I feel – hopeless.
I dunno what else to do.
Praying? Nothing out there is hearing me.
All it takes is one little thing to send my spiraling downwards.
I need a container of positive words and angels pumping into my veins.
I have so many ideas.
I apply here and apply there.
Hitting up publications and newspapers.
New agencies.
New employment people.
New job boards.
I AM FUCKING BURNED OUT.
Letting it go for a bit does nothing.
N O T H I N G.
I don’t have time to waste.
I needed things flowing MONTHS and MONTHS ago.
Now and then – like tonight – and I admit this has triggered me, and I am currently numb atm – I see a woman and her children in need. And she is so deserving of help. And she’s getting it – because someone cared enough to start a chain request going for her.
Why can’t I get that?
Why didn’t I get that?
Do I not matter?
I have had a few others offer to do the same, and NOT ONE has kept her word.
What is up with that?
Do I smell?
Am I ugly?
Do I just have some giant sign over my head that says “make her believe, offer her up something, then renege on your word. she’s really trusting” It’s a fun little game to play with her.
I am not exaggerating. THIS HAS BEEN MY EXPERIENCE.
So now – my trust and faith have been sucked out of me.
My girl keeps saying – over and over – mom, stop it; people don’t care.
But Mom is stubborn and insists because she knows there ARE angels amongst us who WILL help us.
But tonight? I don’t know.
So I sit here – numb – frozen – tears right there – along with embarrassment and shame and all of the other filth – wondering why I wasn’t able to create what I set out to create over 2 years ago. I am, simply – without words.
Am I alone? Oh, I know I’m not. I am seeing so many use the words burned out. Depleted. Financially crushed. Hopeless. Wondering if they make it to the end of all of this. Panic attacks out the ass – intense as hell. But that doesn’t help me – doesn’t help anyone really now – knowing you’re not alone – because you want – you need – that experience to shift so the inner experience can change. Personally, I think we’ve been totally hoodwinked here into thinking that environment doesn’t have to hold power when it is pretty much EVERYTHING.
For what it’s worth – I wrote another story. I am able to do that. And for some stupid reason I keep sharing it all for free, hoping someone will say “hey that girl has talent – let’s hire her” – or at least pay me a few bucks, you know? Because that’s about all I have to offer now. If you understand cPTSD and what that does to your mind and Soul – I wrote a blurb last night saying we need a special job board for those of us who, for whatever reason, get overwhelmed with multitasking, loud noise, bright lights – being yelled at – being rushed. I have always had skills and gifts to offer this reality, and I have done my damndest to do just that.
https://buymeacoffee.com/victoriassoulfulcreations/of-scents-sensibility
Brooklyn building collapse in Flatbush live updates: 2 dead, 17 hurt as search goes on
https://abc7ny.com/live-updates/brooklyn-building-collapse-live-updates-1-dead-flatbush/20034152/
FLATBUSH, Brooklyn (WABC) — Two people are dead and 17 others are hurt, four critically, after part of a three-story building collapsed at the corner of Flatbush and Bedford avenues in Flatbush, Brooklyn, just after 4 p.m. Wednesday, according to the FDNY.
Seven children are among those treated, and one firefighter had minor injuries.
The building at 1321 Flatbush Ave., which had a store at street level and apartments upstairs, fell into an open construction site next door at 2625 Bedford Ave.
Well, if this is true, my life should be ready to do a major upgrade/shift:
It’s still all of them. They won’t hold one another accountable.
https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2026/11/big-big-big-new-information-truth-is-freedom/
https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2026/11/nvidia-board-reportedly-preparing-oust-ceo-jensen-huang/
