I am in that state of anger now – righteous anger. Behind the emotion are words that say I AM FINISHED. NO MORE. I WILL NOT BE STOPPED. I WILL BE HEARD. I WILL BE LISTENED TO. I MATTER.
We’re all experiencing this war differently and mama’s have it the hardest. I don’t say that to be arrogant or dismissive either. It’s one thing when it’s just an individual – you only need to look out for yourself. But when you’re trying to juggle your own sanity plus dealing with your baby(babies) who has had their life altered due to a war/clean up/or whatever this all really is – that adds a level of emotions that only a parent – especially a mama – can understand. For it is the Female that, by her very innate nature, seeks peace – seeks to nurture her babies – seeks to keep them safe – seeks to keep them innocent. And that experience has been GROSSLY violated – esp. in recent years.
There’s been a war on us all for so very long – especially on women – and most especially on mama’s. I never got that until I had a child. Today you can actually feel their invisible hands poking and grabbing and doing all they can to destroy what you the Divine Feminine are creating and attempting to create in your own space/home. And today I am raging spitting mad cutting off every piece of their energy cords and physical bodies with whatever tool I can.
I remember I used to be afraid of my anger.
Now I embrace it and see it with Love as a tool that tells me a boundary has been or is being violated and to DO.
And I am DOING – in the seen and unseen.
But wow – for the moments I have when I have energy there are moments where I am dragging worn down and depleted in need of respite love peace quiet and TLC – and that is the part of my experience that is really missing. My mind struggles to grasp how cut off I have been. My heart reacts loudly when I read “it has to be this way to allow for the new” – and yet WHERE IS THIS “NEW”? Platitudes don’t work with me now. At all. I like honest truth sharing and offers of support/love/help.
So much talk about how to create. Honestly – do any of us really know/remember HOW TO REALLY CREATE? I don’t. Doesn’t indicate though that I don’t make attempts TO remember. I’ve practiced a lot of tools over the years – affirmations (with feeeeeeeeeling) – visualizations – subliminals – law of x y z. Been part of study groups. My feel why these don’t work for many of us – at least in the way the experts behind them say they should – is because we are in “their” world – we know it – most of these experts are tools for “them” – and we are the original POW’s – therefore – the most attacked. Not all have this experience – which serves only to create more division. Naturally – by “their” design.
So for now I keep on – sharing My Truth and My Truth is My frigging awesome amazing loving Truth – until I “SEE” different.
So I will SCREAM and RAGE however and whenever.
I will continue to be that loud squeaking wheel until the needs of my girl and her mama are seen & met. For NO ONE truly makes it on his/her own here and it’s about fuching time we all start LIVING LIKE THIS.
Love,
Victoria
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