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i no longer know where i am.  this isn’t late summer.  this isn’t even early fall.  it is raining here and there is literally nothing showing up on the radar and all of the forecaster’s are calling for 70 and sun today and yet it is hovering at 60.  every day they change the forecast.  the sun and supposed warmth keeps getting pushed back.  if this is how it is to be in these final whatever’s – days – months – here – AT LEAST GIVE US SUNSHINE AND WARMTH!

all is changing and we are to just go along with this (that isn’t feeling ok w/me).  what about for those of us who garden?  those gardens are molding and rotting.

those of us who rely on wood for heat – we are being pressured now to buy wood a good 6 weeks before we plan on having to do that.  we only have enough for food now.  wood?  there’s also a light needing replaced in the kitchen and the dishwasher repair.  as i said – the needs are at a 10 and the ability to meet them – a 6 and getting more challenging.  the water bill jumped up again as did my cable bill.

what is the point in any of this other than greed and control continues to carry on.  WHERE IS OUR HELP?  right?!

i have no intention to be a part of a creation that “ends” like this.  not one bit.  freedom here?  my arse.

i “got” a feel earlier today.  the separation is real here.  temporary (hence “illusion”) – however it is very real while in this energy space.  we can all have a vast array of experiences but being alone in our feels – from our joys to our pains – we are alone in them.  that is why it feels so lonely – when we get real.  perhaps that can unite us – that experience alone.  at least be more gentle with one another.

it is understandable to me now that Rose calls “home” – heaven.

so……..obviously my mood is low.  energy too.  fighting off this cold continues so that makes experiencing here more challenging – lost a week of schooling so far.  this is a virus passed along to us as my child played at a friend’s house and they (again) failed to let her or myself know one of their children had been sick.  (WHO DOES THAT?  seriously WHO lets others into their home if someone is sick without saying something?)  so….my girl got sick – then i did.  no more playing anywhere until i have fully ascertained all are well and have been well.  i am done with that.

done with ALL that causes any harm.  my love and gratitude to all of you who support me and what i do.  that and love from my little tribe out here keep me going.

hear me roar for i am roaring fiercely today.

love,

victoria

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Everything here feels fake to me today.  Who we really are – even that is hidden from us.  We get glimpses of Who We Are – here and there – and we are encouraged to continue to remember – continue to reach for this seemingly never-ending carrot of who we really are.  If only a part of BIG US is here – isn’t it time to stop pressuring ourselves and each other to BE that Big Us here?

If this is a matrix – well – let’s view it as that and stop giving advice to one another and start SUPPORTING one another.

Starting with – what can we really DO to break free?  Seriously – what can we do?  Is focus enough or is action needed (as in what one does in battle)?  And I’m not just talking about being in a state of calm and serenity – I get that.  I am talking in a literal sense.  What can we DO to get out of here?  What can we do to be FULLY FREE to Create whatever it is we desire without anyone or any “thing” powering back against us?

For now I leave you with some song lyrics as promised in the title for how I feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel within…..

“Breakdown”

i share photos and experiences here at times of the local people who are homeless and who simply no longer care.  they take and harm without impunity.  seemingly without care.

obviously no one comes into this matrix, in all of its games of power over and deception, wanting to give up.  wanting to harm or take and take and take.  most of us enter wanting to give love – and have that love received and returned.

that doesn’t happen for every one though.  obviously.

let me tell you from experience – it is a pain beyond words when you have reached out for help when in a crisis only to receive silence.  or just words.

people “fall through the cracks” not because by nature they are lazy.  this happens over a period of time and experiences.  pain accumulates.  neglected enough times, the heart rather naturally hardens.  the brain kicks in and says “don’t trust!  stop trusting!  do you want to be hurt again?”

for many that is a big “NO”.  as i explained to my daughter about this earlier today – i used a glass of water filled with water.  the glass was a human – the water – the energy of their pain.  when that cup is full – that vessel full of pain – just one little drop can be all it takes for the entire cup to spill over.

emotional vomit.  it is messy.  scary.

and avoidable with NEW.

i am discouraged over what i have seen happen in my city.  saddened.  afraid of having an encounter with one of these people.  avoidance of certain areas is the choice for now.  i see the mug shots.  i read their stories.  the “human” in these people isn’t registering in their eyes.  they have simply – given up.

how do you heal that?  how do you come back from that space?  and what can be done to facilitate that?

forced treatment?

showing dignity – love in action – would be like trying to talk to a wild animal who has been tortured by humans.  slow process – and most importantly – ongoing support.  consistent.  people take a lot of stumbles and falls to get into such a position.  it can take just as many stumbles and falls to get out OF it.

so while i carry anger and disgust over the safety of my own family – my own child – being in jeopardy in certain areas now due to the actions of others who have lost all sense of concern for other humans – i also know what happens to them can happen to anyone – especially those without a support system.

no one is safe here from being negatively impacted by the matrix and its systems.

and i get why sometimes it is easier to sell out and join in the “go get yours even if it means taking from another” creation.  not really different than what all of the corporations do to us, is it?  the only difference – they provide a service.  but the concept is still the same – i am going to dictate what i take from you.

something has to break.  give way.  relief is needed.  NOW.  as i say – there is no purpose in suffering.  no point.  no lessons or karmic crap.  nonsense.

we are One but not the same.

when are we going to start carrying each other?

love,

victoria

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