Sometimes It’s Just an ’80’s Metal Kinda Day


Oh how I wish every day I could be in love and light.  I wish I could just stay in a nice meditative, peaceful state and enjoy the quiet new age-y type of music I do most days.

I long for a personal reality where people don’t step all over your boundaries and throw their emotional garbage onto you.

I long to have my child play with other kids who won’t bully her or push her around.

I long for a reality where family is family.  There, together, for one another, through thick and thin.

And mostly ~ I long to see myself Being this above-described Individual. Peaceful.  Kind.  Reliable.  Tolerant.  As often as I can.  And I continue to reach those states, more and more.

Then there are days like today when I just want to rip apart anyone who looks at me wrong.  Today was a “here I come let’s purge” day.

Letting it go……

During a bike outing, I witnessed a young child pitching a major fit.  I found it rather refreshing and thought to myself “I’ll take one of those for myself.”  Think of it ~ instead of a drive-up McDonald’s window of fake food nastiness, we could instead order up tantrums or love hits – to-go!

Instead, I rode home and decided to listen to some metal.  ’80’s style (which back then seemed to have more of a spiritual/political/social message). Not often my style, but today, well, it fit.

Until next time…



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More Upgrades ~ A Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On


Well this explains why my little one just “happened” to pull up the jerry lee lewis song “whole lotta shakin’ goin’ on” given what I wonderfully experienced last night – at 1:15am – again (same bat time, same bat place I am going to begin to say).

I had been asleep, after doing a meditation with Higher Self (who told me, briefly, “she” was busy in the higher realms helping with planetary grid work and I needn’t worry myself about “helping” or doing anything different).  I woke up with a jolt, feeling the entire bed rumbling then I began to do the usual trembling all over.  Lasted for several minutes.  I did the usual.  Breathed it in.  Felt some blocks.  Visualized areas that are still needing some focus/attention/loving care to release.  Of which I am feeling this today (a wee bit emotional/triggered at the moment).  Yeah, had a big major tantrum until I just kinda had to laugh at myself and say “seriously, girl ~ aren’t we tired of these experiences?  Let it goooooo.”

Then I did some deep breathing, some tapping.

(Then later on received an e-mail newsletter talking about tantrum’s during these times and doing EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique, or tapping – to help.  I will share info later on that in case anyone is interested and/or unfamiliar with the process.)

This followed last night’s 10pm sudden feeling of “UGH” – body pain all over.  Heat.  Comfort.  Warm tea.  Soothing myself until I found some relief.

So after the shakin’…..  I returned to a deep sleep.  Awoke at 3:30am to one of the issues – lying there in bed – pondering – ugh – finally surrendered as much as I could.  Tummy rumbling. Got up around 5am – I simply couldn’t sleep – must eat now – went to the refrig – grabbed half a banana, some bread, water and some of my little one’s chocolate pudding. Aaahhh.  Some relief.  Returned to bed and immediately zonked.

Feeling like a very relaxed zombie at the moment.  It’s been an interesting day for sure – feeling I am traversing timelines, one foot in, one foot out. Nap didn’t help much.  Feeling a rather sense of “blah” overall ~ which I read earlier is something many are feeling.  Late this afternoon we noticed two police cars pull up quickly in front of a neighbor’s house and the officer’s ran to the door.  She’s an elderly woman with dementia ~ has caregiver’s now.  Her son and his wife live next door but they didn’t seem to be home.  I don’t know what the call was about – no ambulance came and there was no noticeable noise.  The officers left about 30 minutes later.

I pondered unnecessary suffering ~ how just downright horrible it has to be to watch someone slowly lose their mind.  Cures for such diseases. Ways of Living and Being we are all worthy of needing to come on board YESTERDAY to put an end to this unnecessary sadness.  Such a heavy weight.  I thought again for the millionth time for the means to heal such people.  Life is precious.  We are surrounded by a plethora of elderly folks and feel like we are the “young family” in the neighborhood.  Visiting with my friend’s mom, who is another one of the neighbor’s recently, where she told my friend she had such an “amazing thing” happen – me visiting and talking with her.

Will be doing more of that.

The song “I can feel it comin’ in the air tonight” just went through my mind, so I will link that song as well as Jerry Lee’s shakin’ tunes.

The dinner bell is ringing so time to feed the family.  Get some fireworks for an fire-work obsessed child.  She digs those smokie worm-like things. And now apparently is covered in mud.

It’s all good!  Even though it feels so hard in moments and I feel like major crap.  It’s still all good…


Sunday Thoughts On This Grand Process



Free stock photo of light, dawn, landscape, nature


I stayed up very late last night watching the last video I linked.  I also watched some of the other videos and checked around to see who they connect with.  Some things about their perspective just didn’t resonate with me and had me questioning my path.

Again.  The doubt crept in.

Argh, Victoria.

I began to question what I hold to be True in my heart.  Began to doubt my visions and the like.

There was this sense in the videos that overall, the journey out is very very difficult, if we even escape, as the message was many will not.  Much of the talk was on the dark controlling factions with only a brief mention of the Benevolent Beings who are there in the other realms to assist. Their belief is there will be two “armageddons” – the first one will harvest those who haven’t done their inner work (as defined by their perspective on how it is to be “done”), leaving them to the total destruction of their Essence ~ forever. Get it absolutely right though and you get saved in the second armageddon.

In my heart, I know, I feel the collective heart of humanity has been doing our best for eons to escape this reality.  I KNOW this.  And as such, there is no part of me that is Truth that says the above will happen.  I call absolute rubbish.

These folks have been in contact with other beings in other realms, many of them “dark”, since childhood so that raised another red flag.

I considered taking down the video I linked last night but for now will keep it up.  I may retract that decision though.

I know and feel that we have our own power. We are Divine Source Creators and it is US who create our own experience and the more we Remember our Power, those experiences change ~ for the betterment of humanity ~ as we are witnessing now. We are taking back our Power.  Remembering. Feeling.  Being in our heart space. Knowing when to just Observe, knowing when to take action with that Observing.

And damnit all, we are not alone in this process, in this Remembering, in this breaking-out!  I get quite fed up with hearing this “no one is here to help us” and “there is only one way ‘out'” and the like.  ENOUGH!

Love helps.  Assists.

I know to the Core of who I am that I am here for a reason.  A very “big” reason.  I remember my Oversoul encouraging the part of itself that entered my body sending the message “do not forget – remember – this is it – let’s do it”.  Those weren’t the exact words – if it was even words used at all – that is just the impression I received when I returned to that experience.

Is that programmed into me from the enslavers?  I have to offer up that question.  Taking it from a space of complete neutrality, complete observation, I have to say “anything is possible.”  And yet does that make it True?  I am quickly learning when something doesn’t resonate, quickly learning when it’s a fear-based program instead of my own Source Truth, which never presents information in fear energy and is what calms and soothes me when I am falling for the doubt – when I ask for further clarification. In fact, as I type this I suddenly feel a shift within.  I could really feel my Higher Self – more than I ever have – over my shoulder – guiding me, almost doing the typing for me.  Having a bit of an out-of-body experience in this moment as I type these words.  Just had to throw that out there.

So…..I am learning when the program of doubt kicks in, it comes from a certain space in my body, creating a certain feeling.  And I can say this about that experience – it is not there for my benefit.  Thus the experience of remembering my initial experience of entering this world holds True.  And I will not deviate away from it no matter how much programmed states of fear and doubt and hesitation wish me to.

As I mentioned, listening to these videos last night rather knocked me off my center – although not as much as in weeks and months past – which rather surprised me.  (*I am returning to this piece a few hours later – and given what I read today on another site I follow, I believe another “something” did indeed change and shift in the last 24 hours which explains my ability to return to center again easier than in the past.  I will link that piece next.)  Listening to something that deviated away from my own truth in that Now moment has had me rather (subconsciously at times – perhaps an automatic response) creating the experience of becoming depressed and apathetic, very much in the state of being the victim.  Totally dis-empowering and serves me NO purpose (other than a reason to stay in bed and reject everything “out there” – something I have battled for much of my life).  The couple in the video spoke of the hijacker’s ability to induce states of bliss within us to make us trust them. Good point.  And yet – just as we know with people, ok just as I know with people, if one is truly of Love, of Source, of Authentic Space, they will not attempt to control or seek to put their agenda on another.  While we can share our perspectives and encourage others to Remember by presenting information, you know the old saying – we can lead one another to water but we cannot – we must not – coerce or manipulate them into drinking the water.  Not if we claim we are acting from Purity.  That is our ego wanting to control when Source Heart Allows all to have their own individual experience.

When reaching outside of ourselves for assistance, whether it be in this dimension or in others, when the Being is in a state of Divine Purity, if your request is something they can assist with, they will.  If not, they won’t.  Never will they judge or coerce.  One would also be willing to answer any question you have without reaction too – if of Purity – certainly if it’s in a realm outside of our own.

I believe it is that simple.  It’s something I have learned through remembering my Origins on Gaia.  The concept of Sovereignty, inherent in all Beings who are of Source.

So what can we do to co-create this experience and help end this hijacked one?

Intend from our heart.

Intend to Remember.

Stand firm in our Truth no matter how much fear ripples through us.

And know we are not alone.  For every mislead being who has controlled us, there are far more of Pure Intentions who wish to help and are.  So let us intend more of them Now.

That is all for now.  



A Moment That Lead To A Question That Left Me Feeling Disoriented


Image result for where the hell am i image

Most of us have seen the Matrix.  We know the story of Neo and of his awakening.  Even once he has met Morpheus, he’s still inside the Matrix. It isn’t until he is literally unplugged from the imprisonment cocoon that he realizes the Truth.

I feel like I had a similar moment happen.  I don’t know why either, meaning I thought I was “more awake than that”.

I was outside with my daughter, looking at the clover in the grass.  I told her the story about searching for the 4-leaf clover, how I had not yet found one in this lifetime.  Searching for a few minutes, my daughter sighs and says “mom, maybe no one has ever found a 4-leaf clover.”

I told her many people have then went on to say how amazing nature is.

As amazing as nature can be in this simulation, I thought to myself, which was then followed by the thought “if nature is a simulation, maybe I am as well.”

I have yet to have that thought.  At least not to the extent that I felt that insight in my body tonight.  But it rather knocked me out of my body and left my mind searching frantically in its database for an answer.  Not gonna find the truth there of course…

My mate came out, walked over to me and seeing I looked a bit “off” asked what was wrong.  “I just had another Neo moment,” I said then shared what I had just experienced.

As I type these words, I feel this explains why I have been experiencing this growing feeling as though I am “split up” – with a part of me in one realm and a part of me here – and the remaining parts of Me feeling quite ready to “jet on outta here”.  I certainly feel it today – it’s as though staying awake – in the literal sense – in this 3d world is becoming very very difficult for me. If it weren’t for my duties as a mama, I would likely spend most of my time sleeping and meditating.  No joke.

How many “parts” of me are there?  For any of us?

Where the hell am I?  lol

Seriously wish to know the answer to that one.  Perhaps that is the biggest question of all.  I’ve been going down the “who am I” path for so long – maybe it is time to bring in that question as well.  It’s a mighty big mystery to me and I feel we are all collectively going to be knowing it All very very soon.


Another Collective Request For Source ~ From Us



Mandala, Star, Healing

Here are other requests to add to the previous financial abundance collective request.  Please feel free to state them if you resonate with, in whatever manner feels right for You.

I have watched far too many people suffer from otherwise curable diseases.  Who hasn’t, right?  Just last night I read my high school friend’s post about her youngest daughter’s father who is dying of a variety of cancers in his body.  Absolutely unnecessary for one who has fought every step of the way.  Now before someone says “perhaps that is his Soul’s choice” – maybe.  And maybe not.  That is not ours to even ponder much less question and so I don’t.  What is rightful is for him to have access to ALL of the healing tech that is already available NOW to heal him and humanity of all disease.  That’s right – every disease has a cure and the tech is already available.  Much of it has been used by the elite, the controllers of the game.  This is wrong on so many levels of which I will not go into. Instead, let us focus on what is right, on what is just and that is Balance. Fairness.  For ALL.  NOW.

Time to level the playing field(s).

Loving Source ~ We make the following requests in this NOW moment:

*We request of Source a return of our rightful state of healthy Being in this NOW moment.

*We request of Source in this NOW moment that the unnecessary suffering of people with disease be ended NOW with the release of the healing technologies that do cure disease quickly and easily.

*We request of Source in this NOW moment to ensure ALL also have easy and free access to organic, healthy, plentiful/abundant food and water and air.

*We request of Source in this NOW moment to ensure ALL have access to a variety of healing modalities such as body/massage work, herbal remedies and all other holistic/safe remedies to help restore the body back to its rightful state of perfect health and to keep it in that state.

The time is NOW, Source, that Loving Balance be returned to ALL lifeforms on Gaia.

We thank you for the Life we have and are.  We thank you for fulfilling our intentions as stated above.

And so It is.

In loving service~


Thank You!

I have had a plethora of private e-mails from many of you today – which is very healing for the current state I am in.  Divine Timing (which I experience with many of you at times – it still surprises me – in a childlike way!)  I am so very much ready to be done with my issues surrounding money ~ about all I know to do is cry and surrender and ALLOW.  Dreams spoke of this very issue – and what I am experiencing seems to be of a collective energy nature.  Reassuring, yes.  Still doesn’t solve the issue though of course and that is the paradox in which I am left to deal with.

Anyway, just wanted to send out this (probably rather tacky) “thank you” as I am just not in the space much at the moment to respond personally, individually – as I try to do.  Your support and words mean the world to me and trust me when I say they (along with my girl) are what keeps me going, especially in this current moment.

Wishing you all blessings and sending heartfelt gratitude…  Will probably write more later once I get more clarity and healing.


Today’s Thoughts ~ June 29, 2017


Forest, Path

Tick tock, tick tock goes my internal clock, waiting for “it”.

It’s rather challenging at times to keep up this facade of being “ok” with many of the things in my life when I am so long past ready to be “done with it already!”  Paying bills.  Wondering what to do next/try next to heal some of my little health issues with such limited healing modalities and ability to access what’s available.

Some days I have moments I feel like Cyprus in The Matrix.  “Why oh why didn’t I take the blue pill?”  Of course I am more than pleased I answered that inner call of awakening/searching/remembering.  But it is a tough go at times – mostly because I KNOW how things once were and I KNOW we are returning back to much of what once was – so it is painful to walk around with all of this knowledge and ideas and watch the same ‘ole continue year after year, awaiting this slow-as-molasses at times shifting until All is revealed.  It’s like many of us were given the preview years ago – sometimes decades – and it is the waiting that can be the most painful.

This morning as I did my usual inner contemplation, I gave thought to the concept I had heard of/read about and felt – Gaia is being moved.  What I feel is really happening is this artificial construct, this simulation we are living on and in is failing and is being moved at the same time – being raised in frequency – so we can at last rejoin our rightful place in the Cosmos – our Homecoming with Original Earth – our REAL Gaia.

Typing those words moves me to tears deep within.

I’m now beginning to question if 5D Gaia ever really “went” anywhere but has instead always remained while the human species was moved to artificial constructs of lower vibrations.

I know the answers will arrive soon enough.

Current symptoms:  Bloating, nausea that comes and goes and other g.i. incidences.  Seems as though nothing is moving through me as easily as what normally should lately even though I am drinking plenty of water, eating fairly light.  Probably have a big purge coming up.  I began one this morning but, well sheot, the demands of a child sometimes have to take precedent.  Eating, etc.  When those moments hit, it’s hard to shut it off and call it up later.  It’s much easier when you can just process it all out at the moment in which the body intuitively calls it up for release.  When I hear others write of the issue of ascension saying it must priority #1 – no exceptions – I see none of them have small children.  Many don’t have spouses either.

In fact, I began writing this piece almost 2 hours ago – kept getting called away – and was in fact interrupted 14 times.  Yes, I counted.

Already did the “texting of mama’s to see if their children are home or available to play” without a response.

And I wonder why I am a bit bound up at the moment….


Until next time~



This Morning’s Message


Woman, Magic, Mystery, Truth, Here, Now

Upon awakening this morning, I did a meditation.  I asked for a message my Higher Self wished for me to hear today.

I felt Higher Self sent an impression of “be willing to release your vessel”.

My initial reaction was “uh no I am intending on taking my vessel with me”.  The response was this sense of “Misunderstanding.  Be willing to release what you think of your physical vessel.”  (My higher self doesn’t really speak in words – but rather in impression’s – maybe even codes – that resonate through my emotional body and get interpreted by my brain and mind and words then form.  When I click with the message of High Self, I get the “a ha” moment.  This morning was no exception.

So…..Interesting message.  I began to think about the thoughts I hold towards my physical body.  The limits I still believe it to have among other programmed thoughts.

A willingness to Remember the abilities of my body (that are continually getting “ignited” again, for lack of a better term) along with the willingness and practice of letting go all of the old thoughts of limitation. The health issues I “think” and “believe” I have, in which thinking about them gives them power to remain.  Additionally, the focus I hold in giving more power to my physical vessel then I do my Eternal Higher Self, meaning I still tend to think my physical vessel is more “real” than my Higher Self.

So the journey to returning to Self continues.  


Dietary Changes



Baby, Bite, Boy, Child, Cute, Eat

As most of us are aware, this on-going change is affecting our dietary needs.

At the moment, my desire to stop eating meat seems to be matching the needs of my body as well.  Almost overnight, my body is all but rejecting meat.  The smell.  The taste.  I have intended this to happen for a long time now so we shall see if it “sticks”.  Years ago I attempted the vegetarian thing but felt so weak and run down, I felt my body wasn’t yet ready.

Here is what I am into in this Now moment:  Fruit.  Lots of fruit.  Berries. Melons.  Lemons and limes.  Oranges.  Mangos and kiwi.  Veggies – not so much other than root veggies.

Nuts and seeds.  Chocolate (dark, 70-75% cocoa).

Lots of butter and coconut oil for fat.

Water.  Coconut water.  Almond and coconut milk.  (We stopped drinking cows milk weeks ago.  Had to wean my child on this one.)

Perhaps slowly I am returning to the way I once was.

Yesterday I made these awesome granola/energy bites.  Peanut butter, seeds and nuts, vanilla, coconut oil and some rice puff cereal.  Mix together, pressed into balls and refrigerated.  OMGoodness – even my mate raved how delicious they are.

What are your eating habits right now?


Moments of Tenderness…


Heart, Love, Luck, Abstract

Earlier today the little one and I headed out for some supplies.  My mood was one of contemplation as well as a little bit of indifference after spending far too much time last night watching some videos on a fairly new channel I decided to check out. Much of what I listened to simply didn’t resonate with me and it became apparent this person was wishing to instill another hive-mind type system of control with just prettier colors.

Control is control.  Can’t hide that.

I become annoyed when I see people promoting ascension, higher consciousness and the like – as long as everyone complies to a list of rules as defined by them.  As I have long felt and seen, it is our sovereign right to live as we please in so long as our actions are not interfering with another’s right to enjoy the same freedom.

If there is an even higher thought to that, I am open to receiving it.

So we head out and stop at a couple of places.  As we get back into the car to head home, I turn on the radio and hear Jackson Browne’s “Stay” ~ a song that always centers me, puts me back into my heart.  I sit back, let out a sigh, give thanks to Source and release all of the silly stories in my human mind.  I glance over and see a beautiful sight ~ a man and a woman in an embrace.  It was one of those embraces where it was obviously going to last.  An embrace where you could sense their energies of solace.  A moment – moments – in time of two human’s, offering comfort for one another, support.  When there are no words and all you can do is communicate via physical touch.

God, it was beautiful.  Tears formed in my eyes.  My heart opened even more.

Not wanting to pry further into their private moment, I backed up the car and pulled away, silently thanking them for sharing their moment and how it helped shift my mindset and thus, my mood.

I returned my attention to the song and thought of the people who work so hard behind the scenes.  Those often “thankless” jobs.  When in truth, everything we each do provides something of benefit to humanity.  To life.

And how it is my fullest desire that as we continue to expand, awaken, Remember, we will all see the value in ourselves and in one another – regardless of what it is we “do”.  A necessary behavior to incorporate as we break down this system of division.

Returning home, I open up my e-mail box and see a letter from one of you, one who struggles financially (why is it those who give the most often have the least to share?) and yet found it in their heart to pass along a donation.  I was so moved, I started to cry – again.  (Seems whenever my heart is open I cry easily.  Makes me wonder how much is still in there needing to flow and heal.)  And following up with that, as I check my e-mail box again I see another response from this person and in another moment of synchronicity (I have so many of them with some of you lately in our private conversations), they shared it is often those who have the least who share.

So…. much humble gratitude for the people who crossed my path today, knowingly or unknowingly helping me open up this heart just a little bit more and reminding me to stop and take in those tender moments.