Last night I was packing. All night. Each dream experience I was taking something small and bringing it with me. It ended with me stuffing a bag full of little stuffed animals, a few clothes, drawings/pictures and some food. My girl was waiting for me in my old Mustang I had in college. I hopped in, shut several doors, rolled up the windows, said “let’s go” then the experience ended.
Today I headed out to get a couple of cards for my most specialist of special’s. On the way home my girl wanted me to drive around and look at holiday lights. I first thought “got to conserve gas and we need a front brake job” ~ then looked at the trip odometer – 111:1. There was a .38 Special song playing (my generation) and suddenly I was 22 again. I asked my 22 year old self what to do and she said “who cares – have a good time!” So I said what my 22 year old self would have said at the time: “Fuck it. Let’s go have a good time!” So we drove around, commenting on the holiday lights and decorations of a neighborhood we had not yet seen this season. I reflected on this young female within and how I have felt the nudge for a few weeks now to find her again. Rediscover her. Bring her out again. That girl who was up for anything. Kinda like the character kramer from seinfeld ~ if you popped in and said “hey i’m going to go do my laundry at the laundry mat. wanna come?” I’d usually shrug and say “sure” ~ always eager to get out of the house and see people because I never knew who I would meet or what I would experience.
Aging here has sucked. The low vibe and institutions and expectations/pressure ~ all suck too. You really begin to feel that once the educational institutions and adults tell you in your 20’s: time to buckle down and grow up.
Why? lol
Simply put ~ I am not only ready to be free fully again ~ I am ready to be and feel and look YOUNG again. Alive. Always up for pure simply joy. While this is not necessarily age specific, having a 22 year old body DOES make it so much easier. And I am ready for EASE. As I have been saying off and on for awhile: if it ain’t easy, i ain’t takin’ it.
Brother Rick tells me he was Home in the new again last night having some adventures. He heard 11 days until the doors are fully open for All to return. Interesting as I type that my inner said “look at the clock” – 4:11. Below are 2 photos of the tv music channel I was guided to look at today and capture. Both you will see are references to Home.
I. Am. Ready.
Love to you all ~
Victoria
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Castles of the White City…one of my faves
Please be so! I so wish this pay to live way is done!