so…..i get up and do the usual……….
i check headlines…..same chaotic nonsense
the schumann…..yeah it has spiked. again. so what? we’re still HERE.
new messages from this alleged narrative of “Home”. “soon”. “awhile.”
so frigging what?
try something new, i am told…………..lolololol
NEW?
really??!!
i have no CONCEPT of what is “new” here. been there done that D O N E.
i have been thinking outside of this matrix box for over 20 damn years.
i have asked for help with a variety of things…..promotion….increasing my income….$$ help for the work I do…..
today i feel completely fully utterly used, abused, tattered, stripped apart, spent and quite DONE.
DONE. fully totally DONE.
i have no more “answers” for myself.
deep breaths…………..self talk………..tapping…..meditation………playing music………holding on to faith and hope…….visualizing…….blah blah frigging BLAH
all of it – TEMPORARY cover-ups for the truth:
i am alone here. i always have been. i don’t fit in. i never have. i have never authentically felt comfortable in my own skin here. who i am and what i desire for myself – you know – that right to create my own experience freely – just ain’t happening.
so……….more hurry up and wait? soon? awhile?
today this provides me absolutely no comfort. the only thing that does is my bed with the covers thrown over me. i would rather “wait” there instead of doing this daily nonsense i have been doing.
over and out.
love,
v.