Category: Health and Healing

Awakening Even Further ~ The Journey Within

I am seeing through the illusions of the programs, codes, and lies I have been under. I have finally seen the systemic abuse, the mind spell I’ve been under for decades by people who were supposed to f’ing love me, be my safe space.

I am allowing myself to see what this has truly done to me, especially my brain.

People like me may look fine on the outside, but on the inside, our brains are often offline. In survival mode. Freeze mode. Executive functioning has been offline, which means it is very difficult to make decisions. I see this all now. Clearly. And my days of questioning myself and judging myself are coming to an end. People say to forgive your abusers.

Fuck that.

Forgive YOURSELF for being a decent human who fell for their programmed narratives about you, for they are lies. Abusers project their own behaviors onto their victims. Awakening 101 basics here. We see it all over this reality. Blame the victim. System types create toxic realities, then blame the victim if they can’t keep up or perform to “their” expectations (which are most ALWAYS impossible to do).

No different what happens out there in that toxic cesspool of systems than what happens behind closed doors in our personal lives.

They slowly lure you in, feeling as familiar and sweet as mama’s homemade apple pie. Using tools such as psychological manipulation. Break you down slowly, where you start to question yourself and your reality. Where you question your version of events. Maybe it really IS me, you begin to think. Maybe I really am the problem here.

So you give in.

You apologize when you don’t need to.

You listen to the litany of things you are accused of doing, of being.

And slowly you start to believe it all.

When things really turn for the worse is when you stop trusting your instincts. It’s like your intuition goes offline.

Surely people cannot be THAT blind? That horrible?

Or can they?

Yeah, they can.

And pretty soon that sweet apple pie is nothing but a pile of mud on a garbage can lid while claiming it’s a tasty pie.

Those song lyrics come to mind.

I was blind.

But now, I see.

And I’m f’ing pissed the hell off.

And I am learning to love myself, probably for the first time in my life tbh.

Trusting myself.

Putting together the pieces of that fragmented puzzle and SEEING the clues I missed.

So uh yeah, the Awakening continues, for me, being less about what’s going on “out there” and much more about what’s going on inside of me.

There’s no price tag for that.

For now, here’s some excellent information on the damage done to the brain by abuse. Some of you may appreciate and need this.

💖

Victoria

*********

Daniel Ryan Cotler
2 hours ago
·
THE BRAIN DAMAGE NOBODY TALKS ABOUT
Psychological Abuse Causes Measurable Brain Damage. It’s Time to Prosecute It.
When someone physically assaults you, they can be charged with battery. When someone sexually assaults you, they can be charged with sexual assault. But when someone systematically abuses you psychologically for years, damaging your brain structure measurably and permanently, we call it “abuse” and often don’t prosecute at all.

This ends now.

The Neurological Battery: Measurable Brain Damage
Survivors of psychological abuse don’t just feel traumatized. Their brains are damaged in measurable, documentable ways.
Hippocampal Atrophy: The part of your brain responsible for memory, learning, and emotional regulation shrinks by up to twelve percent in abuse survivors. This causes the memory problems, learning difficulties, and emotional dysregulation you experience.
Amygdala Hyperactivation: The threat-detection center of your brain becomes overactive, making you hypervigilant, anxious, and prone to panic attacks even in safe situations.
Prefrontal Cortex Dysfunction: The part of your brain responsible for rational decision-making, planning, and executive function becomes impaired, explaining why you struggle with choices and forward planning.

Autonomic Nervous System Dysregulation: Your nervous system gets stuck in fight-or-flight mode, keeping your body in constant stress response.

This Is Equivalent to Torture
Research shows that the neurological damage in psychological abuse survivors is indistinguishable from that documented in torture survivors and combat veterans.
Your psychological abuse caused torture-level brain damage.

And currently, we have no adequate legal framework to prosecute this as the serious crime it is.

Neurological Battery: A New Legal Category
In The Truth About Love-Bombing: Exposing Constructive Fraud of Intimacy, Daniel Ryan Cotler introduces Neurological Battery as a distinct crime: measurable brain damage inflicted through psychological abuse.
This category allows prosecutors to charge psychological abusers with battery (causing bodily injury) based on documented brain damage, just as if they had physically assaulted you.

Because they did. They assaulted your brain.

From Victim-Blaming to Accountability
Right now, survivors blame themselves for not recovering faster, not functioning better, not being “fixed” by therapy.
But you suffered measurable brain damage. Your slow recovery isn’t weakness. It’s evidence of the severity of the abuse.
Understanding that you have Neurological Battery, not just “trauma,” changes everything.

It changes how you view yourself. It changes how medical professionals treat you. It changes how prosecutors charge predators.

Available November 10th.
The Truth About Love-Bombing: Exposing Constructive Fraud of Intimacy — The book that makes prosecuting brain damage possible.
The voiceless are voiceless no more.

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1.7.26 ~ Breaking News. Headlines. Greenland. Iran. MN. New FOOD Pyramid. Ending CORPORATE-OWNED Homes. GAME OVER. Flipping “their” script.

Time. Time is moving so fast now. I was thinking of everything I still wanted to do today. Dinner. Order a book for my girl. Walk. Vacuum. Laundry. I managed to get it all in – including making a blueberry pie from scratch in 8 minutes. No joke. I surprised myself.

Lots going on. Let’s get to it.

💖

Victoria

*********

What are the odds? Moving about GREENLAND coming up this Friday the 9th:

Anniversary of when he left this place – 1.7 (17):

https://www.reuters.com/business/energy/us-seizing-venezuela-linked-oil-tanker-after-weeks-long-pursuit-2026-01-07

  • Vessel had been renamed and registered under Russian flag
  • Seizure took place in the Atlantic, near Iceland
  • Pursuit of vessel was part of US pressure campaign on Venezuela
  • Seizure took place days after capture of President Nicolas Maduro
  • Coast Guard also seized another Venezuela-linked tanker

UPDATED:

Venezuela Updates: U.S. Forces Seize Two Tankers; Rubio Lays Out Plan for American Control

https://www.nytimes.com/live/2026/01/07/world/venezuela-us-trump

The New INVERTED Pyramid. Flipping the script – literally. A lot of meat, butter, eggs, fruits and veggies. The body NEEDS protein to build strong bones, muscles, tissue, etc. When I made just one switch from toast and cereal for breakfast to eggs, butter and bacon? I lost the 20 lbs I had not been able to lose. That was the only change. And I felt better – no carb crash.

https://understandingwar.org/research/middle-east/iran-update-january-7-2026

US is getting ripped off. Current market price in USD in China:

There are MANY homes around here corporate-owned:

January 11, 2026 = 1/11/10 or 1/11/1 or 11.11

The Red Folder:

Some interesting theorizing. It will happen when it happens…

MN

Current feeeeeeeeeels:

(she does such amazing work – no fancy titles – just a woman who has been there):

Ashley Nicole 

🖤 THE “QUIET” SYMPTOMS OF C-PTSD (THAT PEOPLE LOVE TO MISLABEL)

(You’re not lazy. You’re not dramatic. You’re not broken. You’re thawing.)

Let’s talk about the parts of C-PTSD no one warns you about.

Not the flashbacks people expect.

Not the panic attacks they recognize.

I’m talking about the quiet symptoms—the ones that get mistaken for personality flaws, laziness, moodiness, or “you just need to try harder.”

Spoiler: you’re not failing.

Your nervous system is doing exactly what it learned to do to keep you alive.

.•:*:•.

🧠 WHAT “QUIET” C-PTSD ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE (DAILY LIFE EDITION)

C-PTSD doesn’t always scream.

Sometimes it whispers.

It looks like:

• bone-deep exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix

• delayed emotional reactions (you feel it days later… or not at all)

• zoning out without realizing you left the room mentally

• constant self-doubt even when you know you’re capable

• executive dysfunction (you want to do the thing… the body says “no”)

• not being able to sit still OR not being able to move

• chores piling up because your brain is already at capacity

• avoiding texts, calls, or conversations—not because you don’t care, but because you don’t have the bandwidth

• smiling on autopilot while feeling completely disconnected inside

• masking to survive (and no, not the same kind narcissists do)

• contradiction: high insight + low energy, deep empathy + strong avoidance

None of this means you’re broken.

It means your system learned to conserve energy in an unsafe world.

*:•.•:*

🧬 THE NEUROSCIENCE PART (WHY THIS ISN’T A CHARACTER ISSUE)

This is where the dots connect.

When people call trauma survivors “lazy,” what they’re actually witnessing is Dorsal Vagal Shutdown.

This is part of Polyvagal Theory and it’s not optional.

When fight or flight failed repeatedly, the nervous system pulls the emergency brake.

The body enters a hibernation-like state to preserve life.

You cannot willpower your way out of it.

You cannot “push through” a shutdown state.

Your body isn’t refusing to move.

It’s protecting you.

That exhaustion sleep doesn’t fix?

That’s HPA-axis dysregulation—the system that manages cortisol and adrenaline.

When your body has been marinating in stress hormones for too long, the receptors burn out.

This is physiological depletion, not a motivation problem.

Executive dysfunction and zoning out?

That’s the Anterior Cingulate Cortex being impacted—an area responsible for attention, task-switching, and emotional regulation.

This is a hardware issue.

Not a discipline failure.

.•:*:•.

🧠 WHY GOING QUIET ISN’T “THE SILENT TREATMENT”

When trauma is triggered, blood flow decreases to Broca’s Area—the speech center of the brain.

Translation:

You literally lose access to language.

That “I can’t text back.”

That “I don’t have the words.”

That going completely quiet?

That’s not avoidance or punishment.

That’s speechless terror.

Your brain temporarily loses the physiology required to articulate complex thoughts.

Silence isn’t cruelty here.

It’s biology.

*:•.•:*

🧠 ABOUT MEMORY GAPS & INCONSISTENCIES (THIS MATTERS)

Trauma disrupts the hippocampus, which stores memory in linear order.

That’s why survivors remember events in fragments:

sensations, images, emotions—out of sequence.

This is often weaponized against victims:

“You said Tuesday, now you’re saying Wednesday.”

But here’s the forensic reality:

Inconsistent recall is a hallmark of trauma, not deception.

A calm, linear story is easier for a regulated brain.

A fragmented story is proof the system was overwhelmed.

.•:*:•.

🧠 STRUCTURAL DISSOCIATION (WHY YOU FEEL CONTRADICTORY)

C-PTSD often creates structural dissociation.

There’s:

• the ANP (Apparently Normal Part) — the adult you who understands everything

• the EP (Emotional Part) — the traumatized part holding the steering wheel

That’s why you can be:

Highly self-aware AND completely depleted.

Insightful AND frozen.

It’s not hypocrisy.

It’s two parts trying to survive the same body.

And what many people mistake for depression is often functional freeze:

high internal arousal with external shutdown.

You’re not numb because nothing’s happening.

You’re numb because too much is happening at once.

*:•.•:*

🧠 SMILING, AGREEING, STAYING PLEASANT (LET’S NAME IT)

That smile you put on when you feel unsafe?

That’s the Fawn Response.

It’s a biological submission signal meant to de-escalate a perceived threat.

It’s not manipulation.

It’s not being fake.

It’s your nervous system saying:

“Please don’t hurt me.”

.•:*:•.

🧠 WHY REST IS MISLABELED AS FAILURE

Western culture ties worth to productivity.

Sociology calls this the Productivity = Value fallacy.

But for trauma survivors, rest isn’t indulgent.

It’s neurological repair.

There’s also the sociological concept of the “Sick Role.”

People are allowed to rest when injuries are visible.

C-PTSD survivors are denied that role because their wounds are invisible.

You’re not “having a bad day.”

You’re injured.

And processing safety is work.

*:•.•:*

🧠 THE DEEPER WOUND: MORAL INJURY

C-PTSD isn’t just fear-based.

There’s often moral injury—a soul-level fracture that happens when someone who was supposed to protect you caused harm.

That’s why you see:

deep empathy + strong avoidance

wanting connection + not trusting anyone with access

You’re not antisocial.

Your trust center was shattered.

.•:*:•.

🧭 ABOUT THAT “DANGER” FEELING YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN

If you grew up in narcissistic or abusive systems, you likely developed exceptional pattern recognition.

Your body learned to track:

• tone shifts

• micro-expressions

• inconsistencies

• energy changes

• what isn’t being said

Your body knows before your brain does.

The conflict happens when empathy steps in and tries to override it:

“Maybe I’m wrong.”

“Maybe I’m projecting.”

“Maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt.”

That’s not a flaw.

That’s a beautiful heart.

We’re not removing it.

We’re teaching it discernment.

*:•.•:*

🛠️ SMALL, SAFE WAYS TO START PROTECTING YOURSELF (ONLY WHEN YOU’RE READY)

No pressure. No urgency. No fixing.

Just options.

• Pause before responding—not to be polite, but to let your body finish its sentence

• Name sensations instead of stories (“My chest feels tight” is data, not judgment)

• Delay decisions—clarity doesn’t happen in threat

• Treat confusion as information, not failure

• Notice who requires you to override yourself to stay connected

• Use neutral exits (“I’ll think about it.” “I need time.”)

• Track patterns, not intensity—consistency tells the truth

These are learned slowly.

In micro-moments.

At your pace.

.•:*:•.

🧠 THIS IS A SKILL YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN TAUGHT

People with emotionally safe caregivers learned this quietly:

when to trust themselves

when to slow down

when to walk away without explaining

If you didn’t learn it?

You didn’t miss something.

You survived something.

We start when we start.

Readiness decides the pace.

*:•.•:*

❤️‍🔥 FINAL TRUTH

You are not broken.

You are thawing.

You are integrating.

You are learning skills that were never modeled for you.

Your empathy is not a weakness.

Your sensitivity is not a liability.

Your awareness is not too much.

It just needs protection.

And you get to learn that slowly, safely, and on your terms.

I see you.

I believe you.

And you’re doing better than you think.

And some music to add in:

I would love to find a quiet, dark club that hires 3-piece jazz ensembles. Used to be one here in town I would hibernate in – in one of those old 70’s style malls. Got torn down, bought out and eventually turned into office buildings for the corporate hospital system. I really miss live music like this. Makes me happy inside.

ZELLE: themamatrinity@gmail.com

CASHAPP: $VictoriaT1144

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Further Reflecting on December.

I read something this morning that was like a warm blanket to my nervous system: Don’t let others have access to you just because it’s December.

As I reflected yesterday, the holidays can bring with it years or decades of bodily held pain. Memories pleasant and unpleasant. Confusion coming from a dysregulated nervous system.

Celebrating can feel like we are both revisiting and soothing an old wound.

How many of us look at the month of December with dread? I do.

The expectations.

The longing for something I don’t have and the pressure TO have it. Options offered but knowing those options are also not what I really need or want.

What would your holiday season look like if you were to get completely clear on what you want it to be about?

Push past the expectations, the pressures, see what comes up within the body, the sensations.

Notice.

Observe.

Offer up some gentle somatic movements, breathing (longer out than in).

Bi-lateral tapping.

Butterfly hug.

Write down the inner story. Sometimes that choice alone is enough to get your nervous system back online. And if you are able to or want to, give yourself a little bit of what that inner You needed all along.

Calendar systems don’t need to dictate our life. It is just another program/spell of illusion to break.

Then create new through healing those illusions.

💖

Victoria

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Christmas Reflecting.

Feliz Navidad greets me on the radio as I sit down to write this. No joke.

This morning, an email newsletter from a nervous system healing group in which I belong greeted me as did another money manifesting newsletter in which I belong.

All of this sits in my mind and body, calling me to write about it.

The song. Who didn’t grow up hearing that song this time of year? A simple little tune, happy, upbeat. I used to sing along with it as I bopped around town in my little car. Visiting friends. Visiting family. Sucking on those 1″ thick candy canes from my youth.

The newsletter from the money manifesting started off by talking about the massive holiday preparations she was undertaking, getting ready to cozy on up with her spouse and children. Perhaps a getaway to the mountains to rent a nice cabin. (to which my teenage self muttered “well goodie for you”)

Today neither of these two above resonated with me. All they served was to trigger me, which is why I really appreciated the nervous system newsletter, which talked about the masks we wear during the holidays, especially at Christmas. Christmas brings up the best and saddest/most pained of what’s inside. All of those unhealed parts stored in our nervous systems, showing up in each of us, coming out in a myriad of ways we often don’t even notice. Checking our watch to see how much longer until we get to leave. Deep sighs coming from mom’s smiling face. Chugging down a glass of wine to “relax”.

Who hasn’t experienced this?

It seems this year in particular is hitting extra hard. The fatigue. Fog of war (is it any wonder there’s been an unusual amount OF fog this year – let alone the last few years?). The cost of E V E R Y T H I N G. The overspending. The fear TO spend. The pressure to put on a smile and “be grateful” when that’s the last thing your body needs much less wants TO do.

Can’t we all just remove our damn masks and let out how we REALLY feel?

This year I put up a tree. Hung lights. Put out more decorations than usual. Bought gifts. Sent out cards. What is it I am trying to hide FROM? Why do I cave to the pressure? Do I really even want to celebrate?

I do. I want to celebrate. But I also want to be left the hell alone until I want to reconnect again. I want sad memories gone. I want the happy memories gone because they only make me feel sad over a life that feels like it happened a million years ago in a different timeline and at that, it feels like it was an illusion. A lie. Like I was living in a cloud I didn’t even know existed. Today, I am a completely different person. Still me but HUGELY different.

Awakening has a dark side. It exposes all that is fake.

So then….

What FEELS real now?

What am I really connected to?

Pray to Jesus.

Jesus is the reason for the season.

Why do I feel NOTHING when I focus on those?

I LONG for what feels real but don’t know what that is much less what it even looks like. I can’t even frigging VISUALIZE my life now. I try and I try and I try and come up blank. Empty. Literally – like there’s nothing there inside left to offer up. I may get an idea but there’s just like no lasting feeling. Even though I have a new direction in this 3D matrix and an appointment early next year to get going on it, fresh road kill has more life to it than does this new direction.

It’s like my nervous system is telling me to just STOP.

And something deep within is saying the same.

JUST. STOP.

Stare at the damn sky even if it’s a mess with fog.

Look at pictures even if they don’t inspire me to feeeeeeeeel.

Play my piano even if I feel robotic doing so.

It’s like I’m digging SO DEEP now. A new layer that I haven’t touched but I still feel like it’s there. A distant far off memory. A remembrance.

Of what was before all of this matrix shit consumed my experience.

Of who I was IN it.

Whatever it is you are doing this week with whomever or even alone (remote cabin in the woods by a lake sounds quite appealing now doesn’t it?), know you aren’t alone if any of this resonates with you. There can be no lonelier feeling than to be alone and feel you need TO be with others just as there is no lonelier feeling than being WITH family/friends and feeling totally disconnected.

Maybe the best gift we can give ourselves is just to let ourselves sit with however it is we do feel inside. Let that part of us speak. It has a story. A story that deserves to be seen, allowed to exist and told instead of drowning it with a glass of wine, a forced smile or a glance at our watch.

💖

Victoria

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Reflecting: Finding kindness in the chaos. Our Awakening. Some finds and headlines. 12.22.25

I find my part in the Awakening as an inside and outside doing. The most important part, for me, is the inner Awakening.

Obviously.

What often begins on the outside – seeing the deception. The evil. The lies. All of it – everywhere inside of this place. What begins out there at some point returns home – Within. Because outside has lied TO us and inside voices of lies have deceived me as well.

And man is this happening to me.

YEARS and YEARS of keeping things to myself out of fear of being abandoned or attacked – it’s all coming out. That process really kicked on about two years ago when I got snapped awake by something my daughter said – something I NEEDED not only to hear but to hear her say – and it’s been a tidal wave of inner verbal volcanic Truths coming out, leading me to this point where I no longer care. I don’t fear NEARLY as I once did at being totally transparent with my life experience.

I let my own fear consume me and keep me small and afraid.

Now and then when I found the voice to defend myself, that has come out at times sounding as horrible as the original attacker.

Which then gives them reason to say “I” am the problem.

Psychologists mislabel the phrase as “reactive abuse”. When one has been pushed over and over again for a period of time, at some point you snap. It’s instinctive. And often when that happens, as I said, you sound like the one who has been abusing you. The difference is key: What is referred to as an argument leads to behavior change, ownership, the desire is to connect. The opposite seeks to CONTROL.

Control or connect.

I only choose connection – and I need to feel safe to do that.

Even though I know I learned TO overly control things as much as I could as it was the only thing that felt safe to me given my lack of connections with those I wanted most to connect with.

If that makes sense.

So I am highly selective now – probably for the first time in my life.

After a life long belief that I should allow anyone and everyone into my life, lost in a false pollyanna belief that the Universe would never let anything bad happen to me, that everyone was good and could be trusted (or I should give them many chances and/or stick around if they were kind at times even if the rest of the time they were treating me like crap) I woke up and saw this reality for what it is. It is not a place for blind trust. Discernment is key. Going SLOW is key. Taking my time to get to know others – utterly essential.

And I can’t do ANY of that effectively until I KNOW MYSELF.

The ME before the expectations and the pressures and the harm and the horror.

For most of my adult life I’ve had the fear that I am the problem. I am the reason why some have just seemed to gravitate towards me and work to break me down while not owning A N Y of their behavior.

But I don’t have that fear anymore and nor do I have the belief that I and I alone am the problem.

I do the inner work.

I go within.

I will own my b.s. when I feel I need to.

I talk with others.

I want to KNOW myself.

I want to heal.

I want to understand.

I want to create peace AND I want to understand my fears of it.

I want to hold safe space and to have safe space held for me as I seek to heal and understand all of my gunk and junk that has clogged up my beauty.

I want to connect and build.

That is what I’ve longed for my entire adult life.

I just didn’t have the courage to believe I could have it. The lack of trust in myself.

Well no more.

My days of being involved in ANY situation or relationship that does not focus on the actions of connecting and building are o v e r.

DONE.

As in put a f’ing fork in that part of me that is DONE.

I will not be silent.

I will be ME.

This is our Awakening. It’s messy for awhile. But in the end? It’s f’ing beautiful.

💥🎇💫

Victoria

Today’s scripts and movie scenes (don’t know about you but I feel more and more attached to this – as though something else is more important):

Every day there’s a bizarre plot twist:

The veil is gone. Illusion shattered. The truth of everyone everything is seen.

Ah but remember:

Dang, I forgot I put this together last night:

YEAR OF THE HORSE 2026

This happens every 12 years.

The last time was in 2014.

Dan Scavino, under his personal account at the time, was posting pictures of HORSES.

According to GROK: “Yes, Dan Scavino (primarily via his account

@DanScavino) has posted multiple images of horses over the years, mostly from around 2013–2015. These include: Photos of rescued horses from Lucky Orphans Horse Rescue (e.g., groups of riders on horses, individual horses grazing or in stables, and therapy-related images). Collages and photos related to famous racehorses like American Pharoah (Triple Crown winner) and California Chrome, often featuring the horses in races or victory poses.”

I also decided to do a GEMATRIA: YEAR OF THE HORSE Which is a 888

(Hebrew GEMATRIA) 888

Divine Plan

Presidents Day (which is Feb. 16, 2026 – ONE DAY before the official onset of THE YEAR OF THE HORSE)

Goodbye Deepstate

Enough Is Enough (from Q posts of which there are 7)

Trump and Qanon

Trump Putin

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12.9.25 ~ Checking in. Finds & Headlines

I had a whole plethora of things to say – kept gathering them in my mind all day – and now? Think I can remember any of it? Nope. I was engaged in phone calls and emails, starting from scratch you could say in the financial/job area, all of the intuitive stuff just got sort of swept away.

I would laugh – but I read something today – because this struggle has become very real and it’s been bothering me. I know it isn’t just the war or the energies – it’s my dysregulated nervous system with a compromised brain resulting from being in survival mode for so many damn years. Long term abuse and trauma are behind it all. Part of that trauma is indeed being in this pay to live compete to live system of survival. Billions of people with just the one system. That there is the definition of insanity.

This shit keeps our nervous systems – our brains – always on the lookout for danger of varying degrees. And if the experience here is intense enough and challenging/difficult enough, combine that with high sensitivities, the brain changes. The hippocampus shrinks. The amygdala takes over the logical portion of the brain, making relaxation in full next to impossible, certainly not for long duration’s of time, which then makes it impossible to concentrate in full. End result? Memory issues.

This is Neuroscience.

Healing is always possible of course. Being in an environment that is supportive. Loving. Where you can relax enough and begin to trust enough to let go and allow safety in – in a new way.

But that pay to live bullshit? Yeah that has to change for ALL of us to heal and return to Who We Really Are IN FULL.

Perhaps at the end of this day, this is all I really needed TO share.

🙏💖

Victoria

ZELLE: themamatrinity@gmail.com

CASHAPP: $VictoriaT1144

My girl’s Amazon Wish List

*********

This movie is confusing as hell to me now. Figuring out who is who. Ugh. It only satisfies my ego at times much like playing a game does and wondering who will win and who will lose.

Does it nourish my Soul?

Not one bit.

We have democrats ruining cities. Republicans saying how GREAT the economy is. “Look at all of those beautiful jobs!” we hear. “See how gas prices and food prices have come down?” they blather to our weary ears.

Dystopian reality is front and center. Central casting. AI. It’s all feeling so ungawdly horribly FAKE. I want to scream at how F A K E it all is.

As I keep reminding myself – I was NEVER – N E V E R adept in figuring out who was who inside of movies – it all felt and still feels so fake. Regardless of whatever purpose it may all be serving, I don’t trust ANY of them out on stage now. They are all possible suspects to be thrown under the bus and forgotten about at this point, for me.

He did a rally today. Doesn’t it seem – and feeeeeeel – different now? Quiet? Staging area far less filled up with MAGA.

AI pushing AI. What if the purpose of this is to wake us up to the fact that we are inside of a computer brain – inside of a simulated reality run on AI? And we’re all smaller here, more dumbed down, with just a Spark of our Truth remaining within. And what if this show and tell is helping all to see enough of this FAKE reality so that when the frequency hits us taking our Spark to full on BOOM – it is much easier for the mind to let go because we have all become so desperate for a new experience.

Even though we have local cattle farms around here, most of the beef simply doesn’t taste the way it should. It’s like it isn’t finished and prepped correctly. Too much blood remains. When butchered and finished properly, allowed to age, that beef can taste wonderful. The last time I had this experience was with a local farm that was doing it right for awhile then changed. Their beef began tasting like store bought. Shortly thereafter, they just sort of disappeared. I haven’t been able to find replacement since – this after trying over half a dozen area small family farms.

Personally I have no desire to live my life as a nomad on wheels.

There’s NK again…BTW – there are 17 Q posts containing NORTH KOREA

Exposed? Or implemented?

A good replacement – Simple Mills. Ingredients you can understand. I like their cinnamon honey crackers – sweetened with coconut sugar and honey. Put a dollop of organic cream cheese in between a couple and you have a healthy alternative to whatever *this* is….

Says the Alien himself…

Putting my meme skills to work:

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Special Offer

 

(I had to red0 this one – wp algo’s don’t like it when i add shiny objects in the subject line):

 

✦ The Vault Is Opening

 

Something is stirring beneath the surface — something old, something sacred. And this time, we’re not just remembering… we’re reclaiming.

I’ve partnered with AVA Codes to help share a set of energetic tools that are quite unique. These are coded sigils — living frequencies designed to activate memory, alignment, and soul-level healing. If you’ve felt the call to step into more of who you are – as I definitely have the past few months – this might be your sign.

Right now, as part of a special Vault Giveaway, AVA is gifting up to 10 custom sigils — completely free — to those who feel the resonance.

This isn’t just a promotion. It’s an invitation.

To remember what you carry.

To clear what’s been blocking you.

To finally move forward — with clarity, courage, and power.

I’ve already begun my own journey with the Codes… and what they are opening up for me is real.

If you’re ready to receive yours, enter the giveaway here:

tiktok.com/@ava.codes/vid

Let this be the moment you say yes to your own remembering.

💖

Victoria

PS- If you want to understand more about AVA, the TikTok channel has some good information on what these tools are useful for.

ava-codes.com

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A Special Giveaway Offer

 

 

✦ The Vault Is Opening

 

Something is stirring beneath the surface — something old, something sacred. And this time, we’re not just remembering… we’re reclaiming.

I’ve partnered with AVA Codes to help share a set of energetic tools that are quite unique. These are coded sigils — living frequencies designed to activate memory, alignment, and soul-level healing. If you’ve felt the call to step into more of who you are – as I definitely have the past few months – this might be your sign.

Right now, as part of a special Vault Giveaway, AVA is gifting up to 10 custom sigils — completely free — to those who feel the resonance.

This isn’t just a promotion. It’s an invitation.

To remember what you carry.

To clear what’s been blocking you.

To finally move forward — with clarity, courage, and power.

I’ve already begun my own journey with the Codes… and what they are opening up for me is real.

If you’re ready to receive yours, enter the giveaway here:

tiktok.com/@ava.codes/vid

Let this be the moment you say yes to your own remembering.

💖

Victoria

PS- If you want to understand more about AVA, the TikTok channel has some good information on what these tools are useful for.

ava-codes.com

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Nervous System Support

 

 

From my NEUROTONED newsletter this morning.  Brilliant.  💖🙏

Why your body goes into shock every time you leave the house (even for good things)

Victoria,

Your nervous system experiences every transition as a potential threat.

Getting up from your chair. Walking from one room to another. Leaving your house to go somewhere you actually want to go. Getting in the car. Walking into a building.

Each transition triggers what researchers call “sensory recalibration”—your eight senses have to rapidly adjust to completely new environmental inputs and assess whether the new conditions are safe.

Most people’s nervous systems handle these micro-transitions seamlessly. But if you’re highly sensitive or your threat detection system runs on high alert, every single transition becomes a mini-crisis.

You know that feeling of needing to “gear up” to leave the house, even for pleasant activities? The way you feel inexplicably drained after running errands? The exhaustion that hits after social events, even ones you enjoyed?

That’s not social anxiety or introversion. That’s your nervous system working overtime to process dozens of sensory transitions throughout the day.

Every time your environment changes, your eight senses must:

  • Vestibular system: Readjust to new spatial layouts, lighting levels, and visual movement patterns
  • Proprioceptive system: Recalibrate to different surfaces, seating, temperature, and spatial boundaries
  • Interoceptive system: Process how the new environment affects breathing, heart rate, and internal states
  • Visual system: Adapt to new lighting, colors, patterns, and visual complexity
  • Auditory system: Filter and categorize entirely new soundscapes
  • Tactile system: Adjust to different air quality, humidity, textures, and temperature
  • Olfactory system: Process and categorize new scents for safety assessment
  • Gustatory system: Detect changes in air quality that affect taste and comfort

For most people, this happens unconsciously and smoothly. For sensitive nervous systems, it’s like rebooting a computer 30 times a day.

The transition types that cause the most overwhelm:

Environmental Transitions (indoor to outdoor, quiet to loud, dim to bright): Your sensory systems struggle to adjust to dramatically different input levels

Social Transitions (alone to groups, familiar to unfamiliar people): Your nervous system has to process not just environmental changes but also social safety assessment

Activity Transitions (rest to movement, focused work to social interaction): Your nervous system has to shift entire physiological states while also managing environmental changes

Temporal Transitions (morning to afternoon, weekday to weekend): Your circadian rhythms and energy systems are changing while external demands shift

The compound effect that nobody talks about:

Each transition depletes your nervous system’s resources slightly. By the third or fourth transition of the day, you’re running on fumes.

This is why you can handle your morning routine fine, but by afternoon, simple tasks feel overwhelming. It’s not that you’re lazy or weak—you’ve spent your nervous system energy on constant environmental recalibration.

Instead of powering through transitions and depleting yourself, you can prepare your nervous system for shifts before they happen.

Before leaving any space:

  • Orient: Look around your current environment and identify three things that feel neutral or pleasant
  • Acknowledge: Take one slow breath and mentally note “I’m transitioning from [current space] to [new space]”
  • Ground: Press your feet firmly into the floor and your hands onto a surface, feeling the solid contact

Upon entering any new space:

  • Pause: Stop just inside the entrance for 10-15 seconds instead of immediately moving deeper into the space
  • Survey: Let your eyes trace the boundaries of the new environment—walls, exits, furniture arrangement
  • Settle: Place your hand on a wall, chair, or stable surface to help your proprioceptive system map the new space

The micro-transition technique for within spaces:

Even moving from your bedroom to kitchen requires sensory recalibration. For these smaller transitions:

  • Pause in the doorway for 3-5 seconds
  • Notice how the new space feels different—lighting, temperature, sounds, spatial layout
  • Breathe once while making contact with the doorframe or wall

Why this works when rushing doesn’t:

When you rush through transitions, your nervous system never gets to complete its safety assessment of the new environment. It remains in a low-level scanning mode, which depletes energy and maintains subtle activation.

When you give your nervous system 10-60 seconds to properly orient to new spaces, it can complete its assessment and settle into the new environment instead of remaining vigilant.

The advanced transition mastery:

Predictive Preparation: Before leaving home, spend 30 seconds visualizing the spaces you’ll move through. Picture the lighting, sounds, and spatial layout. This gives your nervous system advance information to work with.

Sensory Anchors: Carry small items that provide consistent sensory input across transitions—a smooth stone in your pocket, a scarf with a comforting texture, or essential oil on your wrist that smells familiar.

Transition Rituals: Develop tiny rituals that signal to your nervous system that you’re consciously managing the transition. Touch the doorframe when entering new spaces, take three breaths in your car before going into buildings, or briefly press your hands together when moving between activities.

When you start paying attention to how transitions affect you, you realize how much control you actually have over your daily nervous system experience.

You can choose to support your nervous system through changes instead of demanding that it keep up with your pace. You can plan your day with transition costs in mind instead of scheduling back-to-back activities that compound the overwhelm.

Most importantly, you can stop judging yourself for feeling drained by activities that seem “easy” to others.

Your nervous system isn’t being dramatic—it’s doing incredibly complex work that deserves acknowledgment and support.

Understanding transition shock is part of learning to work with your nervous system as a collaborative partner instead of something to override or ignore.

When you honor your system’s need for orientation time, it becomes more resilient and adaptable. When you rush through transitions repeatedly, you train your system to remain in protective mode throughout the day.

This is just one example of how small shifts in awareness can create profound changes in your daily experience of ease versus overwhelm.

Your nervous system has been trying to tell you what it needs. It’s time to start listening.

With care,
Beth from Neurotoned
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Today’s Finds, Sleuthing/Puzzle Piecing ~ 7.7 Quake in Russia (10km) – ISRAEL FOR LAST – The Shot Heard Around The World ~9.12.25

 

I was so sleepy today at times – but had energy to go on a good ride – tired again – then on the way to the store heard an 80’s tune and cranked it – I haven’t been able to do that in a quite a while – my system just hasn’t been able to take it in – I am learning not to judge my nervous system – some things feel safe, others don’t – this particular song has good memories attached to it including one i will N E V E R share with my daughter as it involves me, two girlfriends, no parents, drinking beer for the first time – dancing TO this particular song.  she has a serious disdain for anyone who drinks – past or present.  😄  atm i have chocolate kicking in.  referenced below – plus chocolate milk with a splash of salt.  we are finally at the end of this movie.

💖🙏

Victoria

CASHAPP:  $VictoriaT1144

ZELLE:  themamatrinity@gmail.com

*********

Is ra el flag too…………He’s telling us.  Timestamp 10:01 – Q post 10:01.  Map of Little Saint James Island…………

Laura Aboli: MYSTERY surrounds inclusion of “SHLOMO PERL” at the bottom oF a TRUTH SOCIAL post featuring a photo of POTUS and KIRK while they front flags of the U.S. and ISRAEL

Shlomo Perl:

“Shlomo Perl” can refer to several different people, including Solomon Perel, a Holocaust survivor who famously disguised himself as a Hitler Youth member and whose story inspired the film Europa Europa

  • Disguise and survival:
    He survived the Holocaust by posing as an ethnic German, eventually becoming part of a Hitler Youth camp and serving in the German army as a translator.

    Living a DOUBLE LIFE:

Charlie was, for much of his career, a staunch defender of Israel. Yet in recent months he began to raise uncomfortable questions; even daring to suggest that October 7th might have been a stand-down operation. For Israel, that had become a problem.

And in any case, Charlie was above all America First, dedicating his entire adult life to defending and promoting such values. So why would Trump choose this image? Why not one with the American flag alone? What is he pointing at? 🧐

Then there’s the strange inscription at the bottom: “Shlomo Perl” 😳
• Shlomo is Hebrew for Solomon, rooted in shalom (peace, wholeness).
• Perl (or pearl) symbolizes purity, wisdom, and something precious formed under pressure.
• But it might also be a reference to Shlomo Perel, the Holocaust survivor whose life was portrayed in the film Europa Europa — a story about hiding one’s true identity, surviving by living a double life. A film, by the way, that Israel has tried to suppress at all costs because of the questions it raises about the official WWII narrative.

 

My friend/fellow Anon/sleuther D shared this one I hadn’t seen/put together yet:

 

 

Image

 

 

“loomer”………🙄

 

There you go:

 

The anon/truther in me is just as focused on “we have the watch”…….“FOLLOW THE WATCH”

What does Valhalla mean? Kash Patel’s special message for Charlie Kirk sparks questions | Hindustan Times

FBI Director Kash Patel said at the end of his portion at the briefing, “To my friend Charlie Kirk, rest now, brother. We have the watch, and I’ll see you in Valhalla,” per the outlet. …

The term refers to a warrior’s paradise in Norse mythology. As per History.com, the term means the war-god Odin’s mythical hall. Built with spear shafts and covered with shields instead of a roof, Valhalla was seen as the dwelling place of Odin’s chosen warriors in the afterlife.

 

 

and the shooter is this young man:

Mirror, anyone?

 

Ruby’s real name:  Jacob Leon Rubenstein – parents were Polish Jewish immigrants……….

 

and this – “33” hours later?

 

IS RA EL……….Powerful speech……..

 

Benjamin Netanyahu’s family has Polish roots and was known by the surname Mileikowsky before adopting the name Netanyahu. 

 

 

R I C O……..

 

 

10km

Very Strong Earthquake of Magnitude 7.7 Just Reported 120 km East of Petropavlovsk-Kamchatskiy, Russia

The earthquake hit around noon on Saturday, September 13th, 2025, at 1:37 pm local time at a shallow depth of 10. km.

 

 

 

Talk about a synchronicity – earlier today while at the kitchen sink washing dishes, I suddenly am tuned in to Trump’s speech in Ohio at the Whirlpool Factory – focused on what he said about we may not see him for a while.  I’m not convinced we’ve seen the original since then….

 

 

still blasting away……..

Image

 

The Art of Setting Boundaries for Highly Sensitive People

 

 

A scenic mountain valley with rolling green hills and distant peaks under a partly cloudy sky. A rustic wooden fence runs across a field filled with purple and yellow wildflowers. A winding dirt road stretches through the valley, flanked by scattered trees and small houses.

 

A rustic wooden cottage with a moss-covered roof, surrounded by vibrant pink and red flowers. The cottage has multiple windows and a small staircase leading to the entrance. A white picket fence with blooming roses lines the lush green lawn. Tall trees and misty mountains are visible in the background.

 

A stone path winding through a dense forest. Tall evergreen trees with dark green foliage line the trail. Green vegetation and moss cover the ground and rocks along the path. The scene is misty, with soft light filtering through the canopy.

 

I have tiramisu in the refrig…………😋😊

A square chocolate cake cut into nine equal pieces, each topped with a smaller square of chocolate. The cake has layers of dark chocolate, white cream, and a brownie base, with chocolate drizzle flowing down the sides. A white plate holds the cake, and a glass of iced coffee is visible in the background. A card labeled "HANDMADE Special Gift" is placed on a smaller plate beside the cake. An Instagram watermark is present.

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