This piece was inspired both by my own experiences in the past 48 hours as well as a beautiful e-mail I received from a reader and friend who was questioning WHY our New Earth Home has not yet been unveiled.  He is done with the waiting.  Done with the suffering. Enough is enough.

GET ER DONE ALREADY!

Interestingly enough, I was just having a conversation with my mate minutes prior to reading his e-mail.  (which btw i LOVE receiving e-mails from you all – i love the private conversations and hearing your insights and stories and words of inspiration – i do have much gratitude for this mode of communication as it has allowed me to connect with what feels like a tribe)

Both my mate and myself ~ we are just done.  We are so very ready to “go” to where we have felt and seen for so long.  For so many years.

Why the wait?  Who is in charge?  Seriously asking these questions now. This is either our journey or someone else’s and freedom to me is about us getting to make our own choices – without hindrance.  

When I hear our higher self is o\in control ~ I think “what about human me? Aren’t we a team?  What control do I the human Victoria have in this?”

And just what is “control”?  Freedom to choose, right?  And freedom to choose includes freedom to create that which we DESIRE.

When I hear I made the choice to come here – Who is “I”?  My higher self? Certainly my human self Victoria did not ~she is the result of the other part(s) of me.  The (0ver) use of this question makes me wonder why some even say “you chose to come here” when I HAVE NO FULL MEMORY OF THIS so what is the point in saying such a thing?  Not that it isn’t true but for me, it feeeeeeeeels this statement is often made as a means of silencing those questioning current spiritual paradigms and agenda’s.

Carrying this further, what part of me typing is Victoria and what part of me Higher Selves?  Future selves?

Aye aye aye all of this leads me to wondering just WHO in the cosmos life of all source of all AM I??!!  Who AM I in my Totality??

And WHO GETS TO MAKE THE CHOICES OF HOW THE TOTALITY OF WHO I AM WISHES TO LIVE?

Last night I read a beautiful piece that I will share some of here.  It was written by the man who goes by the name TANK ~ he posts about the RV. Anyway, he wrote up such a beautiful piece on what he wishes and envisions to give to the world and to his children.  I cried so many tears reading this as it was in alignment with what I have been feeling lately about my own precious little angel and what I so long to give her.  Here’s a bit of what he wrote:

“This is not fluff or spiritual mumbo jumbo. This is science. The most powerful tool in the Galaxy tonight is YOU. Connect to the emotional reality of being free to express yourself as a father, a mother, a leader, a healer, an inventor, a sage, a puppeteer, monkey trainer, musical therapist, cruise-line director, ski instructor, Long Island medium, organic gardener, cosmic fisherman, Galactic horse trainer, or whatever else it is that allows you to connect to joy of being the full expression of yourself.

HOW I DO THIS
•I focus on bringing my kids to their new house on Christmas Eve, covered in beautiful, ostentatious, white Christmas lights, so bright that our new neighbors call the police because they can’t sleep at night because it’s too bright.
•I imagine having their dream puppy come running outside to greet them and having the ridiculous bedroom designs that my twin boys and I dreamed up together come to life.
•I think about those first few weeks of going back to fulfill every promise I’ve made and broken during this process.
•I imagine looking into the eyes of the few people who stood by me, despite their skepticism, thanking them, and giving them a chance to change their own world.
•I imagine an over-the-top marriage proposal to the woman I love and I can feel her energy opening up as she realizes it was all real.
•I think about opening a gallery in Miami and reducing the obscene prices for the art work and giving it all to help local families who need support, and to build schools to develop leaders and create better ways to do things in the future.”

I could and will say DITTO DITTO DITTO.

Today I was triggered – a deep mama guilt thing – oooh those are painful. One of my girl’s little friend’s mama’s was making special treats and asked if my girl wanted to be included.  I was so touched – but also felt this guilt. Why aren’t I doing the same?  We have plans on making cookies this week but this little treat was more involved.  On many days it feels like a miracle that I am able to school her, feed her and make sure dinner is cooked.  No joke.  When I say I feel weary at times – I ain’t joking!  It’s difficult for me to see otherwise normal little families where both spouses are healthy and fit and energetic and are doing well financially as well.  They take trips and enroll their children in programs and classes because they have the funds.

I see and feel my own life and I feel so far removed from their world.  And it pains me.  It just damn pains me.

*I too envision a new realm where I too can give my girl that puppy she longs for because we don’t have to worry about some landlord who holds power over us and who dictates how we live.

*I too envision my realm where when my girl asks to take a class or enroll in a program or go to a concert (where tickets are $25 each) and I DO NOT HAVE TO SAY NO.  No more.  No more because money is no longer an issue of enjoying our lives and living freely.

It PAINS me deeply to have to tell her no because of m o n e y.

I envision my realm where there is the kind of Learning my child deserves and needs.

I envision my realm where I NEVER AGAIN mutter the words “sorry honey mama cannot afford that”.

I envision my realm where I am healed.  Where my mate is healed.  Where all are healed because the technology to do so has been rightfully and lovingly returned to us.

I consent to this realm NOW.

NOW.

WE ALL consent to this realm NOW.

Those of us who are weary and tired and just done with the suffering.

We SEE it for what it is.

We have awakened to it ~ for many of us as much as we are capable of ~ but always open to expanding our experiences and perceptions for Source Life is never-ending flow of Being and Doing.  But for this NOW moment?  We need a vacation.  Rest and healing.  Truly truly NEED this.

We are ready to forgive.

We are willing to forgive.

We are Love.

And Love does not wait.

Love. In. Action. Now.

That, I consent to.

I hope you will join me in creating that energy experience as well.

Let’s do this warriors!  [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”]

Victoria

***

Thank you for all of your amazing support this year.  Your support has brought me huge hugs for my heart, laughter, some pretty good tears and at times a much-needed challenge (even if at the time I resist).  For my first year in running this site, I feel pretty darn supported, loved and heard.  I hope this little corner of the Cosmos has brought you something you have been able to take and expand on the beautiful Human Soul you are.

Blessings to you all.

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Tired of waiting.

Tired of intending.

Tired of speculating.

Tired of the struggle.

Tired of letting go only to go through the same shit all over again.

Tired of doing all of the “spiritual practices” only to experience the same damn result.

Tired of feeling alone.

Tired of not having my ideas and heart SEEN and EMBRACED.

Tired of the same message of “try THIS do THIS” while those saying DO offer up nothing of assistance.

Tired of putting myself out there.

Tired of seeing the dark continue to have their way.

Tired of the those experiencing such extreme cognitive dissonance they lack the ability to SEE the suffering and instead dismiss it away with “they chose the experience” or “they needed the lesson”.

Tired of feeling I am falling behind.

Tired of anything that is not Love.

Tired of it all.

Just, just………… T I R E D.