As most of us are aware, this on-going change is affecting our dietary needs.
At the moment, my desire to stop eating meat seems to be matching the needs of my body as well. Almost overnight, my body is all but rejecting meat. The smell. The taste. I have intended this to happen for a long time now so we shall see if it “sticks”. Years ago I attempted the vegetarian thing but felt so weak and run down, I felt my body wasn’t yet ready.
Here is what I am into in this Now moment: Fruit. Lots of fruit. Berries. Melons. Lemons and limes. Oranges. Mangos and kiwi. Veggies – not so much other than root veggies.
Nuts and seeds. Chocolate (dark, 70-75% cocoa).
Lots of butter and coconut oil for fat.
Water. Coconut water. Almond and coconut milk. (We stopped drinking cows milk weeks ago. Had to wean my child on this one.)
Perhaps slowly I am returning to the way I once was.
Yesterday I made these awesome granola/energy bites. Peanut butter, seeds and nuts, vanilla, coconut oil and some rice puff cereal. Mix together, pressed into balls and refrigerated. OMGoodness – even my mate raved how delicious they are.
Earlier today the little one and I headed out for some supplies. My mood was one of contemplation as well as a little bit of indifference after spending far too much time last night watching some videos on a fairly new channel I decided to check out. Much of what I listened to simply didn’t resonate with me and it became apparent this person was wishing to instill another hive-mind type system of control with just prettier colors.
Control is control. Can’t hide that.
I become annoyed when I see people promoting ascension, higher consciousness and the like – as long as everyone complies to a list of rules as defined by them. As I have long felt and seen, it is our sovereign right to live as we please in so long as our actions are not interfering with another’s right to enjoy the same freedom.
If there is an even higher thought to that, I am open to receiving it.
So we head out and stop at a couple of places. As we get back into the car to head home, I turn on the radio and hear Jackson Browne’s “Stay” ~ a song that always centers me, puts me back into my heart. I sit back, let out a sigh, give thanks to Source and release all of the silly stories in my human mind. I glance over and see a beautiful sight ~ a man and a woman in an embrace. It was one of those embraces where it was obviously going to last. An embrace where you could sense their energies of solace. A moment – moments – in time of two human’s, offering comfort for one another, support. When there are no words and all you can do is communicate via physical touch.
God, it was beautiful. Tears formed in my eyes. My heart opened even more.
Not wanting to pry further into their private moment, I backed up the car and pulled away, silently thanking them for sharing their moment and how it helped shift my mindset and thus, my mood.
I returned my attention to the song and thought of the people who work so hard behind the scenes. Those often “thankless” jobs. When in truth, everything we each do provides something of benefit to humanity. To life.
And how it is my fullest desire that as we continue to expand, awaken, Remember, we will all see the value in ourselves and in one another – regardless of what it is we “do”. A necessary behavior to incorporate as we break down this system of division.
Returning home, I open up my e-mail box and see a letter from one of you, one who struggles financially (why is it those who give the most often have the least to share?) and yet found it in their heart to pass along a donation. I was so moved, I started to cry – again. (Seems whenever my heart is open I cry easily. Makes me wonder how much is still in there needing to flow and heal.) And following up with that, as I check my e-mail box again I see another response from this person and in another moment of synchronicity (I have so many of them with some of you lately in our private conversations), they shared it is often those who have the least who share.
So…. much humble gratitude for the people who crossed my path today, knowingly or unknowingly helping me open up this heart just a little bit more and reminding me to stop and take in those tender moments.
We’re all feeling overly-sensitive now, aren’t we? I have heard from some of you, either on here or privately and from others on my social media and we’re all about ready to jump out of our skins right now. Thought I would put up a quick list to reaffirm this is part of the process, we’re all ok, we’re not alone in this – even though at times we think otherwise.
Without further ado – here’s how it is:
*Difficulty or outright inability to be around other people – some more than others. I have noticed the past few times being around someone who has been a friend for many years and it saddens me to now sense – stronger w/each visit now – an energy misalignment. I literally feel the energies between us clash – like friction in a way. I mourn that experience.
*Difficulty or outright inability to withstand anything of lower vibrations – conflict, drama, aggressive behavior, even images of violence or other 3d worldly atrocities. (not that any of these things are ever easy on the body/mind/soul – at this point they are downright impossible to withstand energetically).
*Absolute inner repulsion in being interrupted, especially when in deep concentration. For me it is such a strong sensation – one that has only grown. I have asked myself – perhaps I am being too sensitive. But that immediate inner response of “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO” is there. What I can manage however is how I respond to the one doing the interrupting.
*Which leads to – a growing love affair with one’s own company. This is quite beautiful to me.
*Inability to watch television. For me – complete inability. Can’t tolerate pbs anymore either. Movies, nope. (just have the soundscapes channel on these days) I know just by walking into the room if the tv is on anything mainstream oriented. There is truth to the fact that “they” put certain frequencies in those stations, meant to literally jar us out of our own energy space.
*READY FOR THIS 3D CONTROL GAME TO BE OVER. READY FOR THE SWITCH-OVER.
*Crying easily and frequently. (I used to be able to say I was feeling sad or having a difficult time without showing the emotion. Today? I say the word and express the emotion at the same time. When I apologized to my mate’s friend earlier today over my withdrawn behavior – sharing that my behavior had nothing to do with him – it was about me and my own stuff coming up – my voice broke and the tears flowed. His response to me was so kind – touching my already overflowing heart even more – increasing the tears. There is such beauty in that, you know? I literally melt inside when I am around such kindness ~ I intend more of it! It is so healing.)
*Intense desire and need to be in nature. To hear animals and be around animals. Gave myself some of that today…
I leave you with an image to breath in and a song (“Night” by Ludovico Einaudi) that soothes and centers me. It’s rather haunting in a way, but it just does something for me, especially how it builds up and just ends in a way that surprises and deeply satisfies. Rather like how I view the journey we are on.
I woke up this morning with deep heaviness in my heart. I had experienced a dream of a childhood sweetheart who I am friends with today. I had thought about him before I went to bed and felt a bitter-sweetness to the thought. He’s battling cancer and in the dream, he turned into a little boy and I was trying to help him put on his shoes. He was so sweet, little, innocent. I was able to get his shoes on before I woke up. I checked my facebook page later on and see his entry – he’s still battling and had a small setback today.
As I pulled myself out of bed, I noticed an unpleasant smell in the living room – that of a neighbor – who has deep deep unresolved issues, one of which includes bathing being a rarity. They had come over yesterday – unannounced – and stayed for just a moment. I can’t be around the energy right now. In fact, the energies of everyone are overwhelming me at the moment. Any type of conflict or visual images of pain/suffering put me into a tailspin. So back to the smell – I immediately cleansed/cleared and lit my resin. Will have to be more assertive in what I allow into my personal space. Can’t really be around friends much either – noticed that again last night. I immediately now sense if there’s a disconnect. JUST CANNOT DO IT! If I force myself to be in such spaces, my body revolts.
My mate had a friend over and when he arrived, I was quiet. Unusually quiet. He later asked my mate if I was angry with him. Goodness, no. Just feeling a lot of old pain today and am rather reflective/introspective.
The tears started about an hour ago and have continued. Tears over lost connections with family. With friends. Pains from the past. Those things I wish I had done and those things I wish I hadn’t done.
Allowing myself to be a verbal and emotional punching bag far too many times.
Allowing myself to keep my heart to myself out of fear, shame, embarrassment.
Not teaching myself boundaries earlier.
Wishing I had been stronger in my younger years. More assertive. Wiser.
Wisdom with courage. A necessary combination if one is to make it in the world the way it has been. That and a lot of support.
Just when I think “I have released this one” up it comes again. Another layer. For release. With love, comfort and absolute acceptance.
Will I get this healing stuff right?
Is there something else I could be doing?
I have no answers today to any of that so for now, I’m just Being with who I am in this seemingly never-ending but always changing story.
Ok, so I am somehow finding energy to write this up but wanted to share.
Last night, I had finished doing my nightly meditation and getting comfy, ready to go to sleep. I closed my eyes and suddenly I see this yellow glow in my mind’s eye a flash and then I am seeing myself – a younger version. Probably in my mid 20’s. Hair is still long but it’s curlier. No glasses. I focus more and realize I am inside a merkaba-type craft. And I knew this is how I will transport myself. I have read about this and how we each have the ability to travel with the gift of the merkaba. Here’s a little something I read recently about it: “The merkaba is perhaps one of the most accurate representations humanity has of divine energy. It spins, it flows, it grows in all directions at all times. It balances and harmonizes, and takes you where you want to be, into the life you are wanting. It does this both in the physical and the spiritual dimensions: yes, you can actually travel with the merkaba. Or you can use it to become who you want to be. The merkaba is the infinite circulating flow of the divine trinity and the four directions, the four elements. It is all, all at once.” ~ Eden
Fascinating, isn’t it?
I knew and felt and heard I was being given a gift to see myself in the “future” and how I was manifesting that right now with my intentions, which have included the ability to move my physical body wherever I want simply with my own intentions as well as returning myself to how I felt and looked when I was in my early to mid 20’s as well as having my entire health restored (with the wisdom of today ~ and then some!). I started to see the image fade and I willed with my entire might to keep the vision going, but it blinked out in a flash as quickly as it appeared.
Very wild and awesome experience that I did not intend nor expect.
Then tonight I suddenly had my vision blur as I attempted to read a bottle and I felt like all I needed to do was take a step forward and I would be in another dimension. I shook my head and my vision returned.
And I asked myself “are you ready to take that next step?”
I’ve written about this subject before but I gained a little bit more perspective tonight and thought I would share.
Recently I was listening to a channeled message, speaking of the healing, the incoming energies and the like. The message turned to the concept of Service To Self/Service To Others. It was a message of duality again. Either you are STS or STO. You now must pick. Just like we must pick Love or Fear. This or that. Take your pick.
All of it ~ duality. I believe it is more about just BEING from a space of non-attachment, non-judgment. Observing. You just rather ARE. Moment to moment. Experience to experience. Not that we are some aloof, head-in-the-clouds individual who has lost the ability to think for ourselves. We remain aware of Who We Are. I see it as a nice mix of being grounded and just being while doing. I remember the first time I saw myself on New Earth. It was over 10 years ago. I recall specifically how I felt. Somewhere within, my Higher Self had me take in that specific feeling. Had me focus on it. Let it gel and flow so I would remember it. At the time I had no concept of where I was or what had happened much less why I was suddenly in this space of absolute presence and being ~ all while doing. Obviously, I never forgot the experience and it has guided me along the way, especially during the times I have gotten “lost” again.
Tonight while thinking about the channeled message I had listened to, I had a body memory. We were once Service to Others individuals, which is what made it easier for us to be conquered, manipulated, altered and thus controlled. We didn’t really have the concept of Self – rather all was One. That made it easy for us to be manipulated, tricked. “We” wouldn’t do that to ourselves, so why would another.
I don’t know. I may be blowing a bunch of b.s. here in terms of sharing this memory/impression. It’s just what came to me. And I have learned to listen when things like this come to me via my body, especially from the core.
Service to Self. Service to Others. How about we be/do both? I remain aware that while we are one, we are not the same. I see Source in me and in you. We are unique. Individual. And in serving myself, I can and will serve you as well. Makes me want to market a t-shirt for ascension, especially given all of the intel and info flowing out there, which can be quite overwhelming:
Child is away at friends house playing. Mate, outside. This equates to quiet for me which I am going to utilize shortly.
I wanted to share though that last night at 1:17am, almost to the minute once again, I lay in bed and began to vibrate all over. (That sounds better than shake or tremble, doesn’t it? Much more appropriate word too, given what’s going on.) Here we go again, I thought, smiling. No more fear when this happens. I visualize it going through my body, removing the places where I “see” and feel stuck energies. Make room for Source because Higher Self is returning fully now. All is becoming One again.
I turned to my mate and said “are you feeling this” and he said “yep”. It’s becoming like a routine, or “pattern” as our little one would say.
Spending some time browsing around some channels I listen to and occasionally comment on and the theme is universal beautiful people: The transition, the returning home, the flash – it is a very deep, growing in urgency feeling. We are tuned into it as a Collective. I know I have no need to by surprised much less need reassurance/validation in any way by all of this, by these synchronicities, but I am. And I do.
Well hello, after a brief absence. Personal issues called me away.
I write “energiessssssss” because lately it feels I am being squeezed around the middle in a rather uncomfortable hug. I have to smile inside as I see my Higher Self holding me saying “Come ON and LET IT GO ALREADY! We got work to do, girl!”
I visited my sacred tree today and the word I received was “submit”. That was a new one and it felt commanding ~ an unusual vibe from the tree ~ so I asked for clarification. “Submit,” I heard again with the same energy. I offered thanks and went on my bike ride.
I pondered for awhile after I returned home. My insight? Gaia isn’t messing around with this process and neither should we.
Submit. Surrender. Even though I believe in Choice of course, I do not feel I have any other choice but to do just that ~ even more than I am currently. Seriously ~ SURRENDER IT ALL. Heck, I’ve even been drawn to begin playing a song I wrote in 2004 called “Surrender” which describes the very process I am doing ~ what so many of us are. I find it quite beautiful how the songs I write often end up being for me, first and foremost.
A new “tool” I have added to my Ascension Process toolkit is going back to whatever incident is most prevalent in my mind (and these are taking on a new message of urgency lately), telling the inner child, the frightened part of me, the angry part of me, etc. to “step aside” and I change the incident so that the outcome is what I would have wanted. I do what I wish I had had the ability or courage to do at the time. This doesn’t mean I am violating the free will of others. I am referring to episodes of abuse, accidents and the like where I stand up for myself, assert myself or re-do things to avoid injury. Whatever it is that is calling my attention for healing, I am honoring.
I am also changing the story as well if I feel the need. These experiences we have are just that – experiences. All outcomes are based on the stories we tell ourselves of these experiences. I had a former mind-body counselor tell me how she did this (changing the story). She retold herself a story of an unpleasant experience she simply wanted to be rid of in a way that would be to her benefit and by retelling the story to herself in a new way enough times, she actually forgot the original story. She was working with someone at the time who wrote down her original experience and the new memory she created in retelling the story. She literally forgot the original experience and the surrounding story. The mind does not know different. It can be reprogrammed. Fascinating. So now, I incorporate this as well.
When I am too tired to do the above, I simply send Love to my injured self and to all involved (a challenge indeed ~ gotta fake it to make it with that one at times but it does get easier).
I am noticing an interesting pattern taking place in those who are still deeply ingrained in societal programming. In some recent conversations, I am seeing a sudden defensive in some people that is a new behavior. When I feel the need to be defensive back, I remind myself what’s going on for all of us, take a deep breath and focus on just observing. That is what it looks like coming from the heart ~ not reacting but responding. Very important.
I recently read about people who experience severe mental illness are having a very difficult time now, their illness becoming more intense. Someone in my community, a kind, gentle Soul who struggles with schizophrenia, but who is stable due to the medication they are on, recently went more or less ballistic. No one was harmed – it was all verbal – but this individual is now in the in-patient psych unit. Stable. (I have offered information on the people in Africa who treat such diseases as a crisis of Spirit, and using purely holistic methods, have a great success rate at curing a variety of our western-defined mental illnesses. It pains my heart to know what our western system does to those with mental struggles.)
So it is pretty weird out there. Beautiful. Chaotic too. I’m very tuned inwards now ~ grounding more with Gaia. Feeling that energy too at times. Still waking up trembling all over at times as well as feeling it at times during the day, which I now Know is the Ascension Energies of Source and Gaia. It resembles anxiety for me, something I have struggled with since childhood, and there is a fear around that for me, so it takes extra effort on my part to tell myself it’s ok ~ it’s Loving Energies, nothing to fear ~ which is bringing me extra chances to heal from the anxiety demons as well as continuing to increase my Trust in self/Self.
Surrender. Trust. BELIEVE in myself. My words. KNOW this is why I am here. REMEMBER. (I’ve been saying that word to myself throughout the day for a week or two now.)
Do not let one more moment or hour or day thinking “is this really happening” enter my energy field. Time to BE DONE with that.
The time to stand fully in Who I Am is now.
If this resonates with you, bring those words into your body and allow them to permeate your being Being.
I awoke last night at 1:17am to the experience of the bed shaking/trembling as well as my entire body. I had this same experience about 2 weeks ago at the same time only with this previous experience my mate was in bed with me and also experienced the same thing. I know I wrote about it here. Just can’t remember the title post or where I put it. Aye aye aye…
Last night my mate wasn’t in the room yet and later said he didn’t feel anything. Unlike last time, the experience only lasted a few minutes and as I lay quietly, focusing on allowing the energies to pass through me, I quickly went back to sleep and had some new, interesting dreams. I did awaken a lot though, trembling at times. I just went with it and let myself return to sleep.
So…..things are processing quite a lot right now and I know are very intense for all of us – whether consciously aware or not. It’s as though all of that “junk” inside is being forced out, at times seemingly quite blunt as Higher Self takes position again, saying “let’s get on with this process my beautiful human and let go that which isn’t US as I’m coming home to stay”. Unity begins with US after all.
There is absolutely no more hiding.
Interestingly enough, when I awoke this morning and checked my social media, the first post that came up showed other people who also noticed a huge shift last night, some saying they were jumpy and trembled all last night. Validation.
At least I can say I’m peeling more layers of the onion ~ and tonight, as I sat in my chair, massager wherever I could get it on my body (from what I read, photons were incoming today and that is the energy class that seems to cause pain in my muscles), I went inward to the sore, tender parts of my body and asked what needed to come out.
Many words and stories came to mind. I did not judge. I let them speak and share. As I continued deeper, what came up was my loneliness and feeling of separation ~ from everyone. What an awful, horrible feeling. The pain cut deep. I wept big time tears over that one, then thought back to my experience earlier in the day….
After a trip to the store, I drove my daughter and I around before heading home. As we finished up listening to one of her stories on CD, I decided to turn on the radio. The U2 song, “One” had just started playing. A beautiful moment of synchronicity as I have been thinking of this song quite a bit, especially hearing (and using here in my writings) the line “We’re One but we’re not the same”. I knew I was to listen and absorb the song, which I did. Lots of tears were released, cleansing me. I looked around at other people. The construction workers working on a house. The young guy driving a bit too fast in his car. The mail carrier delivering mail. I sent love ~ the real deal ~ to each of them. I saw and felt our connection. I saw Source in each of them, all playing out their physical roles as we each do, day after day.
I have had these experiences before so it wasn’t new to me. However, tonight in my chair, massaging my achy muscles, I got something new:
We are meant to have this as a way of Being and not just in moments here and there.
Wow. !!!
You know when you hear words and know they sound true but you need the rest of you to catch up for it all to Align? That’s what happened to me tonight upon receiving that message.
I thought back to a conversation I was having with a friend earlier. It just felt flat. I wanted so much more. How painful it has become at times to have those kinds of conversations. How I long to have juicy, in depth, vibrant (or quiet), completely connected conversations. The kind of communication and connection that fills every fiber of my being with Source yumminess.
Do you know what I mean?
And it serves me no purpose to expect others to make the first move. I have to start making those conversations happen by being Me. At the very least what I can do is be honest and say I’m feeling disconnected here from you and I want to try something new to feel connected right now as we talk. Yeah, sounds strange. Who talks like that?
Pure, honesty does. Scary! But that’s what I am/we are here to do.
So another layer of the separation was peeled away tonight. And oh god, how extremely grateful I am for it.
I thought back to how many lifetimes this has been missing, not just for me but for ALL of us. We sure did become good at faking it. But we can’t do that any longer. We are returning to Self, to Source.
The feeling I had in the car earlier today ~ feeling ME ~ feeling Source ~ feeling the connection with everyone I saw ~ is the most beautiful, wonderful, natural feeling/experience I can imagine having. Came straight from my heart chakra area. And I give deep thanks to Source and Higher Self and all of the assistance that is here right now as we make this transition back to Unity Consciousness.
As I wrote earlier, the song below came on the radio as I headed to the store. I could have stayed in the car and cried for an hour but had shopping to do and most importantly, my child with me. Listening to it again, I think of the games we play with one another. The drama. The accusing. The blaming. The arrogance. The refusal to think outside of our own little boxes, which feel safe but are nothing but an illusion. Our ability to work out conflicts stink. We all suck at it. And so the drama and the blaming and the accusing continue on. Continue on because with each conflict, unresolved pain arises putting us into defensive mode.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we had a system that not only supported us as Who We Really Are but also included in this system was conflict resolution, provided for all, regardless of age. I’ve studied this topic and am embarrassed to say “I should know better” in how I deal with conflict.
I know better. I know the language to use so as to greatly reduce or eliminate a defensive response.
Good intentions. Lousy follow-up.
I know better.
Lots of discomfort coming up around relationships right now. Feeling it in my body. And here I sit, stuffing my mouth full of kettle corn and other “comfort” foods that bring me only stomach discomfort.
So I put them down. And I pause. Go within. Feel the tension. Earlier I released by giving my punching bag several rounds. A couple of faces were on that bag. I punched until I felt within “enough – focus on forgiving. See the innocence in all involved.” The experience left from that is resignation and a deep quiet.
Walking is therapeutic as well – slow or fast (depending upon my need). Yoga is also a go-to for me and my body.
And then I listen to songs like this to not only cry but to humble myself. To remind myself that hurting people hurt others. It’s that simple.
It’s important to make space to acknowledge this and allow for our own pain AND the pain of the other.
Well hello, after a brief absence. Personal issues called me away.