Don’t Be A “PANICAN”

I have grown to hold contempt for this word as it is callous.

Dismissive.

Heartless.

It is a gaslighting technique used when one sees someone depleted, struggling, drowning, and instead of doing the Human thing of ASKING WHAT THEY NEED, or offering your help, such people toss a catchy phrase the way of the person suffering. Those on stage telling us not to be a “PANICAN” have their living needs provided for. Easily. Regularly. Their nervous system’s are regulated as a result of having needs provided for easily and consistently. These folks have each other. They have support networks.

I honestly feel we were MORE connected prior to this Awakening. But instead, people have taken sides, followed more big-name gurus on stage, far too many who claim to have inside information.

And just like the 85% of humans who lined up for the jab, most of the followers of these big-name guru’s eat up their words.

I also see far too large an amount of people claiming to be pro-Awakening and pro-Maga engage in appalling bully tactics, name-calling. Just last weekend I was called a faggot and was grilled with passive-aggressive questions demanding I explain one simple post I made with the Q phrase: “Saving Israel for Last”. The name-caller then shared an image with me with an entity pointing the barrel of a shotgun my way. You’re damn right I reported that violence and blocked.

WTF is wrong with humanity?

Are these even humans?

Nothing makes sense for me now.

Nothing feeeeeeeeeels in alignment.

At all.

I continue to wake up every damn morning shaking, literally gripped in fear.

Every damn day I wake up knowing time is ticking and the knock to MAKE MORE MONEY and FIND A PLACE YOU CAN AFFORD TO LIVE is growing louder. It’s enough to make a person go crazy. And let me tell you, I am fighting that one off with every ounce of strength I have within me (to go crazy and succumb to that toxic pressure). And today, there isn’t much strength left in me.

So I take 20 minutes or more doing my tapping, breathing, stretching, and reassuring myself with gentle self-talk.

But you know what?

NONE of this helps permanently shift my nervous system. NONE of it. It all comes right back. I’ve been doing all of these little practices – diligently – but I’m still inside this pressure cooker of “VICTORIA WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?”

My nervous system – my body – knows what I NEED in order TO.

It knows the truth – just as I do. The totality of who I AM knows.

And that truth is I need the OUTSIDE – I need this fucking reality to shift and change so that it operates in a way that is SUPPORTIVE of my needs.

We all do.

Some are more resilient. Some haven’t lost their jobs. Or homes. Some have more support networks. Some have good family connections. All of this makes fucking HUGE difference in the nervous system. It is basic NeuroScience.

If you’ve been lost under the illusion spells of new age bullshit that says the outside has no influence, you need to hear this: You have the same needs. And it’s ok to own it. Hell, claim it. SPEAK IT into existence.

WE COMMAND A NEW REALITY.

ENVIRONMENT (OUTSIDE) IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS WHO WE ARE INSIDE. The two are SYMBIOTIC. P E R I O D.

WE COMMAND A REALITY WHERE ALL THAT WAS STOLEN IS RETURNED IN FULL N O W. IN THIS PRESENT MOMENT.

WE COMMAND FULL TRUTH BE PRESENTED NOW.

WE COMMAND A REALITY THAT SUPPORTS OUR BASIC SURVIVAL NEEDS.

WE TAKE BACK OUR POWER INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR SOME “HERO” ON STAGE TO GIVE IT BACK.

You do not WAIT for what is YOURS to be returned from someone else – YOU TAKE IT BACK.

My nervous system needs SAFETY. CONNECTION. I need to feel SAFE, and for me to feel SAFE, I need to be in an environment that is SAFE. Predictable. Secure. Doable. Affordable. WE ALL DO.

This is basic 101 “what do humans need” psychology. Neuroscience.

I need an environment where I am not pressured into becoming a different person, or where I am not told what to do or where I am not asked what my “plan” is. It was a hell of a lot easier to start over 10, 20 years ago. More jobs. More human connections. And housing and food prices that were still more or less doable for most.

What I am facing today is unbelievable pressure to exist in a reality that has literally said, “We are too expensive for you”. No amount of self-help books or tapping will shift that. And I have tried. OMG the hours I have logged visualising a new home that is affordable and doable – how many hours I have FELT that – called it in. The support network I have around me – that is HUGE – consistent support – the literal hand holding I need now to take new steps if – when – they appear. The love I have called in. And yet here I am – more isolated than ever, with a nervous system that is so scattered and frozen at the same time – opening up to anyone new freezes me up. I don’t want to say “Hi, I’m Victoria – I’m a basket case ATM – nice to meet you” – but I also don’t want to misrepresent myself either because unless someone gets it – sees where I am – there will be no authentic connection.

And authenticity is the only way forward for me.

How do we do that when so many are in similar situations? What do we do? What do we do when we need help but are not able to provide that help for another? Why do I continue to talk about these topics when clearly most of humanity is not interested in remembering who we are and healing and connecting together?

I don’t know. And that feeling of loneliness is crushing my Soul. Perhaps at the end, this is the Truman Show – with 1 Real Soul per 1 million “others” – and God help us as we rescue ourselves. Something I find appallingly sick and evil. That would be the plan of Satan – nothing benevolent about it.

I wonder – did Jesus talk about this nervous system thing? Did he talk about that entire hidden world within us that carries the emotions and traumas? Did he talk about what is needed to heal from all of that? Did he talk about the importance of the environment? The whole “OUT THERE” piece?

Maybe that’s my role now. I know this – when someone reaches out to me – makes the attempt to connect with me – and lets me know and feel I am seen and supported – where most especially, MOST ESPECIALLY – I am asked what I NEED – my nervous system shifts. Relaxes. Cautiously allows the room and space I need to take a step forward.

THAT. Yes, THAT – is indeed what. I. Need.

And that starts with putting an end to gaslighting by people who have NO FUCKING CLUE what it is like to be forced into survival mode every. fucking. day. Oh, no – no ma’am – those pushing that toxic shit are the ones who should be in panic – of those of us who are DONE with their games and systems that put us into these Dysregulated states to begin with.

Because a power rises once you SEE the bullshit. And I will continue to use my VOICE as long as I am here and as long as this old, toxic system continues to think it can push me around.

💖

Victoria

VENMO: @VT6610

CASHAPP: $VictoriaT1144

ZELLE: themamatrinity@gmail.com