For those of you who have been with me the past 8.5 years, the beginning of this little website, you are probably familiar with the piece I wrote back then – Thoughts Of A Weary Starseed Human. At the time I was engaged in a moment of pure stream of consciousness writing, having no clue where I would take my work much less if anyone would relate to my words. I took a chance, sent it off to Gregg Prescott at IN5D who agreed to publish it. I was literally amazed at the number of people who read it and commented. Literally hundreds of people chimed in, sharing how deeply they resonated with the words. I connected with many people back then and remain in touch with several of you. 🥰
I’ve added a couple of thoughts to that original piece over the years and it was my daughter who encouraged me to write a part 2 – an update. I thought about it and figured sure, why not.
So here I am.
An update.
Where am I today as compared to back then.
I’m going to be honest and say I haven’t read the original piece linked above. I don’t want to. It would be too painful for me to see not only how I felt back then, but how naive I was as well. O M G how naive. I was so trusting of what I felt back then, having little – if any – clue as to the complexities of this reality and especially this war – especially the invisible war. It ain’t a game. Simulated reality or not – whatever has been going on has been felt and felt hard.
I’ve also dropped the “starseed” term – for that feels like it was just a buzz word to describe “who the hell am i where in the hell am i and how did i get here and how do i get out?” I Am Me – no clue where I came from or how I got here or even what my purpose is – still wondering how I get out – but not much invested in that as I was back then. Not. even. close.
I had no clue that this would have played out *this* long without the change I needed for myself back then – and today as well. No clue that much of what I thought were messages from *home* was really just matrix b.s. – programs – entities who were NOT my friend – to loosh me.
I had no clue how energetically tired I would become. How angry. No CLUE how expensive it would become here. (!!!) No clue we would experience global imprisonments “lockdowns”, the insanity around that and how. many. “people”. fell. for. it.
I had no clue how trapped I would grow to feel – especially now – where that trapped feeling is at a new level – waking me up far too often – requiring me to self-soothe – which happened again last night – where I finally surrendered telling myself, “i can’t do anything about this ongoing feeling – it is as it is for I Am As I Am”.
Stuck in a frequency that doesn’t align.
Stuck in a reality that doesn’t align.
No matter what I tell myself otherwise.
And given we’ve been lied to about everything – the last person who should be lying to that still voice inside is me.
The Inner ME – what little OF Me is actually here – doesn’t lie.
So today she is less weary – and more just resigned.
Whatever connection with others – with a Home – outside – pretty burned out with that one – feeling it was also another matrix loosh lie or whoever was out there was removed or killed in war. A fairly new sense to consider – for myself – is what I really seek is that future version of me.
At the end of the day, it’s just Me.
And with that resignation I mentioned above is a knowing – a knowing that is at a new level – that who I am is OK AS I AM. Regardless of how that looks.
For NOTHING can take that.
NOTHING can destroy that.
It can only temporarily delay that reconnection that Me within continues to seek.
💖
Victoria
