Category: Daily Notes

What Is Love?

 

I woke up with this annoying song going through my mind, but a lyric that is powerful nonetheless.  “Is this love that I’m feeling?”

It annoyed me as it kept playing in my mind until I finally said “I don’t know!  What IS love?”

A feeling?  An action?

I know if I were to be asked “do you love your daughter” my insides immediately say “more than anything and anyone I have ever known!”

Do I “love” life?  Sometimes, yes.

Do I “love” it here?  No.

Do I “love” what I do?  At times, yes, but overall, No.

So what is it that gives me this experience of knowing “love”, given it has been so rare.

When it – whatever “it” is – fills me up so much so quickly I just know.  It comes from the heart and radiates throughout and out of me and I know I have touched Home.  How It Is.

That inner feeling can be soft and passive, gentle.  It can be huge and powerful.  It is the experience that powers me to keep at it, to do/be/say what I feel is right even when the system and others say it isn’t or it can’t be done or I should just chill and allow.

It is the experience that can find the beauty, even if it takes my ego hours to surrender its apathy.

It is what I long for more than anything.

It is IT ~ the one thing ~ that does heal all through putting it into action.

It pushes me to be honest and authentic.

It also reminds me to share with discernment.

People are saying the event energies are love frequencies.

Is that why this process is so painful at times?

Is this why we vacillate between feeling dark low angry sad and overwhelmed to feeling at complete peace and connected to all/All?

Is this a homecoming?

Is that also why it is so painful at times?

Are we so traumatized from who knows how long of being separated from this love experience that we push the feelings away?

Are there our protective voices that tell us “whoa ok we know what happens when we open up to THAT experience people call ‘love'”?

Life is painful and suffering.  How else can it be when we have been forced to participate in such a realm of control and judgment and rules and restrictions on how we can be/Be?  ‘Tis why I now often call out “guides” who claim how we are not alone and how we need to let go and heal and blah blah yadda yadda….i tell them they can jump into a meat-suit and give this gig a try before they claim to hold truth over my experience.

And love doesn’t do that anyway.

Love asks what is needed and provides – if able.

Love always seeks to heal.  Help.  Assist.

Always seeks to serve – ALL – including thyself.

Always seeks to know and be and share the truth.

NO MASKS.

NO LIES.

No power-over passive aggressive nonsense.

No telling another to “suck it up” when the other is struggling.

Love is a a difficult state of being in which to reside with so much OF the masks and lies and power-over we are all subjected to and participate in daily in this realm.

And yet it is what I call forth, no matter how painful.

Call forth from out there and in here.

Because it is Who I Am.

And I thank All That Is for my beautiful child who reminds me daily what Love is and how yes, I am as deserving of it as she and everyone else is of the experience.

Even if it just appears as a snuggle on the lap.

That’s all for now…

Victoria

***

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Today’s Experiences and Thoughts ~ 4/14/18

 

As I mentioned I went to a friend/neighbor’s house for a celebration.  The cake was wow unbelievably delicious ~ homemade, gluten/flour/dairy-free. And the talk did not include anything political.  However this is a big hillary/obama group and so I prepped myself before going.  When I asked my mate how I looked before leaving (looking for him to comment on my attire as I was, for me, dressed up – fancy jeans, blousy top, boots), he said my energy looked small and felt low.  Wow.  Apparently I did not do any prepping.  But I appreciated the honesty ~ I always do no matter how difficult it might be to hear.

I saw how I make myself small when I go to such things ~ not really out of fear anymore but just so my beautiful mouth won’t suddenly start saying things the brain is screaming to be spoken ~ such things I would rather not share because I do not wish to cause another pain.  And in situations such as today, where a friend was celebrating her birthday, no way was I going to put a damper on that.  That is what I told myself at the time…

As everyone sat down to enjoy the desert, I checked in with my energy.  Low. Very low.  So I leveled it up – closed my eyes – smiled and let myself be at a more “me” space.  This went pretty well after ~ until I got up to put the melting ice cream into the freezer.  The freezer door had two hillary magnets on them including one saying “madame president”.  I actually sucked in my breath.  No one was in the kitchen so no one heard the words that came out as I exhaled.  The desire to say something was overwhelming. At the most I wanted to share all I have learned ~ at the last I wanted to say “wait until you begin learning who this woman really is…”

No one spoke of politics, that I heard (my girl said she heard two speak of how awesome Obama was).  As we stood by the door chatting about this and that, I asked about anyone noticing the homeless situation downtown.  No. Unnoticed.  I then overheard one of the guests, who was sitting down, that they were sick with a cold.  WTH???

With that, I grabbed my girl and said “thank you good-bye” and was out the door in a flash.

Why is it people do that?

Why do people knowingly go out and be among others when they are sick? No heads up so let others know so we ~ so I can make a conscious choice as to whether I wish to attend?  Especially with a child??

When I arrived home, we washed the hands, took some silver, stripped out of the clothes.

I still need to scream.

I still need to say “that woman you support?  that woman you wanted to be president??  Do you have ANY idea who she really is and what her plans were for all of us??!!  WAKE UP!!!”

Then I see all of this stuff going on with Syria and Iran and Israel with Russia and the U.S. allegedly maneuvering it all to take out the cabal for once and for all.  Obviously I support that.

However, the conclusion I come to today is this:  I AM DONE WITH GAMES.

I am done with trying to put together a puzzle I am not creating.

I am done with ANYTHING being hidden.

Done with anything FAKE.

So for now I sit….the hermit that I am…shaking my head knowing what I want but not having much of a clue as to how to create it.  Other than to just be myself at all times ~ the me I want to be ~ without concern for a consequence.

For what is most important now ~ authentic revealing of TRUTH and of self or more socially correct conversations where we ~ where I ~ put on the face of “go along to get along” ~ all in order to fit in ~ fit in to what exactly…another illusion?

NO THANK YOU.

I am not saying I do not appreciate and desire interactions with others. Goddess knows how much I need this ~ and today satisfied in some way the need to connect with others face to face.  But to have such interactions with my tribe, in person, those for whom you just connect with and share a like-minded and hearted vision is something that IS deeply missing from my life.  And as I felt earlier, may even take a bit of getting used to ~ but it would be time well worth investing!

Off to rest…

Love,

Victoria

***

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Facing Our Deepest Fears and LETTING THEM GO!!!

 

I just stated, out loud, my deepest fears.  I said the words.  Loudly.  I let myself feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel the experience.  And then, I laughed.

Fuck it, I thought.  Even IF these deepest fears came true, a BIG HUGE piece of my personal puzzle in being Free is NOT LETTING FEAR CONTROL ME. Seeing it for what it is and laughing at it.

As I did this exercise, as I laughed, I thought so WHAT even if they manifested.  I know Who I Am.  And NOTHING can impede with this experience.

NOTHING can pull me away from WHO I AM.

Just thought I would share.  It’s a good tool I decided to use after getting inspiration from a post on social media.

Much love,

V.

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A Few Thoughts for Today

 

I cannot believe how tired I am today.  Dragging myself tired.

I have been meaning to ask this of all of you~ have any of you had the feeling that as we get closer to this energy event, you will be sleeping more? It was last year sometime where I saw myself spending great deals of time in bed.  If I had the ability to do so, the luxury that is, I would have been in bed all day today.

Any of you having a lot of bloating right now and weight gain (around the middle esp.)?  My mate and I are both asking “wth is happening to our bodies?”  We are by nature long and lean.  We eat good – exercise (I have increased my exercise).  Oh well ~ love thyself and thy body ~ including the chubby parts.  [wp-svg-icons icon=”smiley” wrap=”i”]

I had a disturbing experience in the parking lot at the store.  Some man was staring at myself and my daughter ~ mostly my daughter.  I kept her close and stared right back at him, saying “WHAT?!”.  He said nothing ~ turned away from me only to turn back moments later.  He continued to watch us as we got into the car and I continued to look back at him when I could (which when I did he would look away).  I drove home a different way just in case and when I arrived, I remembered the store had a video camera in the parking lot so I phoned the store, shared what happened.  I received a call back later in the day and was informed they saw what happened and know the guy ~ a long time customer who has had the same complaints before. Harmless (likely) but still – dude – stop with this invasive behavior.  So management is going to speak with him and make it clear he needs to stop if he wants to continue shopping there as there have been several complaints against him.

Yes, harmless most likely but damn if it didn’t reinforce my strong desire to be out of this realm so I never. have. to encounter. anything. like. this. again. A decent human being does not stare at another human being in that manner ~ especially when one of them is a SMALL CHILD.

Don’t get me started on staring at my daughter and what that did to me. And to her.  We are still talking about it.

My mate later went downtown to get some supplies ~ returned and said we were “done” going into the city (downtown) for anything.  He said there were groups of sketched out people all over, many smoking their vape pens (which contains who knows what – you can put anything into them).  Homeless vans and campers line some of the streets.  This city is a recognized sanctuary city – and might I add for ANYONE.  Not exaggerating. The homeless come here because of the policies of others cities.  Word got around anyone can come here regardless of behavior, crime record, etc. and the city does nothing about the issue other than letting them live anywhere they want for the most part.  The panhandling is scattered throughout the area.

I have a deep desire to see open borders and the freedom of people to live as they please but the problem is many if not people don’t understand freedom. People come here, live in the streets, many of them on meth and thus are unstable.  They leave their garbage all over the place.  They steal from businesses (a friend was assaulted at the place he works by one of them).  They harass passersby (had that experience ~ it was frightening) and in short, take away the right of ALL to live peacefully.  I am overly done with coddling this crap. What about my right to freedom?  To safety?  To take my child out and about without worrying some whacked out freak (or sexual predator – we have enough of those in this area) disturbing us? Speak like that and the locals cry “discrimination” or “you are being politically incorrect.”

As my neighbor said “the city is great with coming up with plans but totally fails in implementing any of them”.  In the meantime, we no longer visit the library because of the crime and the drug dealing that goes on in the park across the street.  And what a paradox it is that the frigging police station is 2 blocks away.  I have inquired – why not place a full time officer in the park to police the place?  Put an end to this sheot.  Parents have complained about this problem as well as the needles found.

I want out.

O U T.

I want my tribe.

I want my small community.

If it isn’t new earth, then I command to be shown where this next place is and to open the doors to enter for I will no longer allow one more experience into the life of this family that violates our basic right to safety.

The energies are reinforcing the insanity in some.  For me it is bringing up the HUGE sense of outrage I have felt over boundary violations going back to young childhood as well as my HUGE desire to live FULLY FREELY. Safely. Securely.  So more purging today is going on, which a part of me says “use it to release and heal” but a newer part of me says “I have already seen this issue for what it is.  If the system bots would STOP WITH THEIR violating behaviors, I would not have to DEAL with the issue.”

Right??!!  lol

That is all for now…

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Victoria the weary one this evening

***

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A Love Letter

 

(editor’s note:  this was pure sudden inspiration.  something reached out to me and called me to share ~ which i do with love and which I do for myself as much as I do for each of you…)

Dear Beautiful Human~

In case someone hasn’t told you these things, let me have the honor in doing so.

You are ENOUGH.  You being here, as you are, is enough.

Ascension is your right.  It is nothing to be earned.  It is a gift.  A gift returned.

It matters not what you eat.

It matters not how you pray, or if you pray at all.  Personally I feel thoughts are communications with the All.  I find that to be enough.

Perfection is not necessary.

It matters not what your financial situation is.

It matters not what your health situation is.

It matters not if you have a huge circle of friends and family or if you are alone without such relationships.

It matters not if you are living this thing you call “purpose”.  It does not matter what you do.  It’s more important (in terms of YOU feeling GOOD about you) in HOW you do it.

It matters not if you wear the label “service to self” or “service to others”. Just SERVE.  That is all Life calls of you ~ SERVE.  In whatever way makes YOU feel GOOD.  It is that driving inner feeling that keeps you all going.

This may seem questionable, but it matters not that you raise your vibrations.  Yes, it is helpful and useful to watch your thoughts and focus on those things (thoughts, experiences) that make YOU feel good. Nothing is more important than that YOU feel GOOD.  But you do not need to force this experience.  You do not need to feel guilty if you hold thoughts of anger, frustration and other similar emotional experiences. Allow them and find some reason, if you are in the space to do so, to feel Good about YOU. Even if it is just to say “I AM ENOUGH”.  (because you are!)

You are here.

You are enough.

Let THAT in and of itself BE enough.

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Much love,

Whomever came through and Victoria (the one typing)

***

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CHECK OUT THIS PLANETARY OBJECT I CAPTURED TONIGHT!!! 4/10/18

 

Earlier today I was down, way down, commanding the Universe and Life (the “good” life energies) to “show me what’s out there!  I want to see!  Give me SOMETHING today to go on.  SOMETHING to keep me going!”  I just uploaded my photos and look at what I captured.  O M G!!!!  Thank you Universe!  And Claire (mutual friend of buddy Rick) for giving me a new idea to explore – or revisit I should say.  It brings me joy and was something I once explored but stopped.  I began working on it tonight…

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Today’s Share ~ 4/10/18

 

I was originally going to title this piece “What the F Is Wrong With People”…but I had some time to reflect and go within quietly whereby I could feel a part of me say “I am so sorry I made you come here.  I did not know how hard it was going to be for you.”

You being the human version of Me.

I’m at this space of limbo.  I feel I am in between this realm and the next.  I feel that more fully than ever.  Previously it was more of a thought and less of an internal experience.  Now it is a full on experience.

And it fucking sucks.  The longing for what I know to be real and the longing for what I have seen and felt and dreamed of for so many years is at some moments a tidal wave in its intensity.

I had a phone call the other night with one of the very few people I could put the label “friend” on for it is someone w/whom I can be truly myself and actually be heard without judgment.  I let myself sink fully how I felt and said “I am so deeply dissatisfied with my life.  I am so deeply bored.  And I have no. clue. no. feeling. of. inspiration. as. to what to do to create it differently.”

NONE.

I can change my thoughts – and I do because I still have leftover programmed thoughts that say “change your thoughts change your life”. But the internal feeling experience, that truth radar, says it feels different.  And no longer will I lie to myself.

I have had enough of this experience.

On our walk today, I watched the clouds.  I intended with all that I am to bring an end to all that is false and bring forth all that is truth.  Real.  The full freedom to choose my own reality and not just my perception and thoughts OF it. I WANT THE WHOLE SHEBANG DAMNIT!  In a recent conversation online, a wonderful woman commented on a video on the matrix and the event said “I intend it to HURRY for I want out of this realm NOW!!”  She was questioned by well-meaning but still matrix programmed people who told her (powered-over her instead of allowing her to have her own experience) she needed to go within, to remember how she and her family created this realm so she could have this experience and why would she want to go to another dimension and does she know what’s even “out there” and blah blah bot thought blah. ARGH!  I had to say something.  Isn’t it our RIGHT to have the full freedom TO make such a decision to explore another dimension?

Of course it is!

We have quiet DNA within us just waiting to be turned on again so we CAN have that ability (among all others of course as well).

I read a piece earlier that stated if a majority of us focus on New Earth NOW ~ we would create that within 7 days.

Is that all it takes at this point?

7 days until the Event.

7 days until the New Earth.

7 days until we have the full freedom to live completely 100% according to our OWN CHOOSING.

Focusing all along on having the above NOW.

For as I am being completely honest, I know of nothing else to do nor nothing else I want.  Although I will also be fully honest and say this Goddess Rainbow Warrior Starseed fill-in-the-blank Being is weary as never before in thinking/intending that which I desire.

But apparently that is what we have to work with.  For now.

That is all for now.

Much love,

Victoria

***

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The Best (and only) Red Pill You Need To Share (at this point)

 

Water, Summer, Outdoors, Sea, Relaxation

  1. Ask the person to define freedom.
  2. Ask the person if they feel they are free, according to their definition.
  3. Ask the person what they feel can and needs to be changed to have that freedom.

These 3 questions will open up future rabbit holes and will get the person questioning their reality in a new way.  It also saves you from having to face criticism for it puts the entire narrative of freedom onto their shoulders and in their minds.

That’s all.

Much love,

Victoria

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Today’s Share ~ Brought to you by the letter “t” for tired and number 17 (for “Q”)

 

Not much to report other than I feel between 2 world’s and I can feel in my body the change – the calm before the upcoming change.  Surreal is a good term.  Also extremely “t” for tired after a strange, long night of little sleep for ALL of us in the household.

At the store, I red-pilled someone.  I normally don’t do that unless the other person brings up something.  But today that inner hunch said “share with this young man” so I did.  It was pretty benign.  I said to watch for the internet going down for a time.  He looked confused and asked why do I spoke of google, twitter and facebook especially.  ….  (as i typed this i looked outside and saw an older woman fall on the sidewalk.  she has her husband with her but i still jumped up and ran out there asking if i needed to call anyone or help.  she’s ok – the husband said no help needed.  i am persistent though and stood there to make sure she was ok as she fell hard and was holding her head.  she got up and he helped her walk away.  just thought i would share that little human moment…)

Anyway so back to the store clerk.  He was aware of the facebook spying and data sharing.  He smiled and said “perhaps the truth is you just willingly agreed to share your data.”  So I smiled back and said “I don’t recall being asked by anyone from Facebook if they could use and share my data.  When someone uses my information without my consent, that is theft.”

I wish I could have recorded the look on his face.  He raised his eyebrows, contemplated that and said “you’re right”.  I said to watch for the changes coming ~ that all was happening for our freedom.  And to get familiar with the letter “Q”.

And here’s something fun.  Yesterday on my walk in the foggy mist (which is only fun to do on an October evening), I strongly intended for sun and warmth today.  I wanted 70 degrees and sunshine.  The forecast had called for 50’s and rain.  Unbeknownst to me, my mate did the same thing last night.  We awoke to sun and the temps topped out in the low 70’s.  As the two of us were admiring the weather I remarked “what I did worked” and he said “What?  I was just going to say the same thing.  What did you do?” So I told him and then he shared with me what he had done.  At the same time we both said “I just didn’t tell you.”  A fun moment.  Anyway, here are some pics below of today’s weather gift.

I am having more knowing’s return of who I am ~ who I once was so long ago.  I am feeling both purpose and transition.  Yesterday the feeling of “homesickness” was big in my body and heart.

That’s all for now.  Continuing to monitor the anomalies ~ both out there and within.  ha ha

Much love,

Victoria

***

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Today ~ Apparently “Upgrades” are on the menu

 

Low energy day today.  Itching became intense last night – quite suddenly and continued into this morning.  I remembered reading a brief Lisa Brown update where she said crystalline codes were coming in which could mean the “itchies” again.  A ha.  Ok then, I know what can follow with that ~ either more itching or some huge download that renders me zombified.

What followed after I got out of bed today was strange sensations in my lower regions ~ as though I had this energy bubble needing released.  Quite uncomfortable.  Heat and rest did nothing so I opted to move.

Yoga ~ lots of stretching ~ nothing other than temporary relief.

So I put on my jacket, tennis shoes and headed out for a walk.  The weather was not in compliance as we are under yet another assault of geo-engineered crap of rain, mist and chronic clouds.  There is a sun there somewhere right?  I wouldn’t know – it’s been some time since we have seen whatever it is that brings us warmth.

I moved my body as best as I could but began having tension in my back, which I massaged and rubbed ~ stretched.  I kept at it until about halfway into my normal alone just me walking routine my body was screaming “would you just love me damnit and quit trying to exercise me??”

So I complied.

I feel exhausted.  Nauseous.  I feel inflamed.  Overwhelmed.  I will be spending much of this evening alone, door shut, doing energy work on myself and whatever else I need to do to care for my vessel.  I have a feeling about the strange/heaviness in my lower body ~I have a feeling it is an ancient memory/experience I have carried for many lifetimes.  It feels quite old and I have a pretty good feel for it relates to.

Yesterday was much better.  lol

Tuning into nature, the trees are done.  Finished.  Distressed.  We have two beauties on our property and both of them, especially the one out back has communicated to both of us that they just want to go home.  They are done with the fake sun.  Fake warmth.  The endless rain and gray and the poisoned environment.  As YRFT says “all life goes.  People.  Animals. Plants.”

Speaking of nature, the loud on-going chirping birds were at it again today, only it sounded like there was more this time and they were thus louder, more vocal.  It went on for over an hour.  We monitored it throughout and I captured a few videos.  I’m including one below.

Much love,

Victoria

***

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