I have the knees of a, well, someone of “my age”, that wasn’t an option, so I got up, walked around the house and breathed through the experience.

No idea what time I actually fell asleep.  I just know I woke up around 4:30am and slept in fits after that.  I’m conserving my CBD oil until I feel comfortable enough spending the money for a new bottle.

I am also having those “where am I?” experiences – little piece of me here with another piece of me elsewhere.  Or the rest of me.  Whatever that is ain’t exactly clear.  I feel I am just used to the experience – something that has been gradually happening and is now pretty much continuous.

Today as I swept off the front porch, I thought how many times I’ve done that.  Yeah, you get the picture.  I know it is collective now – we are bored. We are done.  We are ready for New.  And we ARE on that verge for unlike having these experiences in the past few years, which were fleeting, this energy is a constant.  For those in this house that is the experience and for some of you I speak with.

I also noticed my girl and I aren’t the only ones having the need to watch Contact.  Another friend from Home expressed the same.  Today my girl, out of the blue, said “Mom, I think Contact will be the last movie we watch.”

We are watching it tonight.  lol

Love to you all ~

Victoria “I’m ok to go” Sistar

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I’ve spoken with several of you wonderful Souls today and the feelings we are experiencing are indeed collective.  The angst.  The frustration.  The inner that is screaming for Freedom now.  The need for transparency.  The “I AM DONE” with deception.  And the feeling of not knowing what to do as well as feeling like a big ‘ole thumb is telling us to stay put.

Ditto on it all.

Last night I stayed outside until about 1:30am.  It was dry and partly cloudy. I thought of people in my life from years and decades ago.  I cried as I had one-way comms w/them.  (or were they really one-way?  hmmm)  I just cried and cried and cried away the angst and jitters.  It was then that I felt that energy – that massive energy quietly guiding me to STAY PUT/STAY STILL.

I gotta say – I am feeling a new type of surrender.  I’ve done quite enough of “letting it all go to let it flow” but this time I feel the need to keep my eyes open.  I feel it is the old original trauma’s of whatever happened – whatever we experienced to get us into this prison created by the “invisible enemy” – so trusting ANYTHING ANYBODY ANY MESSAGE etc. etc. 100% w/o question is not in my “game plan”.  I am, however, not pushing back against this ongoing inner experience to stay put.

The image I have had for the last couple of weeks is the scene below from Contact – which is a movie I have wanted to watch again.  Interestingly enough my girl brought it to me last night and said “mama I’ve been wanting to watch this movie”.  And speaking with Sister D today – she said she watched it recently – felt guided to.  I feel I need to “get out of the 3D seat” and trust.  Float.  I know the more I CLING to anything the more distressed I feel.  And that ain’t no fun.

That being said – I still seek reassurance.  Answers.  Support.  Far too often, as I have said here and elsewhere, we are told to just “trust the plan” – whatever that plan is.  The Q team.  Ascension.  Home.  East/West. Awakening.

Enough of that nonsense – this “don’t ask just trust”.  My inner Truth says LET NO ONE DRIVE ME.  Ask questions.  And if you see others asking honest questions, if you can answer, then respond.  If not – be kind.  Don’t be one of those types who gaslight by dismissing, discounting with that ego dick-hat. The awakening is a process and far too many think they have it all figured out and when questioned, the inner a-hole comes out.  I feeeel I won’t know EVERYTHING while I am still here.  There is still deception playing out – on both sides of this insane war (reflection on that at the end).  For me to KNOW something fully, and I mean F U L L Y, at times I have to SEE with the human eyes.  Perhaps that’s not the way it is on the outside – again – I don’t know.  But that’s how things operate inside here and we are still inside this pit.

Doing the best we can.

So I will do my best to be supportive of every one of you regardless of your narrative.  Like that line from the U2 song “One” – we’re One but we’re not the same.  We’ve got to carry each other….carry each other….

So – brief insight on this war:  My mate said it feels like this see-saw.  Up and down.  I agreed and said to think of it like a movie.  What happens near the end?  Does the scene intensify until BAM it’s over?  Yeah.  And yes I absolutely have noooooo energy w/in me supporting the concept that we are watching a movie.  Q says this isn’t a game – but it is a movie.  Perhaps that is as Rose has said – this is an illusion in here and that bus you see, while it is an illusion, can still hurt you when inside this matrix.

Anyway…….what gives me reassurance w/this “stay put” is the experience we had moving into this house almost 9 years ago.  Everything in me for many years (that just grew with time) KNEW we had to be on this street. When the “time” arrived, we were quietly but forcefully guided to this house through a series of events (yeah that weren’t pleasant) – much like the feeling and experience I am having now.  In fact I can honestly say the energy THEN matches exactly to the energy I am feeling now.  So…..That guidance served me well then – and I feeeeeeeel it is serving me well now.

Love,

Victoria

Thank you for your support.  All donations go to basic living expenses. Thanks to all who donate.  

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*Let me clarify – when I say “this will be it” I was referring to tonight – not for good.  I apologize for not clarifying that and thank those of you who have written me.

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This will be it – unless I feel some inspiration or receive some insight.  I am at a new level of fatigue – body struggling on down to the ability to talk.

So I read where allegedly President Trump gave some dates  of the Storm – from election day to inauguration day.  That’s when things go b.sheot crazy as indictments will be opened/revealed.

WTF?

Anyone else absolutely not only not consenting to that agenda/calendar but also not seeing it?  Another 3 weeks of this already rabid crap?  Then things go really full on insane?

Who is in charge of this movie?  When do those of us who absolutely don’t want this experience and don’t align with it get some damn freedom to NOT BE HERE IN THIS?  You know – Home.  The Event.  Sky Event.  East.  West.

And the simple concept of being in charge of ones own experience – inside AND out.

The goal post keeps getting moved – dangling the carrot continues.

Days like today I don’t see the purpose and even if explained to me, I am not aligning.  Not my experience.  Not for me.

Much bigger happening.  BRING IT already.  My faith has been wavering – not in my lack of ability to embrace what I desire – but the idea that WE are supposed to be having this grand moment that many of us have not just felt but seen.

WHEN.  

WHEN WHEN WHEN.

Patience is not in my realm of comprehension today.

Love,

Victoria