Category: Daily Notes

 

today was very challenging for me for a brief period of time.  i was tuned inward to not only process but to deflect the energy incoming – energy i did not align with nor want.  i see how i absorb energy from others – and i see how even though on the outside i may appear calm, inside i shake with both fear and anger.  in a nutshell i was being talked to in a way that was out of line.  WAY out of line.

during this experience the mail arrived.  there was a strange envelope addressed only to “my friend” with my address on it.  handwritten.  the return address contained a first and last name, city and state – also handwritten.

hmmm…

i opened it up and inside was a card with just one word on the front “HELLO” and inside was a handwritten letter that said the following:

“hello friend.  this card is being sent to you to let you know someone wants you to have a great day because you’re awesome and deserve it.”

a signature followed.

my immediate response was “on all days and at this very moment – what an amazing gift!” (as i was feeling anything but awesome and deserving in that moment)  i looked online to see if this was some sort of a trend – something popular going on and could find nothing.  i then looked up – and located – the person – at least with the same name (which is an uncommon name) and location.  a young man.  i sent him a message – asking if he sent the card.

how completely random – or was it?  i am intrigued to know more.  naturally i have questions as well that i am keeping to myself until i receive confirmation.

whoever sent this – what a gift.  a really amazing moment from the Universe.  i will be carrying this with me now to remind me not only how awesome and deserving i am – but that i am not alone.  i am seen.

and to keep going.

always…..ALWAYS…..keep going.

love,

victoria

******

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i am feeling a deep void – a growing feeling that really blasted through for me tonight.  as i reflected in a recent piece, i don’t belong here.  i don’t say that as a way of saying i am better than another who feels a sense of belonging here and i don’t say it seeking sympathy (understanding and acceptance are of course wonderful gifts).  i say that as my truth – a truth i have carried with me for as long as i can remember – all the way back to young childhood when i remember laying in the grass in my parents backyard, looking up into the sky and wondering why i was here – why i was “dropped off” and when my real family was coming to get me.  i tried to over-rule those words by telling myself my parents were my real family. those attempts did not soothe me.

and since that first moment of “awakening”, any and all attempts to convince myself otherwise have been met without success so i no longer try to convince myself of another feeling.  even forming new thoughts in the mind does not change that deep inner knowing.  absolute Truth cannot be changed with human-created attempts.

i watched Trump’s rally tonight.  as i have felt watching most of his rallies (which are not many i admit) – i continue to feel the experience he is setting up is not for me.  i see the purpose – but have no connection to it.  i watched the entire speech but felt nothing.  while i post stuff about the MAGA movement, overall it doesn’t align w/me – not deeply – and not for long. now and then yes – i feel a rush – but then return to that same inner “void” within.

and that is a very lonely feeling at times.  tonight it was huge and palpable.  i dove in – felt it – cried the tears – and it is still there.  this heavy feeling around my core – my center – my heart.  crying brings me to a state of resignation – acceptance (acceptance does not imply i like the experience of feeling out of place – not one bit – to say i am desperate for real connection and real creating is an understatement at this point).  once i hit that place of acceptance, then i find the ability to “hang in there” and keep going.

so this void.  what do i do now?  next?  i feel the human me’s ability to create not just something new but really meaningful is dried up – at the moment.  i cannot begin to describe the fatigue i feel not just within but within my mind as well.  exercise offers a temporary relief.  supplements, right eating – same result.  even talk therapy and counseling – all temporary.

and that is what the experience is here – a temporary one.  so i do as i said above – the best i can – knowing there will come a moment when my FULL ability to truly really fully create the reality i desire for myself (in here and OUT there) will be possible once again.

love,

victoria

 

everyone i have spoken with today (who holds a similar perception of what’s happening) has the same feel today:  I AM DONE WITH THIS EXPERIENCE.

i have it too.

obviously have had it for some time as have many of you – but the fact that it felt so palpable today at an even deeper level – well what is that about? truth?  one woman just told me this entire game – watching it play out – is draining her life energy.

nothing is worth that.  take a break.  a temporary one – permanent if need be.

some of us, myself included, have a knowing that we don’t need to see this grand awakening play out.  the back and forth chaos.  the deception.  i continue to say NONE of it resonates with me – but it’s kind of the only real “movie” playing here that i can see at least SOME proof (some of the alleged happenings/truths i still question).

i can’t blindly follow anyone.  except when i do.  desperate for change – needing it so greatly – self soothing and focusing elsewhere is just a distraction for the ongoing deep desire within to see and experience change. N O W.

i had an interesting dream early this morning.  i don’t recall what i was doing but i felt i was seeing myself in some chair and someone was telling me:  “it’s time to pick a new name”.  in my dream state i didn’t question this – it just seemed natural – but when i “woke up” (a term i use lightly now for what does it really mean to wake up?  i question how “awake” i really am in this experience) – i frowned – contemplated and going within, asked what that phrase was about.  time to pick a new name.

ok so here is what immediately came to me:  when we are put here we are marked with a number – like cattle.  we are tagged.  i remember rose once said they (the controllers of this realm) have viewed us like cattle.  did i tap into something?  who knows for sure (the go-to phrase these days – who knows ANY THING until we KNOW).  but i know my name – my birth/legal name – has never resonated w/me.  (it’s “vicki” btw).  so i use victoria because it is more fitting to me than “vicki”.

a new name would be fitting.  new name.  new body (or this one fully restored and returned to Original Code).  new home.  real experience of freedom.  real connecting.

the collective has sighed for what i hope is one last time.  those who want to watch all of this play out – go for it.  i have no need.  and many of us feel the same.  freedom says “need granted”.

as far as the energies from what i can find – protons and electrons had some huge spikes earlier today.  the schumann still has previous days of missing data with no updates.  something blasted off the “sun” on the lasco earlier today but not much can be seen as they removed 3 hours of data.

energetically – that inner truth sensor buzzes loudly now – and more frequently.  i had some experiences yesterday where someone walked over to me and i immediately felt queasy.  last night my girl and i went to the store.  as we walked back towards the car, we both heard loud music – loud and obnoxious.  my instincts lit up – i could feel a really ugly intense energy in back of me so i glanced back and saw some large man wearing some sort of a portable radio on his body.  he was singing to the song and the lyrics were not suitable to a child’s ears (much less an adult).  he looked sketchy and my instincts said to keep going and not make eye contact.  my girl looked uncomfortable too so i guided her to keep moving.  we reached the car – he went on by – sat up on the street with his sign asking for money.   a common sign around here as i have spoken of before.  just more of the swamp playing out and i want no part of it.

as free being’s we deserve to have the experience we want here.  or elsewhere.  i continue to hold that intention until i do.  we do.  let those who created this mess clean it up.  let those who align w/staying here have that experience.  i’m way too tired just trying to figure out how to pay the bills, the growing cost of food and find some way to save to move or do some repairs on this body now. i am done trying to convince myself i belong here. i don’t.  end of story.

and end of this reflection.

love,

victoria

******

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so this dream i had of trump – another one.  i have lost count of all of the dreams i have had w/him in it.

in the experience i had last night i was observing him from afar.  he was surrounded by a lot of people – “important” people in terms of well known. the “in” crowd.  i should have written it down as the happenings of the day have caused the experience to rather fade away.  so…i don’t recall all of the things i was observing him doing.  but i am able to clearly remember the last scene.

i’m in an elevator and he walks in at one of the stops.  there is, once again, a lot of “important” people around him.  i recall feeling “he doesn’t know who i am.  he won’t be interested in associating with me.  he’s with his people.”

but then, he looks my way, smiles and walks over to me.  he gently places an arm around my shoulder and as he does so, he pushes back the crowd of people with the other hand.  i suddenly felt so safe – so protected (an experience i have not had much of in this incarnation).  i notice the material on his pants.  a midnight blue color.  shimmery, almost.  it was marked with a pattern of star-like shapes – silver.  i knew then he is not from here.

he’s one of the “crazy” ones from Home.

that may sound “crazy” to some – but you know what?  i don’t care.  like Trump, deep within, i don’t care one bit what anyone thinks of me.  only the programmed piece of me here inside this pit has cared.

the scene in the elevator went on for some time.  i relaxed – let go – and relished in the feeling of being so comforted.  so cared about and for.  you could say i totally soaked up the experience.

it was also showing me an experience of what i long for – what i need – to be with others w/whom i just completely gel.  energetically it becomes more difficult for me to engage in any interaction, any conversation, that is fake – where the topic speaks of the same ‘ole same ‘ole.  i long for and need to have conversations where NEW is spoken of.  NEW experiences.  NEW ways of Being and Doing and Creating.  oh my god i feel i am screaming inside needing to have such conversations – such experiences.  to be in the presence of others who just GET me – because i get THEM back.  connection.

and no more having to follow the agenda here simply because of others who continue to power over.  i am so overly done with that.  i am at the door, bags in hand, door is open, awaiting for that new experience i have not only longed for but helped assist in creating to M A N I F E S T.

love,

victoria

 

I have had enough of you lately asking me where my posts are.  I post daily – so this must be an issue w/my subscriber plug-in updates.  So I am in the process of re-sending confirmation e-mails for post notifications for all subscribers – which is taking me awhile.  I began the process but got interrupted with a visit and requests from child so I will continue later this evening when I have more – quiet time.  lol

Love,

Victoria

 

brief – i’ll try.  ha!

so now two of you have told me in the past 2 days that you are seeing things. one of you said you are seeing the pixels of images in the skies.  and another told me you are seeing different versions of where you are walking.  both of you stated “just like a movie”.  my vision is fading in and out – the images i am focused on that is – REALLY noticeable today.  the image i have in my mind is as a movie scene closes – the view slowly fades.  that is what i am seeing/experiencing.

i continue to be absolutely famished too – cannot seem to get filled up – and have put on a few pounds which i never do this time of year.  the last couple of nights i have woken up around sunrise – fully awake – and very hungry.  this morning both my daughter and i experienced it.  and i was craving melon, juice and dark chocolate.  i had all 3 on hand.

i am contemplating my usual bike ride – but nothing is “usual” now.  so resting it is.

love,

victoria