Category: Daily Notes

 

it is difficult to determine if i am experiencing these incoming energies (reads below) or if what i am feeling is an accumulation of everything culminating into one big, slow, gentle really meltdown today – that is still ongoing.  body is moving very slowly – my ability to think and form a sentence a big challenge.  i did not sleep well last night – a very restless night.  worry about our neighbor, who has surgery this morning and will undergo another surgery in 2 days.  the cause behind his current issue is cancer.  then there was a family issue that triggered me – partly due to myself/not having the love and support i need and partly due to it being a potential real disappointment to my child.  i will be saying something if it turns into said disappointment.

Love does have a way of offering support during desperate moments too. we had a friend visit today.  he popped into my mind shortly after waking up and i thought “wow i could really use one of his hugs today”.  minutes later i receive a text from him.  when he came over he gave me an amazing hug – long and meaningful.  when i commented he said he had actually been studying on HOW to hug – with purpose and meaning.  yeah he’s a quick study because i felt a much needed sense of ease.

isn’t it interesting at times how others perceive us as compared to how we perceive ourselves?  he told me – as he has before – i have one of the biggest lights he’s seen.  he sees it in my eye.  i present myself as someone who has it all together.  focused.  up.  i had to laugh as i said that i don’t feeeeeeeeeeeeeel that way within.  i may present an image but inside i am screaming.  exhausted.  unfocused – at least struggling to find focus so scattered is a better term.

program taught me well – how to present myself to the world.  we’re all programmed to present a certain image.  what’s interesting – for me that is – is i have no real desire to hide my authentic inner self now.  i long to share and connect – and i do when the chance/moment presents itself.  i feel like a lonely little puppy who has wondered and searched and now needs a safe, secure place to rest until i no longer need such an experience – then i can go off on my own, tail wagging, and share and give and help the way i like and want to.  as i said – i feel my reserves are dried up.  i need to recharge.  

so these energies……….rather a new frequency – for these eyes that is.  i just had an image of a colander being shaken – removing all of the unwanted stuff.  given that is my current experience it would make sense to me that this is what these frequencies are doing to us.  whatever is going on – it can end now.  if it’s all a movie – we’re the “actors” in it and can have that choice.  there are some movies not worth watching and playing out.

in practical matters, we had a pretty big jump in the electric bill.  it became quite cold here – far earlier than the norm – and i had to run the heat at night – so i knew it would be going up.  still – when it arrives – the mind isn’t always prepared for what the eyes are seeing.  i’m absolutely done with trying to conserve and pinch and scrimp.  i do that as much as i know how to – we all do.  so unnatural to the inner Self who wants to live and be freely, unrestricted.  i am thankful for some return of more normal weather – sunny, dry.  we were supposed to do some yard work for our neighbor this week but that obviously has been put off for the indefinite future.  i understand the reason why of course – but when you are counting on making money and that chance gets either canceled or put off – and you really needed that money – it brings up – well – a lot.  anyone wanting to help – as always – it is appreciated.  deeply.  

here are today’s kapow’s and oomph’s….

love,

victoria

******

[wpedon id=”208″ align=”left”]

 

this has been a challenging day.  our neighbor – whom we call “grandpa/dad” – had to be taken to the ER today.  it wasn’t a serious emergency but enough of one his doctor ordered him to go.  he was going to schedule surgery on his back – but today the condition was so serious he could barely walk.  we helped him finish getting dressed and into our other neighbor’s car and off he went.  last call we received he will likely be scheduled for surgery first thing tomorrow.

it’s scary.  i never do well with situations like this where i have no control.  on the outside, i look together.  i can talk about it.  i can take action when i need to as i did today.  but inside?  my heart?  my mind?  i’m anything but “together”.  he really is like family to us (and that is something that is in serious short supply in our life) and we’re all afraid – worried.  our girl of course is as well and we talked with her quite a bit today about what happened.  she had never seen her grandpa like that.  she asked the question if he was going to be ok.  i said yes i felt he would be – told her his doctor and surgeon really are the best around here so he was in very competent hands. however she asked if i was really sure he would be ok.

no – i’m not.  he’s elderly.  there are risks involved at his age.  i was going to tell her yes – i knew he would be ok – but i decided to be honest.  no – i cannot guarantee he will be ok.  but i did say the odds were overwhelmingly in his favor.

this just sucks – being human in this 3d shithole, ok?  when you KNOW all that has been hidden that could be released now – in just this instance – to heal another in need.

i’m f’ing done with this game of suck it up and pretend.

the political stuff reaching new level of crazy today making my mind scream inside.  had to turn it off – walk away.  the amount of illegal happenings now – why there cannot or are not arrests happening now and i mean now – tonight – of those violating them – i don’t comprehend that.  any joe/jane average person would have been locked away long go.  i’m not liking any part of this “plan”.

tonight someone local was expressing concern over seeing someone wearing a baphomet necklace.  the talk turned to satanism and i was appalled over how many locals support satanism – saying it isn’t what people really think it is.  and hey even chelsea clinton is said to be a satanist and she’s a good person.

jeezus wipes!  awakening happening?  not in my city.  not even CLOSE to an awakening.

i’m pausing now – laughing a bit – as i have been narrowing down a group of people to go see for claustrophobia experiences.  what do i say?  hey i not only feel stuck and overwhelmed in certain situations but i feel stuck in this realm and i want a COMPLETELY NEW experience.  not just a better version of what i have (although t this point i’d jump at that experience) – but a totally new experience of freedom and real connection and creating.

an experience where i can talk freely because we’re all at the same level of awareness.

an experience where i feel deep connection with others – with my experience.

an experience where ALL has been seen and revealed.

an experience where not one more being or entity is powering-over me.

an experience where – with our “neighbor/family” – we say hey no big deal remember?  we got a quick cure for that!

and no need to concern yourself with insurance or money because hey that was old 3D crap.

say any of that to a counselor and see the look appear behind the politically correct words that come out.  i’ve had it happen.

not that i’m bitter or anything.  lol  yeah – obviously there is that element to me.  i’m just absolutely finished with how i am feeling inside – the waiting – the frustration – the longing.  thoughts create your feeling experience.  i get that.  and yet – i don’t know what new thoughts to have.  anything new feels like a lie.

so i continue on as is – and as I Am.

appreciate healing thoughts sent the way of our family member.

love,

victoria

******

There are many ways to support my work.  You can either leave me a donation by following the paypal button below, or you can support me by purchasing one of the following:

1. Triskelion Necklaces.

2. SELECT CBD AFFILIATE

3.VICTORIA’S HOMEMADE FANTABULOUS TOOTH POWDER

4.My inter-active Journal, “Live To Impress Yourself” on sale at LULU.COM.

5.BlueHost Affiliate Link.  

Thank you to All who support my work!  It is so very appreciated.

******

[wpedon id=”208″ align=”left”]

 

i was “called” to write out something in the shower today on the tile.  this is only the second time i have had this happen.  i had been thinking of the energy reads i am capturing – in particular that black line showing up again on the schumann.

i thought of the cat’s feel that these are timeline jumps.  i had dismissed that – in part because i didn’t align and mostly in part because i did not want any fuckery going on any longer.

and yet – today – i let go of my attachment to any “theory” i have and felt into it again.  i feel they are right.  and yet there is something else to it.  i felt i needed to expand upon those two words (timeline jump).

that is when i had an urge to draw out a line on the shower tile.  a beginning and an end – to this experience that is.  these “black lines” could (COULD) quite possibly be jumps ahead in the experience here.  a quicker push to the finish line.

it certainly is true for so many of us that this experience has dragged on – and on and on and on – for far too long for many of us – energetically.  we feel it in our bodies – and now i see a growing number of the collective saying END THIS GAME.  “game” could be what some of us call the “movie”.  it could refer to what some view as the arrests and trials.  it could refer to the releasing of tech.  and it could refer to all 3 (depending upon what your beliefs and feels and perceptions are).  the end result is the same – the collective is DONE.

and so it could be US creating the “rush to finish” – not in a way to hamper the end – but to speed it up.  continue to crash that thing we call “human created time” into Zero Point.  the jumps are actually (could quite possibly be) leaping us ahead.

that explains why we wake up and next thing we “know” – it’s the end of the day and WTFRIG did we even get done?  lol  that and the fatigue and the feeling of always trying to play catch up.

so that is my current perception on these missing gaps in data and the black line on the schumann.  below you will see those proton spikes are back.  i felt ’em again today – right on “target”.  the body suddenly began aching – i had the huge desire to stretch this vessel – and walking sideways was another (thankfully brief) experience.

and oh yes – another interesting capture on the LASCO C3.

love,

victoria

 

these blasts really seem to be felt by my particular vessel:

 

LASCO C3 ??

 

The infamous black line:

******

There are many ways to support my work.  You can either leave me a donation by following the paypal button below, or you can support me by purchasing one of the following:

1. Triskelion Necklaces.

2. SELECT CBD AFFILIATE

3.VICTORIA’S HOMEMADE FANTABULOUS TOOTH POWDER

4.My inter-active Journal, “Live To Impress Yourself” on sale at LULU.COM.

Thank you to All who support my work!  It is so very appreciated.

[wpedon id=”208″ align=”left”]

 

 

WOW!  talk about intense.  today i have experienced sideways walking (where when walking i am pulled off to the left and have to ground myself to avoid stumbling) – and intense inner heat (where i had to change clothes, including socks so i could put on flip-flops) – to body aching and inner pressure.  an after-dinner massage w/the body massager and some intense stretching on the yoga mat is on the agenda.

this follows a night of discomfort – both in terms of body heat and aching – especially in the legs.  i could not sleep that well – it took me over an hour to fall asleep – even with my CBD oil.  that never happens these days.

the body heat really ramped up a couple of hours ago.  my mate had the same experience at the same time as i did.  below are some proton reads and you can see – the frequency went off the graph.  that is about when i began to feel a blast of dizziness and internal heat.

earlier today i was feeling “home”.  i “got” some things in the shower portal – don’t remember what they were now.  nothing really exciting – or new – just some confirmation of what i continue to feel.  when i was in the middle of my daily doing’s i was called to look at the television twice and saw two songs (back to back):  the gathering and ascension.  (didn’t feel like taking a pic – haven’t been doing that as much lately).  this also happened after i was making the attempt to pay my site hosting fee.  talk about blocks.  i finally had to go to live chat – but was able to finally get “through” on my own after some more attempts.

today on a walk with my child i had a flash back of the first “event” dream i had – and i was able to see in the dream what she was wearing – the same coat she had on today.

what does this mean?  please don’t ask.  i no longer know a dang thing other than what is going on in the vessel and what i desire and want – and am OH SO READY FOR.

love,

victoria

******

There are many ways to support my work.  You can either leave me a donation by following the paypal button below, or you can support me by purchasing one of the following:

1. Triskelion Necklaces.

2. SELECT CBD AFFILIATE

3.VICTORIA’S HOMEMADE FANTABULOUS TOOTH POWDER

4.My inter-active Journal, “Live To Impress Yourself” on sale at LULU.COM.

Thank you to All who support my work!  It is so very appreciated.

[wpedon id=”208″ align=”left”]

 

 

I extend to you a Welcome and Thanks!

aaaand…………..

 

 

my daughter is watching toy story – the first one – on this cool rainy breezy sunday afternoon.

it’s a huge challenge to watch any hollywood produced movie now isn’t it? the purity i once felt, for this particular movie especially, is gone.  there is an excellent scene in the movie where Buzz finds out for the first time he isn’t a real space commander but a child’s toy.  the look on his face – the inner piece of him radiating shock, devastation.

betrayal.

such an energy is very much how every one of us have felt upon awakening to the real “show” we have been a part of.  it varies for us all – for me – it’s been an experience that i have had to take in small pieces.  today i felt another round of that heaviness.  such a sweet story told by some of the most horrible creatures exhibiting the most vile of all behaviors.  (for those not know what/whom i speak of – i am referring to hollywood actors – this time one w/the last name “hanks”)

none of us consented to this.  no one in their right state of being would ever fully consent to participating in such an experience – even if it IS a type of movie.

i am called to recall a question i was asked to answer on some paperwork recently – how do i “do” with authority figures?

lol

and lol some more.

i wanted to respond with my Truth – NO ONE is an authority in my life.  I am the authority in my experience – even though others HAVE powered over/controlled by creating and supporting the various systems of power-over/enslavement.

and yet even at that – i consider NONE of them authority figures.  they’re just beings and entities who slumber along unable or unwilling to see their role.

and at this point if they ain’t willing to step aside and embrace Freedom – that new AND original experience – they can be removed and terminated.

returning to buzz – he is a good example of awakening to the program.  he woke up – then got clear on who he really is – as he says – for the first time in his experience he thinks clearer than ever.  why?  another was not in control over his thoughts.

like buzz – while he awakened to the reality of himself and his experience – he rose up again and exposed injustice – fought for freedom, friends and family.

love,

victoria

******

There are many ways to support my work.  You can either leave me a donation by following the paypal button below, or you can support me by purchasing one of the following:

1. Triskelion Necklaces.

2. SELECT CBD AFFILIATE

3.VICTORIA’S HOMEMADE FANTABULOUS TOOTH POWDER

4.My inter-active Journal, “Live To Impress Yourself” on sale at LULU.COM.

Thank you to All who support my work!  It is so very appreciated.

[wpedon id=”208″ align=”left”]

 

 

today was very challenging for me for a brief period of time.  i was tuned inward to not only process but to deflect the energy incoming – energy i did not align with nor want.  i see how i absorb energy from others – and i see how even though on the outside i may appear calm, inside i shake with both fear and anger.  in a nutshell i was being talked to in a way that was out of line.  WAY out of line.

during this experience the mail arrived.  there was a strange envelope addressed only to “my friend” with my address on it.  handwritten.  the return address contained a first and last name, city and state – also handwritten.

hmmm…

i opened it up and inside was a card with just one word on the front “HELLO” and inside was a handwritten letter that said the following:

“hello friend.  this card is being sent to you to let you know someone wants you to have a great day because you’re awesome and deserve it.”

a signature followed.

my immediate response was “on all days and at this very moment – what an amazing gift!” (as i was feeling anything but awesome and deserving in that moment)  i looked online to see if this was some sort of a trend – something popular going on and could find nothing.  i then looked up – and located – the person – at least with the same name (which is an uncommon name) and location.  a young man.  i sent him a message – asking if he sent the card.

how completely random – or was it?  i am intrigued to know more.  naturally i have questions as well that i am keeping to myself until i receive confirmation.

whoever sent this – what a gift.  a really amazing moment from the Universe.  i will be carrying this with me now to remind me not only how awesome and deserving i am – but that i am not alone.  i am seen.

and to keep going.

always…..ALWAYS…..keep going.

love,

victoria

******

There are many ways to support my work.  You can either leave me a donation by following the paypal button below, or you can support me by purchasing one of the following:

1. Triskelion Necklaces.

2. SELECT CBD AFFILIATE

3.VICTORIA’S HOMEMADE FANTABULOUS TOOTH POWDER

4.My inter-active Journal, “Live To Impress Yourself” on sale at LULU.COM.

Thank you to All who support my work!  It is so very appreciated.

[wpedon id=”208″ align=”left”]

 

 

i am feeling a deep void – a growing feeling that really blasted through for me tonight.  as i reflected in a recent piece, i don’t belong here.  i don’t say that as a way of saying i am better than another who feels a sense of belonging here and i don’t say it seeking sympathy (understanding and acceptance are of course wonderful gifts).  i say that as my truth – a truth i have carried with me for as long as i can remember – all the way back to young childhood when i remember laying in the grass in my parents backyard, looking up into the sky and wondering why i was here – why i was “dropped off” and when my real family was coming to get me.  i tried to over-rule those words by telling myself my parents were my real family. those attempts did not soothe me.

and since that first moment of “awakening”, any and all attempts to convince myself otherwise have been met without success so i no longer try to convince myself of another feeling.  even forming new thoughts in the mind does not change that deep inner knowing.  absolute Truth cannot be changed with human-created attempts.

i watched Trump’s rally tonight.  as i have felt watching most of his rallies (which are not many i admit) – i continue to feel the experience he is setting up is not for me.  i see the purpose – but have no connection to it.  i watched the entire speech but felt nothing.  while i post stuff about the MAGA movement, overall it doesn’t align w/me – not deeply – and not for long. now and then yes – i feel a rush – but then return to that same inner “void” within.

and that is a very lonely feeling at times.  tonight it was huge and palpable.  i dove in – felt it – cried the tears – and it is still there.  this heavy feeling around my core – my center – my heart.  crying brings me to a state of resignation – acceptance (acceptance does not imply i like the experience of feeling out of place – not one bit – to say i am desperate for real connection and real creating is an understatement at this point).  once i hit that place of acceptance, then i find the ability to “hang in there” and keep going.

so this void.  what do i do now?  next?  i feel the human me’s ability to create not just something new but really meaningful is dried up – at the moment.  i cannot begin to describe the fatigue i feel not just within but within my mind as well.  exercise offers a temporary relief.  supplements, right eating – same result.  even talk therapy and counseling – all temporary.

and that is what the experience is here – a temporary one.  so i do as i said above – the best i can – knowing there will come a moment when my FULL ability to truly really fully create the reality i desire for myself (in here and OUT there) will be possible once again.

love,

victoria

 

everyone i have spoken with today (who holds a similar perception of what’s happening) has the same feel today:  I AM DONE WITH THIS EXPERIENCE.

i have it too.

obviously have had it for some time as have many of you – but the fact that it felt so palpable today at an even deeper level – well what is that about? truth?  one woman just told me this entire game – watching it play out – is draining her life energy.

nothing is worth that.  take a break.  a temporary one – permanent if need be.

some of us, myself included, have a knowing that we don’t need to see this grand awakening play out.  the back and forth chaos.  the deception.  i continue to say NONE of it resonates with me – but it’s kind of the only real “movie” playing here that i can see at least SOME proof (some of the alleged happenings/truths i still question).

i can’t blindly follow anyone.  except when i do.  desperate for change – needing it so greatly – self soothing and focusing elsewhere is just a distraction for the ongoing deep desire within to see and experience change. N O W.

i had an interesting dream early this morning.  i don’t recall what i was doing but i felt i was seeing myself in some chair and someone was telling me:  “it’s time to pick a new name”.  in my dream state i didn’t question this – it just seemed natural – but when i “woke up” (a term i use lightly now for what does it really mean to wake up?  i question how “awake” i really am in this experience) – i frowned – contemplated and going within, asked what that phrase was about.  time to pick a new name.

ok so here is what immediately came to me:  when we are put here we are marked with a number – like cattle.  we are tagged.  i remember rose once said they (the controllers of this realm) have viewed us like cattle.  did i tap into something?  who knows for sure (the go-to phrase these days – who knows ANY THING until we KNOW).  but i know my name – my birth/legal name – has never resonated w/me.  (it’s “vicki” btw).  so i use victoria because it is more fitting to me than “vicki”.

a new name would be fitting.  new name.  new body (or this one fully restored and returned to Original Code).  new home.  real experience of freedom.  real connecting.

the collective has sighed for what i hope is one last time.  those who want to watch all of this play out – go for it.  i have no need.  and many of us feel the same.  freedom says “need granted”.

as far as the energies from what i can find – protons and electrons had some huge spikes earlier today.  the schumann still has previous days of missing data with no updates.  something blasted off the “sun” on the lasco earlier today but not much can be seen as they removed 3 hours of data.

energetically – that inner truth sensor buzzes loudly now – and more frequently.  i had some experiences yesterday where someone walked over to me and i immediately felt queasy.  last night my girl and i went to the store.  as we walked back towards the car, we both heard loud music – loud and obnoxious.  my instincts lit up – i could feel a really ugly intense energy in back of me so i glanced back and saw some large man wearing some sort of a portable radio on his body.  he was singing to the song and the lyrics were not suitable to a child’s ears (much less an adult).  he looked sketchy and my instincts said to keep going and not make eye contact.  my girl looked uncomfortable too so i guided her to keep moving.  we reached the car – he went on by – sat up on the street with his sign asking for money.   a common sign around here as i have spoken of before.  just more of the swamp playing out and i want no part of it.

as free being’s we deserve to have the experience we want here.  or elsewhere.  i continue to hold that intention until i do.  we do.  let those who created this mess clean it up.  let those who align w/staying here have that experience.  i’m way too tired just trying to figure out how to pay the bills, the growing cost of food and find some way to save to move or do some repairs on this body now. i am done trying to convince myself i belong here. i don’t.  end of story.

and end of this reflection.

love,

victoria

******

Thank you for reading and supporting the work I do.  If you wish to leave a donation, please follow the link below.

[wpedon id=”208″ align=”left”]