note: this is a random stream of consciousness where i am taking a variety of thoughts and weaving them throughout as i write. you have been alerted to the possibility of some confusion. i will do my best to help lessen that experience….
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as i have sat here the past hour or so, looking around at what’s up, reading opinions and what not, i feeeeel an underlying desire for meaning. a restlesness. perhaps we have reached another collective feel to have more of it. perhaps a knowing we have never had it and we want it in its FULL entirety
meaning….it’s certainly been on my mind and in my heart lately ~ that desire for meaning. not necessarily purpose (that feels rather 3d and old to me now) – but meaning.
meaning = a feeling experience. i have read where meaning is found in the NOW moment/experience.
at the moment, i feel torn about how to direct that energy.
last night, as i lay in bed, i had this new thought/feel appear: being in the NOW is another program. whaaaat????
so i let it marinate. and i realized that being in the NOW has been, overall, an impossible task for me. i notice when i do give full tending to a situation in the NOW, deep within is the desire to be free.
it’s always there. and it pulls at each “NOW” moment.
for me a sense of meaning = freedom.
freedom to explore and experience however i choose ~ without limits.
how that looks to each of us is unique of course.
and i know i do not have that freedom here. i will not go into that as i have already spoken of freedom and what it feels and looks like to me.
so last night as i felt through this “being in the NOW is another program” i thought ok – so what do i “do”?
go within and feel and hear.
and what i hear is “end the simulation now.” and what i feel is the longing for that to happen NOW. ooooooh the longing……experiencing that right in that core/gut area….
i want NEW and i am not finding that here.
i go within and intend. new abilities. healing. new people. new places. etc. etc.
and yet here i am/I AM.
for these “new” experiences i KNOW – i just KNOW are to be experienced and found elsewhere – “out there” – outside of this physical realm.
i can see in my minds eye the “fractures” the simulation has created to limit our abilities. when we DO experience one of those beautiful moments of synchronicity, when all aligns, we celebrate and cling to it like a child with a blankie ~ in a way (understandably) fearful it may be taken from us, and/or not knowing when such another moment will manifest.
freedom = meaning = ALL is about such moments of synchronicity – not just a random, now and then event.
i want meaning. i want new. i want freedom. and this means ending the simulation.
i. want. it. over.
for almost 20 years i have felt we are in a matrix like system of control. felt it without any proof ~ other than the inner feels and knowings.
and in feeling that, THAT is my be-in-the-NOW moment where nothing else enters.
spiritually incorrect perhaps. but i am as i am and it is as it is and that is my truth for this simulated day of 7/6/2018. 24/25 more simulated days….at my command…
love,
victoria
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