I woke up with this annoying song going through my mind, but a lyric that is powerful nonetheless. “Is this love that I’m feeling?”
It annoyed me as it kept playing in my mind until I finally said “I don’t know! What IS love?”
A feeling? An action?
I know if I were to be asked “do you love your daughter” my insides immediately say “more than anything and anyone I have ever known!”
Do I “love” life? Sometimes, yes.
Do I “love” it here? No.
Do I “love” what I do? At times, yes, but overall, No.
So what is it that gives me this experience of knowing “love”, given it has been so rare.
When it – whatever “it” is – fills me up so much so quickly I just know. It comes from the heart and radiates throughout and out of me and I know I have touched Home. How It Is.
That inner feeling can be soft and passive, gentle. It can be huge and powerful. It is the experience that powers me to keep at it, to do/be/say what I feel is right even when the system and others say it isn’t or it can’t be done or I should just chill and allow.
It is the experience that can find the beauty, even if it takes my ego hours to surrender its apathy.
It is what I long for more than anything.
It is IT ~ the one thing ~ that does heal all through putting it into action.
It pushes me to be honest and authentic.
It also reminds me to share with discernment.
People are saying the event energies are love frequencies.
Is that why this process is so painful at times?
Is this why we vacillate between feeling dark low angry sad and overwhelmed to feeling at complete peace and connected to all/All?
Is this a homecoming?
Is that also why it is so painful at times?
Are we so traumatized from who knows how long of being separated from this love experience that we push the feelings away?
Are there our protective voices that tell us “whoa ok we know what happens when we open up to THAT experience people call ‘love'”?
Life is painful and suffering. How else can it be when we have been forced to participate in such a realm of control and judgment and rules and restrictions on how we can be/Be? ‘Tis why I now often call out “guides” who claim how we are not alone and how we need to let go and heal and blah blah yadda yadda….i tell them they can jump into a meat-suit and give this gig a try before they claim to hold truth over my experience.
And love doesn’t do that anyway.
Love asks what is needed and provides – if able.
Love always seeks to heal. Help. Assist.
Always seeks to serve – ALL – including thyself.
Always seeks to know and be and share the truth.
NO MASKS.
NO LIES.
No power-over passive aggressive nonsense.
No telling another to “suck it up” when the other is struggling.
Love is a a difficult state of being in which to reside with so much OF the masks and lies and power-over we are all subjected to and participate in daily in this realm.
And yet it is what I call forth, no matter how painful.
Call forth from out there and in here.
Because it is Who I Am.
And I thank All That Is for my beautiful child who reminds me daily what Love is and how yes, I am as deserving of it as she and everyone else is of the experience.
Even if it just appears as a snuggle on the lap.
That’s all for now…
Victoria
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