this post was inspired by a beautiful piece i read in a private group i belong to on “the event”.…..[wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”]
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i awoke feeling a lot of heaviness. dense energy. itching skin. upset stomach. a lot of heavy around my eyes in particular.
i felt a purge was coming and i was correct. after i let it out however it needed to be released, buried stories began to reveal themselves.
how many of us have questioned our own dark/shadow sides? is there too much “in there”?
how many of us have wondered if we are “light” enough?
pure enough?
good enough?
i know i have.
the words i read this morning said sometimes those showing the most anger and “negativity” are actually the ones with the most light within and those showing the most light ~ rarely if not ever showing signs of anger, etc. can have the most dark.
first i want to clarify my perception on dark and light. i feel it is all energy. if we choose to use it for destructive purposes, harmful purposes it can be considered “dark”. if used for healing and helpful purposes, “light”.
i also feel all of the buried trauma’s and stories, the emotions stuffed and fears not wanting to see can arise coming out as “dark”.
(and then there is pure evil which i feel is not innately human and therefore i am not going to touch on that one other than to say i feel it feeds upon itself. like an addiction. the more you feed it, the more it takes over and consumes the physical vessel. a virus if you will.)
we are all programmed here whether we choose to see this or not. we likely all come pre-programmed (imprints/codes in these bodies ~ which i know are a dumbed down version of the original design). a lot of the stuff coming out is old programming. i see it as necessary as i see/feel we are being pulled away – slowly (yeah i know **groan**) out of this simulation. again this is just my perception.
i remember one of my first in-person encounters with someone who was into ascension and new earth. it was 2012. i saw a sign out in front of her house stating “2012 – the year love wins”. i wanted to meet this woman but there were all sorts of blocks put in my path. i let it go. eventually it happened.
she was charming and had a bright light to her eyes. but something felt off. however, i ignored that. she had that sign on her property, a group i was invited to join, and spoke the right words so i dismissed that inner signal that said “red flag”. one of my “programs” i helped create ~ certainly kept it going by ignoring it ~ was to make relationships into what i wanted them to be.
in time i grew (spiritually indeed) to see what the flags were about. she spoke words of love and light and all that gooey stuff ~ but she didn’t back it up with action most of the time. promises went unmet. words of commitment to do x y z broken. when i finally spoke up about it i got the “i don’t do drama” along with “i don’t need to apologize”.
i had grown enough in my own sense of self that i was able to say “simply because you don’t get angry doesn’t mean you don’t engage in drama”.
passive-aggressive behavior. i saw it in her and i have seen it in the spiritual community as well. people with unseen/unacknowledged ego’s who enter your space as loving, charming, considerate ~ and yet if you show a human emotion or speak with authenticity over a fear or struggle, they cut you out in a flash or they speak down to you as if they are somehow the experts on your life and personal experiences. that smarmy energy. fake.
i have a keen keen KEEN sense of this ~ and i not only see it in others, i see it in myself at times. i know the energy vibe of this behavior.
one of the programs i bought into hook, link and (almost) sinker was the self doubt program. so i have created a pattern of judging my dark side while dismissing my light side. i had all of this pain ~ this anger, fear and rage ~ could i really have all of this purity and beauty too?
as with us all, i feel, people come along to plant a little seed to help us see who we really are. sometimes that brings up the muck, other times the gems.
i am thankful, oh so thankful to those who have helped me see my shiny gemstones within.
one happened when i was 19. this woman worked with my mom. she was so cool. wore gauzy type clothing, lots of bracelets that clanked together and those big hoop earrings. upon meeting me, she said i had one of the brightest aura’s she had ever seen. i had never heard of an aura, but somehow i knew what she meant. she later told my mom i was here to do big things. i let those words marinate within my being for days. it felt ~ wonderful! no one had ever spoken to me like that and i wanted more of it.
i had to wait. lol
the next time i recall this happening was about 25 years later. my brother-in-law was visiting and he and i were having a conversation about life ~ the pains and the healing ~ the real stuff. he was feeling some guilt over taking a little extra gasoline to get him to where he needed to go. at the time he was homeless and struggling. i said something like “those oil bastards steal from the people daily. you’re a good soul. let it go.” i waved my hand as i spoke. he laughed then looked at me, considering me thoughtfully. “you know what?” he said. “i have never seen a light as bright as yours, except for our nephew. don’t ever lose it.” i looked at him with some surprise. “really?” i asked. “yes, really,” he said.
i felt all gushy and warm inside. and yet i also knew – i too have light.
bright light. it is who i am.
i have always known of this bright light. i have always known i AM a bright light.
i know and have known that there has always been a reason why i have been blind-sided by others who thrive on their bully-like, power-over behavior ~ aggressively or otherwise. some say i am naive for having allowed this experience. i say trusting along with a driving knowing that we CAN BE and LIVE paradise, sooooooo if you are being an ass, then see it, own it and make a new choice.
i have also come to this rather unfortunate conclusion that not everyone in this realm is human/has a soul. i may be incorrect, i hope i am, but that is a feel i have come to see as a real possibility if not probability.
for all Souls, dark will attempt to consume and put out light for it does not wish to acknowledge its counterpart. in truth there is nothing to fear in facing our darker pieces.
darth vader did it.
if he can surrender into what is pure and creatively helpful, so can we all.
love,
victoria
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