Not accepting today. When will this end? When will I feel good for more than one day at a time? This up and down shit is, well, I have had enough of it.
I had a dream last night ~ a reoccuring dream I have had since childhood. A bear wants to come after me. Harm me. Or so I think. Once I gave it a hug and it melted into me. It was much calmer back then. Today it goes up and beyond rage. In my dream I called on a friend who passed. He came with a shotgun. I said “take it out”.
Was this the answer? Who knows. I don’t know anymore. I don’t have any answers. I feel sick. My body hurts. Inflammation throughout. Weak. Heart area especially feels very weak. Winded easily.
I just want to BE LEFT THE FUCK ALONE by hassles. I want to FEEL ME. FEEL the ME I was before I decided to come to this shit hole.
Pardon the expletives. Not feeling the “love and light” energies. Or as I hear “bullshit” in my mind.
Good on those who have mastered this. They have had more help.
Some of us have walked alone for eons. Dismissed. Disrespected. Raped. Tortured.
Today I thought – perhaps I did this to some people along the way.
Fuck.
Ok.
Dumping my pain on another person. Horrible thing to do.
Letting myself by manipulated into engaging in such darkness.
Horrible thing to do.
Am I forgivable?
Are any of us?
My belief within says everyone else is forgivable except for me.
In fact, I am pretty sure Source or an Angel could show up and tell me I am forgivable and I wouldn’t believe any of it.
Am I beyond healing?
The deep dark stuff coming out.
Who put this shit in me?
And WHY DID I LET IT STAY??
How is one person supposed to deal with so much heaviness?
Peel back the onion, get some relief, think you are going to be able to BE for awhile – then some fucking spiritual”lesson” kicks you in the ass again.
I never should have come here in a physical body.
I don’t understand the systems of being here. Of being a person.
Of being ANYTHING OTHER than the “live and let live” philosophy.
These are from some notes I took watching the video put out by Allison Coe, QHHT, in which she shares testimonies from her clients going back to January on the eclipse, it’s energies and what we can do to help anchor them in. Words in parenthesis are my own addition.
***
This eclipse is bringing forward a portal to bring about huge transformation ~ individually and collectively. Big advancements. Acceleration in human consciousness. This was described in January as a late summer natural event.
Four days in advance, intend the event will change us all. Keep this in our heart space. Hold this intention within without ceasing. (be gentle with yourself of course)
This tidal wave of energy is #2 of 3. The frequency is one of unconditional love and allows for each of us to recognize our Oneness/likeness. Hold this energy. This is like a “power washer” – washing away the “dirt” – increasing our Shine. Those not in the path of totality can participate and receive as well. It is not necessary to be in this path to receive the frequencies.
We will be able to speak with more impeccability. What we hold in our body will come out through our voice and heart.
By having this global event, where all around the world will tune in, increases the likelihood of these energies becoming fully anchored by our work and intention/acknowledgement.
Tap in through the entire event ~ invite and ground the portal.
Two days before (that would be today), empty out your thoughts. Flush our bodies, mentally, physically and emotionally. (again be gentle – no need to seek perfection or judge)
The lower frequencies still remaining in this realm need this portal to make space for the Higher Energies.
Now that we have entered the August Gateway passage and a new golden energy wave is coming in, we step into complete new territorial energies and the first stepping stone to activate The NEW archetype and meaning of the sacred feminine.
Great Sphinx of Giza have had many different faces over the ages. One of them was the sacred feminine divine goddess with the wings. She was and still is The rise of the golden Phoenix. She represent a golden era that has never faded in the sand. She is reborn and activated in each and everyone of us in our DNA.
The divine sacred feminine is not a female. It is the inner counterpart of the inner divine sacred masculine. It all stems from the true core of our sacred higher heart that is located in the chest area. Only from there you will enter and embrace the Divine Balance.
Last year in September of 2016 the powerful golden energy of the NEW sacred masculine energies soaked our multi-dimensional planet and everything on it. In March, Friday the 13 of this year, the Planet opened up it’s crystalline doors for the divine feminine to enter the scene. Today, in beginning of August, the last stage of the merging has begun for the NEW to balance out. This happens collectively as well as in every living thing on Our New creation. It has to happen, it needs to happen, it IS happening.
In March on the Spring Equinox of this year, Earth (or Gaia) also went through her own death. She decided to use my essence as the Gateway out and so I saw her leave through me and I had one of the most strongest intense death feeling and downfall within me that I’ve ever experienced. Old Earth died energetically and Gaia’s essence left for her New higher incarnation to The New Earth. Gaia went to the other side of the veil, but that is completely another article in itself.
This will reveal lots of things, both individually and externally. Collectively, if you’re not in your own awareness and in knowing of your development, you can literally be shaken up.
Underneath all that is your divine golden flame burning stronger than ever. This is a good time for movement, body activities. Let those energies flow through.
You might need a few days to balance out. New energies is always coming in, but right Now we have an intense peek of this Energy Golden dance happening.
Feel this fresh divine energy of the NEW embrace and harmonize your inner and outer senses fully and completely. We will meet in the middle and give each other and ourselves a BIG loving bear hug!!!
I wish you a wonderful time in the days and weeks to come, full of beauty and grace.
Sent in by reader Joann. I resonate with her thought on intending New Earth. In her words: “Last November I felt compelled to put this Pinterest Board together and I feel it is even more important at this time to really hold our focus on what we want to manifest with the New Earth. Feel free to share it.”
You can feel it. You are going through something, but there are no words for it that anyone can understand. (Including YOU, actually.)
Besides, everyone has a history unique unto themselves that they call their story. That means that even words have meanings that were developed in the stories, and since no one’s story is the same… you get the picture.
Yet all of us are going through the same something this month, albeit in our own unique versions. How do I describe it? Depends on your version of the story, and what/who you believe is the playwright. Yet even that is simply your version of what we’re all going through… let’s just drop that angle, okay?
As aclairgnostic psychotherapist who sees into the stories as well as the BIG story that each is a unique expression of, what I REALLY feel called to do in this post is say something simple that is so encoded with universal guidance that it will apply to everyone who reads this in a heartbeat. Ha. Quite a call, huh?
Oh, wait a minute… I just got it. From “out of the blue,” you could say (if you want)—
In the NOW of the next 144 hours, everything is ALTERED and ALTERABLE.
Respond to “reality” as if it is the same ONLY if you choose the same to continue.
Otherwise, respond NEW. The way you WANT to experience “reality.”
Yes! RE-SET!
Leave history where it belongs. In the past.
Yes! Respond as if you are FREE.
And respond from your place of knowing that the universe is taking care of you.
I will begin by saying it was a rather challenging day. First I felt the energies pummel me in a new way (which I understand now means the old is shedding so the new can be made visible). Secondly, it was a late night last night as my mate sliced his hand open and had to go to the ER for what turned out to be surgeon’s glue. No stitches. I was grateful it wasn’t worse ~ and also annoyed that this meant additional work for me (certain chores he cannot do for a week). I know- petty in a way ~ but i am already overly taxed these days, longing for a real vacation away from this daily grind.
And then later today I was questioned and laughed at as to my world view and visions I hold for the new. All of that added up to me reaching a point where I said “eff this ~ you can have your own reality ~ i am done with sharing my thoughts that you asked to hear only to be laughed at and criticized”.
So I nursed my heart and ego. As I did so, I began stating “I Am Free. I Am Source. I Am Powerful.” Something happened though. I felt/heard “Go beyond that. Go to where We Are.”
Now I have been intending to go beyond the beyond lately. Just came to me as an impression one day. I felt it out and thought “yes let’s explore”.
I Am more than I Am. We are ALL ‘We Are’.
Not the same ~ but One.
I have spent a lot of time in doing my “I Am” intentions and remembering. At least enough time on making that my sole focus. It is now time to incorporate the We Are aspect. Quite the challenge for me some of the time as I still hold this disdain towards the populace at large. I am a part of THEM in some way? Ooooh, I don’t think so.
And yet part of me Beyond the Beyond knows different.
‘We Are’ goes beyond words. Goes beyond beliefs. It really is that space of just Being.
One of the things I was challenged on today was how we can have a society where we are self-governing, where we agree to allow one another to live and let live ~ in the true spirit of the term. I was receiving a barrage of questions on my perspective. I was getting flustered at this point. A trigger for me is being questioned ~ grilled actually ~ as though I am on trial. I had that in my childhood so I am familiar with the tactic adults do when faced with a new thought they don’t wish to consider so instead they pick apart the thought with all sorts of attorney-like questioning. It annoys me to NO END! I have trained myself to respond differently and say something like “I am not comfortable with this line of questioning. How about you take some time to contemplate what I have said and we can continue this conversation later.” I was in no mood to take this approach today. And I was quite exhausted and had a child nagging at me “i want to go hoooooooome” so the only answer I could come up with when asked “how is this even possible? this way of living you suggest?” was a rather exasperated “Higher consciousness think”. What’s that, I was asked? Oh good lord, I thought! Guiding my child out the door I said “google it”.
Yes…. Sometimes I am more than happy to hold the hand of another, meaning I will explain fully certain thoughts, phrases and the like. Other times, not. Today I was absolutely uninterested in hand-holding.
I thought about this exchange thoughtfully later on. How I could have spoken differently. And how CAN such a diverse group of beings ever really unite together? I wanted to smack this person on the head.
Well, within I hear the guidance.
Drop the stories.
Drop the beliefs.
Drop the judgments.
Drop it all. All the garbage that creates separation.
Dump it out until you are just pure Being Space. Where all just IS. When we are in that space, we do no harm. And we accept. And allow.
A very resonating, pleasant space to be ~ a space I feel more and more until I forget or get tired or just don’t have the motivation to find it again.
Until I do find it again. And the more I find that space, the more my ego is willing to relax. Let go the need to explain, be right, etc. Be in that space of just chillin’ (I knew there was a reason I loved using cannabis back in the day). For this isn’t about silencing the mind or the stories. This is about going BEYOND that space. This is about knowing we have another option ~ another option besides just ignoring the stories or telling myself to let them go. Those are still stories, still words.
This is about going BEYOND the words.
I don’t have “words” really to describe it ~ I just know when I touch it and experience it. And it is in THAT space where truly there ARE NO WORDS.
And no desire to do harm to another. For I know ~ We Are. ♥
***
Your support of my work is greatly and gratefully appreciated. Thank you for being here!
