Latest Posts

I guess the days of the lonely weary starseed words aren’t sticking with others as they once did.  Funny how you can write something that resonates with hundreds – thousands of others – then you find yourself 8 years later wondering where you belong.

So many people have dropped away from my life with just a few new friends appearing.  The numbers are far more on the side of “sayonara”.  Lots of fakes, many want you to keep in your corner behaving.

I’m trying to figure out where I belong now.  Where.  With whom.  And doing what.  I honestly haven’t a C L U E – and that is so uncomfortable for me.  I pray and let it go and allow answers to flow – only with this one in particular – I am getting nothing but empty space.

I toss out ideas – nothing is sticking – which leaves me feeling truly lost – at a level I’ve never felt before.  It’s as though there’s nothing left for me TO do.  And I absolutely do not accept that for I KNOW I am here to bring in NEW – and that NEW – what is it?  Certainly, none of this ongoing bread and circus b.s. we keep seeing.  New ways of doing everything.  Not just a recycled cleaned up version for that process we see happening still leaves me on the sidelines wondering where the fuch I am and what the fuch I’m doing here.

It’s like MAGA doesn’t resonate – the energy is too rough for me – too individualistic – too capitalistic – far too competitive.  I visited that terrain – just doesn’t align.

The whole 5D doesn’t jive – too much pressure on being this perfect being of purity in order to earn the right to ascend (i.e. get out of hell/matrix).  Gotta go through hell before you “get out”.  Gotta purge all of this crap for humanity.  Pardon me while I kumbaya myself into an enlightened state in a dimensional space surrounded by demons disguised as pretty angels giving me those rules of “you have to” and “you need to” in order TO.  FUCH THAT!  I visited that terrain too – I tried to get myself to align with that narrative – but alas, it didn’t align because I knew it was more matrix b.s. (and I learned not to visit those invisible spaces – I prefer to SEE my path and know who is on it instead of trusting in some entity I don’t know and can’t even see except for in my mind).

Then there is the term given to those like me – the Anon – which seems to align the best – those who don’t align with this movie, those who don’t align with MAGA (globally not just stateside), those who don’t feel like they fit in anywhere, those with the sensitive heart and Soul, those for whom pay to live is an absolute punishment to our Souls, those for whom hold rules and laws in disdain because we are not the type to do stupid ass things like others who apparently NEED a rule or law telling them “uh ok you don’t do that”.  Go over here little human.

That is not who I am.

We are often not only invisible online but even when we are ourselves with an online face, we still feel anonymous out in the world as we wander around, trying to figure out where we fit.  Where we belong.

And at this point in all of this “whatever it is” we are actually witnessing and experiencing, we wonder and command now WHEN our experience becomes about WHO WE ARE.  When the experience OUTSIDE matches the frequency we all hold WITHIN.  At least in SOME tangible way.  For example, cost of living around me should have ceased to be a problem given all of the energy work woo woo I’ve been doing around just that issue alone for the past 14 months.

Right?

That’s a question that only an “anon” will get.

Just wish we would organize instead of sitting on the sidelines watching things play out.  I am not one to sit.  I never. have. been.  If I’m sitting, that means I feel defeated and depressed – or agitated.  Which is a feeling I am fighting these days.  Letting myself BE is all I’ve got.

Wherever it is that I come from, at least the experience that I carry most present in my body is that we help one another.  We create not just in a bubble but together.  While there are times of retreat, we create best when working together, supporting and checking in and lifting up and hand holding and carrying at times if necessary.

And certainly those experiences are more prevalent when you don’t know where the hell you belong, where most everything feels so fake, a bad movie that you want to just wake up one day and find it is over.  It is finally. OVER.

So, no happy, clever wrap up for this one.  Nothing cutsie in which to conclude it.  Just going to leave it as is – without an ending.  Much like how I feel inside now.

💖

Victoria

Still in recovery/heal from this thing.  I looked at myself in the mirror today – and grimaced.  I look like a drug addict – my eyes look hallow and vacant – dark circles.  My girl was looking the same too but thankfully is looking more normal.  I’m underweight.  At least I am eating again, although not to my normal levels.  I don’t like to publicly say “hey I’m sick” because I don’t want that energy – and while I continue to say “I am healed” etc. – I’m needing support!  I was already sleep deprived – this thing has taken that to a new level where it’s making me feel drunk and incredibly irritable/emotional.

Anyway, I’ve had to have food and supplies delivered as I am still too weak to go in person shopping and that is taking a hit that I can’t afford.  But I have no choice.  Anyone who wants to help can either go to the green stripe button and contribute or you can send through cash app.  My handle is:  $VictoriaT1144

Thank you for any and all help.  Prayers for our recovery are also appreciated.

Love,

Victoria

Rat chewed hole in the liner of the car.

Shower arm is loose – was sent a video on how to fix it – but the escutcheon plate will not slide down the shower arm because it is not the right size and the only way to FIX the problem is to remove that damn plate.

My hosting company double billed me.

Hopefully solved the first issue by spraying peppermint e.oil around the area.

Shower arm – yeah – unless I can find someone to cut it – someone who knows what they’re doing – I don’t know what to do.

Hosting company – contacted them.  After being called “Sir”, the problem was rectified.  They’ve been doing some strange things lately and if I knew how to switch this space over to a new hosting company I’d probably do it.  They used to offer me the option of paying a monthly hosting fee on my own.  After the last 3 months of having to go through chat to do this – I asked why this keeps happening.  Ah they have a new policy – one they didn’t tell me about – I cannot pay one month at a time on my own.  And they also keep auto-enabling the renewal’s – when I clearly uncheck/disable that option every month.  I asked about that – they had no explanation.  Yeah –  perhaps time to look elsewhere.  Went from all of this wonderful service to reduced service and increase in pricing plans.

I was also quite exhausted this morning – lack of restful sleep due to the nasty cold virus plus lack of food (due to the same) and having to deal with unwanted questioning and drama – I get up to make some tea and within a few moments I break out in a sweat, get dizzy and start to see black.  I was clearly in the process of passing out so I turned off the stove, rushed back to the bed and lay down, willing myself to stay alert.

Go to my telegram channel to read more.

So for now I still don’t really know what’s going on out there – I don’t want to – my focus is resting and healing.  Anyone have any ideas on what to do about the shower – aside from my idea to get someone to cut the f’ing thing off – lol – let me know.  And some kind words and empathy sent my way would also be wonderful.  Whatever IS going on out there better be bringing me my financial abundance and affordable cost of living.   Because I’m truly about to lose my sheot now.

💖

Victoria