It is very cold here today.  Sunny skies.  Quite beautiful.  My girl and I headed out to get some food for the week.  Checking out, I had a wonderful conversation with the store clerk.  I have always really liked this young man and appreciate deeply his kindness.  He is just one of those pure Souls.  I love being around him.

Over the past year or so we have begun having expansive conversations.  He began seeing the numbers (11:11) and so he mentioned it to me.  Like some around here who know me, they know I am a “woo woo” type.  So naturally it no longer comes as a surprise when some will reach out to me to share an unusual experience.  Well, it does surprise me a little ~ but in a very meaningful, humbling way.

We spoke today though of the dark technologies, namely wi-fi, cell phones and smart meters.  He wasn’t aware of the utility companies plan to saturate our area with this crap.  I told him there was an opt-out option but they try and bully you to go along with their agenda by charging ridiculous fees, including a month charge of $30 so they can “pay” the person who will, goddess forbid, have to walk on the property and read the meter.

Yeah, just like they always did only now they want to charge you a new fee.

Whatever…

He shared that his mom would want to know that information.  He said he was born sensitive and proceeded to show me a necklace with a dark pendant his mom bought him to protect him from the fields.  What a consciously thoughtful mom you have, I said.  I asked him if it was orgonite and he said he wasn’t sure ~ he would ask his mom and let me know.  I showed him mine.  I wasn’t surprised to learn he was sensitive to such things.  The purest ones often are sensitive to this low frequency tech/environment.

It was such a delightful conversation, even though we spoke of a rather dark subject matter.  There was no rolling of the eyes.  No giving of the “look”. Pure interest and openness in what we each had to share.

Quite the opposite of the experience I had yesterday with the family member (and thank goodness that convo took place via e-mail).  I purged a lot over that experience.  I did some energy work along with visualization work this morning.  I imagined that part of me that was frightened and distressed over the experience (she was calling out for attention) ~ me as a young girl, probably 8 or 9.  I stood in front of her, this huge female Being, holding two swords.  I looked at her and asked her what she wanted to say.

Words were shared.  Warrior Being me spoke them to the other party.  I took the tip of my sword and ripped a bit of t-shirt material off the individual, making it clear respect was something this child deserved.  Protection. Love.  And I was here to deliver the message.

It was quite powerful.

I was going to wrap up the experience but that small voice within me said she wanted to move her body.  Before I knew what to “do”, my body began to voluntarily shake.  Limbs, my arms in particular, punched and jerked. Old anxiety ran through my body, causing additional trembling.

It  was  AWESOME!

I knew what was happening.

I remember once being told by one of the most open-minded, non-system based counselor’s I have had:  She said I was an intense person and her recommendation for me when I felt repressed anger was to release it in a physical manner.  Which explains the standing punching bag in my house.

Well, this need to “hit” something this morning went back over 40 years.  I could feel with this individual bullied me into submission with threatening words and likely grabbing onto me.  I always complied.  Until today.

She released.  She responded in the way she wanted to at the time.

Again, it was awesome.  Beautifully awesome.

I could see the Warrior Me smiling – silently observing this inner child me – letting her be.

After a few minutes, the experience was over and my body settled down.

I imagine if I had not allowed myself this experience, I would have kept it inside and would not have been up for having the conversation with the store clerk.

Nor would it have allowed me the energy to take the drive my girl and I decided to take after our trip to the store.

Driving up into the hills, we saw two deer cross the road.  I pulled over and reached for my cell phone to take a picture.  It’s an old phone so I can’t just point and click.  I have to go to 2 menu’s then pull up an option menu then jump down to the take a pic option.  The pad is tiny and even though I have small fingers, my small fingers still fumble around trying to press the correct even tinier buttons.

Well, by the time I had the camera ready to take a picture, the deer were gone.

“Where’d they go?!” I asked in wonderment.

“They already walked behind the house, mama”, my girl said.

Shoot!

Frustration quickly turned to humor.  I began to laugh.

“Well, this is a good reminder for me to just enjoy the moment in front of me instead of being so obsessed with capturing it on film.  Let my mind capture the memory,” I told my girl.

Enjoying the moment ~ as it is.  Fully.

Point received and integrated Universe.

I hope your day had a moment of similar wonder.

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Victoria

***

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It was quite the day for me.  I got triggered by something that was said to me in a private conversation.  This person was very upset by something I had shared on social media.  It was my recent experience with the medical system.  I was not attacking all within it – I was calling out those with whom I have had direct contact.

Well unfortunately the individual personalized it and came out swinging verbally.  This is a family member, I should add, and while the behavior didn’t surprise me, the brunt of it caught me off guard.  And I felt the hurt.

I responded ~ after considering not to.  Was that the best choice?  I don’t know.  Life is a shit gamble at times and I felt a stronger need to protect my space and self than I did to just let it go.

Without going further, I will just say that I was able to respond without trembling hands and with little emotion so that was a good thing.  I will also say it did not have a happy ending.  I am willing to continue the conversation as long as there is respect and a listening ear.  Standstill on that one.

I felt out this experience throughout the day.  I cried.  I got angry.  I heard that small child voice within speak.  I listened.  Supported. Comforted.  I grabbed some chocolate and headed to the neighbor’s house who has adopted our family, adding me in as his adopted daughter.

I needed a daddy figure ~ in that moment ~ someone to say I am so sorry you got bullied sweetie.  I will make it all better.

Yes, I am, well, over 40 and can comfort myself.  But given I have more or less had to comfort myself over the years when faced with the mean ‘ole bully types, including throughout my childhood, I really suddenly wanted someone to just comfort me.  A daddy figure.  Someone strong and powerful to make it all better.

So I was welcomed in.  We talked.  He said he was sorry for my experience and wanted to then analyze this person psychologically.  Well given I have already spent enough time over the years doing that, I was not interested in that AT ALL.  So at that, I thanked him and headed home.  I walked inside, sat on the couch and was still and quiet.  Tears began to flow.  My mate walked in from outside, looked down at me, quietly sat down and placed his arms around me.

That was all I needed.

After that, I bounced back, for the most part.  I reflected on life.

A lot.

I looked online for pieces to share here.

None of it really felt relevant to me.

The politics.

The various opinions on ascension and new earth.

Waiting for something to happen.

Insights on how to get to x y z.

None of it resonating.

All that I desire now is love, peace and freedom in a way that I can only describe as Silently Now.

Without the drama or steps to take or hills to climb.

I just want to BE in that space without anyone putting in their interference.

And I could not find any articles on that so I am sharing this one.

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Victoria

***

Thank you for supporting this little piece of work I create ~ for whatever is really happening “out there” and in “here”.  

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There is a little game we play with our girl that goes back several years. Either during dinner time or while tucking into bed, we will ask “what was the best part about your day?”

As I sit here pondering my own moods of today, I heard my Greater Self ask me that same question.

So Victoria, what was the best part about you day?

Good question.

The smell of coffee was a nice moment as was biting into the chocolate toffee sea salt candy bar.

Well, those are nice physical pleasures, yes but what about those moments that moved my heart and Soul ~ that brought me OUT of my physical experience and into that space of Wholeness.

Hmmm.

I have to feel this one.  This isn’t as easy as I thought this would be.

What really moved me?

Well, playing the guitar was really helpful.  It allowed me to get into my creative space and into my heart where I felt the pain of missing my grandpa (30 years after he passed) after playing “Dog and Butterfly” as well as empowered me as I played “Higher Ground”.

And uh, well as embarrassing as this one is, this was actually really helpful for me and very releasing.  I literally got onto the ground and crawled like a small child, going up to my mate who was sitting on the couch and telling him if he were All Pure Source in its entire wholeness, I would hug his slippered foot and ask to be filled up again as I have felt empty for a very long time.  My mate then just stroked my head.

Then there was the moment when I looked out my window and saw my neighbor, an elderly woman, who carries a lot of pain, slowly walking to her car, huddling herself.  There is a lot to this story that I will not share, but for a moment I felt so much compassion for her ~ it was a wonderful moment to be brought out of my own self-focused angst of today.  I actually thought “whew thank goodness I am still capable of feeling that!”  I did have this fear today that I would never come out of the depths of my funk.

As I type this, my girl comes out, crawls into my lap.  I embrace her.  Her little breath was cool on my neck.  I had my eyes closed as we held on to one another in silence.  Opening my eyes I look down at her sweet face and see her eyes are closed as well.  She spoke.  “It looks like we both needed this right now mama.”

Tears immediately came.  Heart expansion.

Indeed we did, knowing right then that this was the moment of the day for me.

 

Ok energies~

Normally I can integrate and find some balance when you go wonky.

Normally rest and a nap suffice.

Not today.

Today the concept of remaining vertical is, let’s face it, impossible.

A “fall on your face” day.

I awoke feeling you ~ smelling sulfur coming out of me.

I started the day feeling hot.  Very hot.  As in open the windows so I can stabilize.

It’s cold here.  45 and cloudy.

And yet I was inside with a tank top, trying to remove the weight on my chest so I could breathe.  Oh, and cool myself down.

Cooling I received.

A couple hours later I am wrapped up in blankets, layers, heating buddies and laundry just out of the dryer ~ shivering.

Two naps later, my body feels more stable.

Perhaps that’s due to the 30 minute long anxiety attack I had.  Lots of shaking and releasing.

Breathe and let it go has been the mantra today.

I felt sudden, rather extreme frustration prior to taking one of my naps so I pulled out my punching bag.

Normally I can strike it about 150 blows before I have to rest.

Today?

10 blows and I was winded, leaning on the counter.

WTF??!!  lol

Today I feel powerless to release the angst within.

Maybe this is the extra weight that has shown up on my body recently.

A protection perhaps.

“I don’t know what to do anymore” are the words I just heard my mate mutter.

Other than continue to focus on what I desire and accepting how I feel, a paradox most of the time, I don’t either.

So there you have it energies.  If you have some words of wisdom to share, I am listening.  If not, well let’s get ‘er done.  Mama is ready to GO.

 

 

I awoke this morning with the song “Too Much Heaven” (Bee Gees) going through my mind.  I thought of my experience the night before and interpreted the song to mean I was shifting to Heaven.  “No,” I thought.  I have no plan to see this body die nor to leave it.  I’m taking it with me.”

Feeling a bit annoyed, I got out of bed, headed to the kitchen and helped get breakfast going.  Along the way, my child brought me a one of her little vases that contained some daisies she had picked and put into water.  Mold was growing on one of the flowers.  I told her it was time to dump the water.  I was going to do that in the garbage under the sink but something said “dump it outside”.

So I dump the water outside and as I come back in, something told me to look at the television.  We had on the music channel.  The song “Between Heaven and Earth” was playing.  I then heard “that is where you are going”. At least the feeling translated itself into those words.

The new earth.  The new frequency.  Everything – everything – is frequency. That is what we are doing.  Shifting to a higher frequency.

A frequency that is between the pure spirit realm of heaven and earth (third dimensional frequency).

The chills went through me.  The tears came.

I leave you with the song.  It’s a beautiful one.

(i suddenly feel called to share this.  there will come a time when i will no longer be running/playing on this site.  i don’t know “when”.  but i want to say when that happens, i hope to see some of you in real time – live in person in the new realm.  if you go to your own experience in the new realm that is not where i and my family are headed, i thank you for being a part of my life and wish you all of the beauty and freedom and love you – all of us – are so deserving and worthy of.)

 

I have to say I cannot recall having such a strange day.  Certainly 24 hours.

At this moment I am not sure where I am.  Not fully present as I sit here.

It began last night.  Before going to bed, I was doing some meditating when I had a very similar experience as to the one I had last fall where I was sitting at the kitchen table and suddenly I felt buzzing going up my back out my head and I felt myself being lifted up.  I braced myself on the table and heard “this is how it will happen” then the experience was over.

Last night I felt something literally pulling on me – off to the left and I felt I could go.  Or that I was being prepared.  Kinda like the astronauts undergo simulations prior to the actual flight.  There was a bit of anxiety.  I was not expecting this to happen!

Before I had the experience, prior to going to bed, I suddenly began itching all over my chest.  It was intense.  I walked into the kitchen to tell my mate. We both start talking at the same time – both of us were saying the SAME THING.  lol  He too suddenly began to itch on his chest.

Today every plan to interact w/the outside world fell apart.  Had some sort of a block.

I am ok with that.

I want to be left alone.  It is an intense desire.  INTENSE.

About 20 minutes ago a friend of our daughter’s came over with her mom for a scheduled play date.  Just as the doorbell rang (which surprised me as it is broken)…my phone dinged and I saw a text from my mom that did not make sense.  I go answer the door – feeling VERY ungrounded suddenly.  I did not feel fully present.  The mom tells me her daughter’s friend just got diagnosed with pink eye and perhaps we should cancel the play date.  I immediately agreed.

Still feeling as though I was literally in two worlds, with another calling me backwards, for lack of a better word, I went to check my phone for that text from my mom.

It was no longer there.  I could not find it on my phone.

I text my mom and ask her “did you text me?”

Her response:  No I did not.

WTH?!

I began to feel even wonkier.

So we went on to have a brief text convo ~ and she asked the question I had seen earlier on that strange text, only it was worded differently.

WTH?!

Where am I??

I checked the Schumann.  Here is the latest read.

I am now sitting, quietly, heat on my body.  Breathing deeply.

No appetite today compared to recent days where I have been ravenous.

Seeing others show no signs of this process, it was a comfort to me, in some small way, to read last night that not everyone had this experience encoded into their DNA.

Is that possible?  Don’t we all deserve to undergo this experience?

Yes of course.

But now?  At this time?

And as I always do I look around me and I know most people would laugh at the concept of ascension.  DNA changes.  All of it.  I cannot “see” it in their journey at this “time”.  From conversations I have had, I don’t “see” it in their eyes or “feel” it coming from them.  Zero.  Zip.  Nada.

Or I could be wrong.

But the feeling within says otherwise.

I trust this ongoing feel that I have ~ and I would say most of humanity is not going to experience this ~ at least the way we are.

Not right now.

Just like the astronauts.

Not everyone gets prepped to go to the moon.

Because not all go.  (at the same time perhaps)

I feel this out ~ and the idea that all go ~ who can say that with any truth?

I don’t know what anyone else came here to experience.

None of us can say that about another.

It is just a feeling.

Not all are undergoing this experience.

For now, I am, well, I don’t know ~ going to go within and integrate and just BE and FEEL.

For I am not able to do much else.

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Victoria

***

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As I stand in the kitchen waiting for my tea water to boil, I let my mind wander back to my childhood.  I was the kid who fed stray animals.  I was also that kid who brought home stay kids.

I can recall a cat showing up at our house once.  My bedroom was in the basement that had a patio door.  My mother specifically told me not to feed the cat.

But I did anyway.

Each night I would put out a bowl of water and a pile of dog food.  (We had no cat food so I figured dog food would suffice.  I broke it up into small pieces.  I would have put out tuna fish but I knew my mom would notice that.)

Eventually my mom found out I was feeding the cat and became quite upset with me.  She packed up the cat, put it in a cardboard box, and with me in the passenger seat, set out to the country to let it go in a field.  I was horrified and resisted her decision.  She was equally as resistant telling me the cat would find a home at a farm somewhere.

How do you know? I asked.  We can’t just let it go and assume that.  We have to find a farm and talk to the people and ask.

She insisted she just knew ~ that’s what cats are drawn to do.  She again asked why I fed the cat.

I remember being stumped at the question.  Because it’s the right thing to do, I thought.  Instead I chose to ignore her.  My parents, heck my entire family never did understand much less appreciate my idealism.   TAS (teenage angst syndrome).  [wp-svg-icons icon=”cool” wrap=”i”]

Today I would say:  That’s what love does.

I received the same sort of grilling when I brought home a friend of mine from high school who had run away from home.  I felt it was the right thing to do and was completely willing to share my bedroom.  Thankfully for my friend though her parents wanted her back and things got worked out.  My dad asked why I brought her home.

It was the right thing to do was all I could think of.

I gave the same response when I brought home yet another friend a few years later who had been kicked out of her house.  My parents were very generous this time, letting my friend (who had a job) stay at our house in the basement until she found another place to live.  I appreciated that.

I continued to draw the unwanted animals into my life.  After I left college, I began drawing children into my life.  The neglected children found their way to me.  I had more than one child over the years tell me they wish I were their mama.  Each time if I had another adult ask me why I spent so much time with these kids my answer was simple ~ it was the right thing to do.

I couldn’t imagine NOT making such a choice.

When I met my current mate some 20 years ago, we began drawing unwanted or lost animals into our life.  It became a running joke when it would happen.  Again?? we would ask while laughing.  Every year one of these dogs or cats would just show up at our house.  Reggie the dog. Charlie the cat (actually there were 2 Charlie’s).  Our favorite was a kitty named Luna.  Abandoned by a college student.  Oh, she was the sweetest cat.  A total snuggle bunny.  Gentle. Perfect size.  We had a dog at the time and Luna made it clear to our dog, in a very gentle way, that she was here to stay for now and our dog would simply have to accept that fact.  We even have a picture of Luna making her way into our backyard for the first time, scaled atop a fence, one little paw reached out to gently tap our dog on the nose.

Our dog, the chaser of cats, submitted easily, much to our surprise and relief.  The two became good friends.

Well, at least they tolerated one another and grew accustomed to sharing meal time together.

It turns out both of us were allergic to Luna ~ my mate in particular ~ so having her inside at night roaming the house was not possible.  We had a place for her outside to sleep but she was an indoor baby and she would meow at night wanting to be let in.  This was doable during the late summer/early fall days. However, the rains were coming.  I had been trying desperately to find her a home to no avail.  Surrendering her to the local animal shelter was not an option ~ it was a shelter that euthanized at times and we had already had a horrible experience doing that a few years prior with the place (being told they would contact us if no one wanted the stray cat we brought in ~ and they didn’t do that.  We found out after the fact they had euthanized the cat. We were devastated and furious at the same time.)

Back to Luna.

I remember the first night it rained.  She made it clear how upset she was. The guilt I felt ripped me up ~ my mate too.  I remember checking on her, seeing her atop of our fence (her favorite spot) meowing repeatedly, giving us this look that made us feel horrible.  “We have to do something,” my mate said.

“I know,” I said sadly.

I prayed with all I had to the Universe that night, pleading that her forever home would show up for if not we would have to bring her in and keep her kenneled in the living room.  It was simply getting too cold.

The next morning I received a call about one of my numerous ads I had placed.  An older couple wanted to come see her.  I eagerly agreed to let them visit.

Well, it was love at first sight, especially for the man and Luna.  She jumped into his lap, looked at me and told me this was the family she had been waiting for.  We were just the catalyst to bring them together.  It was a magical experience.

It was a very tearful good-bye.  Lots of “make sure you do this.  She LOVES that.”  Pictures were sent over the next few years. Luna had what she wanted ~ two adults who loved her to pieces (and weren’t allergic), lots of toys, kitty climber’s and daily lap cuddles.

I remember at the time a neighbor asked why we were taking care of (yet another) cat. There are so many in our community that are feral ~ often due to neglect.

It’s the right thing to do, I said.  Aloud.

Without hesitation.

Because that’s what love does.

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Victoria

***

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Well, I guess it’s possible to feel your body expanding then get on the scale and not notice any changes.  I did that earlier today after putting on a pair of jeans that normally fit just fine.  Today they did not.  It wasn’t just a “too much bulge” issue really – my entire body felt uncomfortable in them.  In particular my thighs.  Am I becoming the She Hulk?  I have been doing weights with bands, yoga, planks ~ and I look at my body and I see with interesting eyes that I am expanding.  But this feels beyond physical stuff here.

The scale, as I said, showed the same weight.  Impossible, I thought, calling my mate to get him on.  He as well is changing physically and in other ways. I figured at least he had gained weight.

Nope.  Not one pound.

Today I headed out for some sweet treats for love day.  I have continued to be unusually tired/wonky so before heading out, I grounded myself.  I’m doing this a little differently now.  I am calling upon my highest greater selves, filling myself up with the highest energies, canceling out all other timelines where I have believed myself to be weak, vulnerable, fearful, etc. by visually seeing them merge into total Wholeness of Super Power.  lol That just made me laugh out loud.

It was effective and helped give me the charge I needed to head out into the world outside of my little sanctuary.  I was fine at first ~ then heading home, a wave of anxiety then panic came over me.  I pulled myself out of this space by first saying this is not Me ~ that is an old version of me ~ and I continued to imagine it disappear altogether in the realm/space in which it resides.  I did this in a relaxed state, over and over, silently, until I felt the experience leave.  I charged myself back up, smiled then went on.

All of that being said, I MUCH prefer quiet, even-energy environments ~ or energy that resonates with Me.  It is still a challenge for me to be in what I can only describe as “manic vibing” environments.  I will continue to remove and clear all of those timeline/experiences in which I believe I am powerless to rise and be in my Fullness.

And I continue to create my new experience:

Freedom.

Peaceful, joyful interactions with my tribe of friends.

Small community living.

Flying cars and teleportation and total healing.

My big beautiful house.

All surrounded by big pine trees, the ocean and a lake or two.

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Victoria

***

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