Category: Daily Notes

Today has a certain feel to it ~ one of neutrality – and as though we are in a brief limbo period.  What is coming next, I have no real feel for at the moment.  Just enjoying a bit of inner AND outer calm.  I seem to feel the energies and emotions of not just my own stuff and those in my household but the world at large so perhaps I have just naturally detached from whatever chaos may be flowing “out there”.  Oh well… It feels rather nice to feel detached and in just my own space.

I had a nice experience at the store today.  There was a man in front of me in line.  Business attire.  He pulls out his wallet and as I hear the velcro rip open, I had this sudden urge to put my arm around him and say “doesn’t this feel like a game to you?  Are you ready to stop playing?”  Not to be arrogant – not at all.  This came from my heart.  I simply want ALL of us to be liberated from every single control, seen and unseen.  I want us all free.  We are such a beautiful, wonderful species ~ especially when we are in our full heart-spaced selves.  I can see that.

Instead I just sent him this heart-space feeling of “I see you.  We are all One.”  Then I began to look at the other people in the other lines and saw the beauty in every one of them and had that sense of knowing – we are all One.  And how we have forgotten that.  I love those moments of seeing others for who they really are behind the roles

How funny it is when you think about it.  We each play our particular roles, whatever those are and forget the main reason we are here: connection.  Heart-space connection.  I am grateful I had another such connection today ~ even if it was only seemingly one way and without words exchanged.  After the filth I purged earlier in the day (the core ugh issue/thought I have held about myself for who knows how many lifetimes), I was grateful I was able to bounce back to Who I Am so quickly.  Today what motivated me was that much louder/easier to hear inner voice that speaks with such a solid energy field – it feels my body is too small to contain it at times – and she reminded me ANY such belief in such an illusion only feeds the very energies and entities I seek to dissolve/transform.  Looking at myself in the mirror, I simply said “no” – and meant it.  Completely.  Moments later, I was able to feel beyond the lie and into my heart.

Also had 3 beautiful moments, over the course of the afternoon, here at home, when I was quietly guided to look at the title of the songs on my music channel we have on each day in the background.  Song #1:  Star Seed.  Song #2:  One Step Closer.  Song #3:  17 Seconds To Anywhere (my go-to title on time-traveling)

That is all for now.

Anyone else have this random thought and feeling, which now feels more intense, that we need to just sleep our way into the event/the shift (meaning just sleep as much as you feel called to which for me right now feels almost constantly)?  Obviously for practical purposes this is not possible for many of not most, but darn if I don’t have that desire.  Off to zzzzzz right now.  So tired at this moment I will likely not remember typing this.  [wp-svg-icons icon=”grin” wrap=”i”]

As I was driving around today, attempting to focus my thoughts when all I really wanted to do was go back home and sleep, the word “discombobulated” went through my mind.  We all have those days where we head out with the desire to find a few items only to find ourselves unable to find what we were looking for in the first place.  Now likely if I had listened to my own desires and stayed home and rested/slept and headed out tomorrow or the next day, I likely would have found what I was wanting. Easily.  Just like finding that artwork yesterday.  There was such a flow yesterday.  Today was the exact opposite, that is until I took my child to the park and vented out my frustrations on paper and then, re-reading my thoughts and knowing “this is not the state-of-mind I wish to be in”, I finished up the venting with this one:  “i will instead find my sanctuary of peace within.”

She is there – somewhere.  Just having a struggle of it today.  When at one of my stops the clerk asked how I was enjoying the first day of fall.  I replied yesterday was a much more peaceful day for me within.  Today I feel that pain in the blank experience of old stuff wanting attention ~ this time it is ME that wants love.  I don’t need to just release the old stuff ~ I need to be in tune with what I really want – LOVE.  Peace.  Respect. Attention.

That last one – attention – something I have perfected in giving away to others while neglecting myself.  How often have I thought “how SELFISH they are” – when in truth, it is an act of self-love.

Is it indeed possible for me to be so in love with myself, I release all expectations towards others?  Is it possible to be at such peace with myself that the reactions of others have no affect on me?

In my discombobulated state, I am able to find truth in that.

last night ~ strange glow due South at sunset

sunset last night ~ due west

interesting orb captures last night

sky capture this afternoon

tonight’s sky capture

acrobatic cat (the gray and white cat referenced earlier)

another neighborhood cat with advanced acrobatic skills.  i saw this out on a walk and saw neighbors out.  “do you see that cat?” i asked.  oh yes that’s felix.  he does that all the time, i was told.  well ok then.

some artwork i scored for free today (side of the road w/free sign).  this was after i walked around the house this past week and thought “i need some different artwork up on the walls”.  something new, funky.  thank you highest self/universe for the find!  this was a perfect find!

I laugh.  The term “7-11” and me do not go together.  I can’t remember the last time I went to our local store.  But today I did to give my daughter the taste of a slurpee.  On the drive there, I was pretty neutral.  Just driving.  Not looking for anything.  Yeah, the whole “allowing” thing.

As I turned down a new street, I was drawn to look off to the left.  I see a woman who I swear looked as though she belonged in the 1800’s.  From her clothing to her hairstyle, she looked completely out of place.  I was drawn to her and she to me.  In fact, she maintained eye contact with me until she rode her (ancient) bike in front of me, where she gave me the most beautiful, pure smile, which felt like a giant ball of Love that went straight to my heart.  It was palpable, amazing, much welcomed and left me bursting out in tears.

Completely unexpected.  An angel from another dimension?  Someone from a parallel universe?

Who knows. Who cares.

It was a gift of Love from a beautiful being.  The last time I had an experience like that was when I was 9 years old, only this happened in the middle of the night and she appeared by my bedside and again, gave me a smile that radiated a Love I had not experienced in this world yet.  Not even from my mom, I recall thinking at the time, which surprised me. There was a different kind of Love?

I am ready to be immersed in it.  I am ready to Remember it is within me. It IS me.

And you.  And you and you and you and you.

After that, the rest of my connections with people were, as they were the past few days, authentic and pure.  Even the rather grumpy clerk at 7-11 didn’t get to me.  When I asked him a question about the slurpee machine and he showed impatience, I immediately shut down my need to judge, shut down that story and instead gently explained why I asked what I did and when he had no answer, I said no worries, then thanked him.

Next, I blessed the man in line in front of me who was spending his hard-earned money on lottery tickets.  I told him I sent him good energy mojo’s of abundance.  We spoke briefly of the topic of money and both agreed ~ who isn’t struggling financially these days?  How unnecessary it all is.

Onto the next stop, I offered up an idea I have had recently on bringing in more food to the local food bank.  Given the volunteer’s reaction, the idea is a good one.  Again, another beautiful connection.

All resulting from a much needed, much welcomed smile from another beautiful Soul reminding me to get out of my dang head and get back into my heart, which is where I shine.

Shine on to me.  And shine on to you.

Victoria

[wp-svg-icons icon=”heart” wrap=”i”]Drop the veil of illusion, within and without.[wp-svg-icons icon=”heart” wrap=”i”]

Emotional pain.  Heart pain.  Feeling I have no purpose anymore for being part of this whatever it is.  Ascension?  Who knows.  Having received no donations and all requests to find someone to help me with this site marketing and monetizing going absolutely nowhere (which I do not get as I was GUIDED/lead to create this site, I have absolutely no “feel” for what step next to take.  Nothing feels right.  I feel like Kevin Costner’s character in Field of Dreams where he goes against what is practical and builds that beautiful baseball field, putting his family, his finances, his home and land in jeopardy, on the brink of losing it all.  He demands “what’s in it for me?  I’ve done all I’ve been told (guided) to do!”

I am right there, right now.

I am tired.  Broke.  Out of ideas.  Sitting here with this feeling of emptiness.

Focusing on creating that my next step IS out of a hollywood movie with a beautiful ending, next step.

you will have to forgive the all lowercase tonight.  too detached to be concerned about proper pronunciation.  lol

so today i woke up feeling achy again after another night of also awakening at 3:30am. did i already mention that in my schumann piece earlier today?  maybe i did.  obviously the short-term memory issue continues.  well anyway, another night of being wide awake at 3:30am. and hot. stuffy…even though it was in the 40’s last night.  i simply had to get up and move in my own space.

we have a shower that until today i would describe as “large”.  it is – at least 3x larger than the standard shower stall.  today though?  it was suddenly too small for me.  is it shrinking or am i expanding?  yeah i know the answer to that.  new experience for me – the shower being too small. my mate said he is feeling the same about it.  we also have a king size bed. it’s too small to share.  even our kitchen, the biggest room in the house, is too small for me to share.  i feel like i am literally stretching and expanding.  a huge growth spurt.  explains the ongoing achy pain stuff and the fatigue that is relentless at the moment.

and yet there are also the beautiful moments of pure bliss and serenity.  i am having some unbelievably beautiful connections with others these days.  today it happened everywhere i went.  eye contact.  pure heart sharing.  i can see the light in other’s eyes.  radiating from their hearts and smiles.  this is indeed happening and it is affecting us all and for most, the effects are beautiful.  it’s as though the truth of who we each are is making itself known.  including a neighbor of mine who does not like me.  i never felt at ease around her.  we had a conversation shortly after we moved to this neighborhood.  the topic was homeless people.  her belief was people who are homeless are lazy.  so yeah, not in alignment with me so she not liking me is no big deal.  however lately i have been running into her and i know it is for me to face my discomfort i have around her, heal from it, forgive myself and her AND meet her from my heart space.

which is what i chose to do today.

i greeted her with a smile and gave her thanks for something she had done that had inadvertently had a nice impact on my life and in particular, my daughter’s.  the scowl on her face never left (it never does).  she pursed her lips together and spoke a few words.  i agreed with her words and she said nothing further as she walked away.

what surprised me was how authentic i felt.  i was completely in my own energy space, unattached to her reaction.  and the most beautiful part – i truly wished her nothing but love.  i wished her well.  it was a very lovely experience.  well, at least for me that is.  [wp-svg-icons icon=”smiley” wrap=”i”]

emotional outbursts continue now and then.  now when i suppress anything and i mean anything, it can show up quickly in my body as stiffness, achy sensations, itchy skin and the need to spit.  i watched a video by victor otto on youtube earlier and he speaks of these emotional outbursts many of us are having.  if you feel so drawn, check him out and his insights on dealing with these experiences here.  some evenings i seem to live on my yoga mat.  at times on my walks i have had the urge to march – to really move my legs.  i have learned that using our big muscles is very useful when moving deeply held, powerful energies arising from old pains and trauma’s.  earlier today i suddenly began to cry.  i had no idea why and still don’t.  i just went with it.  allowed for the experience.

allowing.  that’s about all we can do these days isn’t it?  surrender and allow.

aaahhh.

wishing you all well~

victoria