our city is declining – quickly.  anyone else noticing the breakdown of society resulting from pay to live is accelerating?  it’s almost epidemic-like now.  exploding.  homeless are literally showing up everywhere around town.  campers along the side of the roads.  tents in parking lots.  drug camps are mixed in with this population leaving needles, garbage and a lot of human waste behind in the alley ways, all along the rivers, streams, woods and public parks.

it is beyond disheartening.  emotions range from sadness to fear to anger and disgust. people forgotten – lost – no longer care.  i understand that feeling experience.

city government has allowed this to happen.  police do the best they can but are stymied by elected officials and their policies.  we have social media pages now of private citizens addressing this issue.  there was a public meeting on this last night and our elected officials simply opted to create an oversight committee to look at addressing the problem.  a laughable joke as the awakened locals know our government is brilliant at spending millions on coming up with solutions on paper but those solutions DO NOT MANIFEST.  it was actually a campaign slogan of one of the people who ran for mayor last year.  we have a friend who is a city employee and even though he isn’t a fan of Trump, he admitted in a moment of passion as he expressed his outrage with the city, “I understand why the people elected Trump.  They were sick of the lies and wanted change!”

Many of the homeless are mentally ill.  You could say we are like other sanctuary cities – scattered “skid rows” throughout.

If this plan and cleaning up is going to continue on into the upcoming months and even year – we won’t have much of a city much less country left.  Certainly not the west coast and other sanctuary states.

It is mind boggling – the evil of the swamp creatures who would not only allow for this to happen but to create policies that enabled it.  These beings aren’t human.  No heart.  Purely robotic at this point.

Part of me wants to stay here and help.  And yet I know how exhausted I am. I don’t have it in me to fight much – not like I did in the past.  So most of me wants to come up with the funds somehow to pack up and move away so I can find and live in a peaceful, supportive community.  Bury my head in the sand?  Perhaps, yes.  Just like one can only take so much stress from the system, one can also take in so much sadness and disgust.

I pause – ponder – reflect.  About 15 years ago I had the desire to create a trust fund and when I would see someone in need of help in any way that required money, I would write them a check.  Naive?  Perhaps for I know some say you can’t fix a problem with money.

And yet, quite often, it is money that creates the conditions that lead people into homelessness.

What else is there to say.  Witnessing this breakdown is an unnecessary horror show.  There is no purpose.  No point.  Allowed to happen.  If ever there were a “point” when the program needs to end, it is indeed now.  Snap ALL awake and flood the skies with the frequency of Love.

That is all.

V.

today i am feeling in the exact same space as i was 10 years ago – at a standstill as to what to do next with my life.  10 years ago this time also happens to be when i had that “close encounter” with what felt like, at the time, to be a visit from family from Home.  i had no words for it – and no conscious knowledge of new earth, the event, etc.  just an experience where i was told “see you soon”.

soon.  …..  deep breath…..

i made a couple of new choices today.  try try again, right?  i had this thought that if i came out (around here that is) and said i am a non-binary, gender neutral unicorn identifying immigrant from guatemala i would have a plethora of help and assistance.  not really exaggerating either.  where help and compassion is tossed these days by the general public – system included – is disheartening.

so a lot of deep breathing mixed with crying today.  i’ve asked a local massage therapist if she would be willing to let me make payments or engage in barter.  my body is really screaming at me now to get this taken care of.  and the list of medical needs my mate needs addressed is just overwhelming at this point.  his eye surgery alone only pays 80% (cataract removal).  i just, you know?  feel trapped in a cage.

onward i go – as always….and some day, as i continue to say, i will no longer need to address this.

love,

victoria