Category: Daily Notes

 

saw this and thought “home”…

ok so let’s just begin by saying today ~ and yesterday ~ and a few days last week were days that if i did not have a child/family, i would have stayed in bed all.  day.  long.

schumann.  solar winds.  “out there” energies filtering in the ever weakening dome (the grid that surrounds it.  last night hearing it has a consciousness, it responds to us, resonated with me.  i had felt that before. so let us say “thank you now leave.”  be gone!  there is no joke in those words either.)

all of it adds up to W H E W.  i headed out today to spend some money on just me.  no one else.  no food.  not a bill.  but ME.  got some pretty girlie things.  nice to do that for myself.  i kept hesitating with the “oh you should save this for food or blah blah blah” but i said “nope.  i’m spending this on myself.  flow will provide.”  and besides, i heard a really quiet voice – this whole thing is about ready to shut down so spend it while you got it.

if it brings you joy, DO IT.  if not, if it isn’t necessary, don’t.  my go to words i have heard this week.

so heading out i was out of it.  simply not all here.  still not.  the woman at the store looked tired too.  my girl noticed it as well.  she had to ask me a question a couple of times before i could comprehend what she was asking.  i dropped my keys and looked at them wondering how that happened and for a brief second, they looked foreign to me.

if this is ME prepping me to get used to letting go of all of this, i’m good with that.

off and on the past week i have felt the inner vibrating.

i did also awake today with a heavy sense of apprehension.  deep sadness. the energy felt old and ancient.  i knew it was not just about me and i also knew it was not just buried stuff from this life.  both lisa harris and linea spoke of this collective “stockholm syndrome” some of us are feeling.  this feeling of the new coming and the apprehension we feel with that.

this feeling of new coming and not quite so sure you want to let go of the old ~ even if the old stinks and you just want to GO HOME NOW.

i let myself have the experiences.  i cried some.  took some deep breaths. said it’s ok to feel this way.  took some Bach Rescue Remedy as i felt i needed a little bit of something.  i don’t drink or smoke or do any drugs/pharma. sometimes chocolate isn’t enough so i reach for the flowers.

this is hard, isn’t it?  i feel some of us have been so invested in this experience and many of us have been coming to this realm for so long, we do have “attachments” to this experience.  for me personally, i feel i have not been fully ME in so many life cycles, the DNA has kinda forgotten the experience.  and knowing as well that when this happens, when this game ends, it is all in a moment of NOW (my feeeeeeeeel that is), adds to that “uhhhhh” feel.

nature is showing herself as well – changing.  we had our squirrel just show up on our side doorstep and stay there – a first!  last night some bird was “crying” for a long time.  while i am still here i would love to have the means to buy a filter for my camera or something for my computer that when i upload pics, i see more of what’s really there.  i can’t remember (nor find !!!) but one youtuber, female i believe, has such a filter and she recently began capturing images of the grid outline on the dome.  wow!  i would love to do that as i love capturing images unseen to our yet awakening eyes.  more than i do writing i would say.

our cool breezy weather continues.  as my mate has deemed it “the summer of the cool winds”.  as a friend in the ‘hood said “it’s like we live 5 minutes from the coast.”  given what i have seen of this house in dreams and visions going back over 10 years, where our home is minutes from the beach, in the back of my mind i heard, in a whisper, “maybe we do.”

maybe we are already there just waiting for the veil to drop.  then we will just, well, go!

much love, rest and peace,

victoria

******

Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude! 

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unlike what i said in my schumann share, where i said i was vertical all afternoon, i was actually horizontal.  at the moment, i feel between the two. walking vertically but my body has a pull towards the horizontal.  (now for those like me who get them confused, vertical means up and down. horizontal, sideways.  or as a human, walking vs. lying down.  or is it laying. who knows.)

before i lay/lie/laid down earlier, i was literally nodding off at the store check out line.  my eyes felt glazed.  sleep now, i heard.  ok let’s make it home first though.

well enough of that.  that’s rather boring.  here’s something interesting that transpired last night.

i was having a convo w/my buddy rick.  he shared the following:  “Tessaract. In geometry, the tesseract is the four-dimensional analogue of the cube; the tesseact is to the cube as the cube is to the square.  So basically we were inside a double tesseract, meaning a square cube inside a square cube.”

not the first time we are hearing of the tesseract.  steve olson (WSO youtube) has captured it on footage.  lisa harrison spoke of it in may.

what is so fascinating about that is that at around age 5 i began drawing this 3d like square.  like a square within a square in a way.  i had no idea why.  no one showed me.  but i began to draw them – at times almost obsessively. give me a piece of paper and that is what i would draw.  i have continued having this “obsession” to draw this object ever since.  at times i would wonder “what does this mean?”  kinda like richard dreyfuss and his obsession with the mountain image w/the flat top.

after speaking w/him yesterday, the image popped in my mind.  i came here knowing what this simulation is.  a realm inside of two cubes.  here is the image i have been drawing since i was a wee one…

at some point during my childhood, someone told me to put a lid on it.  i tried but it never felt right.  so i would continue to keep it the way it was until again i was told to “put a lid on it”.  eventually i asked “why?”  and was told “because it’s a box that’s why.”  nope.  i wasn’t having it.  i knew this wasn’t a box.

as rick said – we all come here knowing.  so much.  just as rick and my mate both were drawing spaceships as children, i was drawing these cubes and other things (triangles being a huge interest for me as well – which i would form – by connecting them – into what can only likely be known as craft of some sort).

may it all come back online for us.  turn on those codes again within.

i have also been noticing when i react to something – especially when there is fear and/or tension in my body (which is usually a simultaneous experience).  i go to that spot, say “it’s just a program” and with my focus unplug from it.  remove it from my body.  and surround the space with love.

transforming = awakening = remembering.

that is what we are doing.

love to you all~

victoria

******

Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude! 

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so yet another day where i attempt to find the balance between the part of me that wants out of this shit hole and the other part that doesn’t want to focus on any of the shit in the hole and find peace.

serenity.

i held it in all day until around 4pm (pacific time).  my mate was extra irritable as was my child.  the desire to run away from this house was quite intense.  i did my best to maintain the peace (that’s what i often end up doing in this life cycle and honestly, honey child, i feel quite DONE with that role).  i cleaned the yuck out of the house to return it to heaven.  blessed every thing.  i gave it a cleaning at a level i haven’t done in a year.  maybe two.  it exhausted me but i did it.  i thought it would maybe make me feel better.

of course it didn’t.  maybe at some level – the fung shui concept of clutter, dust, etc. blocking energy.  so while it did feeeeel better to my body, the fatigue only increased as did the inner “SERENITY NOW” feel.

i went to the store to get some pizza dough.  i was going to make it from scratch but after all i had already done, no way was that happening.  on the return trip home, Supertramp came on the radio.  love that group.  “The Logical Song”.  love that song.  kind of a theme song for me.

“when I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful….a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical…..and all the birds in the trees, well they’d be singing so happily….oh joyfully, playfully watching me…”

i looked in the rear-view mirror at my girl…admiring her innocence….the wind and sun on her face, causing her to squint while enjoying the breeze on her face.  she is still in that “life is so wonderful, a miracle” space and oh goddess, my mate and i do all we can to keep her that way.  maybe we over-shield her in some ways.  maybe we share too much.  it’s a difficult balance to find.  i thought back to myself ~ went within to remember in my body when i once thought life was wonderful and a miracle.  then came public schools and each year, little pieces of that was chipped away, replaced by toughness.  left brained logic.

“there are times when all the world’s asleep…the questions run so deep….for such a simple man…..won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned….i know it sounds absurd….please tell me who i am…”

i sang this song to the universe.  i have lived this song.  lived and breathed the words of it and their meaning for as long as i can remember. questioning has gotten old.  i have outgrown that.  energetically.  

i want the truth of ALL revealed to me upon my command of NOW.

i want my friggin’ freedom NOW.

i cried as i listened to more of the words.  yes, yes and yes.  i get it.

we all get it by now.

we all want more and different.

i wish to be free of the struggle to maintain this physical vessel while being inundated with poisons from toxins, chemicals and really shitty technologies ~ all against my will and consent.  i am so overly beyond DONE with that.

this entire journey has been about taking 2 steps forward, 1 step back.

sometimes a step and 3/4.

i know this isn’t how it is supposed to be.

i know this is ending.

i know a date was given.

i really need that date to be now.

until then, serenity NOW.

much love,

victoria

******

Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude! 

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i got asked today by a few people ~ are you better today?

allergies are better, yes.  thank you.  [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”]

but that inner feeling?

no.  it remains unchanged.

i don’t see people awakening.  what i see are those who have been on this journey becoming more outspoken.  but the masses awakening?  i’m not seeing that.  i want to.  but at this point all i see are the awakened ones talking with one another.  take my website for example.  many people in my life, if not all, know about my site.  NOT ONE visits.  not a one.  i have asked. (and have since stopped.)

i have shared numerous things lately here and there with others.  my experience is they either don’t understand or they flat out don’t care.  i have heard those words.  “i don’t care” too many times that at this point, if….when this transition out happens, if they remain here, so be it.

i understand apathy.  i have it…. for periods of time ~ and yet i bounce back up again.  and i DO care when i realize i have been absolutely mislead on something.  deeply.

it astounds me that so many don’t care.

just like it astounds me that we have countless parents in this community who have let a verbally abusive teacher teach their kids and they say NOTHING. DO nothing.  they continue to send their children to a situation they have described as a “nightmare” to me.

i don’t get THAT kind of apathy.  

i don’t get it when i tell others of the trafficking issue and what has happened under DJT (the exposure and huge increase in arrests).  the response i have received is yes it is a horrible thing but DJT is still evil in their eyes.

i don’t get it.

i was vaccinated up until my 20’s.  (woke UP)

i have had my share of fluoride until my 40’s.

i am exposed to the chemtrail crap.

gmo exposure.

and yet I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH.

and I CARE about things like freedom and honesty and truth and justice.

DEEPLY.

but the masses?

i don’t see it.  i just don’t.

if there needs to be a split, a division, so be it.

simply because they refuse to explore and know and see, doesn’t mean those of us who DO, need to suffer and remain in this reality those refusing to “see” are all too happy with in residing.

they have that right to remain in it.

and the rest of us have the same right to the same freedom.

NO EXCEPTIONS.

i heard today that “the event” is up to US.  enough of us calling it in.  co-creating it.  really??  haven’t WE been doing that?  if that’s Truth, if we are still awaiting for more of the sleeping ones to awaken to all of this, we are screwed.  or stuck here for who knows how long.  THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO ME.  i do not consent to that.  we do not consent to that “wait until…”

personally, it doesn’t resonate with me, how we have to have “so many” to bring about the event.  it is my strong feeeeeel that we have “enough” here to do just that.  that is what WE came here for.  it is why WE are here.

and I say BRING IT now.  if it creates another divide, again, so be it.

when i first started this blog i had days of being weary of all of “this”.

now i am having it as a near constant experience.

i am ready to do something different.

aren’t you?

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victoria

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Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude! 

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because i don’t have much else to talk about at the moment, i thought i would pass along what it’s like to be me, most notably as a mama and how often i get distracted/sidetracked.

a brief snippet of a day in the life…

no sooner had i woke up but did we have a knock at the door.  seriously?  just the neighbor wanting to share something trivial.  i stayed in bed while my mate listened until, after about 20 minutes (!!) he was able to get him to leave.  i thought back to a time in my life many many moons ago when i would have welcomed such a visit.

today?  NO!

(as i am typing this, i have this child whining because i told her “no” to her request to go someplace that is out of her boundary.  summer has just begun and the whines of “i’m boooooored” have already taken hold, lest there is a child to play with and given i have texted every #$*%&! parent around, she is on her own to find something to do to occupy herself.)

after breakfast child and i head out to get a few things.  arriving home, i attempt to upload a few things on the site.  what would normally take a person sans child/family 20 minutes took me about an hour.

whoever made doors – i want to strangle today.  open, shut.  open, shut.  in, out.  “moooooooooooooooooooooom,” come the cries of yet another question/request.  how do women survive this mentally?

finally get lunch prepared.  stomach is growling.  “uh, oh!” i hear.  turning towards the table i see my freshly purchased kambucha.

all.  over.  the.  table.

spillage.

oh yes i wanted to do another load of laundry, i hear go through my mind.

it’s ok.  we’ll just pick it up, i say.

off to the washer i go to toss in a load.  #2 for today.  i come out and notice the kambucha had also spilled on my chair pad.

wash that off, go and toss it on the clothes line outside.

lunch is still waiting for me.  quesadilla’s with homemade guacamole. sliced peaches.  stomach is still growling.

i sit down and notice child has not eaten the quesadilla.

“want me to cut it for you?” i ask.

“yes, please” she says with a rather pathetic look.  children come hardwired with that look.  i see it a dozen times a day.  at least.

stomach still grumbling, i cut it up for her, smile and pass it back.

finally i put the tasty delight into my mouth, staring outside, the trees swaying in the breeze.  silence.  food.  what a combination!

“mom,” i hear, interrupting my silence.

“yes?” i ask.

she wants me to text her friend’s mama for a playdate.

after i eat, i say.

go back to eating and watching the scenes of nature.

“mom,” i hear, “guess what.”

guess what.  that always means a story is forthcoming.  ALWAYS.  and it is never a short one.  NEVER.  [wp-svg-icons icon=”cool” wrap=”i”]

“what,” i say.

i listen as she talks of this boy and that boy and this girl and that girl and who said what and when and how funny and then she giggles.

i smile.

return to silence.

“mom,”…..

“sweetie mama needs quiet for just a few minutes, ok?” i say.

(as i am typing i am being summoned again so BRB)…..

where was i?  oh yes – mama needing quiet.

she agrees to (interrupted again – we keep forgetting to drop off a “thank you” card so i am being requested to do this NOW.  after i finish this up, i tell her.  slam goes the thank you card.  she is not happy with my decision.)….

she agrees to (oh joy here come the whines.  she knows the rule for that – whines are ok in so long as they are done in the bedroom.  does she follow that one?  more or less, yes, well, no, not really.)

ok sooooo  SHE AGREES TO MY DESIRE FOR SILENCE.  you still with me? we are back at lunch.  (another interruption has occurred – neighbor has a visitor – the lawn mowing guy.  she has to let me know that.  thank goodness for that – the lawn is almost 2 feet high and spewing grass seed/pollen our way DAILY).

aye, where was i.

oh bother.  it doesn’t matter.  i did not get the silence i wanted because, according to my memory she began to talk after a minute or so.

and i just realized i forgot something at the store.

some may be saying “hey what about your husband?  where is he in this play-by-play narrative?”

he’s mowing the neighbor’s lawn (the neighbor on the other side of us). always doing what we can to bring the $$ stuff in.  and some things need to get taken care of.

isn’t it funny?  when the house or car needs something done, we make sure it happens.

but when we the humans need something?  we put that on the back burner for “some day when”.

like say a vacation.  i would LOVE to take my family to the coast for 2 weeks. find a nice home to rent.  the last time we did that was pre-baby.  my mate and i saved for many weeks to make that trip happen.  we couldn’t afford the $1000/week homes so we had a friend whose parents had a refurbished trailer.  $250 for the week.  we snagged it.

you know the saying.  you get what you pay for.  (i really dislike that phrase, btw.)

it was refurbished in the living room.  the rest?  no.  the bedrooms were, well, let’s just say we slept in separate beds because the beds were tiny and in the room i slept in – the window above the bed leaked.

we enjoyed ourselves as best as we could but it was not a restful vacation. that’s hard to do when the sleeping quarters are uncomfortable.

i know this piece is humorous and at times tongue-in-cheek, but there is a point.  we royally have messed up this system called “family”.  isolation. pay to live.  not nearly enough support.  tribal living is the answer.  and where if there is truly something you want, desire and/or need, you have access to it and it is NOT dependent upon your bank account.

such a way of Being/Living is one i continue to see and seek ~ call forth.

a day in the life (leaving you with the song which ironically enough i heard at the store today…)….

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victoria

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Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude! 

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