Searching For My Tribe

I subscribed to an e-mail newsletter awhile back on finding your tribe. The guy claims to have found his on some ranch in the southwest.  Although reading further into his newsletters, he claims you can find your tribe anywhere you are.  Sort of like the “bloom where you are planted”.

I disagree.

While I have been able to find connection pretty much wherever I have lived, I have continued to have this longing for my tribe for as long as I can remember.  For those people who are not only like-minded but who totally and completely just “get” you.  You know what I’m talking about. You can talk about a subject or topic or feeling no matter how out there and you get the nod of the head.  The “me too!”.  The hug or pat on the hand.  And all of that just feels like HOME.  Nothing pretend about it.  You have made complete authentic 110% connection with someone.  You have found a part of YOU.

I have had such connection.  I recently lost someone like that and the pain is gonna linger for as long as I remain on this planet.  Other times I have had that connection either I or the other person were too afraid to continue the relationship or take it to the next level.  Or there were times I am sure where I was the only one who felt it and I left feeling more lonely than ever.  I did have one experience of which I rarely speak of.  July of 2009, late evening.  I was called to go outside and look in the night sky.  When I say “called” I am referring to that intuitive voice within.  It felt telepathic too.  (If any of this feels or sounds foreign to you, please feel free to venture elsewhere. This likely ain’t your kind of gig.)

Anyway, so I head outside, my mate standing there, asking me what I’m doing.  “Looking for,” I said, pausing, then pointing to a bright white glowing orb in the sky, “that!”

I won’t go into detail as to what happened after that given I have decided the entirety of the experience will only be shared with people of my Tribe, but I will say this: for the first time in this incarnation in this body I felt Home.  It was a magnitude of feeling I cannot put into words.  But the feeling was and is still very real.  After the light orb vanished, winked out, whatever it is those other-worldly objects do, I fell to my knees and wept like a child.

The homesickness kicked in again.  For just a few moments I was able to experience life without it – and it was, well, glorious and beautiful and simply fucking awesome.

And I have longed for it ever since.

So, other than traveling to another planet, where do I find these people?

I don’t know.  Recently I began putting out the desire to the Universe.  I figure what I seek, seeks me.  A pretty neat concept, huh?  Today, for the first time, I felt what that would be like.  Another person, seeking, well, me.

I recently read about the topic of who we really are.  Are we just one soul connected to one source or is it more complex than that?  Not complicated – just complex.  What I took away from it was the concept that each of us individually has a soul, and a higher self, and an over-soul and from there the energy branches out into a massive field of energy that comes directly from Source.

A soul family, so to speak.

And in finding our tribe in a sense we are really finding pieces of ourselves, which could explain the feeling of coming Home I felt that night.

Imagine there are literally hundreds if not thousands of parts of “you” out there in the world, each seeking the other.  That’s how I imagine it to be.

Have I find some of those people?  As I said above, I think I have.  But honestly, when I pause to reflect, I don’t know. I know I have found soulmates – those people for whom life just seems to bring together/unite regardless of circumstances.  That Universal vs. human timing thing.  If you try and reject the connection, life will continue to unite.  It’s all energy and I believe once energy connects with an energy “match”, nothing can keep the match apart.  Not even physical distance.

Not even death.

Which brings me to my final thoughts.  The passing of a really dear, special friend several weeks ago.  The immediate sense of loss was overwhelming for me.  What will I do now? I thought.  Seriously, what will I do now?  It felt like a part of me had left.  And it isn’t like that part of me feels very, well, expansive/connected to begin with.  But she has gone on nonetheless and I have felt her here and there.  Heard her voice and her smart-ass comments.

And I keep on with my heart searching for my tribe.  My feeling of Home. My search for, well, in a way, Me.