6.12.23 ~ Check-in/Reflecting and some Finds….

 

So today is one of those “push on the issues” days and I am feeling low energy and the whole “i am not enough” thought/belief/whatever is running strong.  I see it coming – I sense it – know what it is – it builds up – comes through and in and where as I once could push through it pretty easily – now I go numb – especially if the “push” is ongoing and/or from all directions.  A bike ride helped – a bit – sitting here expressing/venting myself is big for me in shifting it – at least in a way that helps me find some sense of ME again.

I feel like an absolute failure with a particular issue which puts a hindrance on my family – especially on my girl – and myself.  It’s a deep lonely ugly horrible feeling I battle – a lot – pretty much alone because I don’t like to burden people with it.  Plus there’s embarrassment and shame there as well.  It’s an understandable issue – for me – now that is – and yet it’s complex and getting others to fully “get it” is f’ing challenging.  You see – when someone says hey I have cancer or x y z disease – the understanding is easy.  But when it’s complex ptsd – especially my particular issue – well the understanding is more difficult.  And yet – that’s exactly what I need.  I don’t expect anyone to know what it’s like to walk in my shoes of course – but understanding and especially hearing and believing me when I say this. is. what. i. deal. with.  I am not making it up – I don’t expect anyone to “fix” me – and I have thrown every f’ing thing I know and can afford at it over the many years.  I don’t give up – that is not me – but the entire issue is weighing on me more and more – and in some way I feel some energetic push is about ready to push it outta my body – WHICH I WELCOME!  And RECEIVE!  So push away Universe because I don’t know how to heal it or most especially – RELEASE IT from my body/mind/being/soul/heart in full.

It is my dream – my desire – to do whatever I want – to go wherever I want – without this g.d. so often unexpected rise of panic that is suffocating and overwhelming – the voice behind the fear screaming GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!  And I mean N O W.

Most people have some form of claustrophobia.  I wish mine only arose while in a dark tiny cave or something similar.  lol  Having it arise in a car or bus or plane or train is a f’ing challenging nightmare when it occurs.  Add in the sensitivity and processing issues I now have as a result of lack of real treatment………Like my body goes further into shutdown with loud noises, dust blowing in my face, traffic sounds, sudden honking.  That’s why I desperately want to move RURAL and Q U I E T.  But hey that’s that pesky money issue…………😠😜

MOVING ON……………

Treatment over the years has failed to address the real ways in which to recover – and the woman healer I see now has helped me see this – and while she alone is still not enough – at least I am SEEING this issue in a new Light.  I see where I made it worse by powering through – pushing through the panic even if it meant I went numb.  That’s what I was told to do – but it never worked – it was only a temporary fix.  That is not how the brain heals.  Kinda feels like a rip off – much like my spouse feels with all of the “experts” he’s seen over the years to deal with his complex lyme issue.  Sometimes those treatments only exacerbate the issue/problem.

Now what I need next to add to this healing is someone who I can completely trust to be with me as I gently expose myself while working with my body to truly release and shift.  That includes the person must remain calm no matter what state I am in.  And that is where I am today.

A miracle perhaps.  But I know that what I SEEK – somewhere – seeks me in return.

Here are a few finds.  Let’s just say I feeeeeeeeeeeel part of what I am feeeeeeeeeeeeeling atm is due to what’s about to happen.  More finds shared later this evening.

Love,

V.

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Every one of us need prayers now……..

 

 

 

 

Anyone see it……….?

 

 

 

 

Very much feeling this too Martin – for me it’s a longing for Love – the way it once was – that frequency and experience………..It’s been big lately – and growing……….A need – an itch – a thirst – that only LOVE can heal/resolve………

 

Defo…………..

 

Absolutely…….

 

I like his attitude – people saying “hey you aren’t Trump” as in you can’t say that.  Why not?  Isn’t this OUR F’ING PLAN TOO?!

 

 

 

Sen. Chuck Grassley Reveals Foreign National in Alleged Biden Burisma Bribe Scheme Has 17 Audio Recordings of Joe and Hunter Biden He Kept as “Insurance Policy” (Video)

 

Anyone know what this means?

NEW: Magistrate to Preside Over Trump’s Arraignment in Florida – Not Aileen Cannon

 

The Storm again………

General Michael Flynn on Grassley’s Bombshell: ‘Yes, the Storm Has Arrived – We The People Need to Arise to the Occasion’

 

Trump Vows to Go After Joe Biden and His Family’s Ties to Ukraine: “Pandora’s Box Has Been Opened… People Will Now Say We Get It” (VIDEO)

 

Landmark Case in Germany: BioNTech Faces Lawsuit Over COVID-19 Vaccine Side Effects

 

Proof It Was a Setup? Trump Was 1st POTUS in 40 Years Who Feds Didn’t Help Archive Classified Docs, Attorneys Say

 

‘Wheel of Fortune’ Host Pat Sajak Announces Retirement After 40 Years

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Author: Victoria1111

Truthseeker. Philosopher. Commander of Freedom. Writer. Musician. Composer. Above all I Am A Creator.