Category: Daily Notes

Oh, after having such a beautiful dream experience last night where I was in the new earth realm, connecting with others, absolutely no stress, no outside systems of control or power ~ waking up feeling so lovely and calm and peaceful.  The way I know I can and am desiring to.

But then stuff starts coming up.  I have had several experiences in just the last 3 days of people stepping all over my boundaries.  And yes I spoke up and asserted myself – but when does that stop trolls from making the initial intrusion?  I am quite a simple person in some ways.  I do not like intrusion or questioning.  I have stated verbally to those closest to me:  If you feel I need help or support, ask what I need.

Simple, right?

But this dynamic of some having absolutely no sense of boundaries asking their questions and when I either choose not to answer or supply an answer that isn’t of their liking, it still makes me want to fucking scream and punch someone’s lights out but good when my personal truth is not respected.  Again ~ask me what I need but never assume to know what is best or right for me.

I have been questioned about choices I am making.  I am an adult.  I am perfectly capable of communicating my needs.  I accept those who fall into the category of “family” (a term I use very lightly anymore) as they are.  It ain’t forthcoming back at me.  Again ~ want to help me?  Listen as I speak my needs.  If not, at this point in my life, shut the fuck up and go the fuck away.

The anger runs deep.  And I have to acknowledge her and give her a voice. For 48 hours I have silenced her with soothing words and by speaking thoughts of “do not let this trigger you – let it go – just let it go – we are beyond this – we KNOW the truth of who we are”.  Helps for a bit until it comes back up – this week it has come back up because I had another episode put into my experience late last night that brought up over 20 years of “stuff”.

All I can do is honor myself and let go of the new age spiritual dogma that turns a blind eye to the inner world of emotional repressed pain – or just pain alone – by using the tactic of soft silence – silencing the inner experience with pretty unicorns and love and light (false love and light).  I am completely aware of my “stuff” at this point.  I know what I need to do.  And I am also fed the fuck up with having anyone in my life who doesn’t honor me or respect me.  If you’re still knee deep in programming, especially when it comes to human relating, go away.

I feel the need to create a giant sign and wear it.  It will say something like “Old Victoria is no longer open for your business”.

In the meantime, purge this stuff, love it as I love myself.

And put on my “do not disturb grumpy cat” hat.

Onwards we go….

Victoria

This showed up on my social media feed.  It gave me chills as this morning I awoke and told my spouse that the timeline that was supposed to have been created 16 years ago has come full circle and we are back in “alignment” again.  Words don’t always suffice when trying to explain these things I feel, but this is as good as any I can come up with.  Then I see the words below an hour later.  

***

Interesting fact
Today is 911, Sept 11
11 years and 9 months ago today there were two hurricanes. One named Harvey and the other was Irma! They hit New York and DC causing a great deal of damage.
Is this the reverse 911 we have been awaiting? Food for Thought. 

I was speaking with a neighbor today who I haven’t seen since just prior to the eclipse.  We were sharing our personal experiences, each agreeing it was a magical beautiful moment and given it was something that reached people globally, the feeling of connection, of Oneness was palpable.  I told her how this was how we are supposed to be living – much more in Unity Consciousness, gathering together regularly, on our own, instead of waiting for some outside event to Unite us.

I was happy to see how she resonated with this.

So naturally I think “So why not do just that?”

Each week, each day, remember the Magic of that day and call it up.  And know others are doing the same.  Clap.  Giggle.  Hoot and holler.

Ever since that day, I have had such a strong desire to continue the experience, but not alone.  I want to BE in that state of magic – daily.  And I want to experience it with others.

Ideas?  Suggestions?

It’s like a new level of magic and connection was felt that day and oooooh how I want – how I need to be in that state with self and others.  How I am ready to Allow myself to have that experience.

Today after doing some food shopping, my girl and I walked to the park that’s across from the store.  There was a woman spinning fabric onto a wooden spinner.  Fascinating!  Well, for me.  I tried getting my girl interested in watching, but she was more intent on climbing the benches and playing in the trees.  So while she did that, I had the absolute delight in speaking with this woman and listen as she explained to me about the different fabrics she is working with.  I thought back to my feeble attempt at learning to sew when I was in junior high.  I received a C for effort (all the other girls received A’s).  I am much more open to my creative/crafty side today of course, having dove into that in my 20’s.  As I spoke with this woman, I began having a vision of spending my days doing such interaction.  Learning.  Creating.  Sharing.  We spoke of returning to some of the practical ways, sewing being one of them.  Crochet (another difficult task for me to “get” – even today).  Real connecting.  Heart-based creating.

Daily.  A way of Being instead of just a random experience we happen to encounter, Divinely guided by the Universe after buying chocolate and sauerkraut.

And so it was and is on this day, weeks after the eclipse, 9/9, which includes my ongoing thoughts/intentions for Irma and our human family in Florida.

V.

(naturally this song went through my mind as i drove home)

Taking them in and out.  Today had another PITA (pain in the ass) moment.  This one cost me $149.50.  And the new printer that was gifted to me is having printing issues (cartridge).  Mate also having a stress-related health issue at the moment too.

Deep breathes, Victoria.  The money will get replaced.

I began doing work with the Shaman ~ at a distance for now as she is out of town for a couple of weeks.  Have no intention of stopping that so Divine Abundance, Financial Blessings are forthcoming with much thanks.

Other than that, I awoke shaking – the whole cells vibing.  And had a couple of heart palpitations.  Solar blasts.  I was deeply exhausted but this little “expense” took up most of my day.  I did have a glimpse of the new earth this morning and there was some question about the house I have seen but I cannot recall what it was.  It was so fleeting – just as I wanted to know more the sounds of “elmo’s world” interrupted.

Ah…………..ok then………

The house has been saged.  Frankinsense, myrrh and copal resin is burning.  Dinner, cooked.  Child tended to (past couple of days has had mama occupied elsewhere).  And for now, I am done with any “doing”.  Being is the talk of the moment.

That is all for now.

Victoria

Chaos.

As Kauilapele says “PITA” moments.  Pain in the ass.

Our beautiful Gaia experiencing hurricanes, fires, earthquakes, displacing her beautiful people.

And yet here I am feeling frustration over a PITA moment that took up much of my time today.

I pause to reflect.  I know this moment brings up a couple of long-term issues that, to be quite honest, I surrender to.  I simply do not know how to resolve them any longer other than to bless them and accept myself as I am, and in doing so, be in a state of responding instead of losing myself in reaction.

And I look outside of my own world for some calm, grounding and humbleness.  I have shelter.  Food.  Warm bed.  People around me who care.

And for that I find some inner peace.

That is all for now.

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V.

something i shared tonight on my social media.  there are some (otherwise wonderful, well-intentioned) people who are encouraging others not to participate in these meditations to ease the storm and wildfires, claiming these experiences are for our spiritual lessons, going so far to say those who live in these areas chose this for necessary growth. i have such a strong feeling about these words – i had to say something. here it is.  (oh and it is 1:00am and i am still waiting to feel some sign of needing to go to sleep.  ain’t happening. energiesssssssss.)

***

oooh i just have to say this. i am reading some words from otherwise beautiful, well-meaning people who are encouraging people NOT to meditate/intend on weakening the storms and fires. they hold the belief there is a spiritually-based reason for these circumstances, which are leading to necessary soul lessons. i thought we were beyond the old matrix paradigm’s of “lessons through struggle and the like”. please stop with these words. children have died. where is the lesson in that? the benefit? how would any of these people feel if disaster visited their home and community? or if they learned of a coming disaster. would they welcome it and embrace whatever “lesson” they feel they needed to learn – even if it meant the death of their child or other people’s children? their mates? family members?