editor victoria’s comment ~ i’ve been having the desire to re-read this one and post it again. originally posted in september of 2016, you can say it is the post that really launched this site for, even though it wasn’t my first one, it is the post that put my site on the radar. the message came to me one evening where i was having one of my “I AM DONE” moments. reading this again tonight – i was a bit surprised that i felt as intensely as i did back then and how i continue to hold that inner feeling experience. it simply will not “leave” me – for it is my truth.
i pause as i realize how much more “awakening” i was to undergo. how many more rabbit holes i would venture into and how my perception of this realm and my experience in it has expanded. i have grown into more of Me.
so once again – for those who have not yet read it and for those who have been with me since the beginning – here is the repost of what is probably my most favorite and popular piece.
love,
victoria
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Let me begin by saying I am uncomfortable using the term “starseed”. It implies that I am somehow better than most other humans – that I am somehow more special. Or needed. However, I use the word nonetheless because for as long as I can remember in this particular incarnation in this particular physical vessel, I have felt like I belong somewhere else. Even though I believe and feel I have lived many lifetimes on earth, I am in some way from another planet. Over the years I have had the thought “Where I come from we don’t do that” – a thought I especially began to experience a couple of years back. Just where is this “where?”
I have no idea. But I do know I have lived elsewhere. And I also feel I decided to leave my paradise behind (paradise compared to earth) and go on an adventure – that adventure being to liberate the people of earth from the darkness that took over many thousands of years ago. Along with liberating the people was the agenda of bringing earth back into the Galactic Universe of other peaceful, paradise-like planets. At the time, I was totally up for the challenge. I felt I could handle it.
Today though is a different story. In a nutshell, I am fucking weary. I have come to this planet so many times to help awaken humanity. With each previous life recall I had nothing but struggle. I was attacked by a bear. Got killed during a bloody battle. Stoned for being out in public as a mix-raced young woman. Drowned at sea attempting to escape an arranged marriage with a beast who only cared about money and power. And in my previous incarnation, I was raped by a priest, forced into an abortion and died on the operating table. So I feel pretty assuredly and strongly when I say that being human in third dimensional reality is fucking hell compared to the higher dimensional planet’s.
But I keep coming back. I believe along the way I got trapped in the reincarnation loop, which I believe is simply another extension of the Matrix. What a wickedly ugly brilliant system to keep us returning – load us up with false light telling us we must have a life review then return to even out our karmic debt – this following a lifetime of systemic brainwashing by schools and religions and government and culture and family and friends that ensures we are obedient to whoever the designated master is all but reassures a quick return to this reality.
Thankfully we the Starseeds began to remember just Who We Are again. And we returned to this place for just one last show – one last chance – to awaken the masses- only this time, our brother and sister star families, along with the Sun and energies coming from the center of our own Galaxy – are helping us make sure we get it right. In a nutshell, this is the last time we’re doing this show. Our final appearance.
That being said however, this girl is tired of trying to awaken the masses. I am fed the fuck up with sharing the truth from my heart only to be dismissed, ignored, abused. I am no longer under any illusion that other dimensional beings, who are intent on keeping us enslaved and trapped in this bullshit most of us call the Matrix, have been working through other humans throughout this lifetime (if not my previous incarnations as well) to keep me down, afraid and silent. For while in this incarnation it worked. I was bullied and teased relentlessly as a child and except for my room, I had no safe place. I had no one I trusted enough to share my heart, my fears. I learned that when I did speak up, I was usually not believed. Anxiety set in at a young age and by the time I was in my 20’s, panic and agoraphobia were more or less the norm. There was a bonus to this though as working outside of my home was just not possible – at least for the long term. This gave me plenty of extra time to think and be – alone – in silence. It was during this time my inner voice found a place to speak.
And speak she did. Wow! Suddenly I was questioning everything. Religion. Politics. School systems. Culture. I dove into books on Spirituality. That was a good start – but it wasn’t enough. I was remembering slowly Who I Really Am. I became fascinated with the paranormal, metaphysics, ufo’s and aliens. Along the way I took up past life regression and began having these experiences that felt completely real to my body. Some of the memories were so traumatizing, my entire body would shake. One experience left me in near hysterics where I literally went someplace else in my mind and memory space and once I had experienced enough, I “returned” to my physical body where I felt like a metal door literally slammed shut in my mind and the memory was immediately gone.
9/11 sparked my next level of awakening. I even had a premonition of the event the day before. It was only days after that I began questioning the story we were being told. I shared my concern with those in my life, and it was then that I really saw how even family can turn against you when you awaken. I got it in spades with politics, religion and social issues.
In time I realized I needed to get my word out to the public so I did what most of us do – I started a blog. I kept it going for several years before life decided to bring me my beautiful child. However, not even the awesome responsibility of being a mama could stop me from my pursuits of knowing the Truth. All I can say is thank god for the internet for it has given so many of us not only the chance to share our message with a massive audience, but it has also allowed people like me (more or less introverted with travel issues) to have a voice in this Awakening/Ascension experience.
My energies to share kept up at a good pace. I was able to, more or less, handle it when others would question me or dismiss me. Having a social media page, I got used to people removing me from their little lists of “people i am such good friends with”. Whatever. Good way to weed out the wheat from the chaff.
However, I don’t know if it’s these energy waves coming in changing me, forcing me to deal with my own shit and purging or if it’s my age – or both – but wow – am I weary of this journey. I am weary of this “awakening the masses” shit I took upon myself. I know what I want. I have known what I want for myself, for my mate and now most importantly for my child and I want it NOW instead of later.
“Be patient,” we are told – quite often by channelers of higher dimensional beings who have no fucking CLUE what it’s like to live on this planet in these bodies. Patient? Really? When we have been coming to this planet for thousands of years we are being told to be patient? Talk about false light matrix bullshit.
I want to know where these star families are. It isn’t enough anymore that I have seen their ships or had dreams and experiences of being with them. IT ISN’T ENOUGH. Not anymore. I have read where we must ALL rise together to the new earth.
Why? Sorry but at this point if you are not awakened – no – if you are UNWILLING to awaken with all of the insanity and chaos and lies and corruption played out every damn day for all to see – then guess what? You can stay behind.
It’s like I and those of you like me have been on a very very very long road trip and at the very least we want a vacation, at the most we want the finish line. We DESERVE that. We have done work most aren’t strong enough to handle. We have risked our reputations, relationships, finances and the like to bring our messages here. And again (signaling the choir) – WE ARE TIRED AND DONE.
Let us manifest this paradise on earth now. We can do it. Let us stop focusing so much of our energies in sharing our messages with the masses and instead focus on what we want and KNOW we can have it. NOW. Thoughts create, right? And these energies coming in are said to help us manifest “faster”. Let’s stop falling for this “we must be patient” chanting. You know the saying – unless you are walking in my shoes you cannot tell me how to think/feel/believe/do. We aren’t children, after all.
I feel many of you can relate to this. I think even though most of us seem to be scattered throughout the planet (this sucks at times doesn’t it?), I also believe energetically we can feel each other. So let’s join together. We can do this.
Are you with me?
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I realize this piece was like listening in to a counseling session or reading the private pages of a personal journal. I wrote it to not only share my feelings of how truly tired and weary I am much of the time these days, but to also validate the feelings I know many of you are feeling. In my quiet times, I still feel that love for humanity. I still have moments where I want to share my Truth (although that is waning – obviously). I feel the pain of our sufferings. I want ALL of us to awaken and rise together. But life keeps showing me this isn’t necessarily going to be the case. I do not want my precious child to experience the same world I and her daddy have. All of the little ones deserve so much better – we all do. It is long past time for each one of us to not only have this feeling on occasion but to hold it in our hearts daily and walk that inner talk.
