Category: Daily Notes

well it looks as though i cannot copy and paste from this particular site, so i will link the article here for you to read: https://eraoflight.com/2018/06/27/energy-report-update-crystalline-energies/

i will add my own perspective/experiences resulting from reading this piece. have i got the itchies YES!!!  quite an intense case of it.  woke this morning with a new spot that is not “prone” to itching/rashes.  lathering up with coconut oil.  cool water on the skin.

and i have the gloomy sulky stuff going on too – really big today. overwhelming big.  it kinda scared me – thinking ok if i “go there” will i come out?  i allowed it.  face the fear, right?  trust, surrender.  i have wanted to write about this the past few days but when i go to write, i feel too depleted.  sulky.

today was a beautiful summer day.  i headed out on a bike ride alone, thinking it would lift my spirits.  i couldn’t get there.  i tried but it felt like i was being a fake so i just let myself ride in a gloomy apathetic state.

then i came to this house that i had forgotten about.  a new area in which i have begun to ride.  i saw this yesterday but forgot about it until i was upon this house today again, looked over, saw the signs You Are Not Alone and Don’t Give Up…. and felt the tears pool in my eyes.  (I took pics – tried linking them below- but received an HTTP error)

i’m just tired, so damn tired, and want a new start with so many new doings, things, experiences, surroundings.  it is hard for me to feel that “you are not alone” experience.  i’m currently facing an old wound from childhood ~ being bullied by people once thought to be friends. the feeling of surprise.  wanting to know “why are you doing this to me?  i thought we were friends.”  this continued for me until i was a junior in college, believe it or not.  at the time, even I had a hard time grasping how such behavior was to be found in college.  but when you find out your roommates and supposed friends plotted and carried out a plan to slowly kill the houseplant you had brought into the house, only to watch me try various ways to save it, was just a bit too much for me to stomach.  today it still is.  i can accept a lot, but understand and comprehend?  nope.

my girl is currently dealing with a few bullies in the neighborhood.  one such occurrence happened last night (the threat ~ twice ~ of physical violence upon her) and while i was there to stop it quickly, i could see the look in my girl’s eyes.  i could see that spark go out for a bit, confusion setting in.  she looked at me, her eyes pleading with me.  totally tore at my heart and stirred the inner pot we call mama bear.

talking about it with her she said yes, she could not believe this was happening to her ~ especially from someone who was supposed to be a friend.

so that gave us the chance to talk about friends.  the importance of choosing wisely.  the importance of not letting one act of kindness from someone with a history of abuse and mistreatment to fool you.

learn from mama’s mistakes.  

i so deeply to the core of who i am and who I AM want something new for me and my girl N O W.  for myself a life long experience of being bullied because i am “trusting, soft, gentle” has left me a bit too hardened and distrustful, i know.  i know deep within i am still that soft, trusting gentle Being.  i am adult – i can handle it all.  it is my girl in which i want something new more than anything.  her light is huge – soft – gentle.  very opinionated.  [wp-svg-icons icon=”smiley” wrap=”i”]

i do not wish her to grow up in this cold, harsh realm where bully behavior is considered “normal” and the child must “toughen up”.   where others power over her.  my god we have teachers abusing children in first grade. no wonder these children are violent and acting out sometimes.

i had no one to protect me when i was a child.  i am indeed stepping up to protect my child and i have made it clear to both the children engaged in the bullying and most importantly the parents that this behavior is not tolerated ~ adding to STOP accepting this as “normal” behavior (which a surprising number of programmed parents chant).

not.  one.  damn.  more.  second of it is acceptable.

deep breath………

you are not alone.  don’t give up.

that sign today felt like a prompt….

change is here.

the new i desire, about ready to reveal itself.

some itching (and purging) is just part of the trip there….

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victoria

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Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude! 

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saw this and thought “home”…

ok so let’s just begin by saying today ~ and yesterday ~ and a few days last week were days that if i did not have a child/family, i would have stayed in bed all.  day.  long.

schumann.  solar winds.  “out there” energies filtering in the ever weakening dome (the grid that surrounds it.  last night hearing it has a consciousness, it responds to us, resonated with me.  i had felt that before. so let us say “thank you now leave.”  be gone!  there is no joke in those words either.)

all of it adds up to W H E W.  i headed out today to spend some money on just me.  no one else.  no food.  not a bill.  but ME.  got some pretty girlie things.  nice to do that for myself.  i kept hesitating with the “oh you should save this for food or blah blah blah” but i said “nope.  i’m spending this on myself.  flow will provide.”  and besides, i heard a really quiet voice – this whole thing is about ready to shut down so spend it while you got it.

if it brings you joy, DO IT.  if not, if it isn’t necessary, don’t.  my go to words i have heard this week.

so heading out i was out of it.  simply not all here.  still not.  the woman at the store looked tired too.  my girl noticed it as well.  she had to ask me a question a couple of times before i could comprehend what she was asking.  i dropped my keys and looked at them wondering how that happened and for a brief second, they looked foreign to me.

if this is ME prepping me to get used to letting go of all of this, i’m good with that.

off and on the past week i have felt the inner vibrating.

i did also awake today with a heavy sense of apprehension.  deep sadness. the energy felt old and ancient.  i knew it was not just about me and i also knew it was not just buried stuff from this life.  both lisa harris and linea spoke of this collective “stockholm syndrome” some of us are feeling.  this feeling of the new coming and the apprehension we feel with that.

this feeling of new coming and not quite so sure you want to let go of the old ~ even if the old stinks and you just want to GO HOME NOW.

i let myself have the experiences.  i cried some.  took some deep breaths. said it’s ok to feel this way.  took some Bach Rescue Remedy as i felt i needed a little bit of something.  i don’t drink or smoke or do any drugs/pharma. sometimes chocolate isn’t enough so i reach for the flowers.

this is hard, isn’t it?  i feel some of us have been so invested in this experience and many of us have been coming to this realm for so long, we do have “attachments” to this experience.  for me personally, i feel i have not been fully ME in so many life cycles, the DNA has kinda forgotten the experience.  and knowing as well that when this happens, when this game ends, it is all in a moment of NOW (my feeeeeeeeel that is), adds to that “uhhhhh” feel.

nature is showing herself as well – changing.  we had our squirrel just show up on our side doorstep and stay there – a first!  last night some bird was “crying” for a long time.  while i am still here i would love to have the means to buy a filter for my camera or something for my computer that when i upload pics, i see more of what’s really there.  i can’t remember (nor find !!!) but one youtuber, female i believe, has such a filter and she recently began capturing images of the grid outline on the dome.  wow!  i would love to do that as i love capturing images unseen to our yet awakening eyes.  more than i do writing i would say.

our cool breezy weather continues.  as my mate has deemed it “the summer of the cool winds”.  as a friend in the ‘hood said “it’s like we live 5 minutes from the coast.”  given what i have seen of this house in dreams and visions going back over 10 years, where our home is minutes from the beach, in the back of my mind i heard, in a whisper, “maybe we do.”

maybe we are already there just waiting for the veil to drop.  then we will just, well, go!

much love, rest and peace,

victoria

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Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude! 

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unlike what i said in my schumann share, where i said i was vertical all afternoon, i was actually horizontal.  at the moment, i feel between the two. walking vertically but my body has a pull towards the horizontal.  (now for those like me who get them confused, vertical means up and down. horizontal, sideways.  or as a human, walking vs. lying down.  or is it laying. who knows.)

before i lay/lie/laid down earlier, i was literally nodding off at the store check out line.  my eyes felt glazed.  sleep now, i heard.  ok let’s make it home first though.

well enough of that.  that’s rather boring.  here’s something interesting that transpired last night.

i was having a convo w/my buddy rick.  he shared the following:  “Tessaract. In geometry, the tesseract is the four-dimensional analogue of the cube; the tesseact is to the cube as the cube is to the square.  So basically we were inside a double tesseract, meaning a square cube inside a square cube.”

not the first time we are hearing of the tesseract.  steve olson (WSO youtube) has captured it on footage.  lisa harrison spoke of it in may.

what is so fascinating about that is that at around age 5 i began drawing this 3d like square.  like a square within a square in a way.  i had no idea why.  no one showed me.  but i began to draw them – at times almost obsessively. give me a piece of paper and that is what i would draw.  i have continued having this “obsession” to draw this object ever since.  at times i would wonder “what does this mean?”  kinda like richard dreyfuss and his obsession with the mountain image w/the flat top.

after speaking w/him yesterday, the image popped in my mind.  i came here knowing what this simulation is.  a realm inside of two cubes.  here is the image i have been drawing since i was a wee one…

at some point during my childhood, someone told me to put a lid on it.  i tried but it never felt right.  so i would continue to keep it the way it was until again i was told to “put a lid on it”.  eventually i asked “why?”  and was told “because it’s a box that’s why.”  nope.  i wasn’t having it.  i knew this wasn’t a box.

as rick said – we all come here knowing.  so much.  just as rick and my mate both were drawing spaceships as children, i was drawing these cubes and other things (triangles being a huge interest for me as well – which i would form – by connecting them – into what can only likely be known as craft of some sort).

may it all come back online for us.  turn on those codes again within.

i have also been noticing when i react to something – especially when there is fear and/or tension in my body (which is usually a simultaneous experience).  i go to that spot, say “it’s just a program” and with my focus unplug from it.  remove it from my body.  and surround the space with love.

transforming = awakening = remembering.

that is what we are doing.

love to you all~

victoria

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Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude! 

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so yet another day where i attempt to find the balance between the part of me that wants out of this shit hole and the other part that doesn’t want to focus on any of the shit in the hole and find peace.

serenity.

i held it in all day until around 4pm (pacific time).  my mate was extra irritable as was my child.  the desire to run away from this house was quite intense.  i did my best to maintain the peace (that’s what i often end up doing in this life cycle and honestly, honey child, i feel quite DONE with that role).  i cleaned the yuck out of the house to return it to heaven.  blessed every thing.  i gave it a cleaning at a level i haven’t done in a year.  maybe two.  it exhausted me but i did it.  i thought it would maybe make me feel better.

of course it didn’t.  maybe at some level – the fung shui concept of clutter, dust, etc. blocking energy.  so while it did feeeeel better to my body, the fatigue only increased as did the inner “SERENITY NOW” feel.

i went to the store to get some pizza dough.  i was going to make it from scratch but after all i had already done, no way was that happening.  on the return trip home, Supertramp came on the radio.  love that group.  “The Logical Song”.  love that song.  kind of a theme song for me.

“when I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful….a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical…..and all the birds in the trees, well they’d be singing so happily….oh joyfully, playfully watching me…”

i looked in the rear-view mirror at my girl…admiring her innocence….the wind and sun on her face, causing her to squint while enjoying the breeze on her face.  she is still in that “life is so wonderful, a miracle” space and oh goddess, my mate and i do all we can to keep her that way.  maybe we over-shield her in some ways.  maybe we share too much.  it’s a difficult balance to find.  i thought back to myself ~ went within to remember in my body when i once thought life was wonderful and a miracle.  then came public schools and each year, little pieces of that was chipped away, replaced by toughness.  left brained logic.

“there are times when all the world’s asleep…the questions run so deep….for such a simple man…..won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned….i know it sounds absurd….please tell me who i am…”

i sang this song to the universe.  i have lived this song.  lived and breathed the words of it and their meaning for as long as i can remember. questioning has gotten old.  i have outgrown that.  energetically.  

i want the truth of ALL revealed to me upon my command of NOW.

i want my friggin’ freedom NOW.

i cried as i listened to more of the words.  yes, yes and yes.  i get it.

we all get it by now.

we all want more and different.

i wish to be free of the struggle to maintain this physical vessel while being inundated with poisons from toxins, chemicals and really shitty technologies ~ all against my will and consent.  i am so overly beyond DONE with that.

this entire journey has been about taking 2 steps forward, 1 step back.

sometimes a step and 3/4.

i know this isn’t how it is supposed to be.

i know this is ending.

i know a date was given.

i really need that date to be now.

until then, serenity NOW.

much love,

victoria

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Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude! 

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