Category: Daily Notes

had a dream last night i was going to get on a train and go Home.  i went around to people here in my area with whom i feel a connection – families with children. i have felt a connection w/one of the members from one of the families from the moment i met him.  one of those “i have known you before” connections.  and interestingly enough i have seen him daily for the past few days after not seeing him for months.  today’s encounter happened after i left the house after talking with my mate about his doctor’s visit today.  as i said, my mind was numb.  as i drove out of the driveway i knew i needed music to occupy me.   i turned on the radio.  Soul Asylum’s “run away train” was playing.

i felt the significance of the song.  the lyrics “run away train never coming back….feels like i’m neither here nor there” were playing – those two lines really calling at me.  i pounded the steering wheel, tears falling out of my eyes.  we were supposed to be Home by now.  healed.  we weren’t supposed to do any more doctor visits.  and ooooh so tired by the experience of being not altogether here – feeling between world’s.  jesus…..all of these thoughts going through my mind.

so driving a few blocks i see him again.  how is this possible, i thought. months of not seeing him to now daily?  usually i will stop and talk but today i was too upset.  as we drove by, he glances my way suddenly and smiles.  i wave and keep going.

then i remembered the dream i had last night.  as i said above i was gathering people around here to come with me and he and his family were in it.  in the dream, i merely see him and he quietly followed me (he is normally the quiet type) and we went and got his children and his wife (whom i adore).  to add to this significance, my girl and their boy have a connection i feel surpasses this realm.  there is just something there. mama’s have that ability to feel such things.  i just feel our two families are supposed to be together somehow.

so back to the dream.  first we are packing.  i realize i had packed very light. i am not even sure i had anything with me.  the wife was concerned as well and i said “no worries.  we’ll get what we need when we get there.  in fact it may even be better than what we can get here!”  she asked to drive and asked what direction we were going in.  “the same direction where my grandparents used to live,” i said.  this confused her so i pointed east (my grand parents used to live in eastern washington state – which is east from where i currently live).

so we get into this white van that is heading along train tracks.  it rather morphed from a train to a private white van.  we come to this archway of trees and oh my – it is so beautiful.  the trees are alive – i mean really alive.  and their branches suddenly turn into stained-glass type pieces of the most amazing colors i have yet to see here.  i asked my friend to stop so i could take a picture – felt like one final picture.  that seemed to cause a bit of impatience among the others.  i heard (but did not see) my mate say “that’s just what she does. let her take a picture.”

so as i go to take a picture i realize my eyes could capture the colors far better than my camera – meaning i had my REAL eye sight turned on.  so i dropped the camera on the ground, knowing i would not need it anymore.

so we started the white van back up and headed into the trees.  then the dream ended.

so syncho’s w/trains….going home….and seeing our friend daily….something is up and preparing me……

for now i am ending this day with some tea and a cinnamon roll….

[wp-svg-icons icon=”heart” wrap=”i”]

v.

my mate had another doctor visit today – G.I. doc/surgeon.  he is going to undergo another colonoscopy and the doc says he may have to do emergency surgery depending upon what he finds.  he also found a swollen lymph node and two other tumors –  one he feels is benign – the other he isn’t sure.

this has been a 20 year journey with the root cause being advanced lyme disease – one of the many bioweapons the elites have created to serve their masters.  and who knows what else is behind his health issues at this point given decades of living in a realm of chemtrailing and other toxic invaders. he is exhausted.  i am exhausted.  both of us traumatized severely.  upon hearing all of this i began to shake and my mind shut down.  my heart shut down.  “god does not give you more than you can handle….” another nonsense, cruel mind program.

this realm has been slowly attempting to destroy us both.  i was already exhausted dealing with pay to live and schooling our girl plus putting off my own healing needs due to either not being able to find someone who is accepting clients to lacking the financial means to pay.

I.  AM.  TAPPED. OUT.  SPENT.

and yet these things must be done.  this procedure and whatever else may follow.  it’s all we have – that insurance will cover.  due to our financial situation we are in a box as to the kind of treatment we can give my husband.  the rage that brings up in me…..

there is tech in the works that heals all disease and i plan to be a very loud squeaky wheel on this one at this point.  i have some people i can contact and i will plead and hound if i need to to get him the help he deserves.  REAL healing.  the days of “waiting until…” are O V E R for me and my family.

sometimes life just becomes too much – too overwhelming – too painful – and far too lonely.  i’m waiving a white flag today.

love,

victoria

******

[wpedon id=”208″ align=”left”]

On this 17th day ~ which I decided last night is “Q” (Quantum) Day ~ and how this is about honoring my Inner Q/Quantum.  As I said – this began last night with “finding my way back”….for the experience began with another round of huge heart-based tears – the kind that cannot be held back no matter what the human does.  I have been pouring those outta me a lot lately.

The Gordon Lightfoot song, “If You Could Read My Mind”, has been in my heart and mind for about 48 hours.  Last night I felt the words and heard the tune throughout my entire Being.  I was overcome with the desire to be Free – to be like-a-child again.  I wanted the fear, the apathy and depression removed from my thought patterns and behavior and experiences.  The words ran through my mind repeatedly:  “I don’t know where I went wrong but the feeling’s gone and I just can’t get it back.”  My heart succumbed to the emotions – seeing my pattern of how I was and what I became in this realm.  Disappointment in myself for allowing myself to close up my heart. The times I have been fake – pretended to be tough.  Pretended I didn’t care.  Pretended this or that didn’t phase me/hurt me.

The times I have surrendered and sank low – giving up for a time.

The heaviness of “adulting” was big last night.  

The trauma’s of the world.

That was all in my space yesterday….

I had a beautiful conversation/experience with a friend yesterday.  Real connecting.  I LOVE those experiences the best – always have!  She was sharing her pain at the loss of her beautiful pet – her companion.  She was/is such a sweet Soul – I fell in love with her too.  And she died far too soon.

What is the lesson?   I don’t see it, she wondered.  She cried.  I cried.  I had to speak.  “There are no lessons.  That’s the lie here.  Look at this realm.  Look how toxic it is to all Life.  We were never originally designed and lovingly created to decay as we do so quickly here.  They mess with our bodies here – poisons and trauma’s and so when one gets ill or suffers they fill our heads with another program they created – “find the lesson”.  You and only you are responsible for your loss, for your suffering.”

I could see I was touching a truth within that she too felt the same way but perhaps was not able – maybe never been allowed or felt comfortable enough to acknowledge.

I’ve been there myself – many times.  It has taken me until this very DAY – a continuing expansion – to feel comfortable enough sharing my Truth – especially those that aren’t mainstream – IN the mainstream and in the alt communities.

And so I may get down – way down – but I always get back up.  The eternal Flame within has never gone out.  And unlike the song, I KNOW how to get that feeling back.  I FEEEL into Me – and I find Her/Me – always there – never leaving – just got sidetracked in a realm of yuck….

And on this Quantum Day, we hold in our hearts and our minds a new experience.

A new road.

A new train.

Home.

Q-out.

Love,

Victoria

******

[wpedon id=”208″ align=”left”]

yesterday morning at the kitchen sink i was feeling into my heart.  “Love for All” I felt and heard.  that is who we are – that is our inner Home.  yes, i know, i laughed quietly.  i know that.  but apparently the Universe wasn’t done speaking with me for at that moment i walked into the living room and was guided to look at the television.  i saw this:

yeah…lol…no joke.  i get it, i get it, i said into the All.

the more i see into the program, the more i am able to see into ME and the “have love for all” way of Being.  love for all is a choice – and it is the Original Choice i feel i created for myself.  and yet that is how the attack hack was allowed.  we had full trust.  did not seek to do harm (wasn’t our way).  we were like kids in a candy store until a piece of candy was inserted – offered – that was poison and we did not know the difference.

so we ate it.

that “virus” program as we know infiltrated everything.  and the makers of the virus and all of their AI programs act out through our minds.

today i saw when this began with me during this life cycle.  i was only 8.  it was the first time i recall hearing them.  i had thoughts in my mind that i just knew weren’t mind.  it left me scared and confused.

i also had an experience today where i was going within and going into a state of purity of Home – calling it forth.  as i did, i had an image of a person and an experience i had w/them in the past.  the memory brought up pain and a very sharp feeling that they weren’t safe for me to trust. i wanted to run and hide – standard operating procedure for me with certain people and situations w/said people – but instead i said face it – feel it – love it.  so i felt into the pain and as i did my heart expanded HUGELY and with that came intense heat throughout my body.  i was sweating all over.  i released energy and tears.

i then recalled how HOT i have been lately – and the chest issues i’ve felt along w/the need to stretch out my upper body.  this is what is happening for me – at this moment – expanding my heart area again to make room for ME to come alive again.  it has been cramped in there with the distrust and fear stuff that has kept my heart-space pretty sealed shut.

i can fully see the program now that has programmed us to harm others – ourselves included.  fully i am seeing and feeling it.  we are more awake now and can make the choice to not participate.

don’t eat their poison.

don’t eat the candy.

i then pondered….as we exit this experience, what will we do?

do we return to Love All?

i’m not sure of that – for me.

i want discernment as part of Me and my experience.  for i NEVER will want to be a part of an experience of harm of any type.  certainly not the kind of harm created with malice and intention.

some say that harm is an illusion.

we all participated here.

i maintain that while we have participated and played a lot of roles, we did so under a controlled experience and that is what leads to unconscious creating – certainly creating in limited capacities – which is false creating and thus THAT is the illusion (thinking that we are creating in our full capacity here). and i will add if pain is an illusion so is love. an experience of feeling is every bit as real as the Being creating it. 

i am pausing to reflect now and as i do so, i am reminded of someone i know via social media.  she has had a plethora of health issues – mostly auto-immune related.  her diet is meticulous – very clean and pure.  her thoughts and approach – every bit as meticulous.  supplements and natural remedies too.  and yet her issues continued to crop up now and then regardless of her efforts.  and yet today – her auto-immune struggle seems to be over.  why?

she removed a toxin from her body.  in this case – breast implants.

remove the poison and we thrive.

remove the virus – and we reclaim and restore.

we remember.

and we once again return FULLY to our Creative Selves.

love,

victoria

******

Thank you for visiting.  Thank you to those who support this site with your financial blessings.  If you align with the work I do and wish to see it continue, please donate by going to the link below.

[wpedon id=”208″ align=”left”]

you’re getting a two-fer-one today as i am functioning at minimal capacity.

i guess i will start with that.  after sleeping 12 hours, i woke up – did stuff – then went back to sleep 3 hours later for about 2 more hours.  my mate had the same experience.

i am heating up from within at a ridiculous level.  very little desire for food and a HUGE need to just SLEEP.  and sleep.  and sleep.  just as i think “ok i will just rest for a bit” thinking no way will i actually go to sleep – i crash out and go into a deeeeep deeeeeep sleep.

going through my mind is a thought/feel i had over a year ago and that was the closer we get to “IT” – the more i will need to sleep.  so must be close to “IT”.  as i literally crawled out of bed late this afternoon to go get dinner going i had to laugh and express to my mate “i don’t know how much longer i can keep this up before i am just sleeping non-stop.”  he feels the same.  and before i sank into this deep slumber i received a message from brother rick who said he too is needing a lot of extra sleep right now.  sleepiness loves company.  HA!

so this latest gaia portal.  thank you to robin for letting me know there was a new one.  the past 2 days i have checked – feeling w/in a new one was coming – and it would be one i would NOT want to miss.  i was right.  check out the latest one and i will then add why i find it significant:

Status seekers are rebuked, as “Headliners of Light” assume control of the process.

Flamboyants of the West are swatted from their perches.

Inner Guidance prevails through the night moments.

Vanquished is the dark.

Grand designs are realized.

status seekers are rebuked says to me all who choose to Do and Create at the expense of others (power-over) – are getting stopped.  energies not supporting those doing’s.  interesting to me as this morning i lay in bed pondering my life and what to do “next” to earn a buck – and i surrendered into tears and the knowing that i am done pursuing earning a living.  i am done pursuing the quest to make money.  that doesn’t mean i won’t block it from coming in – but that my energies will no longer be wasted in ANY THING that doesn’t make me feel ALIVE – which includes feeling desperate, needy and overwhelmed.  D O N E    D O N E    D O N E with letting myself feel ANY of THAT.  signed, sealed and delivered to the Universe.

also of interest to me are the flamboyants of the west are swatted from their perches.  that gave me a giggle.  we know that yellow rose speaks of the exit – and an east gate (home) and west gate (very similar to this realm – perhaps a carbon copy OF it – just with new systems – the healing tech and new monetary based systems).  and all who seek to bring forth their criminal ways into the west world will not be allowed to enter.  so verrrrrry interesting gaia portal would use this reference.

inner guidance (as i keep saying go within and trust your own divine YOU – and ME too)…..that is what gets us through the moments of “what’s going on??”  as dark continues to vanish from our experience – yet pitches a fit as they refuse to surrender.  and i say “dark” as in ALL that was not only hidden but also those who use deception to take from others.

grand designs realized = dreams of our visions and wants and needs coming to fruition.  seeing where we are and seeing our versions of Home.

music channel confirmed stuff for me today with the message “new earth goddess” and “letters from home”……..

let us now fully Merge.

love,

victoria

******

[wpedon id=”208″ align=”left”]

seems to me the further along in this “alleged” transition, the more insane the realm and its systems become.  a visit to the store for some food is confirmation that prices continue to skyrocket.  i remember a time when i could afford steak.  today?  not a chance.  it’s cheap meat now.  most of the time i am ok with that but today?  not.  one.  bit.  a visit to the local home/food/variety store and i checked out some kitchen utensils.  ours are at least 10 years old and the wooden ones are cracking.  the price for these things today?  $3-$5 each.  really??!!

my mate was online looking for some growing supplies.  put in a garden?  i tried to drum up some free/barter soil.  i have not found that option yet. we have the space – just need the soil.  i would like to put out some flowers out front.  not in the budget.

all these ways of being/doing i once did – just not in my realm of experience now.  decade old clothes now no longer able to mend.  i had to laugh the other night when my mate asked what i was doing w/the iron.  “putting on a patch on my leggings,” i said.  “again?” he asked (i’ve patched them before).  “just go buy another pair.”  that is when i laughed.  gotta find humor when you can when things are just absolutely so ridiculously insane – it escapes your ability to align much less understand/innerstand.

driving out and about today – the traffic was everywhere.  people on bikes (even though it was raining heavily).  i don’t see as well as i did just two years ago.  i’m sure i need new glasses but my insurance doesn’t cover optical care so i make do with what i have.

who here can relate?  yes i know many of you can – you have told me such.

so the million dollar question is – if new experiences are not manifesting – if what we “do” is not creating us the desired result – what are we still doing here??

while i do have a feeeeeeeeeeeel this is how it is playing out in this ending before the new – and while i have felt the insanity would only increase as the alleged failing ones fight to the last second – it is just a FEEL.  do i KNOW any of this is true?  no i don’t.  so how much longer can sustain faith and trust in my feels.  it’s a great plan i have – the one i envision.  awesome.  it is one of freedom for every one of us.  and so i have the feeeeeeling this is coming but my eyes tell me a different story.

is faith really having more trust in what you feel within than in what you see?

or is that just the comfort we provide ourselves when we know we don’t belong here and are looking for that doorway out.

those are the thoughts that went through my mind as i prepared lunch, prior to sitting down and type away.  and as i was in the middle of my doing’s, something told me to go look at the television.

a gift of a Divine message?

or another poke from a consciousness that seems hell bent on moving forward without relenting.  until………..until what?

i don’t know today.  you tell me.

love,

victoria

******

Thank you for visiting.  Thank you to those who support this site with your financial blessings.  If you align with the work I do and wish to see it continue, please donate by going to the link below.

[wpedon id=”208″ align=”left”]

There will be a moment when I won’t have to request such things.  Until then, life requires this…

The bills are pretty covered at this point.  I was hit with another very expensive electric bill that ate into my food budget.  Warmth and sun should be coming soon.  Today the area is under flood watch.  We’re ok and I am grateful for that.  So that leaves financial need for food and some supplements for getting health back on par. My girl also needs a new bike (she’s outgrown the old one).  This recent virus hit us pretty hard.  I’m still surprised at the amount of tissue we have gone through the past 3 weeks. All are on the mend.

Current in my heart is the heaviness of being a heart-centered Being in this realm.  Not a first of course – but it is very present today.  Pay to live has been my biggest challenge and it has brought me out of my heart too many times to count.  Earlier today I saw a story about a woman who was going to jump off a bridge until a group of teenage boys stopped her by telling her her life has worth.

Wow.

Such powerful words.

You are worthy.

Your life has worth.

You are here and ever present and as such are worthy.

Worthy of everything you desire and wish to create.

They tried to take that from us.

They tried to convince us THEY held the power over OUR WORTH.

And we know how absolutely false that is.

That being said – until their paradigm of enslavement is over – people will be challenged unnecessarily by their doing’s.  No more head-in-the-sand about that one.  What do you and I DO about that?  Speak out.  Is that enough?  Can we trust in “the plan” that this plan will bring forth what all seek within?  Can we trust in “the event” (transition) in the same?

For now let us connect with one another and give one another what it is the heart needs.  Love.

To be SEEN.  Heard.

I see myself.  And I see you.  I see the beauty and potential of HUGE SHINING DIVINE TRUTH in ALL.

I just had a thought come to me…a revised constitution for Life.  “I hold these truths to be Self Evident…that ALL Being’s are Created Equal…ALL Being’s are Worthy…..AS THEY ARE…..Truth is the Way.  The energies of Freedom are behind ALL doing’s…..”

That is all for now.  School then rest time.

Love,

Victoria

******

Thank you for visiting.  Thank you to those who support this site with your financial blessings.  If you align with the work I do and wish to see it continue, please donate by going to the link below.

[wpedon id=”208″ align=”left”]