Category: Daily Notes

as i opened up my email box this morning and see the latest power bill charge, i took a deep breath while fuming within.  these system evil criminals are saying i owe them an extra $170 next month because i opted out of their matrix upgrade known as the smart meter.  they also think they can stick me for an additional $30 to send out their employee to read my old analogue meter (which of course works just fine).

now without even going into the truth that is free energy repression, i will stick with the above b.s. as it is.  i have no intention of paying any of these new fraudulent fees.  i have stated as such with 3 of their bots.  customer service reps.  at this point, what’s the difference?  you support the system without questioning it, you are a damn bot.  fake.  just another program supporting this ridiculous enslaving simulation for which i no longer carry any compassion much less acknowledgement.

putting up my hand i affirm “you are not real.  let me be.”  i will no longer expend my energy to any such bot/program.  it.  is.  a.  waste.  of.  “time” and energy.

a waste.

i fell for the new age program of “love all” long enough (which is so loosely defined, i never did hear anything really paint a clear picture of what that looks like).  do that and you lose your individuality.  surrender it.

not all here are Source.

i feel this.

i don’t think it.  i don’t believe it.  i feel it.  sense it.

i watched an interesting flat earth paradise video earlier, speaking of this, which i will share.  i appreciate such “expansion” ~ seeing things from a broader perception of sensing.  plus putting things together ~ making some sense of the insanity.

the matrix system hides in plain site.  the lie so huge, it seems so far-fetched, absolutely unfathomable, it has been easy to implement.  add in a bunch of “fake” humans whose program says to attack any being that questions the system and you have a sick, twisted plan.  i would say brilliant but it isn’t.  it is damn stupid for such a plan is, by its very nature, designed to fail and implode.  much like the fake pay to live program.

i know when i have spoken with customer service reps at the power company off and on the past few months, it is like speaking with a robot. more than once, i have received silence when stating my perception or asking a question.  matrix glitch.  new program being presented.  what do i say?  i have no script!

each day, the growing energy within longs to expand and burst free.  the ability to surrender has become more difficult than ever.  to accept.  i CAN “withdraw” that focus and calm myself ~ keep the needs of this vessel in my heart (i.e. doing things that assist my vessel in a helpful manner).

at some moment i will have the full capacity to forgive ALL of it ~ all of them.  myself.  i am thankful i can feel the Essense of Me that carries that deep deep deep within.

so that is where i am.

and as i continue to be in this space, i purge when i feel the need ~ the body, the spirit, and mostly the human side forced to experience the trauma’s and restrictions of this system game.  today it is hearing the old voices of others who have come into my life, telling me they were guided to do so only to proceed to tell me what i need to do, what i am doing wrong, etc. etc.

the joke is on them in the end for that is not love.  that is more of the matrix program of powering-over another.  either one still enslaved to an old program or simply another bot.

you know what i say.  love is free.

free is love.

that is all for now.

deep exhale ~ and love,

victoria

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Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude! 

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starting out ~ thinking about and feeling this out ~ what is Original.  our girl just informed me she killed a hornet ~ those nasty parasitic entities that are NOT original.

neither are blood sucking entities like (certain) spiders, tics, mosquitoes nor are poisonous snakes.  anything that causes unnecessary harm on another is not Original.

which leads me to my next thought ~ and i say this as a meat eater ~ and that is we are not meant to kill to survive.  but that is how we were designed, these dumbed-down versions of our Original bodies.  (can you tell i am diving into this issue and feeling it out ~ my Essense is fully awakening, being liberated and she is sharing these words via feelings.)

while i become highly irritated by the vegan nazi’s, i understand where they are coming from.  however, until our bodies return to Original, many of us need this type of protein/enzymes.  it was put into us so i wish they would stop blaming the victim and see this from a broader perspective.

i am also processing the concept that many people i have interacted with, given my energy via love, sharing, etc. have not been Original.  soulless. bots.  this explains why today, as my awareness has grown (which is often labeled “sensitivity”), i cannot “do” conversations with these actors. cannot be around them without feeling something immediate.  i also know when i have “felt” something but ignore it – i go numb.

moving on….today i have had more experiences of my hands not working.  i dropped my glass deodorant spray bottle (i make my own).  i swear i had it firmly in my hands and it was as though the glass turned to water.  smashed all over the bathroom floor.  last night my mate had the same experience ~ he dropped a glass.  had it in his hand ~ and it just fell out, smashing all over the kitchen floor.

feeling strangeness in my throat (mate as well).  fuzzy at times vision which thankfully is temporary and fleeting.  head pressure (mate).  and irritability is off.  the.  charts.  

i did have another trump dream (again not requested) ~ this time melania was in it.  she is serving more of a leadership role than we realize.  quietly but powerful.  and contrary to what the media has shown at times, trump submits to that authority in her.  they really do feel, to me, to be a team.  i then saw trump as a young man ~ early 40’s.  he’s pretty much the same person today. same values.  ideas.

and lastly, i awoke with some moody blues words going through my mind (eye in the sky):

as we are (being told we are – and feeling we are) wrapping up this experience, i am pondering “what is real?”

i have been feeling out – a lot – the last few days on people – who is real and who isn’t.  who are the walk-ins, the soulless ones, the bots.  about an hour ago i had the thought “well they sure do seem to have the best jobs out there.  the most success.”  not a 100% solid, all-the-time statement, but that is my experience.  certainly these playing the walk-in role in this game have, as one of their roles, the “job” of keeping the truthseekers as silent and alone as possible.

my own experience has netted me this experience.  today i no longer care. well it isn’t that i don’t care ~ what’s a better way of describing ~ hmmmm…..i have more respect for Who I Am than i do with what any of the actors think/speak of me.  today i sent a friend to the lisa harrison youtube channel and told her to watch the latest video.  i have shared w/her information on the schumann and that’s about as deep as i have gone w/her.  but today i threw it all to the wind – thought “ok if she decides i’m total nuts so be it” – and sent her past the political and dark ick satanic rabbit holes and tossed her straight on down into the hole that says “all of this is fake.  it is ending. here’s the date.”

not saying she is an actor.  she is a beautiful soul – i see it.  open.  and i see in her a new awakening.

there have been actors though in my life ~ a lot i am now seeing.  and the “real” ones.  i had a real person once tell me i would never be allowed into the world of government social services (one of many dead-end pursuits “out there”).  why?  i was TOO REAL.  lol  i asked her to expand on that.  she said i was too passionate.  too open.  government agencies don’t want people like that, she said.

why not?  i inquired.  i didn’t get that.

because they don’t want to change things.  they don’t really want to help people the way people truly need.  she spoke of experience and said if it weren’t for her grant funded position, she would have been kicked out of that world (she ended up leaving, moving to europe and became a yoga teacher).

wow.

well obviously she was right.

today i see so much that no longer feels real.  the other night i was speaking with someone in the neighborhood.  this person has long felt “non-human” to me.  i find it sad.  i don’t want to hold that thought or the feel.  but i do. the other night i thought to give it another chance.  i greeted this person with a smile and a sincere desire to connect.  wow.  what i got in return as far as look AND energy was one that repelled me completely.  and i knew – within – knew, felt, you name it.  this being is one of the background, soulless ones.  serving a purpose of the matrix.

damn we see a lot of it now.  i am feeling it quicker than ever.  a recent video i watched spoke of this “lack of life” many of us are seeing.

and i know now – it is POINTLESS to share ANY of our truths with them. they will not snap out of their programming because they can’t.

this numbes of 10% being “real” as in heart-centered w/a soul – really bothers me.  i automatically go to the thought of “what happens to them once this is all over?  once we transition to real worlds, real experiences, freedom?”  do they cease to exist?

i want to know.  i feel ALL beings have the same right to freedom as i do. perhaps i am being naive.  probably an old program ~ the one that wants to “save/help” every being.  it has, as its companion, the program that has said “when i am kind, generous, honest to and with people, i will be treated the same in return.”  i am giggling a bit at that one ~ that last one has gotten me into trouble and caused far too much heart-hurts.

cancel clear them both.

so…….what is real?

what i come to – continue to come to – now – is consciousness.

feelings.

it is a heavy concept to process ~ that so much of what we experience is fake.  not just illusion but downright, absolutely fake.  lie to the nth degree.

but what IS real is what’s right here (putting my hand on my heart/chest and patting it).  and what i intuit here (putting my hand on my core).  and those knowings and visions we get here (putting my hand between my eyes/on my lower forehead).

the gateways to consciousness.

for now, ya’ll probably have noticed i don’t post much spiritual stuff anymore.  i am feeling the need to just find and share personal stories and experiences.  experiences and insights from small channels.  i also know the political stuff, while playing a necessary role right now (a purging out of lower energies so ALL can be revealed), feels like a temporary distraction.  maybe even just another program.

i am laughing now.  i ponder “if this simulation is ending in a few weeks, what is going to happen to these things like the arrests, the new tech, financial prosperity packages, etc. etc.?”  seriously – would any of that really matter?

and if upon this transition we see that the vast majority are not “real”, again, how would that look w/all of the above changes going on in the now?

will it matter?

not if it isn’t real.

ok ~ ending this stream of consciousness.  time to rest the mind and body.

please share your thoughts if you feel the desire.

love,

victoria

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Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude! 

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this post was inspired by a beautiful piece i read in a private group i belong to on “the event”.…..[wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”]

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i awoke feeling a lot of heaviness.  dense energy.  itching skin.  upset stomach.  a lot of heavy around my eyes in particular.

i felt a purge was coming and i was correct.  after i let it out however it needed to be released, buried stories began to reveal themselves.

how many of us have questioned our own dark/shadow sides?  is there too much “in there”?

how many of us have wondered if we are “light” enough?

pure enough?

good enough?

i know i have.

the words i read this morning said sometimes those showing the most anger and “negativity” are actually the ones with the most light within and those showing the most light ~ rarely if not ever showing signs of anger, etc. can have the most dark.

first i want to clarify my perception on dark and light.  i feel it is all energy. if we choose to use it for destructive purposes, harmful purposes it can be considered “dark”.  if used for healing and helpful purposes, “light”.

i also feel all of the buried trauma’s and stories, the emotions stuffed and fears not wanting to see can arise coming out as “dark”.

(and then there is pure evil which i feel is not innately human and therefore i am not going to touch on that one other than to say i feel it feeds upon itself. like an addiction.  the more you feed it, the more it takes over and consumes the physical vessel.  a virus if you will.)

we are all programmed here whether we choose to see this or not.  we likely all come pre-programmed (imprints/codes in these bodies ~ which i know are a dumbed down version of the original design).  a lot of the stuff coming out is old programming.  i see it as necessary as i see/feel we are being pulled away – slowly (yeah i know **groan**) out of this simulation.  again this is just my perception.

i remember one of my first in-person encounters with someone who was into ascension and new earth.  it was 2012.  i saw a sign out in front of her house stating “2012 – the year love wins”.  i wanted to meet this woman but there were all sorts of blocks put in my path.  i let it go.  eventually it happened.

she was charming and had a bright light to her eyes.  but something felt off. however, i ignored that.  she had that sign on her property, a group i was invited to join, and spoke the right words so i dismissed that inner signal that said “red flag”.  one of my “programs” i helped create ~ certainly kept it going by ignoring it ~ was to make relationships into what i wanted them to be.

in time i grew (spiritually indeed) to see what the flags were about.  she spoke words of love and light and all that gooey stuff ~ but she didn’t back it up with action most of the time.  promises went unmet.  words of commitment to do x y z broken.  when i finally spoke up about it i got the “i don’t do drama” along with “i don’t need to apologize”.

i had grown enough in my own sense of self that i was able to say “simply because you don’t get angry doesn’t mean you don’t engage in drama”.

passive-aggressive behavior.  i saw it in her and i have seen it in the spiritual community as well.  people with unseen/unacknowledged ego’s who enter your space as loving, charming, considerate ~ and yet if you show a human emotion or speak with authenticity over a fear or struggle, they cut you out in a flash or they speak down to you as if they are somehow the experts on your life and personal experiences.  that smarmy energy.  fake.

i have a keen keen KEEN sense of this ~ and i not only see it in others, i see it in myself at times.  i know the energy vibe of this behavior.

one of the programs i bought into hook, link and (almost) sinker was the self doubt program.  so i have created a pattern of judging my dark side while dismissing my light side.  i had all of this pain ~ this anger, fear and rage ~ could i really have all of this purity and beauty too?

as with us all, i feel, people come along to plant a little seed to help us see who we really are.  sometimes that brings up the muck, other times the gems.

i am thankful, oh so thankful to those who have helped me see my shiny gemstones within.

one happened when i was 19.  this woman worked with my mom.  she was so cool.  wore gauzy type clothing, lots of bracelets that clanked together and those big hoop earrings.  upon meeting me, she said i had one of the brightest aura’s she had ever seen.  i had never heard of an aura, but somehow i knew what she meant.  she later told my mom i was here to do big things.  i let those words marinate within my being for days.  it felt ~ wonderful!  no one had ever spoken to me like that and i wanted more of it.

i had to wait.  lol

the next time i recall this happening was about 25 years later.  my brother-in-law was visiting and he and i were having a conversation about life ~ the pains and the healing ~ the real stuff.  he was feeling some guilt over taking a little extra gasoline to get him to where he needed to go.  at the time he was homeless and struggling.  i said something like “those oil bastards steal from the people daily.  you’re a good soul.  let it go.”  i waved my hand as i spoke.  he laughed then looked at me, considering me thoughtfully.  “you know what?” he said.  “i have never seen a light as bright as yours, except for our nephew.  don’t ever lose it.”  i looked at him with some surprise.  “really?”  i asked.  “yes, really,” he said.

i felt all gushy and warm inside.  and yet i also knew – i too have light.

bright light.  it is who i am.

i have always known of this bright light.  i have always known i AM a bright light.

i know and have known that there has always been a reason why i have been blind-sided by others who thrive on their bully-like, power-over behavior ~ aggressively or otherwise. some say i am naive for having allowed this experience.  i say trusting along with a driving knowing that we CAN BE and LIVE paradise, sooooooo if you are being an ass, then see it, own it and make a new choice.

i have also come to this rather unfortunate conclusion that not everyone in this realm is human/has a soul.  i may be incorrect, i hope i am, but that is a feel i have come to see as a real possibility if not probability.

for all Souls, dark will attempt to consume and put out light for it does not wish to acknowledge its counterpart.  in truth there is nothing to fear in facing our darker pieces.

darth vader did it.

if he can surrender into what is pure and creatively helpful, so can we all.

love,

victoria

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Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude! 

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note:  this is a random stream of consciousness where i am taking a variety of thoughts and weaving them throughout as i write.  you have been alerted to the possibility of some confusion.  i will do my best to help lessen that experience….

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as i have sat here the past hour or so, looking around at what’s up, reading opinions and what not, i feeeeel an underlying desire for meaning.  a restlesness.  perhaps we have reached another collective feel to have more of it. perhaps a knowing we have never had it and we want it in its FULL entirety

meaning….it’s certainly been on my mind and in my heart lately ~ that desire for meaning.  not necessarily purpose (that feels rather 3d and old to me now) – but meaning.

meaning = a feeling experience.  i have read where meaning is found in the NOW moment/experience.

at the moment, i feel torn about how to direct that energy.

last night, as i lay in bed, i had this new thought/feel appear:  being in the NOW is another program.  whaaaat????

so i let it marinate.  and i realized that being in the NOW has been, overall, an impossible task for me.  i notice when i do give full tending to a situation in the NOW, deep within is the desire to be free.

it’s always there.  and it pulls at each “NOW” moment.

for me a sense of meaning = freedom.

freedom to explore and experience however i choose ~ without limits.

how that looks to each of us is unique of course.

and i know i do not have that freedom here.  i will not go into that as i have already spoken of freedom and what it feels and looks like to me.

so last night as i felt through this “being in the NOW is another program” i thought ok – so what do i “do”?

go within and feel and hear.

and what i hear is “end the simulation now.”  and what i feel is the longing for that to happen NOW.  ooooooh the longing……experiencing that right in that core/gut area….

i want NEW and i am not finding that here.

i go within and intend.  new abilities.  healing.  new people.  new places.  etc. etc.

and yet here i am/I AM.

for these “new” experiences i KNOW – i just KNOW are to be experienced and found elsewhere – “out there” – outside of this physical realm.

i can see in my minds eye the “fractures” the simulation has created to limit our abilities.  when we DO experience one of those beautiful moments of synchronicity, when all aligns, we celebrate and cling to it like a child with a blankie ~ in a way (understandably) fearful it may be taken from us, and/or not knowing when such another moment will manifest.

freedom = meaning = ALL is about such moments of synchronicity – not just a random, now and then event.

i want meaning.  i want new.  i want freedom.  and this means ending the simulation.

i.  want.  it.  over.

for almost 20 years i have felt we are in a matrix like system of control.  felt it without any proof ~ other than the inner feels and knowings.

and in feeling that, THAT is my be-in-the-NOW moment where nothing else enters.

spiritually incorrect perhaps.  but i am as i am and it is as it is and that is my truth for this simulated day of 7/6/2018.  24/25 more simulated days….at my command…

love,

victoria

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Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude! 

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i have been thinking and feeling this question out the past few days, feeling this prompt to sit with it.  play it out.  if this simulation is ending, soon, july 31st even, what does this mean for me?

after listening to linea’s latest video, i was prompted again to explore this concept.  i will begin by saying, like linea, i feel this sense of calm, almost a resignation ~ like she shares, a passenger sitting on a train, bags, packed, quietly waiting for take-off.  as this transition draws closer, i thought i would be excited, but i’m not.  i’m just, neutral and calm about it.  ready indeed, but a calm ready.  for now i keep playing the 3d game from a more detached perspective.  even the Q/drain the swamp game has lost a lot of its luster.  i keep feeling – just a program.  all part of this matrix.

will ANY of it matter a month from now?  i could….would….will….easily walk away from it all.  

going home.  what does it mean?

it feels, to me, i get all of my questions answered.  i get to see where i am.  i get to see all that is out there.  all of these objects that show up on my camera (and the thousands of other camera’s around this realm) – i get to see with my own eyes.

i get PROOF with my own eyes.

what will it feel like to see the simulation end?  how will that look?  what will i see??  will my body look the same?  will my consciousness expand quickly or slowly?  time will cease to exist ~ if this is true ~ how will THAT feel/play out?

i can feel in my body that i will likely think “oh wow HOLY SHIZBOT it really is happening!”  marinate with that experience for awhile before feeling “what now?”  or perhaps i will easily know what to do and will just, do.

i can visualize someone walking up to me, handing me a ticket, saying “you are free to go now.  no more pay to live.  no one to power over you.”  what do i do first?

heal this vessel.  get my kabillion questions answered.  go to the homestead and chill.  adjust to having life be so easy and having abilities i have not used for very long in a physical body.  feeling young again.

connect with others also choosing this journey.  share our stories.

connect with my family in a new way.

bask in all that is REAL.  and pure.

no masks.  no programs.  no unnecessary drama.  no lies.  no fake ANYTHING.

just pure love, truth, sharing, caring and freedom.

victoria

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Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude! 

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I woke up this morning with a good amount of energy and about 4 hours later was hit with a huge wall of fatigue, body pains, nausea, bloating and this very heavy feeling in my body.  A purge day was upon me.

What came up first?  I wanted a massage today.  I did not want to use my little portable massager.  I needed a full body work over, massage, energy work, the works!

As I lamented I over how my body needed this, I thought how messed this matrix system is (as though that part of me whining doesn’t get that by now??).  The ONE THING I need ~ the ONE THING that makes me feel better than anything else (yes, more than chocolate) this realm has had to offer is body massage.  Oh my goodness it transforms me into a peaceful, happy puppy.

It all just did not feel, well, fair to me in that moment.  The one thing that makes me feel the best is something that

1. My mate cannot provide due to health/hand/wrist issues and
2. The affordability factor.  Massage therapists typically charge as much as if not more than a trip to the doctor (and most insurance, at least mine, doesn’t cover the cost.)  Not that LMT’s don’t deserve this money ~ they do! The health benefits of massage are far better than anything most western trained doctors provide.

I left the house in this mental funk, off to get some food, grumbling that if food were free, I could spend excess funds on massage.  Energy work.  Those things that work for me and with which I so resonate.

As I climbed into the car, I had this feeling I was falling down.  Crumbling. You ever get that feeling and then wonder “who will take care of me if I do”?

I turn on the radio and in a moment of beautiful synchronicity, “Drive” (The Cars) was on the radio.  Love that song.  The lyrics “who’s gonna come around when you break” sang.

Wow.

So apropos for that very moment.

I cried a bit.

Swore a bit.

Pounded the steering wheel.

Decades of old, stale energies coming up like lava in a volcano.

I wondered ~ are mountains destined to purge or is that all just due to this low density realm, where energy just gets stuck and trapped naturally, because of endless trauma’s and abuse and low vibe living/being/doing and all of the poisons, toxins dumped into and onto ALL….is it all just too much for ANY living being to keep on top of in cleaning up and out…..and as all is connected….ALL is being felt and purged.

I tuned in again to my physical symptoms.

ravishingly hungry to suddenly no appetite at all

nausea

feeling creepy crawly sensations on my body

trembling

anxiety

exhaustion

bloating

aches

and that damn heavy feeling….

PURGE, I heard

PURGE IT ALL.

I could see it.

Feel it.

Sense it.

Intuit it.

ALL is being felt and purged.

Individually.  Collectively.

It is no coincidence the purging of the dark systems is also occurring now.

All is connected

Purge away

Allow

Release

Let go

Forgive

and …..  deep breath in and releeeeeeeeeeeese…..aaaahhhhhh…..

and…..welcome in new codes, feels, experiences.

Oh. So. Ready!

much sleepy love,

victoria

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Thank you for stopping in and visiting.  As always, you are free to share my personal writings as long as you do not alter and link back here.  If you wish to support the work I provide, for it is a job and my purpose for now, and I do have self and family to support, please click the button below.  Much gratitude!