thank you everyone

 

the “done” is collective.

and the collective is “DONE”.

this realm pulls us in so many directions whether we are single, married/partnered, parents.  and not to put myself on a pedestal but the parenting thing here – when you’re awake – is extra challenging.  O M G!  try having a conversation with a parent who doesn’t “see”.  not even apples and oranges now.  it is pure fruit trying to converse with a rotten potato.

we had to take care of a tree limb today.  one fell last week – a good 25 footer – on the garage.  no damage.  and we didn’t see it had knocked into another limb below.  a neighbor saw it today from her yard and let us know.  so plans put on hold while we took care of 3d b.s.  grateful for the help and guidance, but still.

S T I L L…..

it’s those “yes grateful BUT’S….”

the “BUT’S” that are just – just beyond words to describe the frustration they bring.

as sister D says – “i got nothin'”….

Ditto.

I have desires and needs and wants….I can tell you specifically what those are.  I lament about them frequently here.  lol

I am sure you all feel the same.

TOTAL FREEDOM is at the top.  When I go to bed each night that’s what I affirm.  FREEDOM.  Freedom from “them” – freedom from evil.  Healing that works and the energy to just do the basics.  It’s success here now if I get us all fed and into bed healthy.  And clean floors.

What I don’t have is the big answers to the big questions.  HOW MUCH LONGER?  WHEN?  And WHY in the holy g.d. #)$%^%@#!!!! is this alleged clean up TAKING SO <repeat the naughty words> L O N G!??!?!?!?

I wanted to master patience.  Yeah, not happening.  I have moments….

….and then I have other moments.

I do not know how to be Authentic in a fake world.

I do not know how to be Authentic knowing what I know.

I still be ME.

But ME – in these parts – doesn’t fit.

I continue to call forth the whole “show me where”….

Open the door….

Let me meet people who give back what I put out (I think I said I am done with fake)….Let me meet people who really want to know me as I want to know them.

IN PERSON, you know?

For now, my focus continues on healing.  I’m reserved in spending more money in this regard – but perhaps I should listen to that part of me that says “WTH – do it – try it”.  I am listening to a couple of videos the past several evenings – frequency based – that are said to clear AI and AI-based bacteria in the vessel.  The guy seems to know his stuff.  It’s free so I’m giving it a go.  Will report if I notice anything beneficial.

Thanks as always for listening to me rant and giving me a safe space to be authentic bitchy loving positive complex me.

Victoria