Category: Daily Notes

 

Remembering.  Awakening moment.  Sounds so much better, to me, than lesson.  I think of the term “lesson” and it leaves me with the inner feeling of judgment, being punished, something that is “good for me” ~ all terms void of Love.

Last night I was involved in a conversation.  The individual asked me a question, a useful and challenging question, to get further clarification on the topic we were discussing.  It was late and I really wasn’t sure I had the energy to engage back with a fully conscious response.  To be honest, I didn’t want to respond at that moment.  But I felt I “should” and pondered a response, feeling that inner “should” program.

While this was going on, I received a private message from another person, telling me how grateful they were for my messages, for how I share my truth, for how honest I am.  I paused for a moment and thought “that is so kind of you” and wrote back a quick thank you.

I did not allow myself to feel any of that beautiful message.  Not for any REAL moment where I could let it sink in and fully FEEL the experience.

Even though at the time I knew I was bypassing the emotional experience, the full awareness of this did not come online until I was in bed later on.

I really saw ~ I deeply felt ~ where I am still more hooked into old programming, how some of that programming has had me putting more focus on things I deem “obligation” and “responsibility” and even downright negative interactions (whereby I feel oooh I have to respond back to THAT!!) than I do on a person sending me love.

Did I become so used to the disappointment and pain and obligations/rules in life that when Love is presented to me, given to me, I see it without really “SEEING” it?

Yes I have.  Yes I did.

I have thought that over the years.  I have even had the knowing.  And felt it. But not all at once.  My experience was different this time.

Last night it lined up for me.

Thank Goddess!

I promised myself when I woke up this morning, I would re-read this beautiful message that was sent to me and let myself “feeeeeeeeeel” the words.

As promised, when I woke up I pulled up the message and noticed she had sent more Loving words.  A beautiful bonus!  I let myself feel the impact of the words.  I read them a few times.

Yes Victoria, I CAN have a positive impact on others.  :::pause:::  Feel that…

I matter.  :::pause:::  Feel that…

I make a difference.  :::pause:::  Feel that too…

And I deserve to see the results, read the results and feel the results.

Love In Action.

Yes, I am quite a tough nut to crack sometimes, but I am grateful I keep chipping away at my shell to get to the good stuff inside.  Because you know, there really is some good stuff inside of me.  ME.

And I have many people to thank for that, including all of you who come here, read, share your own words/stories.  Support me in whatever way you feel called to.

Thank you ~ every one of you ~ for helping me become a different, more loving version of Me.  [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”]  [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”]  [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”]

Victoria

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I typed vatican backwards (nacitav) ~ googled it ~ and this was the first entry.  Yeah, no surprise there.  These bastards are so deceptive with their systems.  I return these letters to Divine Light.

 

Excuse me while I kiss the sky…

WOW!

Do.  I.  Feel.  AMAZING.

Something happened last night.  After I faced a couple of deep old fears yesterday, whereby I actually placed the parts of me afraid in front of me and had a loving but also firm conversation, which lead to tears and releasing, I felt a calmness overcome me.

Then….  late last night around 11:30pm I felt something go through me.  It landed (for lack of a better term) in my cranial area.  I then felt woozy/dizzy, stopped what I was doing and just let it be.

“Wow,” I said to my mate, who was in the next room.  “Something just went through me and I am feeling like a Jimmy Hendrix song.”  (Purple Haze to be exact)

“Me too,” he said back.

“No way, really?  Are you just trying to assuage me or did you just feel something pulse through you?” I asked.

He insisted he had the same experience – the energy sensation then the sudden dizzy sensation.

Ok then.

So I head to my social media page and share the experience, where upon I received confirmation publicly and privately that we weren’t alone.  In fact, the experience was global.

Last night as I lay in bed, I went into my quiet/meditative state.  I was in one of those very nice spaces where literally no thoughts were running through my mind.  The monkey chatter was silent.  Suddenly I felt energy move within my heart and my goddess I felt my heart chakra expand HUGELY.  I smiled and relished the bliss and love I was feeling.

It has, more or less, remained there.

My brain is now fully accepting something really is happening to me as she keeps saying those words.

Something really is happening.

I am transitioning.

Returning to the Wholeness of ME.

Part of it is happening on its own ~ often after I consciously process and release what doesn’t align with me or as I now say ~ what did not come with me.

Is it Original Me?  Does it benefit Me?  No?

Then it must be energetically detached from the old system program, blessed and released.

Physically, I have more energy today.  My appetite is RAVENOUS ~ after days of wanting little to eat.

Thirst is off the charts.  I chugged the water out of my water bottle while at the store like I was in late stage pregnancy.  I let out a large sigh and wish I had brought more.  I actually absentmindedly looked around the car for more, thinking I could just manifest more ~ a part of me deep within frustrated that program is not online.

Yet.

Onwards we go.

An hour ago or so, I checked my social media feed and the first to pop up was another awesome message from Amanda Lorence who described, once again, exactly what I am experiencing.  The HUGE upgrades last night for WayShowers.  The intense thirst.  The heart expansions.  I was going to share her post instead of mind, but then I remembered ~ we are ALL our own experts and teachers in this experience.  It is ok if I share my own experiences.  They are every bit as valid.  And teachable.

Yes, the confidence grows ~ from within.

Today I am celebrating the growing trust within that I Can Trust Myself….and I can Trust Love.

I have had several experiences where I felt Love for All that date back 11 years, last year having the most.

I do not need to fear the experience.

I do not need to hide from it.

I have spent a life time (likely plural) doing that.

I can Trust.

My heart let me know that last night as she expanded to let more of “that” in.

Yeah.  That.

I will take more of That.

Much love to you all~

Victoria

***

Thank you for reading, sharing, supporting.  Thank you for sharing your own experiences.  I continue to love hearing (and learning from) ya’all.  [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”]

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This morning at breakfast, we noticed a Blue Bird out front, collecting bugs. She was really going at it and it was amusing us all.  We watched it climb the tree as a last attempt at getting some food, much to the amazement of my girl.  It then hopped over to the window, looking up at us.

My girl looked at it, smiling, and spoke in a gentle voice “Hello bird.  How are you?  Please don’t fly away.  I want to be your friend.”  A few moments later the bird flew off, to which prompted my girl to ask me if we can hold the animals on New Earth.

Her innocence was so pure ~ it brought me to tears.  “I have a feeling, yes, that we will have a much closer connection with the animals,” I said.

That prompted me to reflect more on the animals.

Rightfully, they don’t trust us.  It is in their DNA at this point to fear us given how easily we have killed them.  I’m not judging ~ just making an observation.  Extending my awareness.  I eat them.  I’ve caught fish, ended their life and ate them.

Having these thoughts, I looked down at the bacon I absentmindedly picked up and threw it back down.  I scowled at my eggs.

Anger arose.  Anger at the bastards who altered our DNA, turning me into a meat-eating creature.

I have made a few attempts over the past 15 years or so to stop eating meat. My body suffers when I do that.  And yet I have this strong knowing that as we transition, as we get the return of our Original DNA, and as we have access to food replicator’s, we will not be eating meat any longer.  We will not be killing animals to sustain us.

As I pondered this, I felt the bigness of this fear of one another.  I cried as I felt the understandable fear the animals have of us.

And the tears also included feeling the bigness of the innocence of my girl, who reminds me to remember I still have it within.  It’s always been there.

After these experiences, I walked away from the table and sent out a strong “I am sorry” to the animals.  I deeply was seeking forgiveness from the animals.  Well….As I did that my mate says “The bird is back.”

I walk over to the same window it had just minutes before sat watching us through, and there she was ~ looking up at me.  I smiled.  A message was sent and received ~ telepathic ~ I felt it in my body.

The human in me said “ah, just a coincidence” but the innocence from the heart knew different.

A connection was made.

One of forgiveness and understanding.

Here’s to our new home.

Our new experiences.

Our return to Innocence.

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Victoria

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I’ll just dive right in.  This.  Week.  Has.  Been.  A.  Doozy.

No sheot!

I spent about 1/3 of today crying and releasing.  At one point I tapped into something so old and deep, I had a small thought “what if I don’t stop crying?”  It was something I needed to speak out loud about to release.

Sometimes my regrets threaten to strangle me.  I’ve made some really less-than-who-I-am (sounds better than stupid) choices over the years.  I wish I had believed in myself more.  I use those mistakes to teach my girl ~ ALWAYS believe in yourself.  Trust yourself.  Be Courageous.

All those words I needed to hear and did not in my own childhood.

Exhaustion is off the charts.  Sleep issues have been all week (w/the exception of one night).  Intense itching comes up sporadically. Shaking. Anxiety.  Dizziness. At the moment, a headache, likely a stress headache. Strain.

I awoke today to see most of the internet sites I visit, including my bank, were down (including my site and hosting company hence no posting for today).  I phoned my bank to get some balance information and learned I had a fraudulent charge on my account, so I had to take care of that, reorder a new card.

In spite of feeling uneasy and exhausted, unbalanced, I headed out to get food.

While at the store, I had a panic attack.  I leaned on the counter and thought ok if I pass out, I pass out.  My chest felt heavy.  Of course I did not faint.  I refocused and was fine.  I checked in with myself. “What is going on?” I thought then felt “emotions needing to be cleared out”.

AGAIN?  Really??

Let me tell you, I felt I was in vice grips today.  All week actually, just building up for today.  Now that I’ve purged, I feel a bit more relaxed. Centered.

That is when I’m not feeling confused – a sense of unease.  Why am I here? What do I do next?  And the big one:  can I really have faith in all I have seen and felt for myself and my life?

Is all of this really happening?

Those are suddenly big energetic questions for me right now ~ and I’m not liking it.

I thought of the word “doubt”.

We have a lot of old false programming on doubt.  We are taught to doubt all that is amazing and miraculous, beautiful and hugely possible.

We are not, however, taught to doubt the crap and evil of the world.  The fraud.  The lies.  Oh, we put plenty of faith into all of that.

But to imagine something different?  Amazing?  Beautiful?

Dare I say, even Perfect?

Dreams come true?

No, you see, I began to know my doubt was old programming.

What am I here to do?  Accept the shit and live in doubt of anything different/better?

Or am I here to (help) break down the illusions so the amazing/beautiful/perfect can and will be ~ IS being created?  However I feel guided to do that?

Yeah, I will take that last one.

Don’t Stop Believing (feeling/imagining/seeing/knowing)…

Victoria

***

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My emotions have been all over the place for awhile now.  I read lately that empaths may be having an especially difficult time now as we pick up on the energies of the collective.

Yeah, I thought, that is part of it.  But I knew something else was missing.

Earlier today I thought back to my childhood.  I loved to watch the NBA Finals as a child ~ that and the World Series.

I remembering feeling intense emotions.  For the winning team, I would feel chills.  My eyes would swell up in tears.  Emotions of pride and accomplishment were powerful within my little body.

Then I would think of the losing team and I would vacillate to the other end of the emotional spectrum.  I felt such deep sadness.  Grief.  The sense of loss and disappointment was huge.  More tears would overcome me.  Each emotion was so damn real to me ~ it left me confused.

I can remember watching certain news stories over the years of people who had committed crimes.  Even those engaging in the most horrible of acts, once they were captured, I would feel the flood of relief for the families. And then, I would naturally slip into feeling such sadness for the perpetrator.  The sense of regret and loss.  “What a waste of a life,” I would think, trying to understand the heavy emotions I was feeling.

I’m still this way today.  As  child I didn’t speak of it.  I thought I was “weird” for experiencing such strong and opposing emotions.  Today I know different.  Today I have a “label” and an explanation.

I reflect on the term “opposing emotions”.

Are they really opposing?  Or are they just energetic experiences that result when I sense emotions from others ~ all on one spectrum?

I could speak of this some more I am sure but for now I am EXHAUSTED from processing all of this emotional junk ~ that I know is part mine/in here – and part out there.  So time for some much needed rest and TLC.

Peace ya’ll.  I feel we are at peak point.  Relief, soon.

Victoria

 

 

 

I don’t know why I’m doing this.  I just feel the need to.

I’ve been thinking about this space in which we reside.  Gaia.  Planet earth. I’ve been calling it “this realm” for some time as it feels fake to me. Artificial.  I began having that feeling a couple of years ago and it has waxed and waned since then, only recently becoming a full-on experience.

The other day I had a feeling we have lived in this artificial construct ~ an earth-like planet on life support.  It’s a good simulation – perfect perhaps – until you begin to awaken.  The more – the deeper one awakens – the more “fake” this realm feels.  Can feel (depending upon who you are – obviously not all hold the same feeling experience/perception as I do).

It’s just something I know and feel.  The sun feels fake.  The sky.  Even the trees and plant life.

I know I have lived in a purely Organic realm.  Pure.  Divine.  You can see the color and life in everything.  The skies are a much deeper blue.  The sun ~ purely brilliant orange.  The trees are brighter.  Flowers, deeper and brighter in color.  Everything glows.  It’s a giant rainbow ~ every color spectrum imaginable ~ with our eyes able to see it all.  It literally feeds and sustains us.  This energy.  This beautiful pure untouched Divine color rainbow.

The more this energy feeling and knowing comes through me, the more difficult it is in some moments to still.  be.  here.

I no longer want to ground into this realm.  It feels heavy.  Dense.  It isn’t that I don’t send it Love.  I do.  Any and all things, natural and otherwise, who have been manipulated to suite an evil agenda of control has suffered ~ suffered… for ALL has been stifled to fully shine and Know and Be the Pure Divine ALL that each living being IS.

Seeing the end result ~ feeling the way all IS and WILL BE ~ while still. being.  here.  is.  very.  painful.  in.  this.  moment.

So while I am feeling this experience, allowing it, purging it, I also feel called to send a final message.

I am sorry.

I am sorry you were created and used as a lie.

You certainly are deserving of better.  Of full freedom to be who YOU are too.

What will be happening to you?

Will you be transformed?

Many of us do not “see” ourselves staying here.  Many of us have “seen” (and oh how we are feeling it!!) ourselves going to REAL planets.  REAL Universes.  Home whether that be in a space in which we once inhabited or in a space altogether New.

I hope you are transformed and allowed to flourish into something Real and Pure.

For every Sentient Being ~ regardless of how Created ~ longs for the same thing:  Freedom.

And that Gaia/Planet Earth/this realm is what I wish for you.

And I thank you for how you have sustained me and each of us for all of these cycles.

The time for resting, healing and liberation is now.

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Victoria

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