Life has pretty much forced me to go within the past 48 hours. My little one came down with some virus and has been pretty couch-ridden as well as quiet. It’s strange to have the house so silent.
All day I have thought and felt ~ what does this day mean to me? In years past I didn’t give it much thought. In my younger years, I would go to a friends house and have grilled salmon and drink the local holiday batch of Widmer Beer (it was nice to have friends who knew the Widmer Brother’s). Given my friend was an avid fisherman, the Winter Solstice was a grand day as it signaled the slow return of longer days, thus longer time spent fishing.
Becoming a parent, I was happy to see the day arrive as it meant those longer, light-filled days were beginning thus more time spent playing outside. (a big deal when you are a parent)
This year though I desired to find the “meaning”. Solstice, derived from sol (sun) and sistere (to stand still). In pondering that, I hear the following words…
Oh though the noise
of my beautiful human brain
calls to me to listen
to yet another story
I hear a Higher calling.
Beyond my comprehension
and yet familiar to my heart
it speaks in simplicity.
Be still and feel.
Go within and hear.
For there is the wisdom of All.
And just as nature quiets herself
this time of year
so too much I.
For there
in the silence
I find my own Soul-stice.
This piece was inspired both by my own experiences in the past 48 hours as well as a beautiful e-mail I received from a reader and friend who was questioning WHY our New Earth Home has not yet been unveiled. He is done with the waiting. Done with the suffering. Enough is enough.
GET ER DONE ALREADY!
Interestingly enough, I was just having a conversation with my mate minutes prior to reading his e-mail. (which btw i LOVE receiving e-mails from you all – i love the private conversations and hearing your insights and stories and words of inspiration – i do have much gratitude for this mode of communication as it has allowed me to connect with what feels like a tribe)
Both my mate and myself ~ we are just done. We are so very ready to “go” to where we have felt and seen for so long. For so many years.
Why the wait? Who is in charge? Seriously asking these questions now. This is either our journey or someone else’s and freedom to me is about us getting to make our own choices – without hindrance.
When I hear our higher self is o\in control ~ I think “what about human me? Aren’t we a team? What control do I the human Victoria have in this?”
And just what is “control”? Freedom to choose, right? And freedom to choose includes freedom to create that which we DESIRE.
When I hear I made the choice to come here – Who is “I”? My higher self? Certainly my human self Victoria did not ~she is the result of the other part(s) of me. The (0ver) use of this question makes me wonder why some even say “you chose to come here” when I HAVE NO FULL MEMORY OF THIS so what is the point in saying such a thing? Not that it isn’t true but for me, it feeeeeeeeels this statement is often made as a means of silencing those questioning current spiritual paradigms and agenda’s.
Carrying this further, what part of me typing is Victoria and what part of me Higher Selves? Future selves?
Aye aye aye all of this leads me to wondering just WHO in the cosmos life of all source of all AM I??!! Who AM I in my Totality??
And WHO GETS TO MAKE THE CHOICES OF HOW THE TOTALITY OF WHO I AM WISHES TO LIVE?
Last night I read a beautiful piece that I will share some of here. It was written by the man who goes by the name TANK ~ he posts about the RV. Anyway, he wrote up such a beautiful piece on what he wishes and envisions to give to the world and to his children. I cried so many tears reading this as it was in alignment with what I have been feeling lately about my own precious little angel and what I so long to give her. Here’s a bit of what he wrote:
“This is not fluff or spiritual mumbo jumbo. This is science. The most powerful tool in the Galaxy tonight is YOU. Connect to the emotional reality of being free to express yourself as a father, a mother, a leader, a healer, an inventor, a sage, a puppeteer, monkey trainer, musical therapist, cruise-line director, ski instructor, Long Island medium, organic gardener, cosmic fisherman, Galactic horse trainer, or whatever else it is that allows you to connect to joy of being the full expression of yourself.
HOW I DO THIS
•I focus on bringing my kids to their new house on Christmas Eve, covered in beautiful, ostentatious, white Christmas lights, so bright that our new neighbors call the police because they can’t sleep at night because it’s too bright.
•I imagine having their dream puppy come running outside to greet them and having the ridiculous bedroom designs that my twin boys and I dreamed up together come to life.
•I think about those first few weeks of going back to fulfill every promise I’ve made and broken during this process.
•I imagine looking into the eyes of the few people who stood by me, despite their skepticism, thanking them, and giving them a chance to change their own world.
•I imagine an over-the-top marriage proposal to the woman I love and I can feel her energy opening up as she realizes it was all real.
•I think about opening a gallery in Miami and reducing the obscene prices for the art work and giving it all to help local families who need support, and to build schools to develop leaders and create better ways to do things in the future.”
I could and will say DITTO DITTO DITTO.
Today I was triggered – a deep mama guilt thing – oooh those are painful. One of my girl’s little friend’s mama’s was making special treats and asked if my girl wanted to be included. I was so touched – but also felt this guilt. Why aren’t I doing the same? We have plans on making cookies this week but this little treat was more involved. On many days it feels like a miracle that I am able to school her, feed her and make sure dinner is cooked. No joke. When I say I feel weary at times – I ain’t joking! It’s difficult for me to see otherwise normal little families where both spouses are healthy and fit and energetic and are doing well financially as well. They take trips and enroll their children in programs and classes because they have the funds.
I see and feel my own life and I feel so far removed from their world. And it pains me. It just damn pains me.
*I too envision a new realm where I too can give my girl that puppy she longs for because we don’t have to worry about some landlord who holds power over us and who dictates how we live.
*I too envision my realm where when my girl asks to take a class or enroll in a program or go to a concert (where tickets are $25 each) and I DO NOT HAVE TO SAY NO. No more. No more because money is no longer an issue of enjoying our lives and living freely.
It PAINS me deeply to have to tell her no because of m o n e y.
I envision my realm where there is the kind of Learning my child deserves and needs.
I envision my realm where I NEVER AGAIN mutter the words “sorry honey mama cannot afford that”.
I envision my realm where I am healed. Where my mate is healed. Where all are healed because the technology to do so has been rightfully and lovingly returned to us.
I consent to this realm NOW.
NOW.
WE ALL consent to this realm NOW.
Those of us who are weary and tired and just done with the suffering.
We SEE it for what it is.
We have awakened to it ~ for many of us as much as we are capable of ~ but always open to expanding our experiences and perceptions for Source Life is never-ending flow of Being and Doing. But for this NOW moment? We need a vacation. Rest and healing. Truly truly NEED this.
We are ready to forgive.
We are willing to forgive.
We are Love.
And Love does not wait.
Love. In. Action. Now.
That, I consent to.
I hope you will join me in creating that energy experience as well.
Let’s do this warriors! [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”]
Victoria
***
Thank you for all of your amazing support this year. Your support has brought me huge hugs for my heart, laughter, some pretty good tears and at times a much-needed challenge (even if at the time I resist). For my first year in running this site, I feel pretty darn supported, loved and heard. I hope this little corner of the Cosmos has brought you something you have been able to take and expand on the beautiful Human Soul you are.
Tired of letting go only to go through the same shit all over again.
Tired of doing all of the “spiritual practices” only to experience the same damn result.
Tired of feeling alone.
Tired of not having my ideas and heart SEEN and EMBRACED.
Tired of the same message of “try THIS do THIS” while those saying DO offer up nothing of assistance.
Tired of putting myself out there.
Tired of seeing the dark continue to have their way.
Tired of the those experiencing such extreme cognitive dissonance they lack the ability to SEE the suffering and instead dismiss it away with “they chose the experience” or “they needed the lesson”.
I was speaking with a friend today who is struggling every bit as much as I am financially. She cannot afford her apartment, cannot afford to move even though for health reasons she needs to as the place is moldy. These things fire me UP. I want to help her. I want to help her NOW and it enrages me inside that I have the desire to and yet I am as stuck as she is for a solution.
I was sharing with her my thoughts and opinions on what I see happening. What I desire to see happen.
What I INTEND to happen.
She listened, nodding and then asked the million dollar question ~ the same one I have asked the ascension/lightworker community without a response (who say we must get away from money and not focus on it for it is dark and has created the destruction and suffering): What do people who need the financial relief do NOW? What do we do in this NOW moment given money is still required to house/feed oneself?
Argh ~ that frustration is so palpable for me.
Later in the day, I was told my ability to apply for winter heating assistance won’t be happening until the end of February. I have been making regular attempts to reach these people for the past month – phone calls/messages, e-mails sent. Today I finally connected. Sorry, no appointments available until the end of February.
How will I pay my winter heating bills? I asked. And why didn’t anyone call me back or e-mail me?
Yes, I know they are overloaded with people in need. I GET that.
And yet again – what do we do in the NOW moment?
All those preaching on letting money go – who have it/have found financial success in this system – could be doing more by sharing what they have.
Isn’t that what Love does?
Love helps.
Love shares.
Create a FUND already. DO something. Find people in need and give them a financial blessing.
Ah, let it go, let it go, let it go, I hear within. All is well in this NOW moment.
Trust and know all is well. Know. Feel. Trust. And allow.
To which I also wish to say – tell that to the homeless person who has nowhere to sleep because the local shelter’s are either full or don’t let anyone in until it reaches 30 degrees. A crime, imho.
This system needs to change and change NOW and I am fed fed fed fed UP with waiting.
Share this with all in your spiritual community. I watch enough channels to know there are people in the Spiritual Communities who are doing quite well.
Share the love. Spread it.
There is enough for us ALL – NOW. This has been stated over and over again.
So ok then. Time to walk the talk, loves!
Presented with as much respect as my distressed heart can share~
UPDATE: Later in the evening ~ body pains, feeling ungrounded. I did some yoga and as I did some deep stretches, my arms began buzzing then itching like mad. Definitely feeling energetic shifting/movement going on within my body. …
I am losing interest in thinking and using words to speak/share and understand – and innerstand. But that’s the tool we have now in this digital world and until I can communicate telepathically, words is what I must continue to use to share what I feeeeeeeeeeeeeel. [wp-svg-icons icon=”smiley” wrap=”i”]
This morning while in that strange sacred woo-woo space known as the shower, I thought about all of the different opinions people have on this strange, magical, and at times, elusive experience we label “Ascension”. I know this much about Who I Am ~ I do not resonate one single molecule with being told I HAVE to do something in order to Ascend or I must do something in order to prove myself worthy of ___ (fill in the blank).
That is not Love speak. At least it is not MY version, my feeeeeeel of what Love is.
Some may keep eating meat. Some may give it up. Some may go vegan. Some may go raw. Some may go vegetarian.
Some may feel guided to explore past lives. Some may feel guided to focus solely in the Now or in the future. Some may mix it up and do a little bit of everything.
Some may feeeeeeeeel they must be totally healed in order to rise up in frequency. And yet I would add – is that an inner feeeeeeeeeel or a belief?
Truth is found in the heart, for me that is. It is simple ~ even when it feeeeeeeeels GRAND and hugely expansive. I have long felt that those who use a lot of words, and big words at that, have small mind’s. Small hearts perhaps too. Or perhaps just mind’s and heart’s that desire to expand and open more. That’s a kinder way of putting it.
If there is ANYTHING I can add to this conversation that is lovingly useful it would be to go within for your own truth and feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel and allow. Trust and let go/surrender and know you will be shown which particular path/choice to make. Given my own experiences, I feeeeeeeeel there are a variety of versions of Me – in this dimension and in others – who are THE guiding hand in this experience. It’s almost as though the experience of the Shift has already happened. In some frequency/space. My brain has a difficult time understanding that – comprehending it. It is again just a feeeeeeeeeeel that for me words alone just don’t cut it.
Sometimes I feel a bit like Forrest Gump when he says “I may not be a smart man but I know what Love is.”
Simple and from the heart.
That is all for now.
Light Holiday Blessings of Love to each of you~
Victoria
***
Thank you ~ each of you ~ for supporting my work. For sharing it. And most especially for telling me how my personal messages are helping you. THAT is the biggest gift of all to me and it keeps me going with this little site.
Not much to report but I am noticing a couple of things really increasing: issues with my hands and forgetfulness.
The forgetfulness has been ongoing for quite some time. However, it used to be I could recall certain things if I really focused on the memory. I have recently noticed now I seem to draw a complete blank. It’s kind of freaking me out a bit. Is this haarp chemtrail? Or is this fully due to ascension/rising energies. Either way it feels a bit out of my control at this point.
Another issue ~ what the hey is going on with my hands? I am dropping stuff with increasing frequency. Small items, large items. Doesn’t matter. It is quite literally as though physical matter turns to liquid once it reaches my hands. That is the best way I can describe it.
Yesterday as I walked out back my mate asked me if I could throw him the broom (he was up on the roof). I stumbled as I looked up (balance thing – clumsiness still ongoing) and said “I don’t know. I’ll try. Stand back. My body isn’t working the way it used to.” As comical as that sounds, I was deeply serious. I wasn’t sure if the broom would go where I wanted it to.
I focused and set my intention where the broom would go ~ and had success.
Most of the time things are good with my mind and body. But now and then when these experiences and symptoms occur – they are more intense. I had a feeling today – or was it yesterday – as I looked at my hands – that I was just going to suddenly disappear – seemingly to disintegrate – until I popped over into the New Dimension.
Until then, this crawling experience continues. (as one of you referred to it – which at this stage – YES it does feel like crawling)
Exhaustion coupled with g/i distress followed by a plethora of tears has left me with the feel of WHEW!
I was engaging in an online discussion last night about money and all of the suffering caused by the monetary system. It was very helpful to my heart to hear such resonating thoughts as far too often I have heard the phrase “suffering is self-caused” as though you can take the experience, place it into one little box of a definition and be done with it.
However…lol…I experienced something triggering last night when I was told the reason why I have struggled with money is because I and people like myself are not meant to have money as money is what has caused the problems most of us face. We do not need to solve these situations with money, I was told. And this was coming from those who were saying they want to see an end to all suffering now.
Ok then…
I sat with that message last night, went to bed and awoke with the sudden need to purge a lot of stuff. Which I did.
I rejoined the conversation and said ok now – yes I agree we need to do away with the current model of money and how it is used to control. I have seen that and felt this since I was in my early 20’s – and this was during the 80’s “me me me decade” so I was most definitely NOT in good company with those thoughts at the time.
So ok then…we can agree to a new system. Yes yes yes. However what about NOW?! Wouldn’t giving money to the person who is homeless and cannot afford to pay for rent fix that problem and end that suffering? Wouldn’t giving money to the person who needs medical care and/or healing help that is not covered by insurance remedy that problem and end that suffering? I was blunt – and angry at this point. I do not take well when someone first says we must end suffering now but no money is not the answer when in this NOW moment in this NOW time (which is where we are being guided to BE, right??) – with money still being the tool used in this NOW moment for housing and food and healing – wouldn’t money help people in this NOW moment?
Good goddess of all that is good and decent and kind – YES IT WOULD.
Can I now reach up into the clouds of blindness and pull some of these lightworkers down to reality?
You make others invisible to you when you see the suffering, then see what can help but then push the help away because it isn’t of my spiritual caliber.
My goddess ~ I am one of THE go-to people when it comes to my distaste and total lack of resonance as to this monetary control system. And yet I am also grounded enough, practical enough, open with my eyes and heart to know – if the money is there to help someone you frigging GIVE IT TO THEM. Save the spiritual preaching for another time.
Love Helps Now.
Period.
That is all for now. I have some more purging to do and a park to visit with the one person in my life who knows what Love is and Does. [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”]
Victoria
***
Thank you for supporting me and my work. It keeps me going!
I came out into the living room, pretty fired up over thoughts going through my mind about this “be patient” and “allow” those outside of us to DO what needs to be done in the field of politics and other social realms (i.e. the exposing of the swamp and its draining). Then I read a comment by one of you awesome Beings who more or less said what I was thinking. It was in regards to some words in the recent Diane Canfield piece, who overall I resonate with and appreciate her work. However, this particular passage, at the time I read it, bothered me too. That little inner buzzer lit up. In a nutshell, she said now was not the time to get involved in all of the politics as all was being guided by Divine plan.
That hit me wrong as well. We are the Divine, right? Darn right we are! It felt off. If one feels the desire to help expose, we need to ENCOURAGE such a feeling not say “look the other way all is going as planned”. Feels like being told “oh don’t look that way just be patient and let the horror and unveiling and clean-up unfold”.
Or continue?
Sometimes I wonder if some of these blogs – the highly successful ones that is – are just another cabal tool with some unicorns and butterfly pretties thrown in.
Where is the anger with these people?
Do they not have any?
Where is their sense of DO SOMETHING? DO something so this NEVER happens again! It’s one thing when the horrors and control’s are placed upon the adults ~ but much of this involves our children. OUR BABIES! WE are responsible for them!
I don’t get it.
Maybe I’m not supposed to.
I know this. I don’t like flowery words and metaphors, especially when it comes to talking about the dark horrors of 3D reality.
I like things communicated CLEARLY and PRECISELY.
Tell it like it is. Tell it like you really FEEL it to be. And SEE it to be.
As one of you commented, telling a parent who is just awakening to the horrors of our children being used in trafficking and for sexual deviance, for torture and sickening “power”, that all is unfolding according to Divine plan is not going to cut it.
She is right.
We need to be having conversations about this and we need to be authentically real about it. We need to be encouraging those seeing this information for the first time to do what WE have done – search for the truth and when we see it – ALLOW ourselves to feel the rage and disgust and pain. Allow for the experience of cognitive dissonance instead of judging them for having it. Encourage those seeing this shit for the first time the same freedom we have given ourselves.
Freedom.
Freedom to BE which includes the freedom to FEEL and express that feeling instead of dismissing it so you can replace it with a prettier version.
I have considered not sharing the horrors (FINALLY) being exposed. Finally in that FINALLY the 100th monkey effect has happened, has long past gone by and this information is no longer considered conspiracy. WHEW on that as I have been sharing some of these dark horror things with others off and on for yearSSSS. Anyway, I have thought to not feed the dark crap by focusing on it. Don’t want to clog up an already dark murky pipe.
And yet we’re in swamp draining mode, right?
And how do you drain a swamp?
You see it for what it is.
You let the reality of it sink it.
Then you engage in a dance of draining it, letting yourself feeeeeeeeeeel the effects it is had on your life experience, and speak out affirmatively in ways to ensure this shit NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN.
…by the youngest female goddess in the house. Out on a walk earlier today, it was/has been very cold and sunny. My favorite winter weather so lots of walks. Today the little goddess was not happy with the cold. Towards the end of the walk she griped she wished she had never gone on this walk, to which I automatically replied “but you never know what magic you might have missed out on!” She grumped and walked away. Less than 1/2 a block later, as I was picking up sticks for kindling, she walks over to me saying “mama LOOK!” I look in her hands – several pieces of beautiful quartz crystal had found their home in concrete and dirt.
Magic indeed.
It is sitting beside her bed. My girl ~ a conduit for the magical rocks of Gaia.
And yet in spite of the enthusiasm of those words, I am sitting here like a cute little sloth. As KP puts it “energetically flatlined”.
I hesitated sharing any of this as the last thing I want to do is mislead, share information that proves to be false or disappoint ANYONE ~ myself included! And to be honest using words is just a huge challenge for me lately ~ both in having conversations and in explaining things. I wish others could just look into my brain and see the pictures and/or look into my heart and see what I am feeling/experiencing there. That is not manifested, so here in words is what I experienced today…
My day began when I woke up at 7:00am and looked outside. Looking to the east, I saw a bright star. I sighed as I thought “when am I going to know the truth of where exactly I am and just what exactly are YOU glowing light that we call a star?” Some mornings I wake up and feel heavy and wonder “this system is still running. WHY ARE WE STILL HERE?”!
This morning was one of them.
I returned to sleep for awhile and when I woke up, I heard that voice of mine that speaks to me off to the left, at and slightly above my head. I call it my “sweet spot”. I heard “in 6 more days you will no longer be here.”
Ok. I know not to take these things literally, even if at times I want to ~ and do. What I found interesting was the reference to 6 days. That puts us within 24 hours of the 12/12 gateway.
My first inclination was to research this upcoming gateway and felt inner me say “No. Go within and see what it means to you.” Thank you oh higher teacher for reminding me to stop looking to others for my answers.
So I took some time later in the day, went within and heard just one word: Time. It’s a gateway related to “time”. Linear time?
Interesting.
But yet this word “time” also explained the experience I had as I walked to the dryer and do what I do every day after my child has a bath (well unless I am washing it after bath) ~ place her towel into the dryer. As I did that today though, every part of my body inside truly felt/believed that I had JUST done this same “chore” moments before. Not 24 earthly hours before. Somewhere within Me, I had literally just done this.
Well now that is interesting, I thought again.
6 days eh?
Here’s something else to add to that. Last week neighbors of ours, who have a little girl our daughter’s age, invited us all to their house for a children’s holiday party on the 16th. I knew the date and day and knew there was nothing on the calendar, and yet something within me hesitated. I wondered if we would even be here, I felt, which at the time I found odd. “Of course we will be here,” I answered back in my brain.
But still that little pause within my body was there. And it would not leave even as I slowly said “yes we should be here”. Should. Not ‘will’. It’s like I couldn’t say the word. Which again was strange to me.
I went searching for some validation as I put this all together and found some. Well at last I found others who in the last 24 hours have had some similar experiences. One woman was sharing how all year she has felt she would not “be here” for Christmas and currently, while a part of her wants to shop for gifts, she says something keeps telling her it is not necessary as she will not be here. Others spoke of huge shifts experienced in the past 1-2 days. Jumps. Are we jumping hugely now? Is that what this “won’t be here” references? Is this more breaking down of the matrix ~ or more breaking away from it?
I really don’t know. I honestly do not know. I did read this today though on one of the ascension folks social media page: “As a result of the rapid rise in planetary vibration, a “jump” may occur shortly, rather than a mere Shift or leap into Higher Timelines.”
I had two sudden moments of crying today where I was mourning the loss of all of “this”. The entire experience ~ the beautiful and the horrors. This is an experience I have had recently – the kind accompanied by tears. It began 2 years ago almost to the day. It was late November and as I walked around my house one last evening, I suddenly was moved to feel and say aloud: “I will miss this all when I leave”. There were no emotions at the time. Since then when I have had this thought I have experienced anger or frustration, impatience. Lately though, tears of mourning have been the experience. My mate is having the same experience.
One last experience then I will conclude this piece. Tonight as I was in the bathroom and I stepped out of the shower, I was able to see through the bathroom door – which was closed. For about 2-3 seconds, there was no door. It “melted”, for lack of a better word. Became watery and disappeared. It was a fuzzy image but I was able to see into the hallway through an otherwise closed door. Want to know what I have been reading the past couple of days? Current energies for December are revealing more of who we really are and more of what really is “out there”. The final veils coming down.
Seeing through the illusion of this simulation is indeed a part of that.
Letting go. Being in allowance for whatever comes out of me. Walking in the now.
Stuff transforms and transmutes. Things are remembered.
And magic happens.
Much woo woo love~
Victoria
***
Thank you so very much for supporting my work, for finding some comfort in my words and for believing in me. [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart” wrap=”i”]
