Category: Daily Notes

 

we had an early evening thunderstorm.  they are rare here so when we have one, i relish in the experience.  the cleansing smell of ozone.  the changing skies and temperature drop (we hit 90 today).  all of this made for some really beautiful sky scenes.  and one of the pre-thunderstorm captures seems to include a disc-shaped UFO.  i did not see this with my own eyes so whatever it is was fast moving. (i would have seen a bird, obviously)

after the thunderstorm we were treated to yet another amazing sunset.  the skies have really been wonderful lately.  speaking with neighbors tonight they too noticed something is new and “different” about the skies as well as the weather this past year.  many more blue skies with the bit white puffy clouds.  more moderate temperature’s too.  in those moments of doubt, i remind myself of this and stay the course my heart continues to guide me on.

love,

victoria

the brewing storm clouds.  this came on rather quickly.

 

aren’t those “lines” amazing?  this was looking in the opposite direction of the sun too.

 

here’s the “ufo”…

 

and now for the AMAZING glow at sunset.

 

the purple skies as well were fantastic.

******

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i have noticed an even bigger increase in energy sensitivities.  the past week i can be around someone or walk into a space and immediately feel sick or off inside – if there is reason to.  and now apparently all it takes at times is a mention of someone’s name for me to experience this.  my spouse and i both noticed this in recent days when we were outside.  i was watering the plants when our neighbor began to talk.  this person has an energy that has at times repulses me.  lack of bathing and other issues are behind this.

so this person is talking and they begin to talk about one of their family members – someone for whom no one in my family can be around.  the last time this person visited, i hid.  so – this neighbor begins talking about this individual and upon just hearing his name, i immediately was hit with nausea.  it was so intense i had to walk away.  my spouse had the same feeling, coupled with dizziness.

i went inside – chilled – saged – burned resin.

lately i have wanted to simply raise my voice and say “F YOU” to a lot of people still engaged in power over either passive or aggressive.  i pause and laugh as i think if this situation continues to increase i’m gonna need a plastic bubble around me surrounded in frankincense and the like.

so my suggestion is to be consciousness that sensitivities are on the increase – as is our inner “NO” voice.  don’t power over and we’ll be ok.

i am challenged to remain patient as we “wait” for all of these changes – the big one of course for me is the financial freedom.  i’ve been looking for some extra part time work without a “hit” yet.  and i am simply and fully tired of talking about money – especially with my mate.  it is a topic in which i am finished – energetically. i also get seriously triggered when the topic comes up.  i have done and continue to do all i can to increase my earnings.  giving the middle finger to the system and whoever else who accuses me otherwise.

the deep breathing continues for as long as i need to do so…..

love,

victoria

******

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i’m still very upset about this so i am doing my best to remain neutral as i write this.  however lack of sleep (due to barking dogs and local drug camp vagrants lighting camp fires all night allowing smoke to drift into our house and a child who had a challenging day yesterday) has me in quite the “state” today.

my girl went to play at a friends house yesterday.  i already knew the parents had Alexia in their house.  however i was not in knowledge of the fact that their daughter had one in her room as well.

when my daughter came home yesterday, she said she had something to tell me.  she told me another girl (who had been playing as well) asked Alexia to play the “wings on my penis” song.

WHAT??   i wish my what had what??

i asked her to repeat the song – asked if she was sure that was the name.  she reassured me yes – that was the name of the song.

she then told me Alexia began playing the song.  it started off sounding like a little boy singing – praying to God.  it was then she said she plugged her ears and told the girls to turn it off – that her mom would be really upset if she knew she was listening to this song.  the girls let the song continue to play while one said “so then don’t tell your mom”.  my girl continued to plug her ears until the song was ovre.

so we talked about what had happened.  i told her many times how proud i was of her for the choice she made to refuse to listen, to speak up AND to tell me.

it was then that i decided to look up the song.  i found it – and the lyrics are – horrifying.  dark.  explicit.  and in NO WAY (obviously) suitable for any child to hear – much less an adult.

so i passed on the information to the mother who said she would talk with her daughter about it.

i’m so god damn frustrated with dealing with parents who let their children have way too much access to technology.  who are just – unaware.  don’t think of potential consequences.

and when those choices affect my family – especially my child – mama bear comes out thrashing.

Alexia has no business being in anyone’s home let alone a child’s bedroom.  AI d/s spying tool.  And the fact that Alexia will play such x-rated music so indiscriminately – is something to make every parent – hopefully – think twice before allowing this tech into their homes.

For now I applaud my girl.

And whenever any uninformed bot attempts to criticize me for the choices we are making in raising her, I will pass along this song to them.  THAT is what our children are being exposed to.  So you’re damn right I will be doing all I can to protect her in today’s environment – which is FAR more toxic than any previous generation.  That is my RIGHT.

And that is my responsibility.  If all parents engaged in the same/similar and stop feeding the beast, we could truly offer our children what is safe, truthful, supportive and pure.

Love,

Victoria

 

 

 

i have been feeling into this – especially today.  and something feels quite “off” to me…….

it is said we have to “see all” upon our (alleged) exit from this experience – inside this hijacked, controlled realm.

why?

why do we “have to” do/see anything?

why do we “have to” experience further trauma, pain, suffering and horror on the matrix screen in order to leave it?

seriously – WTF?  why?

that is just another power over energy.  freedom gives us the choice to experience whatever reality WE WANT – not what someone else says we have to.  and yes even if it is Source allegedly saying that – although i know in my heart Source is a consciousness that simply carries the frequency of “be/create/do as you wish”.  nothing more – nothing less.

if this is the ending, it feels like the matrix creator’s version and this is not the ending i desire to have.  

my ending is peaceful.  loving.  gentle.  helpful and supportive.

for myself.  for all who align and choose the same.

so LET US MAKE IT SO.

let us make it so.

love,

victoria

******

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one word:  hot.  and sweaty.

ok – two words.

something was making me hot today and it wasn’t the sun.  yes it was warm – but i noticed this inside the house.  i touched my back and noticed my tank top was damp.  sweat.

my mate – same experience.

cellular happenings perhaps.  i was also unbelievably exhausted and even with a nap could not muster up the energy to take my daughter on a bike ride so while she went with a group of friends and parents, i went to the store, picked up some cupcakes and my mate and i enjoyed them together.

other than that, i spent some moments reflecting on what to read – who to follow – questioning a lot – in particular how much longer will i allow myself to hold out for those things i see/desire/read about etc. etc..  feeling i am reaching a space of letting it all go and taking my experience here in a different direction.  i long for new and that longing for new has not subsided but only increased over many months.  something big is absolutely happening – and yet i am feeling fatigue from speculating and going within in search of answers of the myriad of unanswered questions i have…only to either feel silence or hear:

allow rest be.

3 words i keep hearing.

that and “in between”……..

in between what?

ah another question.

which i am just going to let be and walk away, whistling…. doot doot doot do do do do.

if someone else is up to speculating, feel free to do so.  lol

love,

victoria

******

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this seems to be “in the air” as i have read others having similar inner experiences.  today – i am experiencing the sense of loss, loneliness, disappointment, sadness and yet there is a calm acceptance inter-mixed with all of the heaviness.  my desire is to go into it and feel it – which is what i am doing.  i am quiet.  in seclusion as well.  as one woman succinctly put it – she was “in hiding licking her wounds”……..

exactly.

i don’t know what is “truth” now…….i can feel and desire and wish to create/see all i want – but in terms of something bigger happening “behind the scenes” – none of us know.  just a few.  and they aren’t showing us anything solid yet.  just speculation.  which i am not able to do energetically now.

today i played the piano.  quiet pieces.  i finished with “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” (done in my own style)………..i leave you with the original recording……today that song just…fits.

love,

victoria

 

i thought i would share how i experience this world – not just as me but as a highly sensitive being.

to begin i have likely pushed aside this part of me for too long.  i have known of my sensitivities for 20 years.  i remember taking a quiz in the book “The Highly Sensitive Person” and answering “yes” to every question that helped you determine if you were highly sensitive.  what a relief – i had a label – something to understand.  and to know i wasn’t alone.  however – i haven’t done as “good” of a job taking care of myself in this regard.  i either push myself too much – or simply hide from the world.

i pause as i type those words.  i know i need balance -a keyword i once read people with my numerology often struggle to achieve.

sometimes i feel diving down all of these rabbit holes in my quest for truth has actually caused me some harm – more trauma – more overwhelm than my brain can take in.   even though i’m quite good at “sucking it up” and doing when i need to – that still doesn’t negate the fact that while i’m engaged in this behavior, a piece of my brain is suffering.  and i also know that today – i’m not as adept at this as i once was.  age.  hormonal changes.and just general life fatigue caused by far too much chronic stress.

as i have shared here in recent days – sharing all of the chaos – the headlines going on now – just getting to be too much for me most days.  not all – but most.

being highly sensitive means i need a lot of time alone.

it means that when i am with a group of people and while others are talking loudly or engaged in long conversations, i am the one who will stop and notice the sky and be far more interested in that.

it means sudden, loud noises can put me into a tailspin.  if i am well rested, i can process.  if i am tired or otherwise not up to par, that loud noise can bring out the desire to scream.

same for hearing yelling…..or incessant whining……..being exposed to bright lights or loud music (that i have not turned on or selected)…….one of our local box stores has one wall along all of the checkout lines lined with televisions.  always on.  annoys the F out of me.  most of the time i can block it out – but there are times when i literally have to shield my eyes.

and the most difficult for me – the visual stimulation of traffic.  lots of it – coming and going – honking – and being stuck in it.  that can push me over the edge even on my best days now.

for me it also means struggling with impatience….never understanding why the wait for what i feel is rightfully mine….and yours….i have said more than once my awakening has been amazing and deeply frustrating at the same time….i often say “ok i’m awake and awakening – NOW WHAT?”  what do i DO with this knowledge?  i haven’t figured out how to take it and GO where i see and feel.

for me being highly sensitive also means a strong disdain for things like conflict and unasked for advice (BIG ONE)………and not being heard.

what does help soothe me?

QUIET.

as mentioned above – time alone.

playing music.

riding my bike – especially in the evening when the wind is blowing and the air is cool.  fast.  up the hills and down the hills.  stopping to take pictures along the way.  (i embarrassed my daughter recently when, while riding one evening and it was quite windy, i began singing “ride like the wind” – christopher cross – loudly – as we rode.)

yoga.

staying up late listening to music – tuning out with ear buds.  (doing that now as i type this)  i know the “advice” is go to bed early blah blah – but for me – for my entire life here – i have loved the evening hours.  all is quiet.  the masses are sleeping.  and i have the energy space all to my own.  as i used to say when i was much younger – that’s the time i most feel the Universe and have it all to myself.  : )

journaling…….writing……..beading………crafts of all types……

walks alone……..

sky gazing………

being highly sensitive means one small word of kindness sent my way – especially unexpectedly – brings out the intense feeling of gratitude.  or an offer of help – without strings.

or knowing i have really been heard.

for me – love – love in action – from myself that i give to myself and receive from others – is my manna.

love,

victoria