Fork in the Road ~ If I Could See One That Is…


Reassessing some things.

Spent time today and threw out a bunch of old letters, cards that held no meaning for me.  I am ready to toss out all that no longer resonates and start anew.  Also tossed an old antique table I have held together with wood glue and lately, duct tape.  Pathetic, I thought.  I am worth more than this, I asserted, tossing it into the trash.

The time for breathing, waiting, intending, letting go and being patient has expired.

Feeling the need to end all projects, relationships, objects that are not rewarding me in ways that are supportive of all of my needs.

Feeling like I am standing in the middle of a road, naked, no sense of what to do where to go but ready for some guidance and assistance ~ meanwhile being reminded I owe this and that and oh here’s another added this and that while being told I am not good enough/smart enough fill in the damn blank.  We are supposed to be our own hero’s and rescue ourselves.  Fuck that shit.  GIRL IS IN NEED OF HELP!!  Until then, I stand, sit, alone, asking myself what is it all for.  Moments of temporary, fleeting beauty and hope in what otherwise has been a life of wasted moments, pain, neglect and lies.

I need love.

Huge financial blessings and and real opportunity to expand myself, my life, heal myself.

Friendship.  Mentoring.

Open doors.

And good long vacation where I am pampered for a time.  My body and mind are weary of this journey.  I am spent – in all ways.  White flag has been tossed into the ring.

And so it is.


An Exercise In Transformation (w/a touch of fun)


Dance, Ocean, Sea, Silhouette, Sun

Well, I wore the grumpy hat late in the day.  It’s hot out here and smoky, which cuts in on bikes and walks and trips to the park.  I wasn’t having it. Something told me to use the time to do some fun stuff inside.  So we played blocks for awhile.  I then played the piano.  Was I satisfied?

Not one bit.

I have moments these days where I think my Highest Self has gone incognito – at least when it comes to guiding me as to where to go and what to do next to create this change I so much for it feels like a balloon in me waiting to be popped only I don’t know where the pin is.  My god the frustration around this.

So those thoughts began to rumble through my mind.  By the time dinner came, I was not particularly wanting to be around my family much less my own mind.

After deciding to just face the heat and haze, I took a walk and played some frisbee with the small person, then hit the showers to soothe my hot, dusty body.  It was in there I remembered my own words:  Bless everything.  Every.  Single.  Thing.

So I did just that.

I blessed my grumpy moods.  I blessed my frustrations and fears and feelings of stagnation.  I blessed my tired body and my wrinkled knees (when did THAT happen??!).  In time, I was doing a little dance and singing.

Mood ~ transformed.

And there you go.


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Global Meditation for Tuesday, August 29, 2017, 10:30am AND 2:30pm EST ~ And A Call For Daily Meditations To Bring Forth The Event And The New Earth Realities


First of all, let us all find time on this upcoming Tuesday the 29th to send thoughts and visions of freedom and love and truth and ease as Heather Ann Tucci-Jarraf and Randall Beane are both having hearings on this date. If you need more information on who they are, please check out this site fmi.

In a nutshell they are essentially being kidnapped by the STATE, which is no more in its corruption and fraud as UCC paperwork was filed almost 5 years ago ~ paperwork that went unchallenged.  This is really about you and I accessing prosperity and freedom in the form of accounts which are in OUR names and OUR government issued ID numbers.  Obviously this is about more than just money but it is the first step to regaining our full Power and Freedom.

The chance for total transparency is surrounding these cases and so just like the eclipse meditations, that were powerful and effective, I call upon each of you to participate in another meditation practice.  Even if you aren’t following this story or don’t believe it or aren’t interested in it, it is important to spend time on that day intending freedom and truth and love and abundance.

I am going to take this one step further, something I was also guided to do today.

It is now time to begin the daily practice on focusing on what we want.

Individually AND collectively.  NOW is the time to employ this practice and make it priority and goal number one.  I received this feeling so strongly today and yet so quietly too.  I know that Highest Self energy – it is very powerful in its quiet.

Right after I received that guidance, I thought how much of our time is still spent on the matrix fear programs.  Most of us spend much of our time focused on money and health and time.  This needs fixing or tending to.  How will I accomplish or afford that.  How can I take care of that.  Oh I gotta go do this how will I work that in.

Never-ending streaming thoughts of worry about the future.  I clearly see this now.  I actually had a quick visual of what this sends to the overall matrix grid system.  Quite simply, it gives it power and keeps it going ~ even as it is weakening greatly.  Such a system can still limp along even with just a couple of bum legs.

I recently read where we can bring down the whole control system in a nano-second.  The words have stayed with me. Originally I thought “impossible” to the term “nano second” ~ the part of me that is lazy, hooked into the lazy programming of “too hard, too difficult, impossible”. But I also felt the quiet, more powerful part of me know how true this is.

So let’s do it!

We can END this ~ detached from the matrix ~ and bring the grid down that much faster by not participating in it with the very fear-based thoughts IT created.

Let us work our way out of it and bring it down by spending time throughout the day every day – every single day – to form new thoughts. We all know what we want.

Please let us make that our focus beginning now.

One of the biggest reasons I feel the energies of the eclipse were so powerful was because GLOBALLY mass numbers of us were focused on the magic of the experience.  It wasn’t just the galactic cosmos sending these frequencies.  It was also US – focused AWAY from the fear-based programs of our daily lives – that super-charged this experience.  I feel one of the reasons I am still in my area is because I was able to have this experience of being around tens of thousands of others celebrating the 100% path of totality moment ~ feeling that experience ~ learning from it, getting a new awakened thought and sharing it.

We can have these experiences every day.  

Just like I shared what I was intending the week of the eclipse, here is what I will be intending for self and humanity.  Obviously feel free to add your own/do your own.  What is important, again what I so strongly feel is so very important, is to begin doing this daily.  Upon waking.  Middle of the day.  Upon going to sleep.  Or whatever works for you obviously.  And here’s a little practice I have begun doing ~ if I don’t feel tuned in or am struggling to “feel” the energies I am seeking, I ask for and intend a signal boost.  Give it a try and see what happens.

Much love gods and goddesses!  

  • Truth is seen for all with ease NOW.
  • Abundance and prosperity are returned to ALL with ease NOW.
  • All monies held from us are returned to ALL with ease NOW.
  • ALL technologies being held from us that will remove all obstacles to healing and living in total freedom are released to ALL with ease NOW.
  • Freedom is returned to ALL with ease NOW.
  • We call upon Source Energy to remove ALL energies of Separation and Fear for ALL with ease NOW.


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Today’s Insights ~ August 27, 2017


I read this past week where the eclipse energies will be bringing forth new thoughts, and when we have them, we are to pay attention instead of dismissing them.  Those who shared this thought weren’t joking.  Today I am being given many different, new thoughts including some twists on “older” thoughts.

Sitting here out back, I’m watching my girl play in her pool.  I told her how newborn babies instinctively hold their breath when submerged in water but lost that skill around 6 months or so.  Why is that?  Why is it so many of our innate abilities are “lost” (or as I say, go dormant) over time?

I then thought about my own swimming abilities.  This incarnation has left me struggling with the ability to swim even though intuitively I LOVE water.  I know I drowned in a previous incarnation and came into this world in this incarnation seeing a pool for the first time, and knowing at just 6 years old that I had drowned before.  This experience has obviously played a part in my learning to swim.

I then thought of the matrix grid ~ how each of us have been programmed into it.  How it is likely certain experiences have been put into our programming by this matrix grid to keep us detached from who we really are ~ trauma’s and the like ~ all the while far too many well-meaning truthseeker’s continued on the matrix programming channel by saying these experiences are what we asked for to learn and grow and blah blah ad nauseum.  That aside, for me, this would be the swimming issue (that has made it difficult for me to know who I really am).  Got the clarity on that one today.

I thought back to my memories of Lemuria (or the lifetime/place in which we have labeled it as such).  I thought back to an experience I had over 15 years ago while part of a metaphysical study group.  This was before I began having past life recalls much less any memory of Lemuria (or knowledge thereof).  We were guided to go to a scene in our mind that felt calming.  I saw myself standing by the edge of a lake.  I was not clothed. It was me ~ but it wasn’t me.  My hair was wavier and shorter ~ and I was taller. I let the scene play out and suddenly I did a perfect dive into the water and swam like a mermaid.  Me?? I thought.  That was really ME?!  It sure felt like me.  I didn’t give it much thought after that and let it go.

So back to today ~ I then thought about the memories I have had of being in Lemuria.  I have seen myself.  And today I realized that meditation image I had some 15 years ago was in fact me in Lemuria.  The image of Me was exactly the same as the Me I have seen in Lemuria.

Are you still with me?  lol

I feel what the matrix grid has put into me, programmed into me, was the experience of drowning as a means to keep me afraid of water and thus making it more difficult to remember who I really am and who I really have been and most importantly all of my experiences from life in Lemuria ~ important because our experiences back then were unadulterated.  Pure.  Pre-matrix days.  All of our DNA activated and in full use.  I know this to every piece of Who I Am.

What this shows me though is that while the matrix grid has known the human elements of me – they cannot alter the Highest Selves of me which holds the Truth.  They cannot alter Source.  And these beings who created this grid, having likely wanting to destroy Source through their programmings, knew they couldn’t so the next best thing was to do that to the physical beings. We humans.  Perhaps they even thought Source could be weakened by keeping us under the illusion of separation via forgetfulness (and other) programming.

Obviously this veil was temporary.  Truth is the most powerful of all frequencies.  To me it is of such a frequency that even the greatest of all encryptors could unlock or alter.  It simply MUST be known.  Seen.

I will close this one up now and begin another piece ~ also on fear-based programming and what I feel we are being called to do next.

Tonight’s Message From Sacred Tree


Out on our nightly bike ride I stopped to say hello to the tree.  Last minute move as I had no plans on doing that.  I seem to know when she has something to tell me.

I get off my bike and walk over and placed my hands on her.  After a couple of moments I began to feel dizzy ~ an unusual experience.  I could feel myself spinning down some sort of a hole or into a vortex of some sort.  I heard “mourning” and thought “that’s an odd word”.  Did not expect that.  When I questioned again for clarification I kept hearing “it’s an M word”, over and over, which then morphed into “mourning” again.

Oh, my tree is mourning, I thought then felt “no this is about you”.

Me?  What am I mourning? I asked.

Go within, I heard.  You are letting go of a lot right now.  I began to question this when suddenly I’m hit with the feeling of loss.  I then began to cry.  At this point I put my head onto her and literally leaned into her as much as I could.

I felt if she had “arms” she would put them around me ~ for she was in fact hugging me back in the way, well, trees do.  I felt very comforted and embraced.

I then heard – and this was the hardest part for me – that I would also be letting go of her too – and that she would miss me and my hugs.  That had a very strong impact on me.  Big changes were coming – just weeks away. She would be having her own higher dimensional experience and apparently I was not going to be included in her experience?  I felt as though I was going to my own space as was she.  Brain struggling to understand and I heard “you will know when the time is right and you will just do it”.

What exactly does this mean?  Is New Earth our current planet at another frequency?  Or is there another earth-like planet we call New Earth as well?  I know when I had my first dream of this realm, of the house, witnessing my powers, my first impression was this was not earth but an earth-like planet (using planet as I have no other reference).  Are there some of us who will be leaving Gaia to move on to this new earth while others stay behind on Gaia?  It is possible.  That is what I have felt all along.  There are no judgments in that.  No right or wrong, better than, etc.  It is truly the workings of our Highest Selves.

All I know to do is trust in the process, surrender to my Higher Self and Creator.  I am here now to have this experience.  That I know more than anything.

For now, I will continue visiting my wonderful tree.  Tonight though I do feel the surprising tears of mourning around my heart, of good-bye, of gratitude, or the memories of visiting her ~ all of those visits on foot and by bike.  Rainy.  Cold.  Warm.  Sunny.  Some quick.  Some longer.  Some alone. Some with my child or mate.  The power of mourning.  For no matter how much I have moments, more of them these days, where I am so ready to “GO”.  Take the next big step.  Go to the NEW.  Fully restored. I am still humbled when Life reminds me of all of the moments I have had in this life, even the difficult ones of pure hell, and how part of this process is saying good-bye to all of it.

Tonight Life spoke to me through my sacred tree.  And wow – for that – well all I can do is whisper “thank you”.

For ALL of it.


Brief Insight On The Eclipse Energies


busy day (well for me – for your typical westerner probably a quiet day – lol) – much to write about – many of you to write back.  crashed last night at 10pm and slept until 11am.  !!!

so the insight i just received:  the eclipse energies are like a roto-rooter for the clogged junk still within.

Tagline of the Day…


Darkness delays.

Creator Source is instant gratification.

Let’s intend what we want NOW and remove the “we must wait, be patient” programming.

Heaviness and Detox ~ And Hopeful


So much heaviness within and detoxing going on.  Strange rashes and itching.  Nausea in the morning and then again in the evening.  Getting triggered numerous times today – each time taking great effort to pull myself out of victim mode and into empowered mode.  Doing pretty well with that, although the anger state is also being used.  Better than victim mode.

The overall experience is I want to jump out of my skin.  !!!

I visited the food bank today to get some produce.  30 minutes waiting in a stuffy, smelly room which turned out to be all for a lemon and a questionable looking zucchini.  The anger brewed.  We all deserve healthy abundant food. I had been told I could visit there weekly for a big selection of fresh produce.  One woman kept telling me to go check out the globe artichokes on one of the shelves so I did.  Moldy and discolored.  People still helping themselves to them.

All I could think was I was supposed to be the one running one of these things.  I tried off and on for 20 years to break into the system of social services, offering to “empty wastebaskets” just to be given a chance.  I was born to want to help others.  Right the wrongs.  Return freedom and justice for All.  I was an outspoken advocate for years to get the foodbank to expand and to bring in healthy, organic if possible, fresh foods.  That was difficult as the over-seer of the food bank was a system supporting lazy twit who would ignore me (letters) until I called and then eventually became too busy to talk with me.

It was a sad thing for me to be told such passion and new ideas went contrary to the very system that was created to help people.

But that was then and this is now.  In spite of the old thoughts I am feeling today, I am also inspired to keep on inspiring myself and others. Saying over and over again as long as I need to for myself and for all of us that we are worthy of EVERYTHING awesome and beautiful and amazing and fabulous.

Every one of us – equally worthy.  No one above another.  No one more deserving.

Worth is our inherent right.

Creator is worthy.

We are Creator.

Therefore WE ARE WORTHY.  (I studied philosophy in college – lol)

Wealth for all is here and it isn’t going to be the RV or Nesara or Gesara or any other controlled system.  Growing numbers have discovered the TDA accounts – OUR accounts hidden for decades.  More banking types and the like are now admitting, on audio, these accounts exist and indeed are ours. While mouthpieces for the system continue to spout “the rv is coming”, “nesara is coming”, the TDA’s are being tried out, used and for some, with success.  People are learning and are not going to give up.  The old way is no longer.  And the more people continue to access, to become aware, new systems will be used.  New codes.  Introducing us ALL to abundance to put an end to this millenia long enslavement.

And from there, the transition away from money altogether.

So next time you think being financially wealthy is a sin or isn’t spiritual, or that it can never happen to you, that you don’t want it or don’t deserve it, think again.  This is not about money.  This is about ABUNDANCE.  That energy that wants to create and have and use and enjoy.  I have long long long believed the time to be honest about money is NOW.  Today, I add in Abundance.

Let’s believe in this together.


Today’s Energies and Emotional Experiences ~ Walking The Journey of Uniqueness and The Need To Remember Inner Strength To Remain Steadfast


Awoke to a very deep experience of depression ~ deeper than yesterday.  I didn’t want to do anything but be still and sleep.  Escape, escape, escape, my mind begged of me.  Please find a way to escape me out of this reality.

I want to go home.  I want to be in that new earth realm I have dreamed of, envisioned, for so many years.  The longing hits me like a freight train. Want to be where my Soul longs to be.  Where every piece of my heart longs to be.  Where all I have to do is think of it and it is right there in my minds eye, in my heart, as real as anything else I can hold in my hands. As bizarre as it may sound, I keep feeling my people are there.  My life is there, waiting for the next stage of this difficult, baffling, always amazing journey.  This reality doesn’t resonate with me.  It never has.  It never will. This is not a feeling that will change, nor do I feel the need for it to.

I am not here to fit in.  I am here to be a part of the NEW.  

I let myself feel it all.  I cried.  I kicked at the sheets.  Words of “NO MORE” and “WHY?” and “ENOUGH!” blasted out of me.  I’ve done my part, just let me get on with the journey!  Decades of research.  Numerous blogs and writings.  Sharing to an often disruptive, blindingly ignorant audience.  lol  That is definitely part of the territory I did not expect, believe it or not.  The way people will cling to their illusions, refusing to entertain a new thought, well let’s just say that brings forth experiences for me to remember patience and tolerance.  For as long as I can remember in this life, I have always and I mean always wanted to know the truth, no matter how deep or winding of a path I had to travel.

That life long experience of loneliness is just so fucking overwhelming at times.  Victoria wants her cake now.  AND she wants to eat it!

Rawness.  There is a beauty in it.  And I really feel for any person who has not allowed themselves to go to that level of authenticity.  All of those accumulated thoughts build up, creating an energy that needs to be channeled, lest it get trapped in our bodies, creating disease and certainly making any otherwise created disease worse.  A system that programs us not to explore this truth and in fact programs us to dismiss it and judge those who opt for this journey.

As I told my girl today, for whom we have adopted a no-disney-movies approach (well most of them – some of the pixar ones we allow) in this house, you have to be very strong to walk your own Unique path, able to take the heat from those who will question you for being different. Visualize it melting off your back.  At this young age, saying something like “that’s just how we do things” is fine.  And walk away or change the topic. Nothing more to say. A seed was planted and always is whenever someone is presented with a new idea, concept, thought.  It may never bloom in the current incarnation, but it’s in there, nonetheless.

Back to current symptoms.  Depression.  When a boundary is violated, I react immediately.  Questioning whether I need to be more in a place of responding instead of reacting when being so freshly honest in the moment is, well, refreshing.  Also some occasional spine issues and wow some real tingling in on the top of my head.  Cells vibrating madly the last 48 hours – so much so I visibly shake.  At times I have to let myself just shake like a traumatized animal releasing the trauma, the vibrating is so intense.  Wanting to go home ~ very strong.  Ready to be done with this leg of the journey ~ overwhelming.  Need for NEW – equally as overwhelming.

And so it goes…


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A Thought on Compassion And Forgiveness


I have been reading some pieces and watched a video on escaping the matrix.  The tool to get us out?  Compassion.  Forgiveness.

In one sense, I agree.  The frequencies of compassion and forgiveness do not resonate with the matrix energies.

And then there is another thought on compassion and forgiveness.  I have read where (supposedly) the families, the controllers of keeping the systems going in this matrix are “afraid” of exposure, afraid we won’t find forgiveness or compassion.  Personally, I do not see how one who has participated in such darkness for so long would be afraid of that.  I feel they are afraid of the masses sending them to the guillotines.  They are afraid of getting hurt ~ and beyond.

Giving them the benefit of the doubt for now – IF they really do wish us to forgive them and show compassion?

End the game.

Stop their mandates on our lives.

Stop poisoning our air and water.

Stop the chemtrail program.

Release the suppressed technologies.

Full disclosure of EVERYTHING that they have witheld from us.

THEN we as a collective Being will be in that energy space to be compassionate and forgiving.

But to tell humanity we must be in this energy space of compassion and forgiveness now is pre-mature.  Not until we SEE where the prison games have come to an end and they have owned their responsibilities in it, THEN we will rise to the occasion.

I see it this way.  We all want pie.  We know it’s there ~ waiting.  And yet the bakers refuse to let us have it.  They say “forgive us THEN we will give you the pie”.  To which I say – you have given us no reason to give you that level of trust.  We have learned different.  Let us have the pie which is rightfully ours, then we will begin the forgiveness process.

This is a process that requires ALL of us working in full transparency, authenticity, honesty and responsibility.